Influenced

by Eva Robinson

  At least she’d finished her baking. It was hardly a homemade fruit tart with berries picked from her garden, but she thought she should bring something to Stella’s that evening.

  Though now that she’d made the brownies, she thought they seemed a bit childish, like something you’d bring to a kids’ party.

  “Eat a brownie!” shouted Nora.

  Hannah shook her head. “No, sweetie. Not for you.”

  Nora’s screech of rage made Hannah’s stomach twist with guilt. She turned around, scooped Nora up, and pressed her forehead against her daughter’s.

  Nora touched her cheek. “Mama’s cheek.”

  Warmth surged, and Hannah pressed three kisses against her daughter’s cheek.

  “Mama kiss.” Nora pointed to her dress. “Mama dress.”

  “It’s pretty, isn’t it? At least, I hope it is. It was expensive.”

  With her earnings from testing Rowan’s sister, Hannah had bought a black sundress with a plunging neckline and a delicate floral print. She’d never spent three hundred dollars on a dress before, but she already had two more test cases lined up.

  She’d accessorized the ensemble with a little black velvet choker, and already she couldn’t wait to see Daniel.

  Hannah dropped Nora in the high chair.

  “Hungry?” said Hannah.

  “Animal crackers!” Nora agreed, smiling.

  Hannah turned, standing on her tiptoes to reach for a box of animal crackers from the top of the fridge, and pulled them down to grab a handful for Nora. As she dropped them on Nora’s tray, a few crumbs dropped on the floor.

  Hannah spun, trails streaming from the corners of her eyes.

  Crumbs… This place was swarming with ants.

  That was the whole problem here. Hannah gritted her teeth and dropped to her knees, staring as a line of three ants raced for the crumbs.

  Her hands clenched. The ants were winning.

  She wanted to move out of Somerville, somewhere with a yard.

  Like where Stella lived, where she could string fairy lights across the bushes and plant an English garden. She’d have her own parties, with Daniel in attendance. Peter would not be invited. Soon, her own garden would be filled with Daniel’s sculptures. She could almost see Daniel’s handsome face, lit up from the side by the warm light of a lantern…

  “Eat brownie!” Nora’s voice snapped Hannah out of her daydream, and she realized she was still on her hands and knees, watching the ants.

  Maybe it was time for the ant traps after all. She grabbed a little wooden footstool and set it down before the sink. She reached for the plastic bag of ant traps, each one filled with poison. She pulled out two of them and stepped off the stool.

  As she cut the two traps open, she was already thinking about how she would clean the scissors, scrubbing the blades clean so there would be no traces of poison that could find their way to Nora somehow.

  She dropped the scissors in the sink, then crossed to the fridge. If she did this right, slid the trap deep enough under the fridge, Nora would never be able to reach it. Hannah would never have to live with the guilt of knowing she’d poisoned her only child.

  The animal crackers were keeping Nora quiet, and Hannah rested for a moment on the floor. After the late night with Daniel had been another night of sleeplessness, and she felt time speeding up again.

  Where had the day gone? She vaguely remembered dressing up for the party while Nora had played with the iPad. Hannah tried to recreate her makeup just like Rowan had done it—the swoops of eyeliner, the shimmering cheeks. As always, she wore her charm bracelet. She’d sent a few caption revisions to Rowan to help with the charity marketing. Already, the donations had come rolling in. And that made up for her pseudo-diagnoses side gig.

  “Milk!” Nora shouted. “Wanna milk.”

  Hannah blinked. She was standing by the counter now. She felt like she’d just lost the past few minutes, and she didn’t remember standing up.

  She needed to put out the second trap before she forgot. But as she looked around for it, panic started tightening her throat. Where had she left the other ant trap? Had she just zoned out and put it someplace where Nora could find it?

  “Nora all done!” She smiled. “Out, please.”

  “No, Nora. I can’t let you out.”

  “Get out, please.”

  “No, there’s poison.” Hannah could never let Nora out again. She’d have to stay there until Hannah found the ant trap, because if she poisoned her own daughter—

  She could no longer think straight.

  “Nora all done!”

  “No, Nora, it’s dangerous!” she shouted, her voice echoing.

  Nora’s eyes widened in surprise.

  “Sorry, Nora. Mama’s too loud.”

  “Mama make loud noise,” Nora agreed.

  Hannah’s phone rang, buzzing on the table, and she turned to pick it up. Was he here already? “Luke? I have to cancel the plans. I can’t go out. I mean, I have to find the ant trap. You told me to put out ant traps, and now Nora will be poisoned.”

  “Slow down. What’s wrong?”

  It only took hearing his voice to help her calm down a little. “Sorry. I… I’m having a hard time thinking straight.”

  “Another late night?”

  “Then I was lying awake, waiting for the dog to start barking.”

  “You really should try CBT. It’s fantastic for insomnia.”

  “I don’t have insurance yet. Look, um, I had two ant traps, and they’re full of poison. And I cut them open and hid one, but I’ve lost the other. So if I put it somewhere… If I lost it, and if Nora finds it and puts it in her mouth—”

  “Hannah, it’ll be fine. Buzz me up, and I’ll help you find it. Also, they’re not really that toxic.”

  “Okay. Okay. Thank you, Luke.” She crossed to the door and unlocked it, then pushed the buzzer to let Luke in.

  When she scanned the room, she was relieved to find she’d already packed Nora’s bag—not that she remembered doing it. If she managed to find the freaking ant trap, she was all set to go. One thing at a time.

  Nora launched into a cheerful song about waffles just as Luke opened the door. His eyes went right to her, and a grin lit up his face. “There’s my girl.”

  She beamed at him. “Waffles.”

  “I don’t know where I left it,” said Hannah, trying to get the situation back on track.

  But all Luke had to do was show up and she started to feel calmer. Maybe it was his dorky cat sweater that put her at ease, or the fact that beautiful people always seemed in control.

  He flashed her a lopsided smile. “You look amazing.”

  Moments ago, she’d been ready to tear her hair out and scream at the top of her lungs. Now she was sure she was blushing. “Well, apparently it’s a bit of a celebration tonight. We raised a bunch of money, and I think someone got a grant, but they haven’t said specifically yet.”

  “You had fun at the last party?”

  “I did, yes. The place is gorgeous.” She almost wanted to tell him about Daniel. “The woman hosting it was very nice. She has all these sculptures in her yard. There was just one person who kind of annoyed me.”

  Luke shoved his hands in his pockets. “Oh? You don’t usually get annoyed that easily.”

  “Well, it’s just…” She looked down at her fingernails. “You know I’ve been doing private testing. And there’s obviously pressure to come up with a diagnosis, so they can get extra time. If I didn’t find anything, I wouldn’t get the referrals. They’d think I was ‘missing something.’ I wouldn’t have a job.”

  Luke shrugged. “I know. But if the college boards are preventing others from finishing their tests, that’s their fault, isn’t it? It’s a ridiculous system that you didn’t create.”

  “It’s just the wealth inequality—”

  “Waffles maple syrup,” said Nora. “All done.”

  Luke leaned against the countertop. “You didn’t cre
ate that inequality, did you? It’s always been there, and it always will be. Stop taking responsibility for things you can’t control. You have a child to look after, and you’re doing a good job. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  “You’re much more forgiving than Peter.”

  “I already hate him. What did Peter have to say?”

  She smiled. “He was criticizing private testing, and then he launched into some whole conspiracy theory at Harvard. Something about rich people buying their way in. I meant to ask you about it. He said we would not believe what’s going on now, that it would blow our minds and it’s a totally new kind of corruption, and then he refused to divulge any details.”

  Luke rolled his eyes. “This country has enough conspiracy theorists.” He turned, frowning at the countertop. “It’s right there. The ant trap.”

  It blended in with the clutter behind it. On its side, it looked worryingly close to the brownies. “Do you think it’s okay? Right next to the food like that?”

  “These are hardly toxic for humans, Hannah. It’s just borax. It’s not like the old days. You could consume this whole thing and you’d be fine. Not that I’d recommend it—it would taste terrible.”

  She let out a long breath. “Right. Thank you, Luke. I would lose my mind without you.”

  Her phone buzzed on the counter again, and she read the text from Rowan.

  BOSTON GLOBE IS POSTING AN IN-DEPTH PIECE ABOUT ARABELLA’S DEATH.

  When she flicked open the headlines of the Boston Globe, she saw it there. Murder at Harvard. She scanned the headlines, her chest tightening. The article included one of Rowan’s beautiful photos—the two of them standing together in the sun, with cherry blossoms in the background

  “Everything okay?” asked Luke.

  Hannah stared at her phone. “One of Rowan’s friends was poisoned. That PhD candidate who died? Apparently, she was murdered and no one knows who did it. And they’ve posted Rowan’s photo. Her commenters…”

  When she opened Rowan’s Instagram, she saw they’d already starting flinging around the accusations.

  Do you think Rowan killed her friend?

  I could have told you that being friends with Rowan Harris was dangerous.

  Sickness spread through her, and she started typing out a message again. Rowan had nothing to do with—

  “Hannah?” said Luke. “Are you still with me?”

  She breathed out slowly, deleting the message. “Sorry. I just… It turns out that lots of people hate Rowan, and they’ve already decided she’s a murderer, just because Arabella appeared in a photo with her.”

  “It seems like she’s become a big part of your life very fast,” said Luke.

  Did he sound annoyed? Maybe he was jealous. “I’ve known her since high school.”

  “You never talked about her before a few weeks ago.”

  “Well, I don’t talk about every aspect of my life.”

  Luke shrugged. “It just must be such an odd life. Rowan’s sort of a celebrity, but… well, she doesn’t really do anything, does she?”

  Was he jealous? “She’s actually quite talented at what she does. The portraits.” Feeling the urge to prove it to him, she brought up Rowan’s Instagram feed and handed him the phone.

  Luke frowned at it. “Um, Hannah?”

  “What?”

  “You’re dressed just like her in this picture. Did you do that on purpose?”

  She snatched the phone back from him, staring at the image he’d brought up—one from a few days ago. As she looked at it, confusion whirled in her mind. Rowan was wearing the exact same dress Hannah had bought for herself—styled with a choker, and her hair pulled up in the same messy bun.

  Twenty-Seven

  Hannah decided to keep the dress on, but she took off the choker and wore her hair down.

  In Stella’s backyard, she sat in one of the Adirondack chairs, a glass of punch in her hand. They were supposed to be celebrating tonight, but the mood tonight felt dark, uneasy. Rowan had instructed them all not to talk about Arabella, but the unspoken news seemed to crackle around them like electrified air before a storm.

  Daniel sat down in the chair next to Hannah and flashed her a bright smile.

  “Hannah! It’s been ages.”

  She smiled. “Yes, what’s your name again?”

  “Today I’m American. Today I am Brad. I will be watching the NFL and drinking lite beer.”

  Her nose wrinkled. “I’m afraid you just got significantly less interesting.”

  “And you are?” he asked with mock sincerity.

  “Starlene. I dream of moving out of my small town some day and becoming a real dancer.”

  Peter came walking toward them, wandering up from the marshy water by the pond, and she felt her stomach sink. As he approached, he ate an entire brownie in about two bites, then wiped his hands on his jeans. “Hey, guys,” he said, mouth full.

  “How are you?” asked Daniel.

  “I am fantabulous. Can we get everyone here, please?” Peter’s voice boomed, too loud.

  He crossed to the table behind Hannah, grabbing a champagne flute and a spoon. Then he clanged it a few times. “I have an announcement. Stella!”

  Hannah turned to see Stella rushing down the stairs, her blond hair dressed with a floral crown. Rowan was behind her, barefoot and drinking straight out of a bottle of red wine.

  Rowan waved at Hannah, then sat in the grass by her feet. Her golden bracelet glinted in the torchlight, and Hannah felt her own with a sense of pride at the symbol that bound them.

  “I’m so glad you’ve got good news,” said Rowan. “Everything else is terrible. And sorry about your laptop, Peter. That’s dreadful.” She took a swig of wine.

  Peter raised his glass. “First, I want to thank you all for your efforts in helping with the teen center. Through phone calls to donors, art auctions, and Instagram, we have nearly half a million to get started. So I just wanted to tell you what something like this teen center will mean to someone.

  “I met a student recently. He told me about his older brother, Brandon. Brandon had a reading disability, and he felt like he was stupid, so he’d act out in school. You all know by now how it goes. He’d get suspended, miss more school, fall further behind. Then he’s totally lost. More behavior problems. More suspensions. His parents couldn’t pay for the extra tutors, and he was spending more time out of school than in it. And it keeps going until he’s not really a student anymore. He’s a drug dealer with a criminal record.”

  Hannah cast a glance around the group, wondering if anyone else felt awkward that they were having this discussion while sipping champagne outside an actual mansion. But everyone else seemed fine with it.

  Peter’s glass of punch gleamed in the light of the lanterns. “Well, Brandon didn’t make it. The world lost him to suicide. And that’s why the teen center isn’t just about education. It’s not just about hobbies. It’s going to save lives. Remember that. We’re saving lives.” He lifted his glass to toast.

  Hannah lifted her glass.

  “We’re getting more and more private donations now. And most importantly, my grant proposal was just accepted for federal funding. We now have enough money to start building, to start really saving lives! In just a few days, we’ll have it in the foundation account, and we can start getting to work on the building itself.”

  Hannah grinned. It felt amazing to be part of something that was actually helping the world. She stole a quick look at Daniel, and he caught her eye, smiling serenely.

  Cross-legged in the grass, Rowan grinned. “Well, I am feeling very impressed with all of us.” Then, on her knees, Rowan started refilling everyone’s glasses—straight from the bottle she’d been drinking out of.

  When she got to Hannah’s glass, she looked up at her while she filled her glass. “Saving lives, one Instagram post at a time. Does that sound too grandiose?”

  “Maybe we’ll keep it to ourselves.”

  Just then Hannah
’s phone buzzed, and she started rifling through her purse, looking for it. As soon as she saw Luke’s name, she caught her breath. He didn’t normally call when he was with Nora.

  She nearly dropped her glass, rushing to get up. When she heard the sound of Nora screaming in the background, every muscle in her body went tense.

  “Luke? What’s wrong with Nora?”

  “Absolutely nothing, Annie. She’s just not interested in going to bed without a kiss from Mama. She wouldn’t stop asking for you, then screeching whenever I left the room. I thought if I drove her around she’d fall asleep.”

  “That doesn’t work anymore, Luke.”

  “Well, it’s good I have a backup plan, isn’t it? I’ll bring her to you. How’s it going there?”

  “Good. It turns out they raised enough money to start the building. We did, I guess. It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

  “That is fantastic, Annie. You’re amazing, you know that?”

  Her cheeks warmed. “Okay. I’ll send you the address. But don’t look at it until you stop driving. Wait, are you driving while you’re on the phone?”

  “I’m near Fresh Pond,” he said, ignoring her question. “Look, I don’t want to intrude, so maybe you could just run out to the car? Give Nora a cuddle?”

  “Of course.”

  When she hung up, she saw that Daniel was looking at her, his brow furrowed. “Everything okay?” He nodded at her punch glass on the grass. She hadn’t even realized she’d dropped it.

  She reached down to pick it up, brushing the dirt off, then wondered where to put it. “Oh, it’s nothing. Just that Nora sometimes needs to see me before she falls asleep.”

  “That is very adorable.”

  “She doesn’t let me sleep, but she is the cutest child in the world. In my opinion.”

  In the front yard, the soft grass felt amazing against Hannah’s bare feet. She crossed her arms as Luke’s car pulled up in front of the house. Not that long ago, everything had seemed so hopeless, and now everything had changed so fast. So fast…