All the sudden, Justan took my chin in his hand and looked into my eyes. SHIT! Justan blinked, a look of pure confusion and astonishment on his face.
"You were...crying?" He asked and I answered with a nod, pulling my head from his fingers to look back at my bowl. Sadly, he wanted to look at my face, whether I liked it or not, and pulled my face back up. "And you're throat is sore, because you were crying?" He asked, his voice now demanding. Is he bipolar or something? I nodded again, not knowing what else to do. "Why were you crying?" His face was now soft with concern. I looked down and it seemed to piss him off.
"Why?!" He demanded. I just whimpered. I couldn't answer him, that would require my voice, which I now found was lost. Before he got violent, I brought my hand up and rubbed my throat, trying to tell him I couldn't talk. "Oh, oh, oh, I'm so sorry." He pulled me into a hug, and I couldn't stop my arms from going around him in return.
For now I was safe, but what'll happen when I have to explain it all later?
Chapter 26
"Check mate." A smile cracked my face as Justan moved his piece. Once again, he won. Just like old times. I don't think I'll ever beat him at chess. "Think you can talk yet?" He sighed. I don't really blame him for being bore. 5 straight hours of winning chess can do that.
I opened my mouth and strained my vocal chords. "Yes." It came out scratchy and raspy; as if I hadn't used my voice in years. None-the-less, a smile showed on his face.
"You sound ill," he teased, "let me help you with that." He leaned over the crystal chess set (which felt like cool, somehow solid, water in my hands) and put his lips right onto mine. I didn't respond, at all; I didn't know how to. He wasn't the person I cared about, and I couldn't pretend that he was.
When hefinally realized that I wasn't going to share his affection, he pulled away. It didn't take long for me to see the hurt in his eyes.
"Are you mad at me?" He asked, sitting back in his chair properly.
"No." It still hurt to talk, but I just had to get over it. I had to get all this over with and talk to him.
"Then what's wrong?" You're an ass.
"You lied to me." Tears welled up in my eyes. Not only did he lie to me, but my mom put me into a position I never wanted to be in.
"How did I lie?" He sounded so confused, and his face was hurting me.
"You told me your name was Jeremie." I looked down at my hands. Even though that was so long ago, it still hurt now.
"I had to though." His voice was risen slightly, and defensive. Did he really care though?
"Then you told me you were Justan. You didn't have to do that." No, he could have told me his name was Jeremie. He could have told me from the start.
"No, but- " He just stopped.
Eventually, I looked up. When I did, I saw a sight that I never thought I'd see.Jeremie Justan was crying. Crying! I don't understand him. He's different. Way too different.
I wanted to ask what's wrong and why he's so different. But, I wasn't sure if I should, or could. What's most confusing and brain racking about it all though, is that he didn't start acting strange until he found Matty with me.
Chapter 27
Without much more thought, I got up from my spot and placed my hand on his shoulder. My actions only increased his tears.
"Why," I cleared my throat, "why are you crying?" My response was just a sob with some more clear, crystal-like droplets falling from his face. I could feel my heart slowly ripping in half inside my chest. I couldn't stop myself from pulling him toward me and into as much of a hug as I could get with him in the chair and me standing in front of him.
"Please tell me what's wrong." I whispered as my hand absentmindedly stroked his hair. That's when I realized it. He's still Jeremie. He's been him all along, he just grew up a bit. The only thing different would have to be his random temper outbursts.
"Y-you want M-M-Matt." My eyebrows knitted. Wow, he really is clueless.
"No, no. I don't want Matt. He's just my friend. Plus, you have me. Didn't my mom pick you anyways?" His head slowly shook as he wiped his face into my chest. Nice.
"N-no. M-my mom told me Crystal said th-that she hadn't chosen. A-and now y-you get to choose."
"Okay Sweetie. Just calm down. It's alright." He looked up at me, and my heart shattered just that little bit more, causing my stomach to twinge in pain as if the shards were digging themselves burrows into the organ itself. "Why did you keep getting all angry if you wanted me to stay?"
"B-because, I th-thought if I yelled that y-you'd be too scared to leave." A few tears fell from their ducts as a soft smile broke out on my face. He was the same, just scared is all.
"I would never leave you." I whispered, hugging him to me again. I heard a few sniffs come from him as he calmed down. I couldn't help but smile again. The guy that I had a crush on at the age of four and practically fell in love with at ten was sitting in my arms. What are you doing?! What happens if her hurts you, huh?! Right then, I just wanted Tiffany to go away. Guess I'll just have to take that chance.
"Lil?" Justan asked suddenly.
"Mhmm?"
"I'm sorry for being an ass." I smiled when he pulled away from me. Every look at his face was slowly pulling all those broken pieces of my heart out of my stomach and back up together as they should be.
I couldn't take it anymore, I pulled the collar of his shirt and shoved our lips together. As soon as our lips were together, he smirked.
"Justan did you- Oh!" I heard Daneese from the door.
Not a second later was I getting up from my now kneeling position and over to her, ignoring Justan's disapproving grunt.
"Aunt 'Neese! I'm so sorry for forgetting. I'm so sorry!" I began to cry as I hugged her.
"Oh, don't worry about it honey." She mumbled into my hair, rubbing comforting circles into my back. "The doctors said the trauma might make your mind block out every memory of what happened the day of your 14th birthday and before that." A frown creased my face and the few tears that were coming stopped abruptly. Why wasn't I told this? And what doctor?
"Alright mom, let's go do something." Justan butt in. "How's a movie sound to you girls?" He smiled at me as I pulled away from Daneese.
"Sounds good to me." I nodded with a smile. He got over all that pretty quickly. I noted mentally, following the two down the stairs.
Chapter 28
"Hey Matt!" I greeted with a smile as we walked into the theatre. I argued that we could just watch something at home, but Justan insisted that we go out. Now, looking over at him, he looked more than less enthused.
"Oh, hey there Lilli. Look, I'm sorry about the other morning. I was hot and figured that you wouldn't mind. I mean, they're just like shorts," he gestured to his pants; probably his boxers, "and that wink was just for laughs. Nothing more." My smile grew slightly and I nodded.
"That's fine. Every thing's okay now." I took a glance at Justan, and my smile faltered slightly, he looked pissed.
"Yeah, every thing's just great." He recited through clenched teeth. What the hell was up with these two?
"So, what are you going to see?" I opened my mouth to answer, but was quicklyand rudely cut off.
"A movie." Came Justan'sgrowl response. Matt merely sighed with a nod. Randomly, I realized Daneese was no longer standing at Justan's side, opposite myself.
"Alright. Well, bye Matty I might see you later." Matt's smile radiated off his face as he nodded, walking down the hall. Probably headed for the movie theatre he was to be in.
I shot Justan a questioning look and he shrugged, turning away. Unfortunately, for him, I saw him roll his eyes. But, his misfortune didn't last long as suppressed my urge to slap him.
We wound up paying to see The Ruins, because I wanted to see a scary movie, and Justan just didn't care.
Daneese (after she had re-found us) however, did not like that idea at all and went to watch Fool's....something. Fool's Tool's? Umm, no. Fool's Greed? Ugh, no. Fool's metal? Close....but no cigar. Fool's ..... Gold?
N- Yes! That was it!
"Where do you like to sit?" Justan asked me as we entered the dimly lit arena-like room.
"I don't mind, wherever you'd like." So I just followed him to the mid-section of the rows of chairs and we sat in the middle. Of course, the child I am, I played in the seat, getting up and down a little, because they were comfy and funny to play around in.
Not many people were in the theatre, which made me think that maybe it would be too scary.
"Can I have the gummy worms?" I whispered as the movie began to play. I saw Justan nod slightly, and look through our pile of goodies. We made sure to buy plenty, so we wouldn't have to go back during the movie.
I stared at the screen intently as the people began to talk. I giggled a bit then the brunette, whatever her name was, fell into the sand because she was shit-face-drunk. Is that how being drunk is? was the last thing to run through my mind before my undivided attention was on the movie.
Chapter 29
"That was so awesome!" I gushed as we left the (once again) dimly lit room.
"Yeah." was all I got back in response, but, I kept on.
"Especially the end! When the brown headed girl was driving away and the thing crawled across her face!" I heard a small chuckle, but still continued. "How do you think it got into her? I mean, she had no wounds or anything! But, that plant was wicked! Just the way it drove them to insanity!" I don't know if it was all the soda and candy that was making me hyper, or just the pure rush of the movie itself.
"Yep." Again, not much of a response.
"But, when they cut that dudes legs off. Phew." I just couldn't shut up. "I mean, I thought that dude said he couldn't feel anything. He screamed, of course he- "
Suddenly, I was shoved into a wall and lips were smothering my own. It tasted a lot like butter and soda. When I looked forward, there Justan was, eyes closed, kissing me.
Holy shit, holy shit. Whadda I do, whaddo do? My mind raced as I thought of something. Finally, I came to a conclusion and shoved him off. I got a questioning look, but just shrugged in return.
"So, anyways," I continued, "how did you like it?"
"Fine." Ugh! Make him talk!
"Are you mad?" He shook his head with a questioning look. "When I pushed you away, did I make you mad?" I repeated, this time mentioning specifics. It took him a minute before he slowly shook his head. Lies. Shut up! I don't need you anymore! I'm around real people now! So, go away!
And for the first time since she's joined me, Tiffany sounded venerable.
O-okay. She said and my face contorted at the sound of her voice. Never had I heard her sound so weak, venerable, or....hurt.
"Are you alright?" Justan asked.
Slowly, I nodded, unsure of the actual answer. Was I okay? Did I want him to know if I wasn't?
Daneese popped out of a theatre as we passed it, crying.
"Mom?" Justan sounded genuinely worried, but she waved him off. This is where Tiffany was suppose to say something along the lines of "Wuss." But I didn't hear a thing.
As we walked out of the threatres and to his car, I couldn't talk, I was in a daze. All the way home all I could think about was how I was gonna fix this. What did I do? Did she really leave? How can she leave? What am I going to do now?
Chapter 30
"You sure you're alright Lil?" Justan asked again as I lay inhis the bed.
"Fine." I said, unsure and uncaring if he could hear me through the pillow now harboring my face.
"Alright. Well, dinner's -"
"I'm not hungry." I already knew what he would say, and I honestly don't care.
"But it's -"
"I. Am. Not. Hungry." I seethed through the feathery mass beneath my face. Yes, I am in face being a brat, and yes I have been like this since we got home. Honestly, I didn't care. I lost my best friendeven if she was literally in my head.
A sigh escaped my lips, causing more breath (that I didn't have much of) to leave my lungs. The organs that usually harbored my oxygen burned as I still didn't pick my head up. This pillow held no oxygen, and now neither did my lungs.
"Lillith, you need to eat." I could slowly feel my whole body heating; something that happened when my dad would choke me. "Lillith?" Less demanding, as if trying to be a comfort. Once again, I just ignored him and his "nice" gesture. "Lillith?!" Now he sounded worried. Still no response from me though. I knew my face was turning some color for the simple fact it felt like it was burning.
Suddenly, my shoulders were grippedhard and I was pulled up out of the pillow, oxygen finally filling my lungs.
"What the hell were you doing?!" Justan asked, worry very obvious in his tone.
"L-laying th-there." I panted, my lungs pulling in deep breaths, against my will.
"With your head in the pillow?" He asked as if I were mentally ill. I only nodded, still not capable of complete sentences. He looked at me like I needed a little, white, padded room with a pretty, matching, white jacket.
"What?" I breathed, my breath finally regulating.
"Y-you ..." He seemed like he was the one who needed a squishy room and pretty jacket.
"Yeah, I'm here, whoooo!" I waved my hands in the air as a smart ass-ed gesture.
"You, you... You were trying to - To..... To..." He looked scared. What the hell is up with him?
"I what?" I shouted, loosing my patients.
"Youweretryingtosuffocateyourself." He rushed. I just sat, with my mouth slightly ajar, trying to decipher his previous sentence.
When it did finally sink in, my jaw actually did drop, and I stared at him.
I was not! The words didn't come out of my mouth, but simply stuck in my head. They seemed to be right by my teeth, waiting for me to just push them out, but they just...wouldn't. Was I though? No, no I wouldn't have.
"You were!" He seemed to panic. What is up with this guy?
"Why did you change so much?" My voice condescended me as it came out calming and smooth. It also didn't listen. That wasn't what I was wanting to say at all.
Justan just froze and stared at me as if to say, "What?".
"Why. Did. You. Change. So. Much?" I said, making sure to say it extra slow, just so he might get it.
"I-I didn't change." He stammered.
"Yes, you did. You're all, bi-polar...ish." I mumbled. "You use to be cool, calm, collected." I sat for a moment, thinking my words over. "Like you were at the auction!" I added.
He was just froze, not moving, not speaking, I don't even know if he was breathing.
Then, the weirdest, most awkward thing that could have happened at that moment, happened.
Chapter 31
"Lilli!" I heard that voice. My eyes widened. What the hell? "Hey!" My dad burst through the door and pulled me into a hug. Guess who was behind him. Oops, don't think you got it. It was ... MATT!?! My heart almost stopped once his arms were around me. He doesn't hug me. And why is he even here? Why is Matt here? Justan didn't look as shocked as I felt. When I pulled against my dad's constricting arms to look over my shoulder, he actually looked ... Sad. I felt a twinge in my chest once my eyes set on his face.
Not long after I had my glimpse, my face was pulled away. Just to look straight into those hazel eyes that use to burn with hatred when I met them.
"You chose! I'm so happy for you!" He hugged me again, even tighter this time. "I hope you're happy with your choice. Justan did explain it correctly, I hope. Yes, he never fails. He's such a good boy. What a shame. Will you marry-"
"STOP!" I couldn't take it. I just found out that Justan is Jeremie, and Matt's a partial twat. Not to mention... I have no clue in hell what he's even talking about! I could have just screamed. Clench my fist together, stomp on the floor, and scream. But, how mature would I be if I did that?
"I didn't choose anybody!" I tried to explain. "I barely unders- No! I don't understand what your saying!" I shoved my dad away, not getting him far with my weak, little limbs.
He looked confused for a moment, then looked behind hi
m to a nervous Matt.
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