Knaves
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KNAVES: A Blackguards Anthology
Outland Entertainment | www.outlandentertainment.com
Founder/Creative Director: Jeremy D. Mohler
Editor-in-Chief: Alana Joli Abbott
Publisher: Melanie R. Meadors
Senior Editor: Gwendolyn Nix
“The Ferret in the Queen’s Purse” © 2018 Kenny Soward
“All Mine” © 2018 Mercedes Lackey & Dennis Lee
“Hunger in the Bones” © 2018 Anton Strout
“All the Bridges Burned” © 2018 Clay Sanger
“Cat Secret Weapon #1” © 2018 Walidah Imarisha
“The Bloodletter’s Prayer” © 2018 Cullen Bunn
“The Second Siege of Telea” © 2018 Anna Smith Spark
“Assassin or Thief” © 2018 Cat Rambo
“The Weight of Shades and Shadows” © 2018 Shanna Germain
“Daughter of Sorrow” © 2018 Maurice Broaddus
“The Hand of Virtue” © 2018 Linda Robertson
“The Life and Times of Johnny the Fox” © 2018 Sabrina Vourvoulias
“Old Sol Rises Up” © 2018 Toiya Kristen Finley
“Wine, Knife, Sword” © 2018 Lian Hearn
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or fictitious recreations of actual historical persons. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the authors unless otherwise specified. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Published by Outland Entertainment
5601 NW 25th Street
Topeka KS, 66618
Paperback: 978-1-947659-47-6
EPUB: 978-1-947659-35-3
MOBI: 978-1-947659-37-7
PDF-Merchant: 978-1-947659-38-4
Worldwide Rights
Created in the United States of America
Editor: Melanie R. Meadors and Alana Joli Abbott
Cover Illustration: Daniel Rempel
Interior Illustrations: Nicolás R. Giacondino
Cover Design & Interior Layout: STK•Kreations
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION – Howard Tayler
THE FERRET IN THE QUEEN’S PURSE – Kenny Soward
ALL MINE – Mercedes Lackey & Dennis Lee
HUNGER IN THE BONES – Anton Strout
ALL THE BRIDGES BURNED – Clay Sanger
CAT SECRET WEAPON #1 – Walidah Imarisha
THE BLOODLETTER’S PRAYER – Cullen Bunn
THE SECOND SIEGE OF TELEA – Anna Smith Spark
ASSASSIN OR THIEF – Cat Rambo
THE WEIGHT OF SHADES AND SHADOWS – Shanna Germain
DAUGHTER OF SORROW – Maurice Broaddus
THE HAND OF VIRTUE – Linda Robertson
THE LIFE AND TIMES OF JOHNNY THE FOX – Sabrina Vourvoulias
OLD SOL RISES UP – Toiya Kristen Finley
WINE, KNIFE, SWORD – Lian Hearn
INTRODUCTION
Howard Tayler
AT LEAST SIX hundred,” she told me. “But no more than a thousand.”
They’re just words, I told myself. It’s no crime to stake a few hundred of them, ink-fixed, to the pages of a book. It’s not as if they were ever alive to begin with. And since it’s no crime to pen them, it’s no crime to take money for the penning.
But I was hesitant.
“I only know a few of the authors,” I said. “Shanna, Cat, Maurice, Misty”
“Mercedes,” she said. “And four out of fourteen isn’t bad.”
“I need more to work with. I can’t write an introduction on nothing but reputation and a knack for hackery.”
“I’ve seen you do more with less.”
She had me there.
“But I can send you some manuscripts,” she said. “Tell me you’ll do it?”
“I’ll do it.”
WEEKS PASSED, AND tens of thousands of words flitted freely through my mind, oblivious to the possibility that I might snatch them from the streams of consciousness and cement them into the ignominy that is an introduction: likely unread, easily outshone, a page of word-cemetery past which readers will drive quickly, their breaths held lest some of their own words get buried alongside noble unfortunates like ‘ignominy’ and ‘oblivious.’
The manuscripts gave me far more than I needed, but they also showed me exactly how rewarding it would be for readers to speed by a few hundred inky corpses on their way to true tales of villainy, mass graves of text in which thousands upon thousands of words lie forever bound bearing narrative testimony of those heroes of their own stories who, if they were ever unfortunate enough to find themselves in stories of actual heroes, would cower in shame at their misdeeds.
Shame not unlike what my words would feel as they lay out in front of these stories.
MORE WEEKS PASSED. I considered the blank page, and which of my words would be forced up against it, like the first against the wall when the revolution someday comes. I wondered how few words would need to die before the work could be done. “This is a good book about bad people, and you should read it” says everything that needs to be said, but those thirteen words need support. “No, really. I mean it” is unlikely to prop them up enough to convince the reluctant reader. Throwing “really” down a few more times would have the opposite effect, though murdering a few adverbs in the introduction might prevent them from finding their way into things people actually read.
And then I wondered if that’s where the slippery slope of self-justification begins. Sure, it would be sloppy and ineffective to kill “really” a dozen times, but I’m being paid to put words in the ground, and killing that one over and over could be a service to humanity. And it might be fun. And there’s money in it. And as long as I’m killing things that end with “ly” I could line “actually” up in front of the laser jets a few hundred times and really make the world an actually better place. So I began to write…
If there is to be a happy ending there must somewhere be an unhappy ending. Otherwise “happy” is simply implied. This collection gives us that opposition, helping us to understand good by letting us inside the head of evil, encouraging us to tread the grey roads that weave precariously between darkness and light, and showing us the perils and precipices that lie along the middling twilight paths of amorality. If the ends can justify the means, then the several endings found herein may serve as justification for a wide range of means, from the golden means of classical beauty to the meanest means of petty cruelty, and beyond, into the ever-questioning realm of “is that what this means?”
It’s really, really good. Seriously, it’s actually good enough for that much really. It’s really actually really really actually that good.
“Really?” she said.
“Is it too much?”
“That last stretch was, well… quite a stretch. But I’ll let it slide because dropping a few actuallys down the well makes me smile.”
Then she smiles, and it’s that editor smile which says I’ve missed something. It’s the smile which suggests that maybe all those dead words I glossed over in my contract hid something that was still alive. Something coming up behind me.
I look behind me and see nothing.
When I turn back around there is another contract on the table, squarely between the two of us. A veritable killing field of words bleeds black from the uppermost page of several.
I stare in what I hope looks like thoughtful silence, but which probably comes across more accurately as mute horror and despair.
She slides the new contract closer. “You kill words quickly, and without compunction. That’s useful to us. And you seem to enjoy
it, which might prove useful to you…”
THE FERRET IN THE QUEEN’S PURSE
Kenny Soward
THE ALE AT the Bald Stallion tasted flat and stale. The air smelled like rotten hay, and the bard sang in a voice that reminded me of two old cats having a row. But it was my kind of place. The kind of place where opportunities were made.
“Have another?” The warty-faced proprietor leaned on the bar and fixed me with his pale eyes. It was clear he did not recognize me, but I did not take offense. It would not spoil my ruse.
“Of course, good Kine,” I winked. “I’ll have another, and another after that most likely.”
“I like your enthusiasm,” Kine grinned, “as long as you’ve got the coin to back it up. You just passing through?”
“I’ve heard good things about your fine ale,” I said with a nod. “So here I am. And now I have the added honor of drinking alongside Slithora’s finest soldiers.”
I gestured toward a table where three tired-looking men dressed in gray uniforms brooded over their ales.
“Whatever suits you,” Kine said as his eyes flashed to the soldiers and then back at me. “I’ll get your drink.”
“Many thanks.” I turned, leaned my elbow on the bar, and admired the infamous soldiers of the Gray Watch.
The big slow one named Mart let loose a deep-throated belch while the wiry Jansford scratched at his scruffy beard. Their leader, a tall rugged man called Thoms, appeared lost in his ale.
I’d learned the soldiers’ names from a little girl who ran around the place snatching up loose coins from tables. She was a dirty little scrub, but I admired her industriousness. She reminded me a lot of myself.
“Here’s your ale,” Kine said, and I heard him place the tankard on the bar with a dull thud.
“Thanks, kind sir.” I turned and tossed a few coppers down. Then I took my ale and found an empty table near the soldiers. I slouched into a chair and picked up on their conversation.
“What’s eating at you, Thoms?” Mart asked in a dullard’s voice.
“It’s the damn rumors about the Ferret,” Thoms replied. His eyes shot a quick look around the place.
“We’ve all heard them,” Mart confirmed with a nod. “They say the Ferret and his men are going to try and steal Queen Gruna’s jewel.”
“Let me anywhere near the Ferret,” Jansford said with a sneer, “and I’ll slit the bastard’s throat.”
“I’m sure you will.” Thoms looked doubtfully at his friend. “If you even see him coming. I hear he moves like a shadow.”
“And he’s deadlier than a snake,” Mart said.
“Well, a ferret ain’t like no snake, you idiot.” Jansford tossed a stale piece of bread at the bigger soldier. It bounced off Mart’s chin and hit the table. “A ferret is all soft and cuddly, while a snake is sleek and poisonous. I’m more like a snake than the Ferret.”
“I’m just saying,” Mart said, his brow furrowed, “that they’re both fast. Fast and deadly.”
“Well, the Ferret ain’t going to get the Queen’s Jewel,” Jansford said as he scratched at his scruffy beard some more, “because we’ve got a hundred men guarding the tower where it’s locked up.”
The little girl ran by my table just then, and her sharp green eyes flashed at me like two hot gemstones.
“Hey, want to see a trick?” I asked as I held up a coin and grinned.
The little girl stopped in her tracks and returned to the table with both hands on the edge, her gaze stuck to the coin I held. Then her eyes shifted to mine, and she nodded.
“Very well,” I said as I lifted an old black sash from my coat and waved it in the air.
The girl’s dirt-smeared face brightened, and the hint of a smile crept onto her lips. I held up the coin in front of her, then covered it with the old black sash. I’d gotten the piece of cloth from an old witch who lived in an outlying swamp, and she’d taught me the magic words of nothingness after I’d payed an outrageous price in coin. I would be sure to get my money’s worth in the end.
I mumbled the phrase she’d taught me then ripped the sash away.
The coin was gone.
I turned my hand back and forth to prove it had vanished completely. The girl studied my fingers with growing concern as she realized the coin was gone forever. I chuckled as her confused expression turned into an angry glare. Then she huffed and flew away in a flurry of old skirts and dirty legs.
I continued smiling as I tucked the coin into my pocket and turned back to the soldiers. They were still discussing rumors about the Ferret and his desire to have Queen Gruna’s jewel.
“It’s just sad,” big Mart said, shaking his head. “The Queen’s been kicked around enough.”
“That depends on your point of view,” Jansford said.
“What do you mean?” Mart asked.
“The barbarian hordes don’t think she’s been kicked around enough,” Jansford said. “Looks like they got tired of her pushing them out of their native lands and decided to shove back.”
That much was true. Queen Gruna had driven the barbarians out of the Eastern Wolds ten years ago, and the barbarians had just returned the favor. They’d expelled the Queen out of their lands all the way here to the Slithoran outpost of Lindy, where she enjoyed the protection of her husband, King Edmond.
“She’s just so beautiful.” Mart shook his head like a big dumb bull. “To think those barbarians almost had her.”
“She’ll be fine in Lindy,” Thoms assured the big man. “King Edmund loves her, and we’re King Edmund’s men, so we’re bound to love her, too.”
“Yes, that’s good,” Mart nodded. “As long as we’re here to protect her, she’ll be fine.”
Mart’s adoration of Queen Gruna almost made me throw up in my mouth. I didn’t blame the barbarians for kicking her ass out of the Eastern Wolds. She’d been a cruel ruler to the barbarian folk, torturing anyone who resisted her and taxing farmers into poverty. She’d treated the barbarians almost as bad as she treated her own soldiers. King Edmond was the only one who could control her wrath, and everyone feared the day he died and passed complete rule of Slithora to her.
On that note, I stood and turned to the three soldiers.
“Greetings, men of the Gray Watch.” I flipped my dyed-yellow hair over my shoulder and bowed. “I could not help but overhear you speaking of that dastardly Ferret and his evil intentions.”
“And just who the bloody hell are you?” Thoms asked as his hand slid to a plain steel dagger resting on the table in front of him.
“Allow me to introduce myself,” I said as I straightened and grinned. “I am called Barrett the Golden, and I am at your service in defense of the Queen’s honor.”
“What does that mean?” Mart said to Jansford with a confused look.
“Shut up, you oaf,” Jansford sneered at Mart, but the wiry man’s intense eyes never left me.
“You’re Barrett the Golden?” Thoms asked with a doubtful look. “You hardly look like a hero of the realm.”
“What do you mean, sir?” I asked with an offended expression as I flipped my hair again.
“Well, first of all,” Thoms said as he pushed his chair back and stood to his full six feet three inch height. “Barrett the Golden is rumored to be huge. You’re far too small. And your clothes are shabby for a man who is supposed to be swimming in coin.”
“Have you ever seen Barrett the Golden up close?” I asked.
“Admittedly not.” Thoms shrugged. “But I’ve heard enough to know he ain’t you.”
“I can explain my clothing,” I said. “I’m just back from a mission for King Edmund, and I thought to stop here at the Bald Stallion for a proper ale before I start my last leg home.”
“A proper ale?” Jansford laughed. “At the Bald Stallion? Do you know where you are, sir?”
“I have travelled throughout the Kingdom of Slithora and beyond many times,” I said in an apologetic tone, “but this is my first time in the Stallion.�
��
“Well, your thirst has led you astray, I’m afraid.” Jansford chuckled and shook his head. “Nothing but piss water here.”
“I heard that, Jansford,” Kine called from behind the bar.
“You said you just returned from a mission for King Edmund?” Thoms pressed me. “What was the mission?”
“My mission was to scout the very hordes that drove Queen Gruna from her the Easter Wolds and back into the arms of her dear husband, our King,” I said in a hushed tone. “Hence, the condition of my clothing. Crawling around in ditches does not lend itself to staying clean.”
“That’s hardly the mission of a champion.” Thoms narrowed his eyes at me.
“True,” I nodded, “but King Edmund assured me it was of the utmost importance. The barbarian hordes are now on our own doorstep, incited by the Queen, and he wants to know everything about them. When it comes to proper scouting, there is no one better than me.”
“Oh, no,” Mart said with a crestfallen expression. “The barbarian hordes are going to kill us all.”
“Shut up, you oaf,” Jansford said. “The barbarian hordes will do no such thing. And if you ask me, I say the Queen should never have left our lands in the first place.”
“Well, she is rather rambunctious,” I said as I picked some dirt from beneath my nail. “Always keen on invasion and making enemies and whatnot.”
“What you’re saying makes sense enough,” Thoms said as he studied me. “But you’re missing one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Barrett the Golden is called that for more than just his golden locks.” Thoms gestured at my belt. “Where is your golden sword?”
“Oh, that.” I gulped. “You want that sort of proof.”
“Indeed, we do.” Jansford rose to stand next to Thoms.
My eyes moved back and forth between the two challengers before falling to the slack-faced Mart. I noticed the little girl standing behind the soldiers with her arms crossed and a smug look on her face. The soldiers would take great pleasure in tossing me out of the Bald Stallion if I didn’t produce the sword, and the little girl would enjoy my misfortune just as much. The soldiers might also be the sort to beat me up or toss me in a dungeon to rot. I was sure Jansford lived for such moments.