Swim Deep

by BETH KERY

The tunnel of gray boulders narrowed some, but still, there were no tight spaces that made me claustrophobic or cautious. I shined my light all around the tunnel, seeing smooth stone, cracks, and fissures of various sizes. But I swam in wide-open space. Where my dive light didn’t penetrate, the blackness was so thick it seemed to have weight.

  I don’t how long I swam, but suddenly, I realized I was alone. Valeria was nowhere around me. I abruptly stopped swimming, disoriented. How far had I gone? It was almost like I’d lost time there for a moment.

  Almost.

  I turned. I saw the cobalt blue of the lake beyond the opening of the cavern in the far distance. The cave opening wavered eerily behind Valeria’s oncoming dive light. I blinked and shook my head to clear it. What I saw bore no similarity to what Valeria had suggested with her sign language: a cautious, short entry a few feet into the cave to look around.

  Valeria had to be a good forty or fifty feet behind me. I hadn’t even been aware of passing her. I shone my light at her as she swam toward me. She winced as the direct beam hit her face. I quickly tilted my light upward, hovering in the still, icy cold water.

  The roof of the cavern went up and up, smooth stretches of granite interspersed with stacks of boulders. I thought I saw something. Acting on impulse, I switched off my dive light.

  Up at the very top of the vertical tunnel above me, a light glimmered. I blinked, sure I must be imagining the solitary light.

  At the same time, it was almost like I’d expected that light to be there.

  Was it somehow a reflection of Valeria’s dive light as she neared me? But no… Valeria shone her dive light downward, just below my fins. Her light dispersed, while the one above me was a solitary pinprick of illumination, like a lit bulb.

  That steady light made no sense.

  I felt a touch on my shoulder and glanced down, only to see Valeria’s anxious eyes behind her dive mask. A shiver tore through me. She looked strange hovering just a foot or two away from me, the whites of her eyes showing. I couldn’t shake this feeling of eeriness… of the almost preternatural.

  She gestured rapidly with her arm toward dark blue mouth of the cave. I nodded, and started to follow her out of the pitch-black cavern. I saw her turn, as if to make sure I followed her. I felt like a naughty child.

  I had no idea why I’d swum so deep into that impenetrable darkness alone, or why I’d outdistanced her. It wasn’t at all like me. I’d been a cautious diver from the first, always following a more experienced diver’s lead.

  Maybe this whole thing with the discovered box filled with all those sex things had me more bothered than I’d thought.

  We surfaced into the blinding sunlight. Once Manny had helped us back onto the cruiser and we were taking off our gear, Valeria demanded to know what I’d been doing.

  “Did you see something in the cave?” she asked tensely. “You took off like a torpedo.”

  Confronted with her puzzled concern, I couldn’t think of what to say. I didn’t know why I’d swum away from her like that. Everything had gone black there for a period of time. Or it hadn’t, really… I couldn’t explain it. I distantly recalled swimming with a feeling of sure confidence, decisiveness.

  Excitement.

  “I saw a light,” I blurted out.

  The lie had just popped out of my mouth. It wasn’t entirely a lie. I had seen a light, but not until I’d come back to myself and stopped swimming.

  “A light?” Valeria asked, shrugging as Manny helped remove her tank.

  “Yeah. The ceiling of the cave opened up, and way up high, there was a light.”

  “That’s weird,” Valeria mumbled, her gaze on me odd, like I wasn’t exactly what she’d expected.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I swam ahead of you. I won’t do it again.”

  “It could have been dangerous,” Valeria said, her eyebrows knitted together in concern and irritation. “We should stick together when we dive.”

  Don’t let her see you sweat it. It’s not for her to judge you.

  I’m not sure where the voice came from exactly. But I recognized it as one that I heard sometimes when I felt put on the spot or awkward. I thought of it as some kind of “confined lady of the realm” part of my personality that popped out of her closet every once in a while when I felt cornered and defensive.

  “I know. Like I said, I won’t do it again.” Somehow, I knew that edge in my voice would silence her.

  And it did.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I felt unusually tired after we returned to Les Jumeaux and stored the dive equipment. I told Valeria I was going to take a nap. Ignoring her concerned expression, I headed up the stairs and fell into bed, where I immediately dropped into a dead sleep.

  I awoke to elongated shadows in the bedroom. My cell phone was ringing. I sat up, feeling extremely disoriented. I picked up the phone and checked the caller ID.

  “Hi, honey,” I said groggily.

  “Hi. What’s wrong?” Evan asked me, concern in his tone. I realized my voice sounded very ragged.

  “Nothing. We went diving this afternoon. I think I overdid it a little. I was wiped out when we got back. I was napping when you called.”

  “Sorry for waking you. You must have been tired. You don’t take naps often.”

  “I know.”

  “Did you have a good time diving?”

  “Yeah. Manny, Valeria’s brother, took us out on the cruiser. We dived near the shore here. It was amazing. How are your meetings going so far?”

  “Fine. Nothing out of the ordinary.” There was a long pause. “Anna? Are you sure you’re all right? You sound strange.”

  I laughed. “I feel a little strange, to be honest,” I confessed, rubbing my itchy eyes. I stood and headed toward the bathroom, desperate for a glass of water. I started to suspect that the stressful incident in the sauna, the discovery of the box, and my strange behavior diving today wasn’t all adding up.

  I felt as if I was getting sick.

  Valeria agreed with me that the experience in the sauna might have worn me down more than we’d thought. She was very sweet, insisting I take it easy and bringing me dinner in bed. I had no interest in arguing with her about it, which seemed to me further proof that I was a little under the weather. So I did a little Netflix bingeing and ate Valeria’s delicious supper of mandarin orange chicken and salad.

  I was asleep by ten o’clock.

  The nightmare woman came to me again that night, her presence once again turning my body into a locked prison. This time, much to my horror, I heard her gurgling voice more clearly. Not, light in the darkness, as I’d previously thought.

  Light from my darkness.

  And then:

  Swim deep.

  That’s what I heard in the ghost’s rattling throat.

  The message left me highly unnerved. The most obvious reason was that I’d seen a light in the darkness when I’d swum impulsively into that cave. But something else left me uneasy about those ghostly words… something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

  I spent a good portion of the night sleepless, that disturbing, inexplicable message lying heavily on my consciousness. I didn’t fall asleep again until dawn had broken.

  I awoke to sunshine streaming around the curtains. I experienced a familiar sense of urgency about my work. It wasn’t the time for me to be puzzling out the bizarre message of a nightmare. I wanted to finish my painting today, and the light appeared to be perfect for it.

  While I was in the bathroom, I heard my cell phone ringing. I sprung for it when I saw it was Evan calling.

  “Morning. Feeling better today?” he asked.

  “Much. A good night’s sleep is just what I needed. I think I might have been coming down with something when we talked yesterday, but hopefully I’ve licked it. There was a little incident the day
before yesterday. Maybe it ran down my immune system.”

  I hadn’t planned to tell him about getting stuck in the sauna until he returned. Maybe at that moment, it seemed safer to bring up the sauna than it did my inexplicable, irrational behavior diving with Valeria yesterday.

  Or the box.

  “Incident?” Evan asked, his tone going sharp.

  “It was nothing. The door on the dry sauna got stuck. I was locked in the heat until Valeria saved me. Damn… I meant to call the manufacturer yesterday to tell them about the door expanding and contracting—”

  “Anna, what the hell are you talking about?”

  “The door on the dry sauna expanded from the heat and got stuck,” I repeated.

  “With you in it?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That door shouldn’t get stuck. It never has before.”

  “Well, it did,” I said with a little laugh. Given his apprehension, I felt a necessity to keep things light. “I’ll admit, I had the heat turned up as high as it could go. Anyway, the door contracted again eventually, and Valeria got me out. I think it dehydrated me, even though I drank an ocean of water afterward. My immune system must have taken a hit. But like I said, I feel much better today.”

  It took me several seconds to realize he hadn’t replied.

  “Evan?”

  “Don’t go back into the sauna until I have someone out to check it,” he insisted tensely.

  “I wasn’t planning on it, trust me. That was not a fun experience. So… you think you’ll be home in time for dinner tonight?”

  “Yes. I think we need to talk about something,” he said.

  I silently agreed, grimly thinking of that taboo box I’d set on his desk.

  In the kitchen, I saw signs of Valeria—a full pot of coffee and diced vegetables on the cutting board, presumably for an omelet—but no Valeria herself.

  When she didn’t return after I’d drunk half a cup of coffee, I began to look around a little. Some instinct pulled me to the front entryway. I opened one of the heavy wooden doors.

  Sure enough, there was Valeria, standing on the front stone steps wearing a pair of running shorts, a tank top, and tennis shoes. She started at the sound of the door opening. She wasn’t alone.

  “Hi, Wes,” I said, sounding as startled as Wes Ryder looked. He looked especially pale this morning, and a light sheen of sweat covered his handsome face. For a doctor, he doesn’t look like he’s in very good shape.

  “Anna,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets and peering up at me like a guilty eight-year-old kid. His gaze stuck on my face, and I experienced that feeling of self-consciousness I often experienced in his presence. “Sorry to bother you this morning.”

  “Is everything all right?” I asked.

  “Yeah. I got a call from Noah’s nurse this morning. He’s back from the hospital today, so I came out to make sure he got settled all right.”

  “He’s been at the hospital this whole time?” I asked, shocked. I’d assumed Madaster had returned at some point, not because I’d seen anything to prove it, one way or another. The only thing I was basing my suspicion on was that feeling of being watched I’d get sometimes at the overlook.

  “No, not the entire time. Noah actually returned to Les Jumeaux the evening of the window incident,” Wes explained, grimacing slightly when he said window incident. “But he had chest pains a few days ago, and I recommended to Ima that she take him in to the emergency room. They ended up keeping him for a few nights for testing.”

  “Is he better now?”

  Wes frowned. “He had a very minor heart attack, but he’s recovered. He’s stabilized on some new meds. Noah is usually stronger than a bull, despite the spinal cord injury, but he’s been having a bit of a rough go lately.” His gaze ran over my face again. I couldn’t help but wonder if Madaster was worse off than Wes implied.

  “Anyway, I came over to see Evan just now, but Valeria told me he was out of town,” Wes said. “And then, we got our own visitor.”

  He waved uneasily to his right. I realized I couldn’t see what he was referring to, and opened the door wider.

  There, standing on the stone pavers of the circular drive, was the old, demented woman. She stood several paces away from the steps, her manner extremely wary. I was glad to see her. I knew it was unusual for her to come so close to the house or to other people.

  “Good morning. Are you out walking?” I asked her warmly. “Are you hungry at all? Would you like some breakfast?”

  She didn’t reply. I had the impression she’d bolt at the slightest move. She just stared at me with those filmed-over blue eyes I recalled so well. Today she wore a faded flower print dress, which hung on her loosely and was slipping off one bony shoulder. Beneath the dress I spotted a grayish tank top that had once been white.

  “Have you two met?” Wes asked, looking surprised.

  “Yes. We ran into each other up at the overlook a few weeks ago,” I said, speaking directly to the old woman. “But I didn’t ever find out your name.”

  I noticed Wes give Valeria an uneasy glance.

  “Anna, this is Lorraine Madaster,” Wes said.

  I started.

  “No. No, that’s not right,” I insisted.

  “Wait… are you sure?” I asked Wes when I saw his blank incredulity. He’d clearly been taken aback by my flat denial of what he’d said.

  “Yes, I’m quite certain,” Wes said with an awkward little laugh. “I’ve been her physician on and off for seven years.”

  “I’m sorry, it’s just that Evan said—”

  “Worthless piece of shit,” the old woman hissed.

  While all three of us stared at her in open-mouthed surprise, she turned in her dirty high tops and stalked away in the direction of the road. Her stride was much steadier than it had been that day on the overlook.

  Had she been talking about Wes or Evan?

  Before I could elaborate on the thought, or think of anything reasonable to say to call her back, she disappeared around the bend in the road.

  “Anna? Are you all right?”

  I blinked, focusing on Valeria.

  “I guess. When I met her before, Evan told me she was—”

  A harmless demented woman who lived down the coast a ways, and who occasionally wandered onto the property.

  “How long as she been like that?” I asked Wes.

  He shrugged. “Ten years? It started around then, anyway, and has gotten progressively worse every year. Early onset Alzheimer’s.”

  A roaring sound like a muffled high wind had started up in my ears. Ten years? Evan must have known who she was when I described her to him. He’d lived here at Les Jumeaux when she’d first been diagnosed.

  Of course he’d known.

  Which meant that he’d known the Madasters were living in the South Twin all along. He must have known when we came there.

  Evan had been lying to me all this time. But why?

  The only answer I got to that question was a black, enigmatic coldness. It was that same void I saw in Evan’s eyes sometimes.

  My heart gave an uncomfortable jump in my chest. I put my hand over it, pressing down as if trying to keep it in place.

  “Valeria? Do you think you could drive me somewhere this morning?” I asked. I saw her and Wes exchange another uneasy glance.

  “Sure. But I thought you wanted to try and finish your painting today.”

  “It’ll wait,” I said distractedly.

  “Do you think you need to see a doctor?”

  “A doctor?” I asked her in blank non-comprehension. “No… no, I was wondering if you could take me to the library. In Carson City?”

  The roaring in my ears had grown louder.

  Suddenly, it was if I’d been transported in time back to that evening I’d gone to
meet Evan for dinner in San Francisco, determined to break up with him because I knew there was something not right, something unnatural about our relationship.

  I needed to face facts. I’d suspected that Evan was keeping things from me. Things about Elizabeth, perhaps. Things about his past with her… his heartbreak about the breakdown of their marriage, and her disappearance and death. It struck me as I stood there that I’d partially been responsible for his silence. I understood his suffering at the loss of a wife, or at least I thought I did. But the thought of hearing him elaborate on his grief pained me.

  But this was different. He’d brought me here, knowing full well that the Madasters lived in the South Twin. Why would he do such a thing? I was being left in the dark, like the naïve, helpless ingénue he seemed to imagine I was. The Internet had been unhelpful.

  The only way I was going to get any answers as to the mystery of how I’d ended up here at this moment in my life was to find those answers on my own.

  When we got to the library entrance in Carson City later that morning, I told Valeria that I didn’t know how long I’d be.

  “Do you have any errands or shopping you need to do?” I asked her from where I sat in the passenger seat. “You could pick me up here in say… two hours? If I think I’ll be longer, I could text you?”

  Valeria agreed, but I could tell she was concerned. I’d been vague in my explanations about what I hoped to accomplish at the library, and distracted and noncommunicative during the half-hour drive to the city.

  For my own part, I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. A strange chill had come over me that I associated with fear or panic, but it wasn’t like any kind of dread I’d ever experienced. A cold, hard kind of sensation accompanied it. As I entered the library and searched for the information desk, I distantly recognized it as determination.

  I felt sick with dread, but the idea of ignoring the truth seemed as impossible to me as cutting my own throat.

  The woman sitting behind the circular desk at the center of the main room had gray, short hair. She looked at her computer screen when I approached her and began to speak. She glanced at me, did a double take, and peered at me more closely. I noticed how sharp and assessing her blue eyes were behind her glasses.