Throttled

by K. Sterling

  “You’ve asked me three times, Wal. No one’s called in anything about Jones,” she said slowly as she studied his face. “Why don’t you take off and get some rest?” She suggested but her gaze was pointed. Wal nodded as he pushed away from her desk and backed toward the door.

  “Sorry. I’ll do that,” he said as he leaned against the door and pushed it open with his shoulder. He hadn’t slept in two days, he’d been too disgusted with himself and anxious after his fight with Marco the night before. Wal felt sick every time he thought about how simple it would have made things if he’d just told Marco he wanted another chance. Or, I love you. Wal’s soul sank and he became more anxious and nauseous as the evening grew later because he knew Marco was with Tad. He’d gone by the shop, in case Marco canceled but it was dark and locked. I’m going to lose him tonight, Wal told himself a hundred times. He could feel it in his bones and his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. “I have to tell him I’m sorry and beg him to take me back,” he ordered himself as he reversed out of his spot at the station. Even if he had to interrupt whatever Marco was doing with Tad. It couldn’t wait. Wal couldn’t put it off any longer. He threatened to shoot himself in the foot or join an actual monastery if he lost his nerve again as he made the short drive to Marco’s. His hands were sweating and his heart slammed against his ribs as he made the last turn, onto 22nd and the blood drained from his face as smoke and flames spilled out of the side of the shop.

  “Marco!” Wal gasped as he parked the truck in the middle of the street and jumped out. He ran to the shop’s door and hit it with his shoulder as he grabbed the handle but it was locked. Smoke leaked from the windows and around the bay door and light danced behind the soot darkened glass as Wal’s panic crested. He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed 911. He gave them the shop’s location before he took out his gun, aimed at the lock, fired then kicked it open. A plume of smoke rolled out and Wal covered his face as he ducked and carefully hurried inside. Wal’s heart stopped when he spotted the flames climbing the walls in Marco’s office before his gaze swung to the Charger on the lowered lift. He lost all feeling in his body and nearly dropped to his knees as his eyes followed the hose from the tailpipe to the passenger window and the rags stuffed around it. The car idled as Marco’s head rested against the driver’s window. “No!” Wal roared as he sprinted to the car and ripped the door open. He caught Marco as he fell out and ducked as the solvents, paints and other chemicals in the back supply room exploded and a wave of noxious heat poured into the bay. Wal swore as he dragged Marco out of the car. He couldn’t stop and check his pulse but he felt Marco’s chest expand as he pulled in a breath and relief burst within Wal. It was quickly tempered when he noticed the smear of blood against his trousers as the back of Marco’s head bounced and brushed against his thigh. Wal’s eyes and chest burned as his vision blurred and he became dizzy. He hooked his arms under Marco’s shoulders and pulled as hard and fast as he could as he backed toward the door. He was faint and his arms were shaking as they fell out and Wal gulped for fresh air as he rolled and checked Marco.

  “They’re on their way! Is he alive?” A woman asked as she dove to find Marco’s pulse.

  “He is but he needs CPR and we need to get back!” Wal ordered as another man joined them. He helped the woman pull Marco away as Wal turned and stared at the shop as sirens wailed in the distance. He recalled seeing Marco’s sketchbook on the work table in the bay and swore as he ran back into the shop. That sketchbook was everything to Marco and Wal had to try to save it. He could barely see, the room was so dark with smoke. Wal squinted and visualized the bay, as he saw it, before the storage room exploded and hurried to the table. His hands waved and reached until he found it and he paused for just a moment before he grabbed the book. He remembered that it was open, next to a barely touched bowl of ice cream. Wal’s head swung toward the car on the lowered lift. He couldn’t see the lift or the car but he could clearly recall a baseball cap on the floor by the driver’s door. The fire and chaos around Wal stopped and his mind cleared as he cataloged details.

  1. Yankees

  2. Folded and bill practically creased from being kept in a back pocket.

  3. 2000 World Series Champions.

  4. Dirty and faded but no visible sweat/salt stains on the navy fabric.

  5. Fitted and sized, not adjustable.

  Wal lunged toward the lift and the hat then staggered back as the office wall caved in and flames and toxic smoke rolled out.

  “I’ve got him!” A muffled voice called before Wal’s shoulder was pulled and he stumbled as he followed a firefighter out of the shop. “Is anyone else inside?” He asked as Wal was guided to an ambulance. Wal shook his head before a mask was shoved against his face and a cool burst of oxygen hit his nose and lips.

  “Where is he? The man I pulled out?” Wal asked as he held the mask to his face and leaned and rose on his toes to search for Marco.

  “He’s in the other ambulance,” a paramedic said as he examined Wal’s pupils.

  “I need to check on him,” Wal insisted as he gently pushed the medic’s hands away.

  “And I need to check on you,” the medic argued back. “He’s breathing and his vitals were looking good when I left him. He’d be conscious if it weren’t for the head wound,” he informed Wal.

  “I saw that,” Wal said then frowned down at his pants. They were filthy now and he could barely see, his eyes still burned from the smoke, but the smudges of blood practically glowed in Wal’s mind.

  “It’s rarely as clean as they think it’s going to be,” the medic murmured gently then let out a heavy breath. Wal felt nauseous and his stomach clenched as his brain flashed and he saw Marco’s face resting against the glass, beautiful but lifeless. Extinguished and already fading. He swallowed the bile burning the back of his throat as he looked at the medic.

  “How common are head wounds, with suicide victims?” Wal asked and the medic winced then shrugged.

  “It’s a little weird but sometimes people change their minds and fight at the last minute or their bodies override their brains or they flop around violently at the end. That’s why it’s rarely as clean as they think it’s going to be,” he said and Wal shook his head as he took off the mask and escaped.

  “No,” he said simply as he skirted the firefighters and cops then ran as he saw another paramedic shutting the back of an ambulance. “Hold that!” He called. “I need to get his statement as soon as he wakes up. I’ll ride back here with him,” Wal stated as he flashed his badge.

  “He’s conscious but he’s not making any sense yet,” the medic said as he opened the door and let Wal climb in. The medic in the back scooted over and made room for Wal as the door shut.

  “Wal?” Marco called weakly as his head rolled on the stretcher and his eyes swam in their sockets before he squeezed them shut.

  “I’m here,” Wal said as he grabbed Marco’s hand. “What happened?” He asked and Marco relaxed as he held onto Wal’s hand.

  “I don’t know but I didn’t…” He started and Wal set his hand on Marco’s chest as the ambulance turned a corner.

  “I know,” he said firmly. “What happened to the other person?” He asked and Marco shook his head weakly.

  “It was just me. At least I thought so. I sensed something and turned to look and saw something move just before my head exploded and then it was dark,” Marco said and Wal’s eyes narrowed as he searched his face. He knew two things: Marco didn’t try to kill himself and someone else was there. The barely touched bowl of ice cream by the sketchbook was a stupid clue to leave behind unless you were expecting a fire to clean up your mistakes. And Marco loathed the Yankees.

  “What about your date? Did it end badly?” Wal asked and Marco shook his head again.

  “No. Tad just left but everything was fine,” he said then groaned. “He left his wallet in my room and was supposed to swing by in the morning to get it,” he added and Wal saw the medic’s eyes widen and he bl
ushed as he pretended to study a monitor.

  “I’ll let him know. I’m going to check in on him and see if he noticed anything,” Wal said. “Do you know where he lives?” He asked and Marco struggled then shook his head.

  “Tad Geller. His address is in the office but I can’t remember. I know he lives over on Rockwell, near the bodega with the mean old blind lady,” Marco stated and Wal nodded.

  “That’s enough. I’ll find him as soon as you’re settled here,” he said then pulled Marco’s hand to his lips as the ambulance came to a stop. “I’ll let your parents know where you are and that you’re going to be all right, before they hear it from someone else and panic. But I don’t want you to leave with anyone. Wait for me. I’m going to keep an eye on you until we figure out what happened and who’s responsible,” Wal said and Marco’s eyes watered and his lip trembled.

  “Thank you. I’m trying to stay calm but I’m fucking scared, Wal. I don’t know how I ended up in that car,” he whispered urgently as his eyes clung to Wal’s.

  “I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll make sure I’ve got someone with you until I can get back. I want to talk to Geller and anyone else who might have seen anything then take care of a few things. I won’t be long,” Wal promised. He left as soon as Marco was whisked off for scans. The shop looked like a war zone when Wal returned but the fire trucks were gone and the police were questioning the last of the witnesses. Nobody saw anything. The fire started around 1:30 in the morning, most of the neighbors were already asleep in their beds. The Uber driver who drove Geller home returned and gave his statement and noticed nothing unusual. Geller seemed like he was on Cloud Nine. Wal hoped Geller was a Yankees fan as he stomped up the steps to his front door. He felt extremely raw and needed someone to aim his fury at.

  “Oh, my God! Please, come in!” Tad Geller insisted when Wal informed him that Marco was attacked and that he was looking into it. “Is he all right? I need to get dressed and get to the hospital,” he said and Wal’s head craned forward.

  “Why?” He asked and Geller looked confused.

  “Because we…” He gave Wal a very pointed look then cleared his throat. “It’s a little early but I think I should be there for him,” he added and Wal’s lips pulled tight as he shook his head.

  “I don’t think you should,” he said. “Did you see anything strange while you were there? Did you see anyone outside, around the shop, when you were leaving?” He asked. Geller frowned as his brows fell.

  “No. Everything was really great when I left and totally quiet. I left my wallet so I had an excuse to go back in the morning. Can you help me get in to see him? I don’t have an ID or anything. Why shouldn’t I be there?” He said and Wal blinked back at him.

  “What’s his mother’s name?” He asked and Geller froze before he spluttered.

  “Look, I know it sounds fast but I think tonight was special and we might be…” he stopped when Wal held up a hand.

  “It wasn’t special and you’re not. You’re going to make it very awkward if you go to the hospital,” he warned. “Marco doesn’t need that right now.”

  “How do you know?” Geller demanded and Wal raised a brow at him.

  “Because you’re here and I found him in his shop,” he replied and Geller shrugged.

  “He said I could stay but he had to get up and do some work, that he’d be up for hours making a lot of noise. So I went home,” he argued defensively. Wal tapped his knuckle against his lip then cocked his chin and swayed closer.

  “You’re being dense so I’ll be less subtle. I know because he always stayed in bed after I fucked him. He didn’t worry about work until morning because I made sure he was too tired to move. I’m sorry about your luck but I’m getting him back. I should have been there, I never should have let him go,” he confided and Geller’s face fell.

  “You’re Wal, aren’t you?” He asked accusatively and Wal grinned slightly.

  “He told you about me,” he said and Geller’s nose scrunched as he nodded.

  “I’m very happy for the both of you. Wish him a speedy recovery for me,” he said as he reached for his door and Wal tilted his head in agreement.

  “I will. I’ll do what I can to get your wallet back to you, if it’s not destroyed but you might want to see about getting everything replaced,” he advised as he jumped back and turned on his heel before Geller could slam the door in his face. Wal spent the drive to the station lecturing himself and preparing his apologies. Marco would have preferred to let Geller down easier and handled it a lot classier but Wal thought they had enough to deal with, without a one-night stand making things more awkward and complicated. And he already had a long list of things to apologize for. Geller was pretty minor, all things considered. Wal was ready to apologize and grovel as he sat across from Bill.

  “I want to handle Costa’s investigation. I know I haven’t come up with anything on the Cole case but I can work both,” Wal insisted and Bill shook his head as his hands slapped on the desktop before he stood.

  “Take some time off, Jack,” he said as he came around his desk and Wal stared up at him in shock.

  “I know I made an ass out of myself with Geller and I’ll take it on the chin if he files a complaint but I’m already miles ahead of anyone else you put on this,” he argued and Bill held up his hands and sat against the edge of his desk.

  “Take some time off, Jack,” he urged. “If you want to look into Marco’s accident on your own time, fine. But take a break and focus on what’s important right now,” he advised gently and Wal’s brows jumped.

  “What?” He asked and Bill hissed as he scrubbed the back of his neck.

  “How long have we known each other?” He asked and Wal’s eyes flicked upwards.

  “Fourteen years?” He replied. Bill was his partner and mentor before he was promoted to chief. He was the closest thing Wal had to a father. Bill nodded as he hugged his chest and his eyes were warm and tender as he watched Wal.

  “If I could have had a son…” he started then waved it off. “But I’m not going to hang around and pull your ass out of trouble forever. I’m retiring next year and I don’t want to worry about you while I’m traveling with Mary,” he said and Wal’s mouth felt too heavy and his throat was tight as he struggled for a way to respond.

  “Don’t worry about me,” he rasped as he stared at Bill and he snorted.

  “I’m always going to worry about you because you might be a monk but you’re a lunatic. I don’t want that to be it for you though. You’re not going to have anyone to make you waste six months of your life in an RV when you retire if you don’t start looking now. If you don’t burn out and become an alcoholic or get yourself killed.”

  “What are you talking about?” Wal asked shakily and Bill gave him a loaded look.

  “I don’t want to get into your business. I know this is difficult shit for normal people but you’re a robot and afraid of your feelings. But I’ve always known and it’s never mattered to me. And I know how much Marco means to you. Everyone knows,” he added quietly and Wal’s head tilted as he blinked rapidly.

  “I…wasn’t hiding it, I just didn’t think anyone would be interested. Why would anyone be interested?” He asked as he frowned up at Bill and he shrugged.

  “You’re asking why cops like investigating other cops? I don’t know. We’re all nosey dicks. That’s why we’re cops. I know I want you to find someone who’s good enough and makes you happy because I’m your friend and I want you to be as miserable when you retire as I’m going to be,” he said as he reached and gave Wal an affectionate shake before he became serious. “You’re the best cop I’ve ever met but be the best man I’ve ever met and live the best life you can too. There’s more to life than work and you’re going to waste yours, if you don’t stop and make time for the rest of it. You won’t like who you become if you give your whole soul to catching thugs and killers,” he warned and Wal nodded.

  “I’ll work on it but I ca
n’t take leave right now. Ciara Cole can’t wait,” he said and Bill shook his head.

  “She can’t but you don’t have to be the one to find her this time. You can’t put life on hold until you run out of victims. This wouldn’t have made it to you, if I hadn’t been out that morning. I had already decided it was time for you to take a little personal time. I’m pulling Patterson and Dabney off the new task force. They’ve got too many people over there and they’re just kicking up their heels,” he stated and Wal’s brows rose.

  “Patterson and Dabney?” He felt a wave of hope and relief wash over him. Rick Patterson and Jim Dabney were veterans and rock stars in the department. They graduated from the academy with Bill and Wal spent his whole career looking up to them and learning from them. If he had to pick someone to help him find Ciara Cole or take over for him, either would be a godsend. Both meant there was a better chance she’d be found and Wal would have time to find Marco’s attacker. “Thank you,” he said as he stood. “This thing with Marco is really strange and I have a bad feeling,” he added and Bill sighed heavily as he rose and gripped Wal’s arm.

  “I’m not assigning this as a case. I’m telling you to take some time off and work things out with Marco. I think this is one of those situations where you might be overlooking the obvious answer because it’s not the one you want,” he said and Wal frowned.

  “I’m telling you, he didn’t try to kill himself. I would have noticed something before last night and I would have seen something in the shop, when I found him. I didn’t have time to look but someone was with him and helped him into that car,” he insisted and Bill’s face became heavy with concern as he searched Wal’s eyes.

  “He still takes his mom to mass every Sunday, doesn’t he?” He asked and Wal felt a little like he was sinking as he experienced a whiff of doubt.

  “He goes for her, not because he still believes,” he argued and Bill nodded.

  “Fine. He’s not afraid of going to hell. But he’d know what it’d do to his mom,” he countered and Wal’s legs became weak again as he thought about the call he’d made to her just hours earlier. He’d been grateful to the depths of his soul that he was telling her Marco was alive and safe. The only thing worse than telling Maria Costa her son was dead would be telling her Marco killed himself. And he didn’t think it would be about the sin of it or Marco’s soul. She’d see it as a failure on her part, and the rest of the family, for missing that Marco was in trouble. I’d blame myself because I should have seen it. Am I refusing to see it now because I can’t admit I missed a clue? He wondered. He would have finished the ice cream first.