Respect

by Jay Crownover

  It was hard to answer when I felt the edge of her teeth bite into the side of my neck. She twisted the hand she was using to stroke my cock, rolling her palm enticingly over the now soaked and slippery head. Even the water cooling down did little to rein in the pulsating arousal.

  “Because you know you’re safe with me. You know I would never hurt you if there was any other option. You know I’d die to protect you. You can see me in a way no one else can.” I wasn’t the smartest guy around. Not by a long shot. I operated on instinct and the overriding need for survival. There was no missing her point, though. No way to misunderstand what she was trying to tell me.

  “You are beautiful to me, Noah. You always have been. I never even needed to look very hard to see it. It was always right there, directly in front of me. I may have forgotten it for a while, because you did hurt me. So badly. But as soon as I saw you again, I remembered why I could never look away from you all those years ago.”

  She started a slow grind against my back. Our slippery skin finding no traction and only serving to work us both up to the point we were shaking, quaking, and barely holding on. It was as amazing as it was frustrating. I needed more. More of her touch. More of her skin. More of her mouth. More of everything.

  “I’ve fucked up a lot in my life. I’ve made more bad choices than good ones. I need you to know what happened that night . . . it wasn’t all on me. I’ve told you a thousand times I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose. I need you to believe me.” I was so close to begging. Begging her to forgive me. Begging her to get on her knees. Begging her to go to bed. Begging her for release. Begging her to be mine in all the ways we’d never been able to be before tonight.

  “But you did hurt me on purpose.” She sounded frustrated and annoyed. I didn’t want to kill the mood but I had to make her understand.

  “I know I did. And I always hoped you were smart enough and knew me well enough to know the only reason I could ever do that was if I didn’t have a choice.” I always wanted her to believe in me and the one time she really needed to, she’d walked away instead.

  I could feel hesitation in her touch, but it quickly vanished under renewed determination to have this moment that had been hovering between us forever.

  “I don’t want to talk about that night. I want to finish this with you.” She reached past me and cranked off the water. I turned around to face her, reaching out and putting my hands on her hips so I could pull her close.

  I groaned when her softness lined up so perfectly with every line of my hardness. My cock kicked happily against her belly, leaving a streak of wetness that brought out something primal and fierce inside of me.

  “You can finish in my mouth, or we can go to bed. Your choice.” She lifted an eyebrow and wrapped her arms around my neck.

  It was on the tip of my tongue to say both, but considering that was impossible, I was going to take her to bed. If this was the single good memory I was allowed to have, then I wanted all of it.

  Instead of giving her an answer, I put a hand under the swell of her nicely toned ass and hefted her up. She obediently wrapped her legs around my waist and held on tight as I maneuvered us out of the shower and bathroom. Our mouths fused the minute we were face to face, and I let myself sink into the kiss as my dick happily bounced against her silken center. One little push and the tip would be coated in her damp desire. One tiny thrust and I would have her heat wrapped around me, coating my cock in velvet softness and burning passion. None of that was going to happen. I promised to take care of her. To protect her from anything, which included my sex-fogged brain and rampant lust. I paused just long enough to dig a condom from my duffel bag, then headed for the bed.

  Even though the comforter looked clean, Karsen had tossed it on the floor. It was a good rule of thumb. No one usually washed comforters or wiped down remote controls in motel rooms. She rocked her tongue in and out of my mouth, making me chase her. She pressed her lips as tightly into mine as she could, rolling her hips with each step that brought us closer to the bed.

  Instead of tossing her into the center when I reached our destination, I followed her down as her back hit the mattress. I pushed the foil packet into her hand and gave her the rough order to put it on me. She arched an eyebrow at the demand, but still complied. I kissed her lip when she pulled the plump curve between her teeth as she tried to concentrate on her task. I felt her heels dig into the groove at the base of my spine on either side of my ass and found myself rocking into her hands impatiently. Her hands glided down my cock like feathers, stopping to trace the thick veins that felt like they were going to burst after so much foreplay and so many years of waiting.

  Once she had me fully covered, I felt her lift up, wetness dragging along my eager length. Her multi-hued eyes glowed up at me, and a grin that had every little thing that ever mattered to me inside of it, touched her mouth as she whispered, “Take me. I’ve been waiting a long time for you to make me yours, Noah.”

  My name shouldn’t have been the sexiest, most alluring part of that sentence.

  But it was.

  Nowhere near strong enough to deny her, and well past the point of being able to control myself, I let my weight carry me down, sinking my body inside hers with an effortless slide. I gasped at the first clench of her body around mine. I forgot to breathe when she used the long legs wrapped around my back to pull me deeper inside of her. I lost track of everything, who I was, where I was, how I’d gotten here, when I bottomed out inside of her, making her yelp my name.

  I wanted to kiss her. To tell her how special this moment was. I wanted her to know I’d never had sex that meant a damn thing to me before her. I needed her to understand this was the greatest gift I’d ever been given, but it’d been too long without her. I wasn’t the kind of guy who could string those words together, so I did my best to show her instead.

  Instead of fucking her into the mattress like my body was screaming at me to do, I methodically started to kiss her face. Every curve, every ridge, every dimple and peak. I rolled my hips, taking her slowly, reverently, thoroughly, and as completely as I could. There wasn’t a single part of her free of my touch. I was going to burn my memory on every single inch of her, so she would never forget.

  She rocked her hips up to meet each thrust, making impatient mewling sounds low in her throat. Her fingernails raked over my scalp and her legs locked like a vise around my waist. I could feel her body quivering and shuddering around mine. Each thrust, every withdrawal, pushing her closer to the edge. I could feel her desire building in the way she tightened and fluttered around my pounding cock. She was irresistibly responsive and so open with what she liked. She wasn’t afraid to tell me I was going too slow, that she needed it harder, faster, deeper. I did my best to give it all to her, while I continued to caress every other part of her with my mouth.

  Eventually the buildup was too much to take. I was already on the edge from our shower and the days spent forcing my way back into her life. When she started panting and pulling on my ass like she was trying to merge our bodies into one, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was right there, hovering so close to going over, but there was no way I was going to let that happen before taking care of her.

  I shifted, putting my hands on her shoulder blades and pulling her up with me as I rose to my knees, so she was straddling my lap, much like she had been in the car earlier. I watched her eyes pop wide, both at the effortless show of strength and at how deep and precise I could get in this position. Her long eyelashes fluttered as the flared head of my cock hit the spot inside of her guaranteed to make her see stars.

  She tossed her head back, and I finally got my wish to feel the waterfall of her nearly white hair cascading all over my naked thighs. It was so much better without clothes in the way like they had been when she was perched on top of me in the car. It was good. So much better than I imagined. But that was true for pretty much everything about her.

  I helped her move, hands on her ass lifting her up and le
tting her fall as I pulled one of her pert nipples into my mouth. I sucked hard as she rode me for all she was worth. We were both panting and shiny with sweat. Every time she gasped my name I was sure I was going to come, but by some miracle I held out until her eyes got heavy and her face flushed with a rush of pleasure.

  She was finally as close to going over as I was. Finally, she was ready to surrender to the undeniable want and need that had kept us both in a chokehold for far too long.

  Unsure of my own breaking point, I wiggled a hand between our writhing bodies and managed to reach the place where we were joined. I loved how hot she was under my fingers. I nearly choked when I felt the way my cock had her spread open, so wide and willing. When I got my fingers on her clit, her entire body started to vibrate. Her eyes drifted closed and her rhythm sped up. Her breaths were coming in short, sharp pants as she wantonly ground our bodies together.

  I could feel the second she unraveled. Her entire body went liquid and limp in my arms. Her chest lifted and fell rapidly, pushing the nipple I was torturing even farther into my greedy mouth. The rhythmic pulsations along the entirety of my still-rigid cock by her tender, inner walls immediately pulled my own orgasm out of my very willing body. It felt like I came forever, my dick throbbing and shooting ropes of cum into the flooded condom.

  Sex was never like this for me. Any intimacy I allowed was quick and normally perfunctory. It wasn’t messy and involved. It wasn’t something I felt in every part of my body, not just my satisfied cock. It wasn’t something that felt like it turned me inside out and then put me back the way I was always supposed to be. And it definitely wasn’t something that wiped away over thirty years of horrible memories and mistakes.

  I sighed and leaned forward until my forehead touched Karsen’s. “That was beyond worth waiting for. I will never forget this night.”

  I felt her nod and let myself get lost in her embrace when her arms wrapped tightly around my neck.

  I had no clue where either of us went from this point. But wherever she ended up, I was bound and determined to make sure she retained the ability and optimism to see it as beautiful and worthwhile.

  Karsen

  I jolted awake locked in an unbreakable grasp, my back plastered tightly to Booker’s front. It took me a minute to figure out what woke me up. We’d both tumbled into an exhausted heap after doing our best to break the bed the night before. After the day we’d had, it was no surprise we fell asleep with the lights on, neither one of us moving, even though the other was naked and within touching distance. Booker didn’t lay out the plan for the following day before passing out, so I assumed we were going to sleep in and tackle the rest of our trip home refreshed and alert. I was super on board with sleeping in. I wasn’t a morning person on the best of days. However, as soon as the streaks of dawn’s first light started to peek through the curtains, my eyes were open and my body was tense and alert for reasons I couldn’t immediately identify.

  Booker’s arms tightened around me, squeezing so hard it was right on the edge of being painful. His massive thighs twitched against the backs of mine, and I felt his big body shift in agitation. A quiet murmur whispered somewhere over my head and I felt his fingers flex and dig into my skin. Suddenly his entire body locked up tight and he pushed away from me as if he couldn’t put enough distance between his skin and mine. His dark head started to whip violently back and forth on the pillow and he lifted his hands protectively in front of him, mumbling the words ‘no’ and ‘stop’ over and over again. Even in his sleep, his mouth was twisted into a grimace of pain and there was a scowl morphing his features into something fierce and defensive.

  It was no surprise he had nightmares. After everything he told me yesterday, I couldn’t imagine a way for him to ever escape that kind of darkness. It was actually shocking he was as well-adjusted as he was. Sure, he thrived on violence and destruction, but it was targeted and controlled. He didn’t wreak havoc without a reason. He wasn't an unsecured weapon ready to go off at the slightest provocation. No, for as dangerous as he was, he was never a threat to anyone who didn’t deserve his ire or who wasn’t a job. He kept telling me he would never hurt me on purpose, and he hadn’t. Until that night. Once again, I felt like I was catching up and only getting half the story. It was incredibly annoying considering the storyline was my life, and I should be the one driving the plotline forward, not simply moving from scene to scene as someone else narrated my journey.

  I reached out tentative fingers to touch the deep furrows between his eyebrows. I made sure to leave enough room to roll away in case he was the type to wake violently from a bad dream. I whispered soothing words and gently tried to stroke the frown from his mouth. His eyes fluttered rapidly behind his eyelids and a low moan ripped out of his heaving chest. The sheets dropped and twisted around his thrashing legs. I let my gaze drift down the length of his beautiful body, absently thinking my sister’s nickname for him was fitting in more ways than one. Brysen called him ‘Gigantor’ because he towered over pretty much anyone and everyone who got close enough to stand shoulder to shoulder with him. I had irrefutable proof that he was big all over and he knew how to use every single inch.

  He quieted down after a few minutes, but his breathing remained labored and he didn’t relax back into a restful slumber. He remained tense, like he was ready to jump out of bed, kick ass, and take names at any second. But now that he was sprawled out on his back, I could see one part of him had woken up and didn’t seem to be as tormented and tortured as the rest of him. In fact, it seemed pretty happy and ready to face whatever the day was going to bring.

  I took a deep breath and touched a hesitant finger to the soft, swollen head. It was amazing that something could be so hard and so supple at the same time. He really did feel like an iron rod wrapped in velvet. The corded lines of his abs tensed across his stomach and he let out a sleepy sigh that seemed to take most of his unconscious tension with it as he exhaled. His legs stopped shifting restlessly and his hips lifted a fraction, searching for more contact as I pulled my hand away. I watched, entranced, as his heavy cock seemed to move and thicken under my hungry gaze. The flared head tapped against his rock-hard stomach and he sighed again.

  I wiggled out from under the sheets and maneuvered myself so I was hovering over Booker’s strong, sexy thighs. I was careful not to rest my weight on him. I didn’t want him to wake up too fast, and I didn’t want to startle him on the tail end of the dream he’d been fighting his way through. There was no way I was going to be able to take all of him into my mouth. He was far too well endowed, and I was far too inexperienced when it came to getting a man off with my mouth. Even during my rebellious phase, going down on a guy hadn’t been at the top of my to-do list. It was drilled into my head by my sister that I wasn’t supposed to get on my knees for anyone. That they were supposed to kneel before me, because I was worth it, I was special. Somewhere in the translation of all the assurance that I was meant for bigger better things, it turned into a sex thing in my head. Getting on my knees for any guy made me balk and freak out. I didn't have any of those reservations when it came to Booker. On my knees, bent over backwards, upside down, however he wanted me, I was willing to put myself in any position and let him have his wicked way with me. The open-mindedness was directly tied to the fact I knew Booker would bend for me just as easily. Hell, I wouldn’t even have to ask. He would kneel for me in an instant if he thought that was what I wanted.

  I leaned over and gave him a long, wet lick. All the way from the base of his cock to the slit at the top. He moved underneath me, but when I looked up, his eyes were still closed and his arms were loose at his sides. I liked his musky, manly taste. It was heady, rich, and something I wouldn’t soon forget. All that waited for me was pure, unfiltered Booker and I couldn’t get enough.

  I wiggled closer so I could wrap my lips around the wide, flared head and worked my mouth down the rigid length. I felt him jerk against my tongue, and suddenly his hands were in my hair as
I wrapped my hand around his thick base and started to slide it upwards, meeting my stretched lips somewhere in the middle as I sucked him down and jerked him off.

  “Karsen.” His morning rasp was sexy as hell, and all kinds of rough and deep. It sent a shiver up my spine as I rolled my eyes up to look at him.

  His eyes were half open, still soft with sleep. The sharpness that usually lurked within them was gone, and so were the hard lines that normally etched his face in his patented don’t-fuck-with-me expression. There was some pink heat in his cheeks, and the dark stubble that covered the lower part of his face added a whole new level of dark, deadly and dangerous. He was so hot. I’d always thought he was the most beautiful man ever, but seeing him relaxed and unguarded like this, he was something else. Something unforgettable.

  He was almost handsome. Not quite there, but close. He was too rugged and had way too many hard lessons etched into his skin to be classically handsome. Not that he needed to be something as boring as good looking. There was so much more to him than his outward appearance. It was all those things, like his resilience, his loyalty, his perseverance, his unwavering strength, his fearlessness, and his kindness that pulled me to him in the first place.

  I swallowed hard around the massive erection trapped between my lips, using my tongue to work the vein throbbing against it. I tightened my hand and set a steady, relentless pace. Squeezing harder when he grunted and muttered that he needed more. Each time I lowered my head, concentrating on breathing through my nose and working to take more of him in, I got a grunt of appreciation in return. His hands tightened in my hair, not forcing me, just holding me, stroking through the long strands as I made love to him with my mouth.

  Eventually his stillness came to an end and he started lifting his hips in time with the rhythm I set. He was achingly careful not to shove his incredible length too far down my throat. I was already fighting the urge to gag, he was so big and taking up so much space, but I sort of loved the violation and the work it took to bring him pleasure. His hands were nowhere near the parts of me that were aching for him, but I was already wet. I could feel the moisture as my thighs rubbed together when I settled more fully on top of him.