One to Count Cadence

by James Crumley

  They arrived in Boston only to discover the war was over. The ship with the men and arms was impounded by the authorites and guarded by a warship, a refitted cutter which had seen no duty. The brothers in charge, Johann and Otto, were obviously gentlemen because of the size of their bribes and were let ashore. Johann rode to Philadelphia to get the release order, and Otto gambled and drank away all the money in the waterfront pubs of Boston. When Johann returned with a release order, two slick colonialists had another for him, impounding his men as bond servants to fulfill Otto’s debts. Johann traded his horse for the family chest, signed the papers, then he and Otto rode south on one horse, knowing, I suppose, what was going to happen. When the colonialists tried to collect their servants, the men — still armed because no one had the nerve to try to disarm them — killed the Americans, blew the cutter to hell, stole the ship, and sailed away into an untraceable sea, perhaps slipping ashore later to add themselves to the great number of scoundrels and cutthroats already in America. Otto managed a commission in the Virginia militia, but Johann, tired of Otto and armies, rode on south and west.

  The Slagsted-Krummels were in a bad way by 1830, down to a single male survivor, one Joseph, who had a small ranch in South Texas along the Nueces River. He had come as a young man with a group of Irish settlers led by John Mullen, but left the settlement, San Patricio, to live some ten miles up the river, alone with Bible, bottle, and gun. He was able to trade with occasional roving bands of Lipan-Apaches because they thought he was crazy (primitives have always thought that madmen know too much truth to be killed). Joseph rejoined the Irish long enough during the Texas Revolution to attack Fort Lipantitlan — which guarded a ford on the Nueces — with Irish volunteers under Captain Ira Westover in 1835. In ‘42 he fought with the 192 men under General James Dix who defended the earthen fort aganst nearly a thousand Mexicans under General Antonio Canales, and successfully defended it. (It was a sort of reverse Alamo, except the drunks won this one.) Joseph lost an ear during the fighting and, the Irish of San Patriccio said, the rest of his senses.

  He returned to his cabin to live alone, un-visited, mainly because he shot at potential visitors for no apparent reason, until the day he came across a Comanche buck slaughtering one of his cows. The buck was short and stocky like all Comanches, and as he leaned his long body over the steer, Joseph shot him high behind the shoulder as he would a deer. As he took the scalp (a man living alone needed all the good medicine he could get), the buck’s squaw ran out of a gully, waving a skinning knife. Joseph knocked her down with his rifle butt, then finished with the buck. Turning to the squaw, he noticed that she had fallen forward over a mesquite log and her buckskin skirt had ripped and her butt was showing. It was brown, dirty, large, but it was an ass, and Joseph, as I said, lived alone. (Like the scalp, he took what he could get.) He mounted in the quickest, most obvious way.

  When Face-like-Horse awoke, a sputtering, one-eared wild man at her like a stallion, his teeth sliding off her greasy neck, she naturally assumed that the spirit of her man had entered the white man. No white-eye knew the secrets of Comanche love — and after battle, too, because before it, it steals the strength of a warrior. When the meeting was over, Face-like-Horse returned to her camp, which had been cut off and run south by Rangers, and gathered the People. The next night the People slept on a flood island in the Nueces, and Face-like-Horse became my great-great-great grandmother. Once again the Slagsted-Krummels were fated to ride.

  No one has ever directly accused old Joseph of having been a Comanchero, but some people wondered why only three of eight able sons went to the Civil War and why there was Comanche trouble in the south where there had never been any. Of the half-breed sons who went to fight for Jeff Davis, secession, cotton, slaves, and economics, one returned, Frederic, named Nose by the People. One was killed at Elkhorn Tavern (the Bluebellies called it Pea Ridge because they won) and the other deserted and went to Florida. When Nose, my great-great grandfather was buried, he was the richest man along the river. White sentiment necessitated that Nose be buried in the earth, but inside the coffin his hair was still braided and his hands, folded in Christian forms of peace, were crossed and held to his breast a secret blond scalp taken in Alabama on one of Forrest’s railroad raids. Only the ranch, the family, and the Bible remained.

  My grandfather joined the Canadian Army in 1915, and the only image he left me of that mad war in the mud was of creeping out of a trench on a night patrol and finding his arm sunk to the elbow in a rotted corpse. After only two months in the trenches, he said, he didn’t even gag. (We had no one in the Spanish-American War: the Slagsted-Krummel who might have gone refused to join the Rough Riders in San Antone because the name sounded so damned silly.) My grandfather was also the one who changed the family name, leaving out the hyphen, and using Slagsted for a middle name for all male children. But except for my father, none of his children followed the tradition.

  My father was thirty-one when the Second World War began, and he missed the draft. He enlisted anyway. The Army, of course, tried to make him a cook, but he cooked badly and became a private in a rifle company. He fought in Africa and France without distinction, but not without honor, I’m sure, and returned to say only that it had been bad. But I knew what he meant. I knew; in spite of his silence, I understood why he went, why he wouldn’t talk, and how he came back.

  I also knew all these things about the family because, as you’ve noticed, we Krummels are a verbose lot, and I joined the Army, the first time, in June of 1953. The truce was signed the next month. The old man had made me finish high school, and my education, as it will, cost me my war.

  “And now we chose between tiny wars fought with booby traps and pamphlets and suicide… wars of attrition,” I said to Gallard as I finished my tale, the history. “Perhaps there is even honor in these, though. But I am afraid. They are being fought for ideals and in the name of freedom and liberty and they are the dirtiest wars man has ever known. I trust greed and passion and lust, but God! never politics.”

  Gallard stood up to leave. A great sadness touched his face, shaded his eyes, etched his facial lines. “Why did you tell me this? I know you. I saw you murder women and children for fun, for stupid amusement. Why tell me?” He had begun to understand his use in my world, and wasn’t so sure he liked it; but he had wanted to know. “Why me?” He turned away, his shoulders shaking. “You stink of death, Krummel, evil murder and death and…”

  “Don’t overwrite, man. The story’s just begun, doctor; only begun, not near finished.”

  He left quickly, without a word. I knew he would be back. Unfair, you say, to use him like that? Who else could I talk to? Who else would listen? Only those whose fear is deep enough and whose pride is great enough to conceive me in their souls; a hidden, hesitant conception, true, but a real birth.

  (All is not darkness, though. A letter came today. Cagle and Novotny are alive, not dead as I had thought. Cagle lost an arm and Novotny is deaf, but they are alive and back in the States already, waiting for discharge to start a bar in Fresno with their disability money. Cagle writes, “Look, ma, one hand clapping [no pun intended: there is no clap in the U.S.A.].” Novotny writes, “Great not to have to listen to the little bastard anymore.” God, I miss them.)

  5

  (Notes for an

  Unfinished Narrative)

  History, memory, or whatever you will call this foolish desire of mine to diddle the past, does present certain problems of relativity. It would be easier if I could, as authors of novels often pretend to do, be that objective, original, imaginative, righteous voice of God, but alas I am not. Nor am I able, as that other great multitude of confessors are, to act as if I have quietly moved, probably because of the deep understanding and perception I must have of my sins, to some distant point in the vacuum of space, disturbed only by occasional satellites, cosmic dust, and God, and there rest in peace as I recount my many and varied adventures. But again, alas, this is not so. For you see,
I am still strapped to this bed in a traction cast, the sky over Baguio is still a sexual blue, the grass sensual green, Abigail Light lovely, lovely, and Doctor Gallard concerned. Life continually intrudes. I will neither deny this, as so many have, nor, though, will I make any other point about it than this intrusion. I see no reason why you should get off any lighter than me, for it was at this point in time — that is, the time of writing the narrative rather than the time of the narrative itself, different as it is from the time of the events being narrated — that Gallard brought me these sheets of yellow paper and this old typewriter, which so often seems to loom high over the bed like a great cathedral organ. Gallard brought them without explanation, but he and I both knew what he meant, what he wanted.

  I found myself intrigued with the idea of a mechanical confession and began, as they say great writers must, to conceive my theory of aesthetics before I began to write. I quickly discovered that history was more interesting than art, and so instead developed the Blueberry Bush Theory of History, that is to say that Martin Luther King had as great a hand in causing the Reformation and the Thirty Years’ War as Martin Luther. You may despair at this idea that no one and no thing is at the wheel of the ship of the cosmos, that there is neither wheel nor ship, but you would be smarter to laugh (and probably are if you did). Perhaps you may chide me for making elaborate jokes; point, if you will, your irritation elsewhere.

  If, as they say, the writer’s duty is to force order on the chaos, then the historian must force chaos wherever he finds order.

  Perhaps this is all a personal reaction to the fact that I never did find out who broke all those damned Coke bottles, and I’m merely hesitating in my narrative because I hate to go on with that kind of loose thread bleeding behind me. If it bothers you, then say I did it because I was punished for it and must be guilty. Nothing worth having is easy to get.

  So despair then because history is no thread to be cut, no chain to rattle, no string to be wrapped in a ball. Eat your blueberries; keep the toilet paper close at hand.

  * * *

  My ill-temper must have rubbed off on the men, particularly on Morning who acted as if I had stolen his thunder, his lightning and tears. I didn’t find it easy in the weeks between the end of my tour of punishment and the beginning of football season to keep the self-disgust I felt out of my face. There were several bad scenes. Novotny finally received the long-feared Dear John from his girl back in Wyoming. He stayed sick and drunk for a long time — through a set of days, the Break, then a set of swings — then during the Break he and Morning nearly came to blows, as they regularly did, over the presence of Toni, Morning’s queer friend, at the apartment. Morning felt sorry for him, as everyone did. Poor Toni, half in, half out of drag, short hair and make-up, high heels and levis, painted fingernails and a sport shirt, always waiting for a chance to seduce Novotny, Novotny always ready to kill him if he tried, and Morning, it seemed, also waiting for the explosion. I often felt that Morning wanted to see this double-humiliation so he could feel superior (not afraid?). He and I hassled when I told him this, for in my mood I bluntly told him, and we tangled another time when Quinn wanted to stay in town AWOL from work. Morning said it was only Quinn’s business, but I made it mine. Then Dottlinger began his campaign to get Morning who, of course, was more than willing to be a martyr to this sort of injustice. And I… always with my crooked nose strained out of joint to get between the back and the whip…

  On the way to the beginning of a set of mids, I found Tetrick sitting in the chow hall waiting for me. As I ate, he told me that Dottlinger knew that Morning had organized the Great Coke Bottle Mutiny.

  “How do you know?” I asked. This could be bad, I thought. Capt. Saunders still wasn’t back from the States.

  “I know, that’s all. But the lieutenant ain’t going to do anything right now. He’s waiting. Make sure Morning don’t get out of line, not even a little bit,” Tetrick said.

  “How?”

  “You tell me,” he said, shaking his head over a cup of coffee. “You tell me. These kids are driving me to drink. You know Hendricks, that little blond kid on Trick Four?”

  “I think so. Why?”

  “He’s in the stockade — excuse me, confinement facility, that is,” Tetrick snorted.

  “How come?”

  “How come? He’s a lover. That’s why. Girls in Town aren’t good enough for him. No, he’s got to have a captain’s wife. He got caught, then she screamed rape like they always do when an enlisted man gets between their legs. She screams rape from the middle of her bed and Hendricks crashes out the window carrying his clothes. It’s bad enough to run off, but then the Air Police catch him over behind the Kelly Theatre, and what’s he do? Pulls a knife, yes, cuts two APs, which is bad enough, but now when he can get away, what’s he do? Yeah, he climbs a telephone pole. They have to cut the pole down to get him. Smart kid. Now the least he’ll get is five years and a DD. A real lover.” Tetrick couldn’t have looked more unhappy, he couldn’t have had more wrinkles running back across his forehead up his tan scalp if he were the one on his way to Leavenworth.

  I remembered Hendricks. A small, quiet boy from Kansas who worked part-time out at the riding stables, the kind of kid who preferred horses to people. “Damn, you wouldn’t think he would be the type, do you? Can he beat any of the charges?”

  Tetrick sneered at me, but then he paused, chuckled to himself, and said, “Speaking of people who don’t look like it. Listen, keep this to yourself; don’t make me more trouble. Guess who’s shacking up with Sgt. Reid’s wife?” Reid was chief of Trick One, a pale, thin, thirtyish guy who looked more like a shoe clerk than a soldier.

  “Who,” I said, “Dottlinger?” A joke.

  “That’s right, smart guy.”

  “You’re shitting me.”

  “Wish I was. Reid doesn’t know who yet, but he knows. She’s always been that kind. His last CO shipped him out to get rid of her. I’ll get her sent home when Saunders gets back, but can you see me going to the lieutenant and saying, ‘I got this slut, see, for you to send home.’ ” Tetrick grinned, but I think in defense.

  “Listen,” I said, “next time you have some good news, be sure to tell me.”

  “You just tell Morning to stay straight.” The grin was quickly gone. “If he makes waves, I’ll bust his ass. He won’t have to wait for the Lieutenant to think up something.”

  “Ain’t it the truth.”

  I left Tetrick with his bad coffee and troubles; I had my own; he had given them to me my first day in the PI. On the way to work I was tempted to tell Morning that Dottlinger knew, but I was afraid that, in his mood, he would take the warning as excuse for action against the enemy, and I guess I was a little afraid, too, that in my mood I might egg him on.

  * * *

  Two nights later I had the OD and the Trick went to work a mid without me. Most of them were more than a little drunk at midnight chow, but Novotny was assistant trick chief and I trusted him to keep them working. At least they trooped out toward the motor pool on time, so I went back to the quiet Orderly Room and the novel Morning had forced on me, The Wanderer, which I managed to read until the phone rang about forty-five minutes after midnight. The CQ looked up at me and said, “Sgt. Reid.” Now it was my turn to wander, lost again.

  “What the hell’s he want?”

  “Didn’t say.”

  “Reid?” I said into the receiver.

  “Sgt. Krummel?” he said. He always called me “Sgt. Krummel” out of military courtesy. “Ah, where’s the relief?”

  No rest for the weary, I wanted to say, his voice was so tired. “Why? Aren’t they there? Where are you? What?” My rush of questions silenced him. I heard a sigh slip over the wire.

  “Ah, where’s your Trick? They didn’t, ah, show up, and it’s, ah, an, ah, hour past relief now. Ah, my guys are, ah, complaining.” He never would have complained, but would have stayed at the desk at Operations working on through eternity with an occasio
nal guilty glance at the wall clock, knowing that if he complained they would only shove the dirty end of the stick at him again. The note of resignation in his voice seemed to say, Yes, I know my wife is fucking around; don’t all of them.

  I assured him that the Trick had left the mess hall on time, reassured him that it was merely a broken down three-quarter or something so simple, and promised to check it out right away. I hung up in the middle of one of his “ah’s”; there could be no relief for a man like Reid.

  The night driver in the motor pool, a mongoloid from Alabama, had refused to let the Trick use two jeeps in place of a, yes, disabled three-quarter because motor-pool policy specified only, one “vehickle purr trick.” “They gave me some shit, man, but I tole ‘em to hop their little ole Yankee asses in a cab or somethin’,” he said to me.

  “Thanks a lot.”

  “Motor-pool policy,” he said, waving his arm at the dew-shining green metal and black asphalt, the dull canvas, the flood lights so quickly absorbed by the dank, dark air.

  “Motor-pool policy,” he said again, as if that explained the world.

  “If there is any trouble out of this, soldier, I’m going to have your ass in a sling by noon tomorrow,” I said, savoring for a moment the amazement lighting, as best anything could, that peckerwood face. “Shut up and get me a jeep real fast,” I said as he started to answer, “Now.” Rank does have its privileges, but only seldom do the privileged have the rank.