Murder Blog Mysteries Boxed Collection

by Pamela Frost Dennis

  Across the street, the front door burst open, and a busty bleached blonde with about three inches of greasy dark roots stomped down the porch steps shrieking, “We’re done, you big pile of steaming dog shit. Done. D-U-N, done!”

  Randy followed her to the edge of the porch. “Oh yeah? Well, you don’t get to say when we’re done, Darlene. We’re done when I say we’re done.”

  Darlene spun around, hands on ample hips. “Okay, pencil dick. Are we done?”

  Randy nodded. “Yeah, you stank ho. We’re done!” He went back into the house and slammed the door.

  Darlene continued down the front walk, then spied us watching the show. “What’re you two fuckin’ lesbos starin’ at?” She yanked up her t-shirt and gave us a cheap thrill. “Like what you see?”

  That sent Erin and me into hysterics, which did not sit well with Darlene.

  “What’re you flat-chested bitches laughing at?” Fists balled and spoiling for a fight, she got halfway across the street when Erin hollered, “One more step, and I’m calling the cops.”

  Darlene stopped, muttering, “Fuckin’ dykes,” then marched back to the foot of Randy’s steps and screamed, “I need a ride home, dickhead.”

  Erin looked at me with a wry smile. “You know, now that you have money, you might want to rethink the neighborhood you live in.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  COINS AND CADAVERS

  TUESDAY • FEBRUARY 3

  Posted by Katy McKenna

  My cousin called and asked if I’d thought any more about the Belize offer. I told her that I had a coin for sale on Amazon right now, and if it sells, then I could think about going.

  “Here’s a thought,” she said. “I’ll lend you the money. All you actually need is airfare and some spending money. And it’s not like you won’t be able to pay me back.”

  “With everything that’s happening, I don’t know if now is the right time.”

  “But when is it ever the right time?” she asked. “Just go for a few days and relax in the warm, tropical sun. I promise you’ll be glad you did. You will come back totally recharged.”

  “Let me think about it.”

  “Please know it would make me happy, and I could use a little cheering up right now.”

  “Why? What’s wrong?”

  “Tyler didn’t appreciate me telling him I wanted to take a timeout.” She paused, and I heard her sigh. “Katy, he hit me.”

  “Oh my God, Erin. I was afraid this would happen.”

  “That’s not all. Now he’s stalking me. Last night I saw him standing down on the street below my bedroom window. I may have to get a restraining order.”

  I thought about when my ex had been constantly calling and texting me, begging to get back together. It was annoying, but I never felt the need for a restraining order.

  “What’re you going to do?” I said.

  “I may go stay at my parents’ house. They have round-the-clock security guards on their estate. I really don’t think Tyler would hurt me—”

  “He hit you. If he’s done it once, he’ll do it again.”

  “I know, but it wasn’t that hard. I mean, nothing’s broken.” She laughed. “Oh, God. How pathetic is that? You always say you would never take this kind of treatment from someone and then when it happens and you love the guy, you become pathetic.”

  “I don’t think you’re pathetic. But you need to protect yourself.”

  “I will. And you need to go to Belize. Come on, Katy. Put a smile on my face and say you’ll go.”

  Ruby invited me over for Taco Tuesday at her independent living senior village, Shady Acres. I love tacos, and I love free meals, so I said, “Count me in.”

  At dinner time, I parked in front of her cottage, and we strolled over to the dining room.

  “So what’s doin’ with you, kiddo? You going to take Erin up on her offer to go to Belize?”

  “I’m thinking about it, but this probably isn’t the right time. You know, with Josh’s ex-wife going through cancer.”

  “Sweetie, you can’t do a thing about that, and we’re only talking about a few days. You could go and be back before Josh gets home, you know.”

  “Yeah. Maybe. But then there are the coins. That numismatics expert is sending one of his colleagues to see them, and I’m not sure when that’s going to happen. And I can’t afford the plane ticket, anyway. Erin offered to loan me the money, but I’m not comfortable with that. It’s too much.”

  At the dining room entrance, I said, “Time to switch subjects. I don’t want anyone hearing about the hoard.”

  “Oh, pish. No one has hearing good enough to hear anything you say unless you shout at them. But I hear ya. Mum’s the word.”

  We entered the room, and several women waved. One of the ladies motioned us to sit at her table.

  Ruby hollered, “Not tonight, Iris. I haven’t seen my granddaughter in days, and we need a catch-up.”

  “At least you have a granddaughter,” said Iris. “My son never had kids. I’d be a great-great-grandmother by now. Come give me a hug, Katy darling.”

  I did, and she whispered in my ear, “I’m planning a little surprise birthday party for your grandma. You know it’s coming up soon. The big seven-five.”

  “Yeah, but she doesn’t want to be reminded.”

  “She’s still a kid, for crying out loud. I’m ninety-two.”

  “Well, you sure don’t look it.”

  She patted my cheek. “You’re such a good girl. You know exactly what to say to an old lady, and I’ll take it. Now scoot before your grandmother shoots me.”

  I returned to Ruby and sat.

  “I ordered margaritas while you two were chatting. What was she saying to you?”

  “She said she loved your outfit.”

  Ruby sat up straighter and flashed a sunny smile at Iris. “I like yours, too!”

  Iris looked at Grandma like she was bonkers, and Ruby whispered, “She should never wear green, it clashes with her red hair. Makes her look like an ancient elf.”

  While we waited for our drinks, we talked more about Erin’s Belize offer.

  “You have to go, kiddo,” she said. “And before you start in again about not being able to afford it, I’m lending you the money. End of subject.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  COINS AND CADAVERS

  FRIDAY • FEBRUARY 6

  Posted by Katy McKenna

  Last night I phoned Erin and accepted her Belize offer. She was thrilled and said she’d email all the info about the house.

  I also talked to Josh, and he said Nicole is healing well and has been approved for travel next week. I want to see him before I go, so I booked my plane ticket for next Friday. Five glorious, sun-filled days of snorkeling, exploring, eating, and relaxing on the beach. Actually, three days, since I’ll be traveling on two of them. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I finally get to use my passport!

  Everyone knows I’m not a big Facebook person, but I had to share the Belize trip. It always amazes me how fast you start getting “likes,” and emoji hearts and smiles. Even Erin left a comment before I clicked off: Maybe I’ll join you!

  Private

  I’m constantly fretting about someone stealing the coins, so until Oliver Kershaw arranges for my hoard to be hauled away in an armored truck, I need to move the money to a safer place—preferably offsite. I probably shouldn’t be worrying, considering the gold has been stashed in my house for decades, but until now, no one knew about it.

  So, today I went to the bank to inquire about a safe deposit box. The bank officer handed me a form to fill out and here’s what it said: The box is leased solely for the purpose of keeping securities, jewelry, valuable personal papers and precious non-currency metals, and the Renter agrees not to use the box to store money, coin, or currency.... So much for that idea.

  I left the bank and drove to the nearest Starbucks for a grande cappuccino, no whip. Really wanted a cheese danish, but next week I’ll be st
rutting my stuff in a bikini, so I don’t need any extra calories.

  I sat at a table for two on the patio and pondered my next move. Since the bank idea was a no-go, I thought I should at least find a new hiding place, and then only tell Mom and Pop the secret location.

  When I got home, I grabbed my shovel from the garage and went out back to survey the yard for a burial site. I decided that the easiest digging would be in the planting bed along the back fence, near my office shed.

  Each safe measures 16x18x8 inches high, so, to accommodate both safes, the hole needed to be almost two feet deep by roughly forty inches long and eighteen inches wide. I scratched a line in the dirt and then commenced the digging.

  The first few inches were easy since most of that was bark chips. Then it got a lot harder. I chipped away at the dry dirt, tossed little rocks aside, then dug some more. I could only sink the shovel about one inch into the ground. I’d jam it in as hard as I could, then balance my feet on the shovel-head and wiggle it back and forth, trying to break up the solid, parched earth. The layer under the top soil looked like sandstone. Pop has complained about it in his yard. Calls it hardpan. I call it concrete. At the rate I was going I might have the safes planted by summer.

  After a water break, Daisy followed me out to the back yard to help inspect my eight-by-ten shed for a good hiding place. Halfway through the yard, she was diverted by a trespassing squirrel. She chased the little guy into the gnarly, old pepper tree. Once he was up high, he stopped and gave Daisy a good verbal thrashing, then scurried along a branch and slipped under the eaves of my house.

  “Ha! I knew it was squirrels in the attic.”

  I unlatched the shed door and swatted several cobwebs away, before stepping inside. Over in a corner were a few cardboard cartons filled with art supplies and other odds and ends that I haven’t needed since moving in. I opened a large one labeled “I have no idea what to do with this stuff” and remembered why I wrote that. I rummaged through it and decided there was nothing I couldn’t live without, so I dumped the contents in the garbage can by the garage and flipped the lid down before I spotted something I couldn’t live without. I returned the box to the shed, then retrieved the hand-truck leaning against the shed (really should return that to the folks), rolled it into the house, and loaded the fire safes onto it.

  Back in the shed, I set them inside the carton, shoved it snug into the corner with the other boxes, and set a few boxes on top. Then I got crafty and smeared cobweb residue on the edges to make it look like they hadn’t been opened in a long time.

  Halfway through the yard, I stopped, gazing up at the attic window, feeling a burst of inspiration bubble up. I could turn the attic into an art studio. Since I wouldn’t have to do graphics for a living, I could do art for the pure joy of it. And then I could make the office into a she-shed like the ones I’ve seen on HGTV. Paint it and decorate it girly bo-ho chic. Put a daybed out there with lots of pillows, and string lights across the ceiling. A perfect place to read and relax.

  I crouched and gave Daisy a hug. “It’s going to be so much fun being wealthy women, huh, girl?”

  Chapter Twenty

  COINS AND CADAVERS

  WEDNESDAY • FEBRUARY 11

  Posted by Katy McKenna

  I wish I could say that Josh’s ex-wife is horrible, but I can’t. When we met this afternoon, she greeted me like we were long-lost besties.

  “Josh has told me so much about you. In fact, you’re pretty much all he talks about.”

  Here’s the low-down on Nicole Draper. Brunette shoulder-length shag-cut. Creamy skin, and startling blue eyes that I would’ve said were enhanced with lenses if she hadn’t been wearing horn rims. Without even a stitch of makeup, she’s drop-dead beautiful. To be honest, after seeing her, I couldn’t help wondering what Josh sees in me.

  We were in Josh’s living room, and she patted the sofa for me to sit beside her. “I know how awkward this must be for you, but trust me, Josh and I....” She shrugged, smiling up at him. “We’re like brother and sister. Family. And right now, I don’t know what I would have done without his help.”

  “Does anyone want a coffee?” asked Josh.

  “None for me.” Nicole wrinkled her nose. “No caffeine and no alcohol until I’m done with radiation and chemo.”

  “I’ll pass, too,” I said. “Nicole, I know your father’s in the Peace Corps. Will he be coming home?”

  “She hasn’t told him about the cancer,” said Josh from the kitchen.

  “Why not?” I said.

  “I just can’t. My mother died of colon cancer when I was a junior in high school.”

  “Josh told me. That must have been hard for you.”

  “It was,” she said with a melancholy smile. “I used to get annoyed when my friends complained about their mothers, and I’d think how lucky they were to still have one.”

  That made me feel guilty. Of course, I complained about my mom when I was a teenager. She didn’t let me pierce my ears until I was fourteen. Wasn’t allowed to wear eye makeup until I was fifteen. Couldn’t date until sixteen—not like anyone was asking, anyway. What a mean mother!

  Nicole continued. “I don’t think Dad could handle knowing his little girl has cancer, although the doctors say they got it all. My prognosis is good, so why put him through the worry?”

  “My father would have a fit if I didn’t tell him,” I said.

  “Mine will too, but it’ll be after I’m a hundred percent well.”

  “When do you start chemo and radiation?” I asked.

  “I check in tomorrow and will have my first round on Friday. Can’t wait,” she said with a snort.

  We chatted a while longer, and then Nicole said, “I hate to be a party-pooper, but I’m exhausted. I think I’ll go take a nap.” She winked at me. “And you two probably could use a little alone-time.”

  She was right about that.

  My cousin called late, just as I was nodding off. She was bawling and barely comprehensible.

  “Erin. Calm down.” I switched on the bedside lamp and sat up. “What’re you trying to tell me?”

  “Tyler. Oh God, Katy. It was so awful.”

  “Tell me what happened.”

  “He called, begging me to talk to him. He sounded so sad, so broken. So, like an idiot, I said okay.” She inhaled a shaky breath. “I told him he could come over.”

  “You’re staying with your parents, right?”

  “No,” she murmured.

  “You’re kidding. I thought that’s what you were going to do.”

  “You sound mad at me.”

  I softened my tone. “I’m not mad. Just concerned, that’s all.”

  This was going to be a long conversation, so I stuffed a pillow behind my back, and got comfortable.

  Erin continued. “Anyway. I ordered his favorite Thai takeout. Opened a bottle of wine I know he likes. I thought that would make things easier.”

  “And did it?”

  “At first. But Tyler kept begging me to take him back. I said I didn’t trust him. I told him you said that if he hit me once, he’d hit me again and I couldn’t take that chance. Anyway, after I said that, Tyler was furious. He flung the food at the wall, poured the wine on the floor. I was afraid he was going to hit me with the bottle, but thank God he threw it into the fireplace, instead.”

  “I said, ‘See? This is why I can’t trust you.’ And he shouted, ‘But I didn’t hit you, did I?’” She stopped, choking on anguished sobs.

  When her crying subsided, I asked, “Then what happened?”

  “I told him to get out or I’d call the police, and that’s when he started hitting me. Over and over.”

  “You called the police, right?” I got out of bed and paced the room.

  “Yes. As soon as he left. God, it was humiliating. They made me feel so foolish.”

  Yeah, you were foolish. “Do you need me to come up there?”

  “God, no. You’re going on vacation. I would never ru
in that. But—”

  “But what?”

  “Could I come down there?” she asked, then rushed her words. “While you’re in Belize, I could take care of Daisy and Tabitha, and water your plants. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’m so scared.”

  “The police haven’t arrested him?”

  “I didn’t press charges.”

  I stopped pacing. “Why the hell not, Erin?”

  “Because I was afraid that would make things worse. You know, he’d get out on bail, then come back and,” her voice dropped to a murmur, “and maybe kill me.”

  “Of course, you can stay here. But Daisy will be spending those days with my folks. She’s their canine grandchild, and they already have fun outings planned with her. They’re picking her up tomorrow. Tabitha will be here, though. But she’s easy. She has a feeder with a timer, so she’s pretty self-sufficient.” I was upset and rambling to cover it. “Does your boyfrie—I mean, does Tyler know where I live?”

  “He knows you live in the Santa Lucia area, but he doesn’t know your address or even your last name. So no way will he know where I am. He’s a hothead, but I don’t think he would come searching for me all the way down there. I mean, why would he? Besides, I told him you’re going to Belize.”

  “I not worried about me. I’m worried about you. Can you drive?”

  “So I can come?” She sounded like a frightened little girl.

  “Yes, of course you can come. Try to leave in the morning so we can have some time together. I have to be at the airport on Friday at five a.m.”

  And yeah, truth be told, I’m worried about me. Tyler might blame me for Erin breaking it off with him.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  COINS AND CADAVERS