The Words to Bind (The Playgrounds Book 1)

by P. Stormcrow

  Surprised, Luna turned her attention back to Dylan, beaming. There were no arguments from her there, but now she was even more curious. “Do you identify as a feminist?”

  “I suppose you can say that. When I was in Sweden a couple of months ago, there were as many men pushing strollers together on play dates as there were women. I guess that when push comes to shove, I believe in gender equality and think traditional gender roles are dumb. We’re all humans. A woman should get as much of a say in things as a man, especially in a partnership.” Determination steeled his voice. “It shouldn’t be just the man calling the shots.”

  Luna nodded and found herself agreeing with his opinion. It sounded wonderful. How many times in her short career so far had she had to fight for equal treatment? There had been nothing major, just microaggressions like not being heard or being talked over. But in a relationship, to make all the decisions? It sounded…exhausting. A twinge of guilt plucked at her soul.

  “What— What if the woman doesn’t want to call the shots?” she asked in a small voice.

  “I find that hard to believe.” Dylan scoffed and waved a hand in the air. “Besides,” he offered an accompanying impish smile, “I find a woman who takes charge incredibly sexy.”

  Was that how she came off? Or perhaps that’s how Ted and Brandon had been selling her? Part of her wondered if she should hook Dylan up with Lani instead, but no, she wouldn’t do that to August.

  The food arriving saved her from coming up with a response. Her eyes widened as she devoured the artful display of the steak before she even had her first bite. Soon, eating made them both too busy to talk.

  Only when the wait staff had cleared their plates and they’d ordered desserts did her phone light up with a incoming messages. As soon as Dylan excused himself to use the washroom, Luna grabbed the device and unlocked it.

  Ted had sent the first one, asking how the date was progressing. That one she ignored. He could grill her tomorrow. The second, however, came from Jacob—a casual check-up, asking her how she was.

  Good. On a date actually.

  She hit Send before her brain caught up with her fingers. Shit. Shit. Shit. Why did I type that? The Bellini… She blamed the Bellini. Perhaps it wasn’t the first one, but the second must have been the culprit. The sugar must have hidden how much alcohol the drinks each contained. She scrambled to search for a ‘delete message’ function, only to remember that the text message system had no such feature.

  I see. Thank you for being honest with me.

  Honesty. Lani said being honest was important, right? Which also meant she needed to keep being honest with him. Well, if the drink had gotten her this far… She grabbed the glass and gulped down the rest of it in one large dose of liquid courage.

  I’m exploring. I’m not sure yet if the lifestyle is right for me, but it doesn’t mean I’m not insanely attracted to you.

  Why the hell had she used the word ‘insanely’? She could picture the smirk on his face already.

  Easy, Luna. I understand. It just means I have a little competition. I’m not afraid of that.

  How the hell could a man sound so confident and sexy over text? Before she had another chance to reply, another text came in.

  Besides, if you’re texting and thinking of me as insanely attractive during your date, I don’t have that much to worry about.

  That ass! Just for that, she put her phone down without replying. And if she tried hard enough, she could even convince herself that the heat in her cheeks resulted from the damn alcohol she’d drunk—and nothing else.

  Dylan returned as dessert arrived. The rest of the date turned into a fuzzy pleasant blur. At some point, Luna checked herself. She was still functional and still had her full faculties and memory. But her nerves had dulled. So if she was freer with her tongue and louder with her laughter, it was for the best.

  Dylan walked her home and the next thing she knew, they were sitting on her couch sharing a bottle of prosecco. Dylan’s boyish charms had her laughing with more of his comical climbing stories, while he also laughed at all the right places during her retelling of all the ins and outs of judo trainings. As the night wore on, he became more touchy-feely and, rather than worrying, Luna allowed herself to enjoy the pleasantness of it.

  He was running his fingers through her hair when he leaned in, catching her gaze. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered but he paused in his movements. It was Luna who had to push forward so that their lips touched.

  That was also pleasant and gentle. There was a slight hesitation in his actions until she snaked a hand to the back of his head. Their kiss lasted until she guided his head down toward her neck, where he could kiss and lick as he pleased. She closed her eyes and tilted her head to one side, exposing more of her skin with a small moan when he got the hint. Her body warmed a small tinge as he took more initiative.

  “Give me a chance and I’ll worship you like a goddess.” His words caressed her skin, his breath tickling her.

  But it was as if he had poured a cold bucket of water over her. She didn’t want to be worshiped. Valued and treasured, but not put on a pedestal. Luna could understand how much of a turn-on that line would be for other women, but like other times, that, combined with his earlier timidity, caused her libido to take a dive downward instead. She tried to recover her arousal, so much that she pulled Dylan’s head closer to her neck, urging him to devour her, to show some aggression rather than the careful gentleness. Unbidden, her mind brought up the image of Jacob to help.

  No, it’s all wrong. Even in her inebriated state, she knew that.

  She dropped her hand from his head and pushed his shoulder away with gentle pressure. Dylan took the cue and eased back, his eyes glazed over with desire.

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I can’t do this right now. It’s. It’s too fast.” Lamest excuse ever.

  “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Dylan took her hands in his and gave them a gentle squeeze. “No pressure, remember?”

  She didn’t meet his eyes, guilt gnawing at her.

  “Look… It’s getting late. Why don’t I head home and we can talk tomorrow or whenever you’re ready?”

  Grateful for his understanding, she gave him a weak smile and rose, a little unsteady on her feet. “Thanks. Yeah, that sounds good.”

  “Awesome.” As they made their way to the door, Luna could only focus on putting one foot in front of the other. While she’d felt buzzed after dinner, wooziness informed her that with the prosecco added to that, she had entered the nearly drunk category now.

  “Good night, Luna.” Dylan leaned in and kissed her cheek. With a last, brief smile, he let himself out.

  With enough clarity still to lock the door behind him, she turned and leaned her back against it before sliding down until she sat on the floor, her head in her hands. Dylan was a nice guy and damn good-looking. Luna could find no reason to not be head over heels for him except he was like every other guy she had dated, wanting her to take charge. Then, there was Mr. Chef.

  Luna groaned. Jacob had ruined her for all other men. One little kiss… That was all they had shared so far.

  She was doomed.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Why the hell had she thought that drinking that much on a weeknight was a good idea? The alarm jolted Luna out of sleep and into consciousness, but as soon as she’d cracked her eyes open, sunlight had stabbed like daggers into her pounding head. Her phone rang and all she could do was hiss at it. With her eyes still closed, she groped along her bedside table until she grabbed the infernal device and picked it up. A vague part of her was even impressed with the feat, even if the rest of her was full of regret.

  “Good morning, Luna.”

  Jacob’s voice startled her so much that her eyes snapped open and she shot right up, sitting upright in bed before whimpering in pain.

  “Maybe just morning.”

  He chuckled and she thought him laughing at her would annoy her. Instead, she warmed at the sound
and found it eased the pounding in her head a little.

  “Jacob?” Her own voice sounded hoarse. It wasn’t her sexiest moment by far.

  “You asked me to give you a wake-up call this morning to make sure you didn’t miss work.”

  “I did?” She rubbed her temple in slow circles, trying to recall when she would have made such a request.

  “Let’s see…and I quote.” There was a pause, a bit of a shuffling as he must have put her on the speaker to pull up her message. “‘I’d love it if a Dom kicks my ass in the morning and makes sure I get to work on time’. So here I am, reporting for duty.”

  “I said what?” Luna spluttered and pulled her own phone back to scroll through her text messages. The exact quote stared back at her. She scanned the subsequent texts, which were even worse—even if, out of mercy, Jacob hadn’t read those out loud.

  I mean, besides all the other smexy things that the Dom would do to me in the morning if he was here. Interested?

  She had drunk-texted him the previous night.

  Oh. Dear. God.

  “Luna? Are you still there?”

  “Yes.” She scrambled to put the phone back to her ear. “Jacob, I’m so, so sorry.” Not only her cheeks but her entire body was also heated in embarrassment, and she wasn’t sure if she could ever look Jacob in the eye again. “I had way too much to drink. It’s not something I normally do. I don’t even think I’ve ever drunk-texted anyone, ever.”

  “Well, I’m honored to be your first, I think?” She could hear the smug smirk in his voice and wanted to hide in her bed forever. When she didn’t reply, he spoke again. “Hey, Luna, listen… Don’t worry about it. Now go have a hot shower, make sure you drink lots of water today and try to eat something light, like a piece of toast when you think you can stomach it. Okay?”

  “Okay,” she replied in a small voice, although her stomach churned at the thought of food.

  “Good girl. Now do all that and I’ll come give you a ride to work and save you from the bus.”

  Right… They had talked about work before. Despite the less-than-appealing prospect of seeing Jacob at the moment, the bribe of a ride, coupled with the pounding headache that protested against the thought of public transit, was too good to resist. “Okay.”

  “I’ll be over in about forty-five minutes. Is that enough time for you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Good. See you soon.”

  Long after they’d hung up, Luna stared at her phone, torn. On one hand, she feared to discover what else she had texted Jacob. On the other hand, her morbid curiosity urged her to peek at what his replies were.

  No, she didn’t have time to dither. Despite her entire body’s protests, she climbed out of bed. She swore to never drink again.

  By the time Jacob rang the buzzer, she had showered, dressed and was taking slow sips of water out of her water bottle. Unable to stomach food yet, she had packed a bagel in her bag for later. When she’d found out that, sometime the previous night, she had finished that bottle of wine by herself, she groaned with self-hatred.

  Shuffling to open the door, Luna tugged at her hoodie. Despite wanting to dress to impress, she had settled on a pair of tight jeans and an oversized Doctor Who T-shirt. At least it wasn’t her cargo shorts, and the jeans made her butt look perky—or so she thought.

  What greeted her was a paper bag from her favorite bakery and a cup of coffee, along with the sexiest crooked grin. Self-conscious and wishing she’d dressed up more, Luna ducked her head and flushed.

  “Drink before your hangover turns into a caffeine-withdrawal headache.” Jacob passed the coffee to her, and she tried to still her quick-beating heart when his fingers brushed hers. “This can be for later, when you’re up for a little sugar.”

  The smell wafted to her nose. Apples. He’d bought her an apple turnover. Luna wanted to kiss him. Instead, she took a sip of the coffee, licking the side of the rim to catch a drip that was threatening to spill on her hand before she set it and the turnover down.

  When she looked up once more, the smile she had mustered for him faded. There was an intensity in the way he looked at her. Like he wants to eat me up. Lani’s words came echoing back in her mind and she bit her lower lip hard.

  “Stop chewing on it.” His thumb came to rub her lower lip, tugging it with gentleness back from her teeth. Despite the hangover, Luna had to resist the urge to lick his thumb, to see what he tasted like.

  Jacob was the first to clear his throat. “Are you ready to go?”

  The fog threatening to cloud her mind receded a little, enough for her to nod. While he waited, she turned to throw her water bottle into her messenger bag then grabbed the coffee and apple turnover. “Yeah.”

  As Jacob opened the door, she followed him out, remembering at the last second to lock up behind her.

  The car ride was quiet at first, except for her giving him directions to her office. Luna kept opening and closing her eyes behind the sunglasses she wore. Now and then, a bump in the road would jostle them and she would wince.

  “Did you take a painkiller?”

  Luna wasn’t sure how he could tell the headache was still there, as he had kept his eyes on the road. “I forgot,” she answered, ducking her head. Hangovers were such a rare occurrence for her, because she usually kept tight control over how much she drank.

  “Glove box. There’s a bottle of Advil.”

  She flashed him a grateful smile, helped herself and popped an extra strength tablet into her mouth, washing it down with her cooling coffee. “Thank you.”

  Without warning, her phone buzzed, almost startling her into spilling the remaining liquid on herself. Luckily, her drink saved, she juggled the cup and phone until she could pull up the text and she gave a soft sigh. Dylan.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah.” Hesitation made her pause but she remembered to not chew her lower lip this time. With another exhale of breath, she shook her head. “It’s Dylan, my date from last night.”

  “Ah-h.”

  “We shared a bottle of wine but not much happened.” Luna wasn’t sure why she felt the need to explain.

  “Luna, you don’t owe me any details about your date.” Jacob’s forehead had furrowed, though he kept his eyes looking forward.

  “I know… I just…” She groped for the right words. “I just wanted to be honest.” A glance outside. “Pull in here. This is the building.” It also meant that she needed to be honest with Dylan soon.

  Jacob nodded as he turned into the parking lot. There was a tension between them that Luna disliked.

  “Jacob, what’s wrong?”

  Sighing as he parked and turned off the car, he shifted toward her and offered a tight smile. “Don’t worry about it. Okay?”

  “Jacob, please.” Luna hated the pleading tone in her voice, but she missed the comfort and ease they’d had with each other the last time they’d been together. She needed to clear the air.

  He gave another sigh and ran a hand over his hair. “Luna, I know you’re still exploring and I’m trying to give you the space to do that…” Now he moved his hand to the back of his neck. “But, I have to admit that you haven’t made it easy.”

  “I’m sorry,” she replied in a small voice, wilting.

  “Luna”—he reached across and laid a hand on top of her head—“none of this is your fault. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  Confused, she blinked at him once, then twice.

  “You’re just being you. But you being you is something I find very attractive, especially as a Dom.”

  “Oh.” Luna’s cheeks grew hot. “I—” Her heartbeat sped faster until she was sure they could both hear it. Before she lost her nerves, she blurted out, “I want to try scening with you.”

  Her eyes widened and she raised her free hand to cover her mouth.

  Jacob’s eyes grew rounder in surprise. Luna was sure his expression mirrored her own bewilderment. Her words hung in the air between them.
<
br />   “I mean…” Stammering now, she began to try to dig herself out. “That was presumptuous. I’m sorry. I meant…only if you would be interested. It would help with exploring, right? Help me figure out if… I mean, if you don’t mind. It can be casual, no commitment. But I mean, just, if you’re comfortable and okay with it.” Oh God, she was babbling. With a Herculean effort, she clamped her mouth shut.

  “Luna”—he breathed out her name out as he reached to cup her cheek—“it would be my pleasure to provide you with that experience, but I want you to be clear that it is what you want. I want you to take a few days to think it over and let me know Saturday morning if you still want to go through with it. Okay?”

  Unsure whether to be excited or disappointed by his answer, Luna could only incline her head in acknowledgment. His palm felt warm against her cheek, soothing her nerves. In an even smaller voice, just above a whisper, she asked, “May I have a kiss?”

  His answer was not what she expected. With a new ferocity, he surged forward and crushed her lips with his. It was nothing like that brief, chaste kiss he’d given her the last time. The one he gave her now spoke of a barely leashed passion as he moved his hand to the back of her head, pulling her closer. When her lips parted for him, he slipped in his tongue to entangle with hers. And when he tilted his head to nibble on her lip, she moaned. Her panties dampened at the searing kiss alone.

  As they pulled apart to catch their breaths, Luna stared at Jacob, while he only smiled at her with smug satisfaction. He leaned forward once more, pressing a gentler kiss on her forehead. “Have a good day at work, sweetheart. Don’t forget to drink more water.”

  “Okay. You too.” Still dizzy from the kiss, her body went on autopilot as she opened the door and let herself out. With a last wave to him, she slung her bag over her shoulder and walked to her office then turned to watch him pull out of the parking spot only after she was inside.