The Tale of Tales

by Giambattista Basile

  “Mase, who had the ears of a hare, started raising his voice again: ‘Let’s not stand here like we’re about to shave; the ogre has sprouted wings, and in a minute he’ll be at our backs.’ When Petrullo heard this he took a sip of water from a little fountain that was trickling one drop at a time from a stone shell, spit it on the ground, and, lo and behold! there was a big river. When the ogre saw this new impediment and realized that for every hole he made the others found a plug, he stripped down stark naked and swam to the other side with his clothes on his head.

  “Mase, who put his ear to every hole, heard the trampling of the ogre’s feet and said, ‘This business of ours is going badly, and the ogre is already beating his heels so hard that the heavens can tell you about it. So let’s keep our wits about us and shelter ourselves from the storm; otherwise, we’re done for.’ ‘Have no fear,’ said Ascadeo, ‘I’ll show that ugly bum a thing or two now,’ and as he said this he threw down a stone and made a tower appear, into which they immediately crowded, bolting the door behind them. But when the ogre got there and saw that they had escaped to safety he ran home, found a grape harvester’s ladder and loaded it onto his back, and then ran back to the tower.

  “Mase, whose ears were hanging, heard the ogre’s arrival from afar and said, ‘Our candle of hope is down to the quick, and our life’s last refuge lies with Ceccone, since the ogre’s coming back now. And is he ever furious! Oh, dear, my heart is beating and I predict it’s going to be a bad day!’ ‘What a pants shitter you are!’ answered Ceccone. ‘Leave it to Menechiello here, and you’ll see if my pellets hit the bull’s-eye.’ Just as he was saying this the ogre leaned the ladder against the tower and started to climb up; but Ceccone took aim and, after knocking out one of his orbs, sent the ogre falling to the ground like a pear. Then he left the tower and, with the knife that the ogre himself had been carrying, slit his throat as if it were ricotta.

  “They carried the ogre off with great merriment to the king, who was overjoyed to get his daughter back, since he had repented a hundred times for having given her to an ogre. And after a few days he found her a lovely husband, and bestowed riches on the seven sons and their mother who had freed his daughter from such an unhappy life. He never stopped declaring himself a thousand times guilty to Porziella for having placed her in such danger on account of a mere whim, without a thought to how big a mistake is made by those who go looking for wolves’ eggs and fifteen-teethed combs.”12

  6

  THE CINDERELLA CAT*

  Sixth Entertainment of the First Day

  Zezolla, incited by her teacher to kill her stepmother, believes that she will be held dear for having helped the teacher to marry her father; instead she ends up in the kitchen. But due to the power of some fairies, after numerous adventures she wins a king for her husband.

  The audience looked like statues as they listened to the tale of the flea, and they gave a certificate of asininity to the boorish king, who had exposed his own flesh and blood and the succession of his state to such great risks, and all for a piddling matter. Once they had all corked their mouths, Antonella uncorked hers in the manner that follows: “In the sea of malice, envy always finds herself with a hernia1 in the place of a bladder, and where she expects to see another drown, she finds herself either underwater or dashed against a reef, just as happened to certain envious girls that I have in mind to tell you about.

  “You should know, then, that there once was a widowed prince who had a daughter so dear to him that he had eyes for no one else. He had taken on a first-rate sewing teacher for her, who taught her how to do the chain-stitch, openwork, fringes, and the hem-stitch, and showed her more affection than words can express. But the father had just remarried; he had taken a fiery, wicked, and demonic thing for his wife, and her stepdaughter soon began to make this accursed woman’s stomach turn. She gave the girl sour looks, made awful faces at her, and knitted her eyebrows in such a frightful manner that the poor little thing was always complaining to the teacher of her stepmother’s ill treatment, saying, ‘Oh, God, couldn’t you be my little mommy, you who give me so many smooches and squeezes?’

  “She chanted this so incessantly that she planted a wasp in the teacher’s ear, and one day, blinded by evil spirits, the teacher said to her, ‘If you follow the advice of this madcap, I’ll become your mother and you’ll be as dear to me as the pupils of these eyes.’ She was about to go on speaking when Zezolla (for that was the girl’s name) said, ‘Forgive me if I take the words out of your mouth. I know you love me dearly, so mum’s the word, and sufficit; teach me the trade, for I’m new in town; you write and I’ll sign.’ ‘All right, then,’ replied the teacher, ‘listen carefully; keep your ears open and your bread will come out as white as flowers. As soon as your father leaves, tell your stepmother you want one of those old dresses in the big chest in the storeroom so that you can save the one you’re wearing. Since she likes to see you all patched up in rags, she’ll open the chest and say, “Hold the lid up.” And as you’re holding it while she rummages around inside, let it bang shut, and she’ll break her neck. Once that’s done, you know that your father would coin counterfeit money to make you happy, so when he caresses you, beg him to take me for his wife and, lucky you, you’ll become the mistress of my life.’

  “After Zezolla heard this, every hour seemed like a thousand years to her. She followed her teacher’s instructions to a tee, and once the mourning for the stepmother’s accident was over, she began to play her father’s keys to the tune of marrying the teacher. At first the prince thought it was a joke, but his daughter beat so hard that she finally broke the door down, and in the end he yielded to Zezolla’s words. He took Carmosina, the teacher, for his wife, and held grand festivities.

  “Now while the newlyweds were off carrying on and Zezolla was standing at one of the balconies2 of the palace, a little dove flew down onto the wall and said to her, ‘If ever you should wish for something, send your request to the dove of the fairies on the island of Sardinia, and you will be immediately satisfied.’

  “The new stepmother smoked Zezolla with caresses for five or six days, seating her at the best place at the table, giving her the best morsels, dressing her in the best clothes. But in no time at all she annulled and completely forgot about the service rendered (oh, sad is the soul housed in a wicked mistress!), and began to raise to all heights six daughters of her own whom she had kept secret up until then. And she worked her husband over so well that as his stepdaughters entered into his graces, his own daughter fell from his heart, and from one day to the next Zezolla ended up being demoted from the royal chamber to the kitchen and from a canopied bed to the hearth, from sumptuous silks and gold to rags, from the scepter to the spit. And not only did her status change, but her name as well, for she was no longer called Zezolla but Cinderella Cat.

  “It happened that the prince had to go to Sardinia for affairs of state, and, one by one, he asked Imperia, Calamita, Shiorella, Diamante, Colombina, and Pascarella, who were the six stepdaughters, what they wanted him to bring them on his return. One asked for luxurious clothing, one for ornaments for her hair, one for rouges for her face, one for toys to pass the time, one for one thing, and one for another. Finally he asked his daughter, almost scornfully, ‘And you, what would you like?’ And she: ‘Nothing, except that you give my regards to the dove of the fairies and tell her to send me something; and if you forget, may you be unable to go forward or backward. Keep in mind what I say: your arm, your sleeve.’3

  “The prince departed, did his business in Sardinia, and bought what his stepdaughters had requested; Zezolla slipped his mind. But after he embarked on his vessel and it was about to set sail, the ship was unable to leave port, just as if it had been blocked by a sea lamprey.4 The captain of the ship, close to desperation, fell asleep out of fatigue and in his dreams saw a fairy, who said to him, ‘Do you know why you cannot remove the ship from port? Because the prince who is with
you broke a promise he made to his daughter, remembering everyone except his own flesh and blood.’ The captain awoke and told his dream to the prince, who, confused about his failing, went to the fairies’ grotto and, after giving them his daughter’s regards, asked that they send her something.

  “And lo and behold, a lovely young woman who was a banner to beauty came out of the cavern and told him that she thanked his daughter for remembering her so kindly, and that Zezolla should be happy, as a tribute of love for the fairy. With these words, she gave him a date tree, a hoe, a golden pail, and a silk cloth, and told him that the date tree was for planting and the other things for cultivating it. The prince, astonished by these gifts, took leave of the fairy and returned to his land, where when he had given all of the stepdaughters what they had requested, he at last gave his daughter the gift sent by the fairy.

  “Nearly bursting out of her skin with joy, Zezolla planted the date in a fine pot, hoed it, watered it, and dried it with the silk cloth every morning and evening, so that after four days, when the plant had grown as tall as a woman, a fairy came out and said to her, ‘What is your wish?’ Zezolla answered that she wished to leave the house now and then but didn’t want her sisters to know. The fairy replied, ‘Whenever you like, go to the pot and say,

  Golden date of mine

  I’ve weeded you with the little hoe of gold,

  I’ve watered you with the little pail of gold,

  I’ve dried you with the cloth of silk,

  Now strip yourself and dress me!

  And when you want to undress, change the last verse to: “Strip me and dress yourself!”’

  “Now then, a feast day arrived and the teacher’s daughters went out, all flowery, bedecked, and painted; all ribbons, little bells, and baubles; all flowers, scents, rosies, and posies. Zezolla immediately ran to the pot, uttered the words the fairy had taught her, and found herself fixed up like a queen, after which she was placed on a white thoroughbred with twelve trim and elegant pages in tow. Then she went to the place her sisters had gone, and they drooled over the beauty of that splendid dove.

  “As fate willed it, the king showed up there, too, and when he saw Zezolla’s extraordinary beauty he immediately fell under its spell, and he asked his most trusted servant to find out how he could get more information about this phenomenon of beauty—who she was and where she lived. Without a moment’s delay the servant went after her; but having discovered the ambush, she threw out a handful of golden coins obtained from the date tree for this purpose. When he caught sight of those gleaming coins the servant forgot about following the horse, preferring to fill his claws with small change, while Zezolla dashed back and slipped into the house. Once she had undressed the way the fairy had instructed her to, those harpies of her sisters arrived and, just to make her boil, told her of all the fine things they had seen. In the meantime the servant went back to the king and told him about the coins, at which the king erupted in a great rage and told him that for four shitty beans he had sold off his pleasure and that on the next feast day he was at all costs to make sure he found out who the beautiful girl was and where the lovely bird had its nest.

  “The next feast day arrived, and after the sisters went out, all decorated and elegant, and left the despised Zezolla at the hearth, she immediately ran to the date tree. Once she had said the usual words, a band of damsels came out: one held a mirror, one a little bottle of squash water,5 one a curling iron, one a rouge cloth, one a comb, one some brooches, one the clothes, and one pendants and necklaces. They made her as beautiful as a sun and then put her in a coach drawn by six horses and accompanied by footmen and pages in livery, so that upon reaching the same place where the other party had been held, she only compounded the astonishment in her sisters’ hearts and the fire in the king’s breast.

  “But when she left again and the servant followed after her, she threw out a handful of pearls and jewels so that he would not catch up with her, and while that worthy fellow stopped to peck at them, since they were not to be wasted, she had time to drag herself back home and undress in the usual fashion. With a face this long, the servant returned to the king, who said, ‘I vow on the soul of my ancestors that if you don’t find her, you’ll get a fine beating and a kick in the ass for every hair in your beard!’

  “The next feast day arrived, and after the sisters went out, Zezolla returned to the date tree and repeated the enchanted song, at which she was magnificently dressed and placed in a golden coach accompanied by so many servants that she looked like a whore arrested in the public promenade and surrounded by police agents.6 She went, made her sisters’ mouths water, and then left, with the king’s servant tailing the coach as if he were stitched to it by a double thread. When she saw that he was still stuck to her side she said, ‘Use your whip, coachman!’ and the coach rushed forth at breakneck speed. Indeed, it raced along so fast that she lost one of her pattens,7 the prettiest little thing you ever did see. The servant, who wasn’t able to reach the flying coach, picked the patten up from the ground and brought it to the king, telling him what had happened.

  Non tanto priesto s’accostaie a lo pede de Zezolla, che se lanzaie da se stisso a lo pede de chella cuccopinto d’Ammore, comme lo fierro corre a la calamita. [No sooner was it drawn close to Zezolla’s foot than it hurled itself with no help at all onto the foot of that painted egg of Love, just like iron runs to a magnet.]

  “The king took the patten in his hand and said, ‘If the foundations are so beautiful, what must the house be like? O lovely candlestick that held the candle that consumes me! O tripod of the charming cauldron in which my life is boiling! O beautiful corks, attached to the fishing line of Love used to catch this soul! There: I’ll embrace and squeeze you; if I cannot reach the plant, I will adore its roots, and if I cannot have the capitals, I will kiss its base! You were once the memorial stone for a white foot, and now you are a snare for this black heart. You made the lady who tyrannizes this life a span and a half taller, and you make this life grow just as much in sweetness, as I contemplate and possess you.’

  “As he was saying this the king called the scribe, summoned the trumpeter, and—toot toot toot!—issued a proclamation: all the women of the land were invited to come to the festivities and banquet that he had gotten the idea to hold. And when the appointed day came, oh, my goodness! What a spread, what merrymaking! Where did so many pastries and casseroles8 come from? And the stews9 and meatballs? And the macaroni and ravioli?10 There was enough to feed an entire army!

  “Once the women had all arrived—noble and common, rich and ragged, old and young, beautiful and ugly—and polished off their due, the king made a toast and then tried the patten on each of his guests, one by one, to see whom it would fit like a glove and as neatly as a pin, in the hope that he might recognize the one he was seeking from the fit of the patten. But when he couldn’t find a foot to match it, he began to despair. Nonetheless, after he had requested silence, he said, ‘Come back tomorrow to do penance with me again; but if I am dear to you, leave no woman at home, whoever she may be.’ The prince said, ‘I have a daughter, but she looks after the hearth and is an unworthy wretch and does not deserve to sit at the same table at which you eat.’ The king said, ‘Let her be at the top of the list, for that is my wish.’ And so they left and all came back the next day, and along with Carmosina’s daughters came Zezolla. As soon as the king saw her she seemed to him to be the one he wanted, although he pretended not to notice.

  “After they finished working their jaws it was time to try the patten on. And no sooner was it drawn close to Zezolla’s foot than it hurled itself with no help at all onto the foot of that painted egg of Love,11 just like iron runs to a magnet. When the king saw this he raced to clamp her in the press of his arms, and when he had seated her under the royal canopy he put a crown on her head and commanded that all the women present curtsy and show her their veneration, for she was their new queen. Upon seeing t
his the sisters nearly died of anger, and, not having the stomach to stand this heartbreak, they quietly stole away to their mother’s house, confessing in spite of themselves that those who oppose the stars are crazy.”

  7

  THE MERCHANT*

  Seventh Entertainment of the First Day

  Cienzo breaks the head of a king’s son, flees from his homeland, and, after freeing the daughter of the king of Lose-Your-Mind from a dragon and various other adventures, he marries her. A woman casts a spell on him and he is freed by his brother, whom he then kills out of jealousy, but when he discovers that he is innocent he brings him back to life with a certain herb.

  It’s impossible to imagine how much Zezolla’s good fortune touched each of them right down to their marrow, and just as they praised the generosity the heavens had bestowed on the girl, they also passed judgment on the insufficient punishment of the stepmother’s daughters, since there is no penalty too severe for arrogance and no ruin inappropriate for envy. But while the murmuring that followed this story could still be heard, prince Tadeo placed the index finger of his right hand across his lips and gave a signal to be quiet, at which their words suddenly curdled in their mouths1 as if they had seen a wolf or were schoolboys who at the height of whispering unexpectedly see the teacher come in. And after he gave Ciulla the sign to unsheathe her arm, she began to speak in this manner: “More times than not troubles serve men as picks and shovels that pave the way for unimaginable good luck. And yet some curse the rain that wets their noggins, not knowing that it brings them an abundance capable of evicting hunger, as can be seen in the case of a young man that I will tell you about.