by A. M. Myers
Hell, maybe it still is…
Maybe that is the whole fucking point. I can’t ever move on with my life because Piper still owns a piece of me that I’ll never be able to get back. She used to say that we were destined for each other and that after all of the bad that she had been through and all the pain she had endured, I was her reward. So then why the hell did she throw all of it away?
“Fuzz.”
Opening my eyes, I arch a brow as Blaze sits in Streak’s vacated chair and nods a greeting at me before he glances out at everyone dancing and laughing.
“Blaze,” I reply, following his gaze as my stomach clenches and jealousy rages through me.
Fuck.
How amazing would it be to be out there with all of them, Piper in my arms again…
Wait… What?
With a sigh, Blaze crosses his arms over his chest, mirroring my posture before glancing over at me. I wait for him to say something but he just stares like he’s waiting for me to start the conversation and I squirm in my seat.
What the hell?
“What?”
He shakes his head. “Nothing.”
Okay, then…
“Something I can help you with?” I ask when he still doesn’t tear his eyes from me and he shakes his head again, trying like hell to appear casual but I can see the wheels turning in his mind. That man is up to something.
“Uh… you need something?”
“Nope,” he answers, shaking his head as he turns to stare out at my brothers again as a smile tugs at his lips. “Sure is a nice picture, isn’t it?”
I follow his gaze to the couples out in the parking lot and nod half-heartedly. “Yep.”
“Let me ask you something…”
Oh, here we go.
“What?”
He turns back to me and pins me with a stare that radiates power and Blaze’s signature no-nonsense attitude. “You planning on pulling your head out of your ass anytime soon?”
“Excuse me?” I ask, jerking back as my eyes widen. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Do you think you joined this club without me doing my research on you?”
I arch a brow, still unsure about where this is going. “No, I suppose not.”
“So, then you know that I know about your wife.”
“Ex-wife,” I growl, sinking into my chair as I glare at the pavement and tightening my arms across my chest. He sighs.
“You haven’t signed the papers.”
I flick my eyes in his direction.
How in the fuck does he know that?
“What’s your goddamn point?”
“Look, I don’t know exactly what went on between y’all but I do know that you’ve been moping around this clubhouse for years, missing that woman, so throw your pride out of the window and go find her.”
“I am not missing her,” I snap, dropping my gaze to the ground as the pain in my chest seems to throb in agreement with Blaze’s words.
“Oh, save the bullshit.”
“I’m not bull…”
He holds his hand up, interrupting me as he rolls his eyes. “Save it. I know the look on your face too damn well. The only difference is, in your case, you can do something to change it but you’re just too stubborn to try.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I growl. Blaze’s story is a sad one for sure and there were things that were out of his control that kept him away from the woman he loved but it doesn’t mean our situations are the same. Piper cheated on me. Am I just supposed to let that go? He shrugs as he stands up.
“Fine. Do whatever you want. Just didn’t realize we patched in a little bitch.”
He walks away before I can say anything else and I stare at him as he goes back to the grill and takes over for Storm, anger eating away at me. Fuck him and his goddamn assumptions. What Piper and I had, when we had it, was fucking everything and there is no way in hell I can go back after what she did. Things would never be the same and what the hell would it make me if I just forgave her for her betrayal?
As I stare out at everyone else, laughing and having a good time, my mind drifts back to right before I left for my first deployment. I took Piper out as often as I could then, trying to pack as many memories into as little time as possible and we had an amazing month together before I left. Despite the fact that we’d be apart for almost a year, we still had such grand plans for our life and we were happy… at least, I thought we were. Maybe I didn’t know anything at all, though. Piper’s face pops into my mind, all red hair, freckles, and her green eyes shining with happiness and I shake my head.
No.
We were happy.
I know we were.
So why the hell did she leave?
God, I hate all the fucking questions I still have but the truth is, I don’t even know if the answers would make me feel better at this point. Piper leaving me was the start of a downward trend in my life. I started drinking and fighting. Anyone that even looked at me funny was liable to get a fist to the face and I didn’t care about what would happen to me. I mean, my girl was gone so what did it matter if I got my ass kicked, kicked out of the Marines, or arrested for assault?
Without her, I had nothing to lose.
The thought echoes through my head and I release a heavy breath as I sit forward and scrub a hand down my face. Shit. Here I am, talking about how fucking epic our love was and how lost I was without her but I never even went looking for her. I didn’t even try.
Why the hell not?
Why didn’t I fight for her, for us?
Maybe if I had, I would have the life that I want so goddamn badly.
Turning my gaze back to all of the couples milling around the clubhouse, I shake my head. No matter how hard I fight it, Piper is still the only woman I can see spending the rest of my life with and as I think about her betrayal, I can’t even find the energy to care anymore. I loved her since I was a fucking kid and if I’m honest with myself, that never went away. There are still a whole lot of answers I need before she and I can begin to fix this but Blaze is right.
It’s time to get my woman back.
Chapter Twelve
Piper
I take a sip of my wine as I walk out of the kitchen and cuddle into the comfy armchair by the window that I found in a little thrift shop a couple of blocks away from my apartment. Raindrops streak down the window and I stare out at the dreary sky, the gray ominous clouds perfectly reflecting my mood for the past two days. My phone rattles with an incoming call and falls off the windowsill, crashing to the floor and I lean down and pick it up. Eden’s smiling face mocks me from the screen and I sneer as I decline the call and set the phone back on the sill. I don’t care how many times she tells me she is sorry or she was just trying to help because the damage is done and there is nothing she can about that. Wyatt knows I’m keeping secrets from him and I’ve spent the past forty-eight hours waiting for his next move.
Then again…
Maybe I will luck out and he’ll just let it go. Shaking my head, I sigh as I take another sip of my wine. No, I know better than that. Now that he knows that I didn’t tell him the truth, it will eat away at him until he decides to finally confront me for answers. God, walking into the restaurant was such a stupid idea and I can’t believe I let Eden talk me into it. Things were good… okay, well, maybe not good but I was okay before I came face-to-face with him again and now, all I feel is turmoil. The worst part is seeing him, right in front of me, full of rage and looking better than he has a right to, reminded me just how much I love him. Not that I ever truly forgot but most days, it was easier to ignore than it is now. Closing my eyes, I lay my head back against the chair and let out a groan. I can’t believe I asked him to help me have a baby, too. Of all the stupid things I could have said, I definitely picked the worst.
He must think I’m insane.
Hell, maybe I am.
Knocking pulls me out of my thoughts and my head snaps forward b
efore turning to look at my apartment door with a scowl. I would bet that Eden decided to drop by personally since I haven’t taken any of her calls since our “girls’ night” and I shake my head before turning back to my window. It’s not like this is it for Eden and me. She is one of my very best friends in the world, something I didn’t really have until I met her, and I’m not ready to throw all that away but she can certainly sweat this out a little. It serves her right for sticking her nose in my business and crossing more damn lines than I can count.
“Piper!”
Oh, fuck…
Wyatt’s voice bounces off the walls in the apartment and it feels like I’m moving in slow motion as I turn to stare at my front door.
This is exactly what I was afraid of and now that it is happening, I don’t know what to do. I am not anywhere near ready to tell Wyatt the truth about what tore our marriage apart and I don’t know if I ever will be but I know I can’t avoid him forever. The Wyatt I knew ten years ago was persistent and I can’t imagine that particular quality has mellowed out in the years since.
“Goddamn it, Piper! I know you’re in there.”
Sucking in a nervous breath, I down the rest of my glass of wine and set it on the windowsill before climbing out of the chair with shaky legs. I press my hand to my stomach and take another deep breath as I start slowly moving toward the door. Wyatt’s fist pounds against the other side, making the wood crack and I shake my head.
“You got this, girl,” I whisper to myself, hoping like hell I’m lying as I reach the door and pull it open. Wyatt’s hazel eyes slam into mine as he towers over me with both hands gripping the door frame around him. He’s breathing heavily and the determination steeling his gaze terrifies me.
“We need to talk.”
I shake my head. “No… I don’t think we do.”
“Well, you’re wrong,” he says as he releases the frame and gently moves me to the side so he can let himself into my apartment.
Fuck.
Shit.
Damn.
Blowing out a breath, I close the door and turn to him as he paces through my living room, his gaze taking in the decor before he freezes and I squeeze my eyes closed.
Shit.
He just saw the framed photo from our wedding that is sitting on my bookshelf.
“Look at me.”
My eyes snap open, almost like I have no choice but to obey him, and I meet his gaze as my heart thunders in my ears and my hands shake. Questions fill his stare and my body tenses, waiting for him to make the first move but he doesn’t say anything. In the closed space of my apartment, I can feel his body calling out to me, demanding that I close the distance between us and let him wrap his arms around me. A shiver runs down my spine. I swear I can almost feel it despite the five feet separating us and I resist the urge to close my eyes and soak it up.
Fuck.
It’s been ten years but absolutely nothing about how much he affects me has changed. He takes a step forward and my heart skips a beat. Sighing, he seems to shake off whatever just happened between us and he takes two steps back before running his fingers through his hair.
“Eden told me the truth,” he finally says, crossing his arms over his chest and I can’t help but admire the way his arms stretch the sleeves of his t-shirt.
Whoa, those are new…
Yanking my gaze away, I walk around him and grab my wine glass off of the windowsill before turning toward the kitchen. “The truth about what?”
I figure playing innocent is my best bet since I’m sure as hell not telling him anything and informing him of that would only push him harder to uncover the secrets I have kept locked away for years.
Setting my wine glass on the counter, I turn back to him and arch a brow in question. He narrows his eyes. I fight back a nervous smile.
Shit.
I never was very good at lying to him.
“I’ve been thinking about what you asked me,” he says, his body relaxing as he changes tactics and the hair on my arm stands on end as I watch him walk into the kitchen and sit down at the table. Crap. I completely forgot about my epic brain to mouth filter malfunction while I was stressing about his reaction to Eden spilling the beans. I wish I could face palm myself right now because I never should have asked him that.
“Huh?” I ask, sticking to my innocent facade. He smirks and I can’t tell if it’s because he knows I’m lying my ass off or something else.
“The baby.”
“Oh, that…”
He nods. “Yeah… that.”
“Listen, you can just forget about that. I don’t know what I was thinking asking you with our history and everything. It was a terrible idea,” I tell him, leaning back against the counter as I shake my head. His face falls and he scowls.
“I was going to say yes.”
My heart kicks in my chest. “What?”
“Yeah, I thought about it and I think we should do it.”
“I… uh… what?” I stutter, staring at him with what I’m sure is a bewildered look. What the hell kind of game is he playing right now? There is no way in hell he is serious about having a baby with me but even knowing that… can I really pass up the opportunity? He nods again.
“Look, at first, I thought it was completely crazy but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. We always talked about having kids together and sure, this isn’t exactly how we planned it but, let’s be honest, neither one of us has been able to find anything better.”
I wince before I can stop myself. It’s not fair of me but it hurts like hell to hear him say that I’m an okay consolation prize. What did I expect though?
“No… Wyatt, we can’t do this…”
He scowls as he stands up and takes a couple steps toward me. My heart races. “This was your idea.”
“I know,” I breathe, my mind consumed with how close he is to me right now. There aren’t many things I wouldn’t give up to feel him wrap his arms around me again. “But like I said, it was a bad one.”
Closing the distance between us, he props his hands on the countertop and cages me in. His breath warms my cheek as his gaze holds me prisoner and I struggle to draw air into my lungs.
What the hell is he doing?
“Don’t you want a baby, Pip?”
I shake my head as tears sting my eyes at the nickname he used to call me when we were kids. “Don’t call me that.”
“Answer my question,” he whispers, leaning in closer and I try to take a breath as the blood rushes in my ears and my fingers ache to reach out and touch him. God, he smells so damn good and having him this close again is like everything I’ve wanted for the past ten years. “Do you want a baby?”
“Yes.”
His lips brush against mine and a breathy moan slips out. Pulling back slightly, his gaze meets mine again, desire pooling in his eyes and my belly clenches with need.
He looks like he wants to devour me.
“So, you want a baby and I want a baby… there’s just one thing I need first.”
“What?” I whisper, ready to agree to anything he wants if he will just lean in and press his lips to mine.
“Tell me what happened when you left me.”
Except that…
Shaking my head, I duck beneath his arms and cross to the other side of the kitchen as I suck air into my lungs and my head becomes clearer. “No.”
“Yes,” he growls as he spins around, leans back against the counter, and crosses his arms over his chest. “Don’t you think you owe me that much, at least?”
“Why rehash it?” I ask, twisting my gaze away from his as I mirror his pose, crossing my arms. “You already know why I left.”
He shoves off the counter. “That’s not what your friend, Eden, says.”
“Eden doesn’t know what she’s talking about,” I snap, reciting the urge to curl my lip in disgust. Gah, I can’t believe she did this to me. He takes another step toward me and I step back, my butt hitting the edge of
the kitchen table as I gasp.
“You’re lying.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m not.”
“Yes,” he growls, closing the distance between us and grabbing my face to force my gaze to his. “You are. Why did you leave me?”
“You know why,” I whisper, unable to make the lie sound anymore convincing as his eyes fight to pry the truth from my lips. His gaze hardens.
“Before I came over here, I wasn’t sure if Eden was telling the truth or not but now I know she was. You’ve been keeping secrets from me, Pip.”
I rip my face from his grip. “Stop calling me that.”
“Tell me why you left me.”
“No,” I repeat, leveling a glare at him as I feel some of my strength slipping away. It doesn’t matter how much he begs, demands, or asks, I can’t tell him the truth. The way he sees me now, as a cold callous bitch, who ripped his heart apart, is better than the way he would look at me if I told him what really went down. This is for the best.
“Goddamn it, you’re so fucking stubborn,” he seethes, taking a step back as he takes a deep breath. I arch a brow.
“Look who’s talking.”
He shakes his head, staring down at my kitchen floor for a second before he looks up and meets my gaze, his eyes blazing. “If you want me to help you have a baby, you have to tell me. That’s the only way I’ll agree to it.”
My head spins as I try to work through his train of thought.
Is this all about my request to have a baby?
Or is there more to it?
Is he just here playing games with me?
If he is, I’m fucking done going along with it. Shaking my head, I turn away from him.
“Forget about it. Like I said, it was a bad idea and I never should have asked you. I’m sorry.”
He grabs my arm, spinning me back to him and pulling me into his arms. I suck in a breath as I look up and meet his eyes. “What if I don’t want to forget about it? What if I don’t want to try and forget about you anymore?”