Face The Music

by Andrea K. Robbins

  “I love you, Grams,” I whispered before closing her door.

  When the twelve-sixteen bus arrived, I boarded and sank into a seat near the back. Leaning my head against the window, I stared out the glass and found myself lost in memories of better days.

  I had spent the night before my thirteenth birthday at Grams’s house. Mom called early the next morning and told me I needed to come home and babysit Emily. I was so mad. Why should I have to babysit on my birthday?

  I complained to Grams, but she just smiled and told me that sometimes we have to do things we don’t really want to do. “Suck it up, Allie-gator,” she’d say. I hated when she called me that. I’d give anything to hear it now.

  When she drove me home that afternoon I was shocked to see several of my friends gathered in our backyard. Mom had planned a surprise party, complete with a bright, donkey shaped piñata, a huge ice cream cake, and lots of presents. It turned out to be one of the best birthdays ever.

  When the bus stopped at my apartment I didn’t go inside. Instead, I went to the playground and found a seat on a swing. I sat motionless and stared off into space for several minutes when someone called my name.

  Chris was jogging towards me. “Allie! Aren’t you freezing?” Alarm spread across his handsome features as he looked at me. “Hey, are you okay?”

  I wasn’t in the mood to be sociable, and I didn’t want him to see me like this. “I’m fine.”

  “What’s wrong? I stopped by to see you, but you weren’t there. I haven’t seen you all week.” His voice was soft, his eyes gentle.

  I looked at my shoes, the grass, anything to avoid meeting his gaze. “I’ve been around. I’m just having a rough day. I’ll be fine, promise.” I flashed him a weak smile but could see that he didn’t buy it. “Did you need something?”

  “No, nothing important.” He shook his head, but his eyes remained on my face. “I saw a coffee shop down the road; you wanna go in and get a cup? Get out of this cold?”

  “Sure,” I said even though all I really wanted was to be left alone.

  The shop was warm and smelled of roasted coffee beans and vanilla. An old Dizzy Gillespie song played, filling the room with American Jazz. Chris and I found a small table overlooking the sidewalk. He sat across from me but didn’t say a word.

  I looked out the window. An elderly couple walked by, hand in hand, looking completely content to be living in the moment. I envied them.

  “Remember the other day when you said that you felt so alone?”

  He narrowed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah.”

  Once I opened up it was hard to stop. I told him about Grams, about my childhood memories, her diagnosis, my latest visits, and all my conflicting emotions. He was so easy to talk to.

  “I don’t want her to die, but I hate seeing her like this.” My voice cracked, and I bit the inside of my cheek as I fought to hold my composure.

  His voice was filled with compassion. “So when your Grams…passes,” he hesitated to say it, “it will just be you and Emily?”

  “And Molly.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, leaning forward and cupping his hands around mine. The touch was meant to be comforting, but it felt like so much more. I imagined holding those hands, kissing those palms, being caressed by those fingertips. I shuddered and pulled away, wrapping my hands around the warm coffee cup. He sighed and sat back in his chair.

  I tried to cheer up, even managed a smile. “It’s all good. Life is full of little tragedies, right?” I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  Chris narrowed his eyes again and looked at me very seriously. “I’m here for you, okay? Call me, text me, whatever you need. Anytime.”

  I looked down to hide fresh tears.

  He reached out and touched my cheek. “Are you okay?”

  Our eyes locked for several seconds. My brain’s pleasure center went on hyper-drive and flooded my system with endorphins. I felt warm and giddy all at once and had to force myself to look away.

  I stood and pulled on my coat. “Thank you for the coffee. And thanks for listening. I’ll see you later, okay?” I could have sat there and talked to Chris forever, but I didn’t want him feeling sorry for me. I’d already said too much.

  Chapter 8

  “After tonight there will only be ten of us left,” Riley observed after Monday’s class. The producers are throwing a party on Thursday. I heard they rented out the Diamond Tower Room at the Chicago Plaza.” She spoke quickly and paused for a breath, her gray eyes alive with excitement. “I hope I get to go!”

  Chris’s performance that night was astonishing. Instead of his usual high energy, in-your-face performance, he did something completely different. There were no flashy lights, no band, or any backup singers. Just him, sitting on the steps of the stage, guitar in hand. A soft white spotlight shined down on him as he strummed the beginning notes of the 1920’s song, Someone to Watch Over Me.

  The arrangement was breathtaking, and the raw emotion he displayed nearly moved me to tears. It was like the line between singer and song had been erased. He became one with the music.

  The audience remained silent. Even as the last chord faded, not a sound could be heard. No one clapped. No one cheered. Not even a cough. It wasn’t until Chris finally stood that the theater exploded with applause.

  “Chris!” shouted Stella, standing in ovation. “Now THAT is what we have been waiting for. You’ve broken out of your mold but at the same time stayed true to who you are. You are in it to win it. Where did all that emotion come from?” Chris smiled and shrugged. “Well, keep it up, my friend, because that is what a winning performer sounds like.”

  Eddie sniffed and dabbed at his eyes with his sleeve. “Last week you made me sweat, this week you make me cry. What’s left? Bravo, my friend!”

  Lucy folded her slender fingers together and leaned forward on the table. Her black hair fell in her face as she spoke. “That was so…pure,” she said, as though she couldn’t find the right word. “You don’t need all those extras. Your voice and the honest delivery of that song show how talented you really are. Congratulations, Chris.”

  The crowd cheered as Bradley McKnight walked out on the stage. “Well done! That had to feel good!” he said, patting Chris on the back.

  “Yeah, it was great.” His smile was so bright it made me wonder if he was human.

  The rest of the performances that night were also impressive. It was as though the bar had been raised; everyone was giving their all, battling it out to make the cut. Cynthia sang a Faith Hill song, and Sam did something from Justin Timberlake.

  At the end of the show I was on the edge of my seat with wonder at who would leave. “What did you base tonight’s decision on?” Bradley asked Lucy.

  She leaned back in her chair. “It was tough. Everyone did an outstanding job. I guess, for me, it came down to who I felt has shown the most growth this far into the competition.”

  Bradley glanced at the contestants, who stood in a nervous group on the left side of the stage. “When I call your name, come and find a seat in front of the judges.” The stage went dark, with only a spotlight shining on the group. “Sam, Cynthia, Riley…”

  The audience cheered as the Superstars made their way across the stage.

  “Chris, Melody…”

  By the end, there were only two left standing, Jimmy and a guy named Ryan.

  “Here are nine of your top ten!” The audience clapped, and Bradley stood before the final two, his face somber. “I’m sorry to say that for one of you, tonight was your last performance on this stage.”

  The lights dimmed as a spotlight centered on the three men. Ryan wrapped his arm around Jimmy’s shoulders and stared at Bradley. Jimmy bowed his head, his eyes on the floor.

  “Without further delay, the last one to join our group on center stage is…” He tucked the mic under his arm and ripped open the ivory envelope. The camera jumped from one nervous contestant to the next. Bradley glanced at the card and then look
ed into the camera. “…going to be announced right after this commercial break.”

  Everyone, including myself, groaned. Why did this have to be so drawn out? Just say the name, already!

  I didn’t move from my spot as advertisements for toilet paper, feminine hygiene products, and hemorrhoid cream graced the screen. I wondered what type of people made up our marketing demographic.

  The show came back on, zeroing in on an anxious Jimmy and Ryan. The theme music played in the background as lights danced around the theatre. Once things quieted, Bradley announced the results. “Ryan,” he said seriously, putting a heavy hand on Ryan’s shoulder.

  Ryan slumped and shook his head.

  Bradley continued. “You may join the others. Jimmy, I’m sorry, but this was your final show.”

  I hated to see that happen; Jimmy was such a good kid. He shook Bradley’s hand and went to hug the others before exiting the stage.

  I clicked off the TV and looked down at Molly, who was stretched out across the couch with her head in my lap. She yawned and rubbed her eyes with tight fists.

  “Time for bed, sweetie.”

  Someone knocked on the door as I was washing my face. By the time I got there, whoever it was had left, but a black leather tote was on the floor. A crisp, white envelope stuck out of the front pocket. I ripped it open and found two tickets to Thursday’s Top Ten party along with a handwritten note.

  Allie, I thought you and Emily would enjoy a night out. It’s a black tie affair, so wear your best dress. See you there.

  My hands trembled as I re-read the letter. Although it wasn’t signed, I knew exactly who it was from.

  Looks like you could use a book bag.

  Maybe I needed to give the guy some slack. He was considerate and down-to-Earth, and the more I was around him, the more I liked him.

  Inner logic kicked in. There was no room in my life for distractions. I had goals and dreams that did not include Chris, or any other man for that matter, and I was working my butt off to making things happen. I really needed to get a hold of myself.

  But deep down, in the far recesses of my mind where it was impossible to lie to myself, I knew that wasn’t completely true.

  ***

  Early the next morning I went into Emily’s room and flipped on the light. She groaned. “What are you doing? Can’t you see I’m sleeping? Allie!” She threw a pillow my way and pulled the blankets up over her head, lifting only a corner to scowl at me. “Why do you look so damn happy?”

  “Do you have Thursday night off? We got invited to a party.”

  “What?” She lifted her head and squinted against the bright light. Her hair was matted down on one side. “Where? With who?”

  I explained about the Top Ten party. Her eyes grew rounder with every word. “It’s by invitation only.”

  Her expression fell. “And you got an invite. Not funny.” She grabbed her covers and rolled over onto her side, facing away from me.

  I couldn’t resist. “Well, let’s just say I know a guy.”

  She flipped back around and looked at me, eyes as wide as ever. “You know a guy? A guy that gave you an invitation?”

  “Two, actually. The tickets are on the counter. I thought you might want to know in case you needed to take the night off.” I hid my smile and shut off her light. She was on my heels before I got down the hallway.

  “You’re serious?” Her face lit up as she eyed the tickets on the counter. “Oh my gosh, Allie, this is going to be so much fun!” She looked up at me. “We have to go shopping.”

  “Definitely,” I agreed. The only dress I owned was shoved into a dark, dusty corner of my closet. It was the one I’d worn to Mom’s funeral. Probably the same one I’d wear to Grams’, I thought sadly.

  Emily hugged me and danced back towards her room, but looked at me from over her shoulder before going in. “Who gave you the tickets anyway?”

  Just thinking about him brought a blush to my face. “Chris.”

  She gave me one of her cock-eyed, know-it-all stares, and I knew exactly the thoughts that filled her head.

  “Don’t even start,” I warned.

  Thursday afternoon I raced out of my classroom to meet Emily. Chris just happened to be passing by as I rounded a corner, and I ran smack into him, colliding with his hard chest. The force was enough to make me fall backwards, but he was quick and caught me before I hit the floor.

  “Whoa, where’s the fire?” he asked, holding me by the wrists.

  I looked up at him, a breath catching in my throat. “Thanks.”

  He released me and took a step back. “Did you get your tickets the other night?”

  “Yes! I meant to call, but these past couple days have been so hectic that I never got a chance. And the tote is perfect. See?” I said, holding it up for him to admire. “Everything fits. And just enough pockets. Thank you, so much.”

  “You’re most definitely welcome,” he said, looking pleased. “I’m glad you like it. There were so many to choose from, I wasn’t sure.” He paused and cleared his throat. “So I’ll see you tonight?”

  “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss it.”

  I really needed to get going if I was going to catch Emily in time for the bus, but I couldn’t pull myself away from him. It was like there was some invisible force keeping me there, holding me hostage in his presence.

  He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. The rhythmic contracting and relaxing of his bicep was quite distracting. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

  “Emily and I are going shopping,” I explained, lowering my eyes and transferring the heavy bag to my other shoulder. “I should get going.”

  His arm dropped down to his side. “Don’t let me keep you. Oh, hey, Allie?” he called after I made it a few feet down the hall.

  “Yeah?”

  “I missed you the other night. The after-party.”

  Shit. With everything that had been going on I’d completely forgotten. “I am so sorry. I-”

  “Did you get my message? I called a couple times. Left a voicemail.”

  I pulled out my phone and stared at the narrow screen. Nothing. Not even a missed call alert. “I don’t know why I even carry this around,” I said. “I never get my messages. Or if I do, it’s days later.”

  “Phone trouble, huh? I thought that maybe, since it was Jimmy, you didn’t want to be there.”

  “I had to watch Molly,” I explained. “But ask anyone, my phone hates me. I hope you didn’t think I was blowing you off.”

  He arched an eyebrow high above a lascivious grin. “I’d be alright with you blowing me off.”

  ***

  Emily and I wandered past the storefronts, peeking in windows and discussing our options. She was eying a scarlet gown.

  “Oh, Allie, look at that. It’s gorgeous! Let’s go in.” Leave it to her to wear a red dress to a black-tie affair.

  She talked to the sales associate while I combed through the clearance rack. A powder blue dress with metallic silver threading caught my eye. It was beautiful; strapless and floor length with an empire waist.

  “You have got to try that on,” Emily said, fingering the delicate fabric. “It matches your eyes!”

  Her hands were empty. “What about you? Aren’t you going to try the red one?”

  She shook her head. “It’s a lot more than I want to spend. I’ll keep looking.”

  I went into the dressing room and slipped the gown over my head. It looked amazing. The fabric hugged my curves in just the right places, and I felt incredibly sexy. Emily walked circles around me, analyzing the dress with her fashion-savvy eyes.

  “What do you think?” I beamed, turning before the mirror.

  “I love it! Allie, you look awesome. You just need a pair of silver strappy heels, and with a sparkly tennis bracelet you will own the room!” I smirked; Emily had a way of over-exaggerating things when she was excited.

  I about choked when I saw the price. Even with the discount
it was more than I could justify spending on a dress that I probably wouldn’t wear more than once.

  She saw my hesitation. “You have to get this. I mean, there’s nothing to think about, really. You need a dress, it looks fabulous on you.”

  “This coming from the girl who won’t buy the red one because it’s too expensive,” I laughed. She was right though. I don’t think I could’ve settled for anything else. “Okay. If you say this is it, then this is it!”

  Emily found a yellow dress in a boutique across the street. It didn’t take us too much longer to find shoes and accessories.

  She ran her fingers through my stringy locks while we sat on the bus. “Will you let me do your hair?”

  “This won’t work?” I joked, reaching up to touch my ponytail.

  “Only if you’re going for the ‘straight from the gym’ look. But then there wouldn’t be any reason for the dress.”

  I laughed. “You’re going to do my make-up too, right?” Beyond mascara and lip gloss, I was clueless.

  It was nearly six by the time we reached the apartment. After a quick shower, I sat down in a kitchen chair for Emily. Armed with a curling iron, a blow-dryer, and a box of pins, she started pulling and tugging my hair up into a flawless twist. Softly curled tendrils framed my face, and she tucked in some sparkly rhinestone pins for effect.

  I admired my up-do in the mirror. There must have been enough bobby pins to set off a metal detector. “Wow, Emily, you have a lot of talent. You really should go to school…”

  She let out a frustrated sigh. “Don’t start on the school thing again, Al. Turn around, let me do your face.”

  After she finished my make-up I went to my room to get dressed. As I slipped on the shoes and clasped the bracelet around my wrist, I realized I’d forgotten to buy earrings. I tried on half a dozen pairs from my jewelry box but couldn’t find any that went with the dress. I was about to ask Emily when I remembered the old black velvet box in the back of my dresser drawer. Inside were the teardrop diamond earrings that Grams had worn on her wedding day.

  I had never even considered wearing them before, they meant so much to me, but they were the only thing I had that would work. I put them in just to see what they looked like.