Face The Music

by Andrea K. Robbins

  I giggled again. “Actually, he likes your shirt. Males are attracted to blue.”

  Chris laughed and looked down at his cerulean sweater. “Oh. Well, sorry to disappoint you, little fellow, but I don’t think it could ever work between us.” As if it had understood, the butterfly flew away. We watched it flutter off and land on a wall across the room.

  “So, why are butterflies okay, but spiders aren’t? They’re all bugs.”

  “Technically, neither spiders nor butterflies are bugs. They all belong to the phylum Arthropoda, but spiders are arachnids, and butterflies are insects. Two entirely different classifications.”

  “Wait, insects and bugs aren’t the same thing?”

  I shook my head. “All bugs are insects, but not vice versa. Bug is a specific type of insect.”

  He laughed. “Wow! You really know your stuff, don’t you?” He fixed me with a sultry gaze and lowered his voice. “Intelligence is sexy on a woman.”

  I thought my heart would beat right out of my ribcage.

  I turned to lean against the railing, and watched the families stroll along the path. “I love this place. This will probably sound crazy, but when I come here I feel close to my mom.”

  He folded his hands together and leaned next to me. “No, not crazy, but can I ask why?”

  “My mom studied butterflies. They were her passion. She used to bring me here.” I pointed to a bench by the south wall. “We’d sit over there and talk like we were best friends. I don’t know, I guess it was her way of spending quality time with me.”

  “Why the fascination with butterflies?”

  “They’re really quite amazing, if you think about it. They start out as tiny little eggs, hatch and grow into fat caterpillars, surround themselves with a cocoon, and then are reborn, almost, as these beautiful creatures.” I reached out and touched a small red butterfly perched on the beam. “It’s silly, I know,” I said when he gave me a puzzled look.

  “No, no. It’s not silly. It’s almost like they get a new life, a fresh start as something different,” he said.

  “Exactly! I think that’s what they came to represent for Mom. Life wasn’t easy for her. She met my father while she was a freshman in college and got pregnant with me before finishing her first semester. She didn’t talk about him a lot, but from what I gathered he didn’t exactly treat her well. But, she was so determined to keep us together that she put up with him for over two years.

  “He ran off when Mom got pregnant with Emily. She went back to school to try and rebuild her life and got a job in a research lab. She was trying to make a fresh start for herself.” I frowned at the memory. It had been a long time since I’d talked about Mom this way.

  I peeked up at Chris, but was embarrassed when I caught him staring at me. He turned his head.

  “Papilio,” he said again.

  I laughed. “Do you know any sign language? The sign for butterfly is this.” I interlocked my thumbs and flapped my hands like wings. “Don’t ask me how I know that.”

  He grinned. “Mariposa.”

  “What?”

  “The Spanish word for butterfly, Mariposa.”

  I thought back to the day Chris and I had first met. It seemed like eons ago, but, in fact, it had only been a little over a month.

  He must have seen me smile. “What?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing.”

  “No, not nothing. Tell me!” he insisted, turning to face me. “What are you thinking about?”

  I felt myself blush again. “I was just remembering the first time we met. I was so nervous, did you know? I could hardly talk.” I laughed. “I’m glad you came over to see to Sam that day.”

  His lips curved into a sly smile.

  “What?”

  “I didn’t exactly come to see Sam that day.” He turned and leaned so his back was against the railing, fixing me with a heated gaze. “I came to see you.”

  My heart skipped a beat. “Me? Why?”

  “Sam told me how great you were. I wanted to check you out for myself.”

  “Huh.” Not exactly the best response, but I didn’t know what else to say. “What’s with you two, anyhow? I’ve never understood why you like hanging out with a seventeen-year-old kid.”

  Chris grinned. “It’s not like I’ve got a lot to choose from. Have you seen the people we work with?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “True enough.”

  I glanced at my watch. It was nearly four. The afternoon would soon fade into evening, and he had to get back for practice.

  “I had a great time today. Thank you for inviting me to come along with you,” Chris said.

  “I’m really glad you came.” I looked up into his warm eyes and wished I could freeze time. “What was your favorite part?”

  He didn’t answer, so I probed a little harder. “The zoo? The beach? Butterflies? What?”

  He cocked his head. “The best part was getting a small glimpse of your world, Allie.”

  I felt as though I had swallowed a hundred butterflies when he leaned down and rested his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes and just existed- didn’t think, didn’t worry, simply existed.

  Chapter 16

  “Where have you been all day?” Emily asked when I opened the door.

  I pulled off my sweater and joined her on the couch. She and Molly were watching cartoons. “Lincoln Park.”

  She looked puzzled. “For what?”

  “I took Chris. He’d never been there.”

  “Yeah? You had a beautiful day for it.”

  “We sure did,” I said, and then frowned. “Guess who called me this morning.”

  “Frankenstein?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Close, but no. Paul.”

  “What?” She turned down the volume on the TV.

  “He wants me to go up for awhile. Says he misses me.”

  She shifted around in her seat, her posture stiff. “Did you tell him to go to Hell?”

  “I didn’t tell him anything. Chris showed up.”

  “The nerve of some people! It amazes me.” She shook her head, obviously disgusted. “Did you eat yet? I picked up stuff for tacos.”

  We left Molly to her cartoons and went to make dinner. I was frying the hamburger when someone knocked on the door. Emily went to answer it, and Jake followed her into the kitchen.

  He inhaled deeply. “Mmmm, smells good.”

  I looked at Emily, confused. Was I missing something?

  “He called earlier and invited himself over,” Emily explained. “I told him you were out but…”

  “I came anyway,” he finished. “I figured you’d be home sooner or later so I brought a couple movies and drinks.” He held up a case of Budweiser. “Thought we could hang out.”

  I put him to work shredding cheese, and when it was all ready to go, we loaded up our tacos and sat in front of the TV, catching the tail end of the news. After we finished, Emily put Molly in the tub, and Jake helped me with the dishes.

  Once everything was cleaned up and Molly was in bed, the three of us settled in the living room to watch the movies. Jake had put in some action-packed karate flick. There wasn’t much of a plot, but at least the main actor was nice to look at. Washboard abs, a killer smile, he was very easy on the eye. The second movie was awful. It was a foreign film that had received high reviews, but I couldn’t get into it. I was tired and went to bed before it was over.

  Jake was still there when I came out the next morning. A pile of wrinkled clothes was on the floor next to the recliner, and he was stretched out on the couch, wrapped up in a quilt, sound asleep.

  What the hell?

  I tip-toed into the kitchen to make coffee. The case of beer, now filled with empty cans, sat on the counter.

  “Why is Jake sleeping on our couch?” I asked Emily when she came in a few minutes later. She was wearing an oversized pink t-shirt and a pair of checkered boxers. Her hair was pulled back into a braid.

  She giggled. �
�He drank way too much. Passed out before the movie was over. I just didn’t have the heart to wake him, and I didn’t think he needed to be driving. I threw a blanket over him before I went to bed.”

  ***

  Several people, including Jake, Eddie, and Chris, were gathered at a large table near the far end of the snack bar. The seat between Chris and Eddie was empty.

  Chris pulled out the chair and invited me to sit down.

  “Thanks,” I said. I decided that the hot guy in last night’s movie had nothing on Chris. Even in his dark jeans and hooded sweatshirt he was gorgeous.

  I turned to Eddie. “What brings you down here? Slumming it today?” It was a rare thing to see a judge in the studio, much less eating lunch with the crew.

  He twisted a ruby ring around his pinky. “Just looking for good gossip. What’s new and exciting around here?”

  I popped a Doritos into my mouth. “Nothing worth mentioning.” I turned back to Chris. “Are you ready for tonight?”

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  “What are you singing?”

  “You’ll have to wait and see for yourself, Miss Allie,” Eddie said from my other side.

  I turned to him. “Any luck finding a calico cat?” I asked, remembering our last conversation.

  “No. You were right, but I found a cute little brown tabby. He’s not exactly what I wanted, but I guess a pussy is a pussy,” he said loudly.

  Conversation at all tables ceased. Everyone turned to look at us.

  I covered my embarrassment with a laugh and glanced at Jake. He was devouring a bag of cheese puffs and a Coke. A pack of Twinkies and a Twix bar were on the table in front of him. “On a health kick there, Jake?”

  He gave me a crooked grin and then let out a loud groan. “You really need new furniture, Allie. I thought the hotel mattress was bad!” He twisted around in his chair, popping his back.

  “Maybe you should sleep in your own bed.”

  Eddie looked back and forth between us. “Do we have some romance budding behind scenes?”

  “God, no,” I said quickly.

  Jake winced. “We ate dinner and watched a couple movies Saturday night. What was the name of that last one? It sucked ass.”

  Before I could answer, Chris stood up and gave his chair a rough shove. “I’ve got to go,” he mumbled.

  “Bye,” I called, turning to watch as he stormed off.

  “What’s with him?” Jake gave me a curious look.

  “I have no idea.”

  Jake gulped down the rest of his Coke and almost inhaled the Twinkies. “Guess I should get back, too,” he said, stuffing the candy bar in his pocket.

  Only Eddie and I remained at the table. He fixed me with a disapproving glare. “Oh, honey.”

  “What?”

  “Why do you do that?” He continued to stare at me, as though what he was talking about should have been obvious.

  “Do what?”

  “Give him hope and then throw him in front of a bus. That’s just cruel.”

  I gave him a blank look. “I’m not following. Who are we talking about?”

  He pursed his lips together. “Was I the only one here just now? Don’t you see? Your little tech friend outed you.”

  “Outed me?”

  “Uh-huh. And now your poor beau doesn’t think he has a chance. Things are much more exciting around here than you give credit for!”

  “Beau?” I was totally lost.

  I replayed the scene in my mind, and it finally dawned on me what had just happened. “Oh my God!” My eyes were wide. “Jake all but told everyone that we spent the night together, didn’t he?” I gathered up my trash and stood. “He fell asleep on the couch, Eddie. Nothing happened!”

  He sighed and waved a dismissive hand. “That may be, but your Superstar doesn’t know that, now does he?”

  “I gotta go!”

  “Of course you do,” he said with a wave.

  I walked the entire studio in search of Chris and finally found him in a rehearsal booth. A pair of headphones covered his ears, and he was belting out Everything Changes, the latest chart topper from Staind. His back was to me.

  I watched for several minutes. It was like the music had consumed him, completely taken over. He was totally focused on the song, and while I was desperate to talk to him, I knew he was under a lot of pressure to get things ready for the performance. Deciding to call him later, I went home.

  ***

  I tried to reach him several times that evening, but each time it went straight to his voice mail. I didn’t leave a message.

  The show that evening was even more drug-out than ever. Apparently, filling an hour’s slot with only seven contestants required more nonsense. I had the TV on as I did school work and only looked up to see the kids and Chris.

  The judges were mixed about Chris’s performance of the Staind song.

  “I love watching you sing like that. When you’re not bouncing around the stage, we get to see this softer, more sensitive side of you,” Lucy raved.

  “I don’t know,” said Stella, brushing her hair out of her face. “For me that felt forced. It’s almost like you were distracted tonight, your head wasn’t in it. Got other things on your mind?”

  Chris shrugged.

  Eddie chimed in. “I guess I’m neutral. It wasn’t bad; we all just know you’re capable of better.”

  Chris frowned and nodded.

  “But fret not, my young friend,” Eddie added, giving Chris a knowing look. “I know what’s troubling you. Things aren’t always as they seem.”

  Chris looked puzzled.

  I was almost in a panic when the judges revealed their decision. Clearly, it hadn’t been Chris’s week, and it was all my fault. I’d never forgive myself if he went home tonight.

  Luckily, he remained safe when an older woman named Tisha was eliminated.

  ***

  Sometime during the night I woke up to my phone ringing.

  “Hello?” I whispered.

  “Ms. Banks?”

  “Yes?” I glanced at the little clock on my nightstand. It was after one.

  “This is Dr. Reed from the Care Center. I’m calling about your Grandmother.”

  I sat up, instantly awake. “Yes?”

  “Ms. Banks, I’m afraid I have bad news. Your grandmother suffered a massive stroke about an hour ago and has been admitted to St. Mary’s ICU.” My heart sank. “I have to be honest, Ms. Banks, it doesn’t look good. You might want to go over right away.”

  “Okay, thanks.” I didn’t wait for him to say goodbye. I hung up, jumped out of bed, and pulled on some old blue jeans and a sweatshirt. Emily must have heard me clattering around because she poked her head in my door.

  “What’s going on?” she asked through a yawn.

  “That was Dr. Reed. It’s Grams, Em.” My voice cracked. “She’s in the ICU, and it’s not good. I’m going over now. Do you want to come?”

  “Oh no!” She came in and let herself fall across my bed. “You go. I better let Molly sleep. Call me as soon as you know anything though, okay?”

  “Of course. Bye, Em.”

  Buildings raced by in a blur as the cab sped towards the hospital. I was completely numb. It was almost like a re-run of the night Mom died, the only difference being that with Grams, I was expecting it. I knew that sooner or later this day would come, but I also knew I could never fully be prepared. I wiped the tears from my eyes as we pulled up to the entrance.

  Jogging down the long, sterile corridors, I found a nurses’ station and was directed to Grams’s room. She was in bed and looked completely lifeless. Her once glowing complexion had taken on an ashen tone, and several wires connected her to a machine. The attending physician came in to give me an update.

  “Ms. Banks?” He held out his hand, and we went out to the hall. “I’m Dr. Huntford. Your grandmother has suffered a stroke. It appears that a cerebral hemorrhage has limited the blood supply to the left part of her brain. We’ve manage
d to slow down the bleeding, but there’s still a great deal of pressure. If she were younger and healthier I would recommend surgery, but in this case…” He looked at me with sympathetic eyes. “I’m very sorry. There really is nothing else we can do for her. She’s resting comfortably, and I assure you she is not in any pain.” He paused as I processed what he was telling me.

  “How long does she have?” I looked up at him with fresh tears.

  He hesitated. “Hours. Maybe a day. Is there anyone we can call for you?”

  I closed my eyes and shook my head. “No, I’m it.” My voice was barely above a whisper.

  We both looked up when he was called over the intercom. “You’re more than welcome to stay, of course. But, if you don’t have any other questions for me, I’d better run.”

  “Thanks, Dr. Huntford. I’ll be fine.”

  I went back in and sat on the chair by Grams’s bed, glancing at the monitors. Her pulse and blood pressure were weak. Her breaths were uneven and shallow. I rested my head on the edge of the bed and let the tears fall from my cheeks onto the soft blanket.

  It was all so sad. Unbearable, almost. Grams was dying, and I was the only one there for her. I didn’t blame Emily for staying with Molly- I would have done the same thing- but it wasn’t fair that I was so alone. Mom was gone. Grams would soon be, too, and in a short matter of time I would be the oldest member of my family. And I was only twenty-four.

  The numbness was all-consuming, but I told myself that it was better than falling apart. I couldn’t allow myself that luxury. I had to be strong for Emily and Molly.

  I stepped out into the hall, dialed her cell, and gave her the news.

  She sounded exhausted when she spoke. “Are you okay? Do you want me to come down? I’m sure Mrs. Johnson would come over and stay with Molly.”

  I shook my head even though she wasn’t there to see. “No, that’s okay. There’s nothing you can do. I’m just going to sit with her for little while, and then I’ll be home.” Even I noticed there was no expression in my voice.

  After a long pause, Emily spoke. “Okay, see you when you get here. Bye.”

  I closed my phone and went back to my chair and sat there for some time, feeling sorry for myself. I looked up when someone touched my hand. Grams was looking down at me.