Nevertheless, he greeted me as we sat down. “Allison! What a coincidence!” He grinned and looked at Emily and Molly.
“Hi Charlie. This is my sister, Emily and her daughter, Molly.” They all shook hands, and I noticed his hat. He was a Twins fan. I crinkled my nose. “Traitor.”
He looked at me, baffled, and I touched my White Sox cap.
“Oh, yeah, gotta stay true to my hometown, you know,” he laughed and beat a fist against his chest. “Go Twins!”
A voice boomed over the speakers. “Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for our National Anthem. For your very special entertainment, here to kick off their summer tour, please give a warm welcome to Superstars Chris Knots and Cynthia Strikes!”
I thought I would vomit right then and there. There he was, standing with Cynthia near the pitcher’s mound.
Did God hate me? Had I wronged him in some past life? It was bad enough that I couldn’t escape Chris everywhere else, but now he had to make a personal appearance at a baseball game that I just happened to be attending?
“Chris!!” Molly squealed and jumped up and down in her seat. “Mama loooook!” She pointed to the field. “It’s Chris! Superstar Chris!!” She yanked on my hand. “Can we go say hi, Auntie Allie? Pleeeeease!!”
All those emotions I’d been trying so hard to work through crashed into me like a heavy freight train. Even breathing became difficult. I tried my best not to listen to them sing, but their perfect harmonies still found my ears.
The crowd cheered, and as if I wasn’t already suffering enough, I noticed that they held hands when they walked off the field.
I cringed and closed my eyes, trying to wrestle back the jealousy. I was the one who walked away, after all. It would be naïve of me to expect him to never move on. I just never thought it would be with her. I sat in perfect misery for some time.
Charlie was watching me mope. “What’s up with you?”
I didn’t feel like hashing out the details, so I just shrugged. My mood was shot, and though I kept my eyes on the field, my mind was miles away.
Charlie tried to egg me on every time Minnesota scored, but I would just give him a weak smile and go back to staring at the game. He finally gave up and turned back to his own group.
During the fourth inning I took Molly to the bathroom, and when we came back, Charlie was sitting in her spot. “I’ve got it!” he announced. “I know where I’ve seen you before.”
I looked at him dryly. “Yeah, we have a class together, remember?”
He shook his head. “No, before that. I knew the first time I saw you that I’d seen you somewhere else. You’re with Knots, aren’t you?” He nodded eagerly. “I saw you in the news. You two are an item.”
“Were,” I corrected.
His smile faded. “Were? So you’re not together anymore?”
“Nope.” I really didn’t want to have this conversation.
He continued to look at me, and I could tell he was waiting for me to say more, but I kept my attention on the game.
By the seventh inning, Chicago was up by one run. Molly couldn’t sit still, so Emily took her for a walk around the stadium. Charlie sat by me and chatted about school. I gave the appropriate nod or shake of the head and occasionally went out of my way with a one- or two-word response, but otherwise didn’t participate in the conversation. He didn’t seem to notice.
“Auntie Allie! Auntie Allie!” Molly and Emily had returned from their walk and were coming down the stairs. Chris was behind them, carrying an enormous plush baseball bat. I about choked on my gum.
“I am so sorry,” Emily whispered as she squeezed past me to sit down. “We ran into him, and he bought that for Molly and insisted on carrying it for us.” She glanced up at him. “I told him we could get it, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
I looked up and met his dark, penetrating gaze. He looked good. Really good, in fact. It bothered me.
“Hello, Allison.” There was only one other time he had addressed me by my full name. And he wasn’t happy with me then, either.
“How are you, Chris?” I forced a smile.
He looked at Charlie, who was still sitting next to me, and they shook hands as I introduced them. “Chris, this is Charlie. Charlie, I’m sure you already know-”
“Chris Knots! Nice to meet you, man. I’m a big fan. Allie was just telling me,” he trailed off and shot me an apologetic glance.
Chris offered a stiff smile. “Thanks.” He then leaned past me to hand the stuffed bat to Molly. His arm brushed against my cheek, ambushing me with his scent. It had been a long time since I’d smelled anything that good. It made my head spin.
“There you go,” he said to Molly. “Be careful with it, okay? Don’t swing it around inside, you might break something.”
Molly beamed from ear to ear. “Okay.”
His face was a marble slate as he looked back and forth between Charlie and me. “I better get back. Good to see you, Emily. Allison.” He gave me a weak nod.
“Bye,” I whispered. I wanted so badly to follow him up those stairs and tell him how sorry I was, but I held strong and remained in my seat.
Charlie was staring at me again. “What?” I asked.
“Nothing!” he insisted, shaking his head. “That was just…interesting, that’s all.”
The game ended shortly after that, with Chicago keeping their one point lead.
Charlie walked with us down one of the long, cement hallway towards the parking lot. “That was fun,” he said.
“Yeah,” I agreed, though only half-heartedly. I could think of many other ways I’d rather have spent my afternoon.
Emily didn’t miss a beat. “He’s cute,” she said once we had parted ways.
“He’s okay.”
“So?”
I looked at her and blinked. “So, what?”
She sighed and shook her head. “Allie! When will you get a clue?”
“Leave me alone,” I whined.
Her smile fell, and her expression took on a more serious nature. “I really am sorry about Chris. I had no idea.”
“Don’t be. There’s nothing to be sorry for. He sure looks good though, doesn’t he?” I didn’t know how to feel about that. At least when he looked bad, I knew why. It almost hurt more to think he’d moved on.
That night, I dreamed that Chris and I were at a little league game. We had a son and were in the stands cheering when he hit a homerun. Chris lifted me up off my feet in a celebratory hug. We were so happy.
I woke up early the next morning, elated, but the joy soon faded as I realized it had only been a dream. I crawled out of bed and went for a vigorous run.
Chapter 27
A month later, I was still wallowing in my depression. The dreams and frustrations continued, and my mood sank lower with each passing day. It became increasingly difficult to keep up my front of normalcy. Even Emily picked up on it, and I hardly saw her for more than a few minutes at a time because of our busy schedules.
“We need a vacation,” she complained one night after a long shift. She was sitting on the couch with her feet propped up, leaning over to inspect her freshly painted toenails.
I played along. “Where would we go?”
“Vegas,” she said a little too quickly. “They have really good packages. It wouldn’t cost that much. What do you think?”
“Seriously?” We hadn’t been on a vacation since we were kids. Mom took us to Disney World once before Grams got sick, but that was it. “You’d take Molly to Vegas?”
She shrugged and dipped a cotton swab in a bottle of lemon scented polish remover. “Why not? They have lots of fun things for kids. The hotels have pools. We could get away and relax for a few days.” She watched as I thought it over. “It would be so fun! We could just escape and not worry about anything. Come on, we deserve this!” She pulled the separator out from between her toes and gave me a sympathetic look. “You deserve this.”
“And how do you suggest we pay?�
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“Aw, stop being so practical. We’ll find a cheap flight, and we’ll eat off a dollar menu if we have to. As long as we don’t gamble much, our only major expense would be the hotel.”
She had a point. A change of scenery sounded really good. “Why not? Let’s do it. I have a break coming up over the Fourth of July weekend.”
She squealed with delight. “I’ll plan everything, okay?”
I hesitated about leaving her to make the arrangements- who knew what we’d end up with? Maybe it would be for the best, though. Her having a project was the perfect way to keep her off my case, even if it was only for a few weeks. “Alright,” I agreed. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
True to her word, Emily took care of the planning. She showed me the total, and we agreed I’d pay for half. No one had yet claimed the mystery tuition money, so I’d been able to put some cash away for a rainy day. Chicago skies were clear, but I’d never felt more gloomy.
That weekend I got an email from Jake:
Hey babe! Sorry I haven’t called. I took a bartending job and have been working crazy hours. Sam’s good. He’s gone a lot with the tour. So far he’s stayed out of trouble, but I’m sure he’ll have lots of stories to tell when he gets home. How have you been? Any big plans for the Fourth? Let me know what’s up.
Love ya,
-J
***
Vegas was like nothing I’d ever seen before. The entire terminal was filled with nervous, bustling passengers, and the sound of slot machine jingles echoed through the halls. Excitement was in the air, and despite all that I’d suffered through the last couple of months, I couldn’t help but smile.
Emily called me on my good spirits. “Told you this would be good!”
We hailed a taxi and rode with our noses pressed up against the glass. The sights were breathtaking; the prestigious Bellagio, with its water cannons, the Colosseum of Caesar’s Palace. I was in another world.
Emily had reserved rooms at Circus Circus. We walked past the clowns and juggling acts to one of the hotel towers. Emily slid the key card through the lock of our room and swung the door wide open. Molly had to pee so badly she was about to wiggle right out of her little shoes.
She ran for the toilet, and I grinned, taking it all in. The room was enormous and bright. There were two king-size beds, a huge plasma TV, and a big Jacuzzi bathtub. We even had a balcony that overlooked the strip.
I set my bags on one of the beds and gave Emily a hug. “Thanks for this.”
It was early afternoon and hot, but not yet time for dinner, so we decided to go check out one of the pools. Molly wriggled into her bright pink swimsuit and could hardly wait for Emily and me to get ready.
“Come on,” she whined as I dug through my suitcase. “Hurry up!” I couldn’t help but laugh at her, standing on the bed peering down at me with her hands on her hips.
I pulled out my yellow two-piece, but felt self-conscious about putting it on. I’d never worn a bikini before and wasn’t sure why I had even bought it. But, it was all I had, so I slipped into the bathroom to change. It didn’t look bad, and, in the end, I decided it didn’t matter. It’s not like I’d run into anyone I knew. I tied my hair up into a tight knot and grabbed my sunglasses.
Emily stared at me when I came out.
“What’s wrong?”
She raised her eyebrows. “Nothing, I’ve just never seen you in anything like that before.”
“Is it bad?” I wrapped the towel around my body, covering up. “I could get a different one.”
“No!” she said quickly. “Don’t you dare change. It looks great.”
The pool was mostly empty. There were just a few other people besides the three of us, so we really didn’t have to worry about Molly bothering anyone. She took off in a sprint.
“Molly!” Emily yelled in a stern voice. “No running by the pool. Slow down!”
Molly stopped and teetered on the edge. “Can I jump in?”
“Wouldn’t you rather play in the shallow end, where it’s not so deep?” I asked, pointing to the other end of the pool.
“No. I wanna go here.”
“Only if Allie or I are there to catch you. Don’t jump by yourself.”
Emily dove in. Molly stood on her tiptoes at the very edge, looked at her mom, and took a big breath before finally jumping.
Her eyes were wide when I lifted her back out of the pool. “Was that fun?”
“Oh yeah!” she said breathlessly. “Come on, I’ll show you.”
She took my hand, and we stood side-by-side on the edge. “Ready, Aunt Allie? One…Two…Three!” She plugged her little nose and jumped.
I watched Emily catch her before diving in myself, and then swam under water to the other side. The water felt so refreshing that I took my time coming back up. When I did, I heard Molly giggle, but I couldn’t see her.
“Molly?” I rubbed the water out of my eyes and looked up. “Jake?”
“Hey doll! How are ya?” He offered a hand and pulled me out of the pool. “Wow, look at you!” His skin was a bit darker than the last time I saw him, but he wore that same, somehow charming, crooked smile.
I threw my arms around his neck. “I can’t believe it! What are you doing here?”
He hugged me back. “I couldn’t wait to see you again. You told me you were coming in that last e-mail, so I thought I’d surprise you.” He held me out at an arm’s length and grinned. “Surprise! It’s only about a four-hour drive from L.A., you know.”
I still couldn’t believe he was really there. “Oh, shoot!” I said, looking at the front of his shirt. I’d drenched him. “Sorry!”
He pulled me against his chest. “I’d take on much worse fates than a wet t-shirt if it meant I got to hug you.”
Molly and Emily swam awhile longer. Jake and I sat on the edge with our toes in the water. When Molly finally tired out, we made plans for dinner. We met up at a little steakhouse across from our hotel. After eating, Emily took Molly back to the room to get her ready for bed. Jake and I stayed behind and went for a walk down the strip.
Having him close made everything seem okay, even if it was only temporary. I didn’t have to fake being in a good mood. We walked slowly, hand in hand, as the busy city blurred around us. It was like everything moved at an accelerated rate. Signs flashed, cars zoomed by, and people scurried, but Jake and I were content keeping our own, relaxed pace.
“Thank you for coming. I can’t tell you how great it is to see you,” I said.
He smiled and squeezed my hand. “You doing okay?”
“It’s been an awful summer,” I admitted. “But it doesn’t matter now.”
He stopped walking and waited for me to turn to him. “You can talk to me, you know. About anything.”
“I know.”
“Even the Superstar,” he offered.
I hesitated, but ended up telling him the whole, long story about my complicated relationship with Chris. “So, after everything, I decided it was better for both of us if I ended it.” I used my sleeve to wipe away a tear.
“Wow,” he said, shaking his head. “I knew you two had called it quits, but I had no idea what happened. I asked Sam about it once, awhile back. I figured that since he and Chris were around each other so much because of the tour, he might know something.”
“What did he say?”
“He said Chris wouldn’t talk about it. He said he asked him, and all he did was turn red and say something about it being her decision.”
“When was that?”
“First part of June, I guess.”
“Well, I’m sure he’s moved on. I saw him in May at a baseball game. He and Cynthia looked pretty close.”
Jake scowled. “I can’t even picture that. Not that I’d want to.” He gave me a longing look. “What about you? You ready to move on yet?”
I cared for Jake, a lot, but I couldn’t get romantically involved. “Jake, you know…”
“Yeah, I know,” h
e cut me off and sat on a bench. “I’m not the man of your dreams. You don’t have those kinds of feelings for me. Trust me, I know.”
I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. “You’re so good to me. Too good.”
He put his arm around me and leaned back against the bench, looking straight ahead. “Nothing is too good for you, Allie.”
Jake and I were inseparable over those next couple of days. I felt bad because I told Emily I would help out with Molly, but I just couldn’t tear myself away from him. I apologized for my continued absence.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s your vacation, too. Molly and I are having a great time.” She smiled. “Besides, you’re the happiest I’ve seen you in months. Go and have fun with Jake. I don’t mind.”
***
The afternoon of the fourth, Jake, Emily, Molly, and I went to a park to join in the festivities. The area was swarming with people. Jake carried Molly on his shoulders so she wouldn’t get trampled, and Emily and I spread a blanket out under a shade tree.
A band was playing, and a small crowd had gathered in front of the stage. Vendors were lined up for blocks, selling everything from corn dogs to cowboy hats, and beside us some kids were playing with fireworks. Jake and Emily took Molly for a walk around the vending area.
I lay down, closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the sun shining down on my face. It felt good, as though it was melting away the last of that cold, unfeeling person I no longer wanted to be.
I opened my eyes when a shadow blocked my rays. A man was standing there, talking to a group of people. His high-pitched laugh gave him away. “Eddie?” I shaded my eyes against the bright sunlight.
He looked down and squinted. “Allison Banks?”
I stood up. “Yeah! What are you doing here?”
He laughed. “Same as you, I suppose. Here for the fireworks.”
“That’s just crazy! Of all the places to be on the fourth.” I shook my head. “How’s your summer?”
He excused himself from his group and settled down on the blanket next to me. “Great! I’ve been traveling, seeing the sights. Living the easy life. What are you up to these days?”
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