The Boy with the Butterfly Mind

by Victoria Williamson

  I think she can see just how worried I am, cos her eyes have gone soft again and she’s trying to give me an encouraging smile.

  “Elin will help you find your way round, won’t you?”

  Elin throws me a look that I’m pretty sure means she’d rather see me drown in a tragic washing-machine accident than help me, but since I’m not so good at reading people I hope I’ve got that wrong. I get out of the car reluctantly, and Elin gives me another funny look, grabbing my schoolbag and lunchbox from the back seat before Liz can speed off.

  “Can’t you remember anything?” Elin mutters. “Here, carry them yourself, I’m not your slave. Come on, we’re going to be late.”

  “OK! I’ll race you.”

  “Jamie! STOP!”

  Elin’s cry is drowned out by the screech of car brakes as I run across the road without looking, and a taxi skids to a stop. One more second and I’d have been a big blob of blue school uniform and brand-new shoes squelched into the tarmac. Elin comes running over to grab my arm and drag me onto the pavement. Her face is bright red as she apologises to the taxi driver, who’s yelling something my mum would ground me for a month for repeating.

  “What is wrong with you?” she snaps, squeezing my arm like a tube of toothpaste. I’m SO tired of hearing that question.

  “I’ve got ADHD,” I say in a small voice. “Dad told you and Liz all about it.”

  “I don’t care! It’s no excuse for acting like a complete lunatic!”

  It sort of is. That’s the whole point of having letters after your name. So people know whether you’re clever like Doctor Mackay MD or ADHD crazy like me.

  “Oh no! That’s the bell!”

  There’s a distant ringing sound coming from behind a row of houses, and Elin’s face goes from red to white in the space of about three seconds.

  “We’re going to be in so much trouble! Miss Morrison always gives latecomers extra homework. Come on Jamie, we have to run!”

  “Just a second, I need to tuck my shoelaces in.”

  I’m shoving my laces down the side of my trainers for the billionth time when I see it. There in the garden up ahead is a shiny new football sitting just out of reach behind a hedge. Before I can stop myself, I’ve clambered over the gate and grabbed it, stuffing it into my school bag and jumping the gate again so quick you’d have to slow time down to see me.

  “What are you doing?” Elin gasps. “You can’t steal things from people’s gardens!”

  “I’m not stealing it, I’m just borrowing it till home time. I’ll put it back. Promise.”

  I bet the other boys in my new class like football. I bet if I bring one to school they’ll all want to be my friend and play with me at break time. Maybe I’m not completely crazy after all. Maybe I’m a genius!

  But by the time we get to the school gate my confidence is gone and I’m biting my lip and squeezing my hands into fists so hard my fingers are aching.

  “Now what?” Elin tries to pull me into the empty playground with her, but this time I stand my ground.

  “You go, I’ll wait here till home time. We can just pretend I went to school today, OK?”

  “Don’t be so stupid! If you don’t move RIGHT NOW then I’m going straight to the head teacher and he’ll call the police and then you’ll have to do as you’re told or you’ll be expelled before you’ve even started and your dad will be so mad at you he’ll throw you out, and your mum doesn’t want you so you’ll end up in a home for bad boys and you’ll spend the rest of your life in jail and—”

  “STOP IT! Just STOP IT! I can’t take this!”

  I always wanted to be a Transformer, a superhero who went from fast car or jet plane to cool crime fighter in five seconds flat. But I’m not, I’m the Incredible Hulk, and when I get mad or scared I lash out and hurt people. Elin’s standing too far away, so I hurt myself instead. I kick the school gate so hard my foot feels like it’s breaking, but I keep on kicking it and hitting it and shouting till the buzzing sound of angry bees in my head is gone and all I’m left with is a big empty space where happy thoughts of a new life in California should have been.

  17

  Elin

  By the time Jamie calmed down and started acting like a semi-normal human being again it was half past nine and I was so stressed I felt sick. The school playground was silent, and the only sound was Jamie’s heavy breathing as he hung onto the gate.

  “Are you OK now?” I asked warily, edging closer like he was a butterfly I was trying to trap in a net.

  Jamie gave one last sniff and nodded. He looked exhausted. I almost felt sorry for him, till I remembered Miss Morrison and her extra homework.

  “Right then, let’s get going.”

  I grabbed his sleeve and held onto it tightly, marching him to the front door and pressing the buzzer. All the doors were locked now. The office staff would have to let us in.

  “Hello? It’s Elin Watts from Primary Seven. Can you open the door please?”

  The lock gave a loud click and I dragged Jamie inside, not willing to let him go for a second till I’d delivered him to the head teacher.

  “You’re late today,” the secretary frowned as we passed her office. “Is everything OK?”

  “It’s fine.” I gave her one of my innocent smiles and made a mental note that I’d have to balance that lie with a truth sometime later today.

  I could feel Jamie’s arm trembling in my grip as I knocked on Mr Conway’s door, and when I glanced at him he was all huddled up in his jacket like a caterpillar trying to hide inside its cocoon. It was hard to stay angry at someone who looked so frightened. I knew exactly how he felt. I could still remember my first day here, and how scared I’d been going to my new class where I didn’t know anybody.

  “Hey, it’s alright,” I said without thinking. “Our head teacher’s nice, there’s nothing to be worried about.”

  I bit my lip. I didn’t want Jamie to think we could ever be friends.

  “Come in. Ah, Elin, you’re very late, that’s not like you. And this must be your stepbrother Jamie. I was wondering where you’d got to.” Mr Conway frowned at me but gave Jamie a welcoming smile.

  I bit my lip even harder, all my sympathy for Jamie disappearing in a flash. He wasn’t my stepbrother, he was the Monster, and if my story was ever going to have a happy ending, then the Monster had to be defeated. And that meant I couldn’t ever let myself feel sorry for him. I let go of his arm and stepped back.

  “Can I go to class now, Mr Conway?” I asked, ignoring Jamie’s attempts to hold onto the edge of my jacket to stop me leaving him. “Or do you need me to take Jamie to Mr Robertson’s room?”

  “Ah… Hold on just a second Elin, there’s been a bit of a change of plan. Class numbers you see – we’re not supposed to go over thirty, and Mr Robertson’s already teaching thirty-one.”

  As he shuffled the papers on his desk, his words set every hair on the back of my neck prickling.

  I thought nothing could be worse than Jamie coming to live with us.

  I was wrong.

  The worst thing that could happen was Jamie being put in my class where he could embarrass me in public.

  My feet were heavy with dread as I followed Mr Conway down the corridor to Miss Morrison’s room. How was I supposed to keep my perfect reputation in one piece with Jamie the Monster causing havoc in my class? Rachel and Lauren were going to make my life hell when they realised how much fun they’d have winding me up about him.

  I can’t believe this is happening! I thought, feeling my fairy-tale life slipping even further out of reach. This is a total nightmare!

  “We’re very big on discipline here, Jamie,” the head teacher said as he marched down the corridor with one hand on Jamie’s shoulder. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to be reassuring or making sure Jamie didn’t make a run for it, but it just made things worse, as Jamie kept trying to twist away from his hand like he was being electrocuted.

  “We like to keep a peaceful work
ing environment in this school, so that should help you stay focused.”

  Jamie’s eyes were darting in every direction like he was a chameleon who could look two different ways at once. They followed the tootling of recorders from the music room, the muffled shouts of the dodgeball players in the gym hall, and the chanting of poetry being recited in one of the classrooms. From the bewildered look on his face I could tell Jamie didn’t agree with Mr Conway’s definition of ‘peaceful’.

  “Right Jamie, here we are, 7B. You’ll be in Miss Morrison’s class with Elin. She’ll help you settle in, won’t you Elin?” Mr Conway smiled. The weak smile I gave him back felt more like a grimace.

  The Dragon came striding out of her lair to glower at us both, and I could feel myself shrivel up under her disapproving glare as she talked in a hushed voice with the head teacher. Mr Conway whispered something about ‘budget cuts for additional support’ and how he’d ‘try to rearrange the classroom assistants’ timetables’, then he smiled at us again and left us in the Dragon’s clutches.

  “Go and get your maths books out Elin, you’re very late,” Miss Morrison snapped. My face turned red with embarrassment again as I hurried to my table, trying to avoid the stares and sniggers from the rest of the class. “There’s a spare seat at the back here, Jamie. Write your name neatly on your jotter and turn your maths book to page seventeen. I’d like you to do a bit of revision before you join one of the maths groups.”

  I heaved a sigh of relief. At least Jamie wouldn’t be sitting anywhere near me.

  I checked the board to see what page my group was doing today, then grabbed my textbook from my tray and set to work. I would have to finish this in double-quick time to prove I was still perfect.

  Even though I was exhausted from Jamie’s noise keeping me up all night, I still managed to hand my book in before the rest of my table. The next activity was to continue our Viking stories, but as I’d done mine already I had ten minutes of free time before break.

  Finally! A chance to escape from Jamie’s madness, Miss Morrison’s disapproval and Rachel’s sniggers, and disappear into dreamland. It wasn’t long now till my birthday, and I had a party to plan. It was going to be the best one ever. I pulled my birthday book from my schoolbag and put the finishing touches to the picture of the amazing castle cake I wanted Mum to get me. It had three layers and was covered with pink icing, with four turrets and—

  Suddenly a ball of scrunched-up paper hit me on the side of the head. I looked up to see Rachel and Lauren trying to get my attention across the table. My throat went dry. I couldn’t ignore the two bullies, but Miss Morrison and her stack of marking was only ten feet away. I didn’t want to get caught talking.

  “So, are we getting an invitation then?” Rachel whispered, pointing to the birthday book that I’d been trying to hide from view with my arm.

  “To what?” I tried to pretend I didn’t know what she meant.

  “To the party,” Lauren hissed. “We’re coming, right?” Her voice was too loud and Miss Morrison glanced up sharply. We all put our heads down like we were working, and when she went back to marking again Rachel whispered, “You are going to invite us to your birthday party next month, aren’t you?”

  “Um…”

  No, I wasn’t. There were thirteen other girls in the class, and I’d been planning to invite ten of them. I didn’t want Rachel or Lauren or Paige Munro anywhere near my house.

  “I didn’t think you’d want to come,” I lied, squirming with embarrassment. I was doing that a lot today.

  “Of course we do! You are going to invite us, right?” It wasn’t a question. Rachel was giving me an order.

  “Er… I suppose—”

  “Elin, if you’ve quite finished having a chat, then could you get some work done today please? There are a lot of silly mistakes in your maths book. A little concentration from you would go a long way.” Miss Morrison was frowning at me over the top of her glasses.

  “Ooh, little Miss Perfect’s in trouble!” Lauren sniggered when Miss Morrison looked away.

  “I think she’s going to cry!” Rachel whispered loud enough for the other kids at our table to hear. The laughter got louder, and my cheeks felt like they were on fire, but then I realised it wasn’t me they were all looking at. Everyone was turning in their seats to stare at the boy at the back of the class who’d wandered over to the project corner and was pulling tubes of glitter out of the art tray. Jamie was shaking them out into his hand and letting the glitter run through his fingers, watching it sparkle in the sunlight as it fell to the floor. He looked like he was lost in his own world, too absorbed in his own thoughts to notice that the whole class was watching him.

  Miss Morrison put her red pen down with a thump and went marching across the classroom. The laughter at each table stopped the instant she swept past, and everyone held their breath. It was strange, but part of me didn’t really want to see Jamie getting into trouble. After all, it was his first day and he was scared. It wasn’t as if he was bothering anyone or making any noise.

  Don’t be so soft! I heard the voice inside my head say. He’s the enemy and we’re at war! The quicker Jamie gets expelled and goes back to his mum, the quicker you’ll get rid of Paul and get your real family back.

  That’s right – Jamie was the enemy. I mustn’t forget it no matter how pathetic he looked standing there crying while Miss Morrison shouted at him.

  “This is maths time – does that look like the maths tray to you?”

  “No…” Jamie gulped and wiped his nose on his sleeve, smearing glitter across his cheek.

  “I know you have problems concentrating, but that’s no excuse to disturb everyone else. One of the classroom assistants will be here after break to help you, but in the meantime, I need you to sit down and get some maths work done without any more fuss, understood?”

  I put my head down and got on with my work. I didn’t want to watch Jamie getting shouted at any more. Miss Morrison didn’t sound like she had much sympathy for Jamie and his ADHD.

  From now on, he certainly wasn’t going to get any from me.

  18

  Jamie

  “What you wearing glitter for? Do you think you’re a My Little Pony or something?”

  The other boys all laugh and I laugh too, though I’m not sure what’s so funny. Making friends is hard, and break time is even harder for me than class time. At least when we’re in class there are rules I can learn, even if I forget them half the time. Out here in the playground it’s like the Wild West and I’m the stranger everyone wants to run out of town.

  “So, do you want to play football? I brought a ball.” I show them the brand-new one I borrowed from the garden down the street.

  The boys look more interested now. They nudge each other and whisper, and then Steven says, “OK. You’re in goal though.”

  I think Steven’s the leader, so I’d better do as he says if I want to be in his gang. Being in goal’s A-Okay by me, as long as I get to join in.

  I run over to the goal at the end of the pitch and kick the ball out really far to show I’m not completely rubbish, but before the game can even start Darren’s picked the ball up and is examining it like it’s one of those Rubik’s Cube puzzles he’s trying to figure out.

  “Hey Steve, isn’t this your ball? The one you got for your birthday?”

  Uh-oh…

  Steven jogs over to look at it, and his eyes go wide like he’s just solved the puzzle.

  “That’s the Rangers sticker I put there, right under my initials! Hey, you wee thief, where did you get this?”

  All the boys are staring at me and I know I should tell the truth and say I was going to put it back at home time, but my brain’s not working right and I’m scared, so I blurt out the very first thing that flashes into my head.

  “It’s mine. My dad gave it to me.”

  “Liar!”

  “You stole it from Steve!”

  “What the hell is wrong with you, you w
ee freak!”

  That’s it. I can’t take the stress. Time to go.

  Their shouts follow me the whole length of the pitch as I take off, running as fast as I can. I don’t know where I’m going, I just know I have to get away before I blow up. Everything here is new and strange and scary, so I look for the one person who’s even vaguely familiar and safe.

  I look for Elin.

  She’s sitting by herself on a bench writing in her birthday book. I know it’s her birthday book cos I found it in her desk drawer when she was hoovering the living room last night. I didn’t mean to go into her room, honest I didn’t. I just sort of stumbled into the door handle on the way back from the bathroom and the door sort of slid open and I sort of got lost trying to find my own room.

  Sort of.

  Her room’s so super-neat it’s scary, and all those hand-painted princesses and knights are amazing and kind of creepy all at the same time. I didn’t mean to touch any of them, but I might have accidentally chipped one of the mermaids when I dropped it. It was just a tiny crack though.

  I hope she doesn’t notice.

  I didn’t mean to poke around in her desk either, but I really needed a pen to write down a new science experiment I’d just thought of. The book was hidden under a bunch of school folders, and I only opened it to check if there was a pen inside, but instead there was all this cool stuff about her birthday party next month and how she’s planning to have a castle cake and get horse-riding lessons, and there was a list of all the people she’s going to invite. I added my name to the list for her, which, come to think of it, wasn’t such a great idea as now she’ll know I was in her room and—

  “Jamie, what do you want?”

  Elin snaps her book shut and hides it away inside her jacket.

  “Are you planning your birthday party?” I ask, sitting down beside her. She doesn’t move over, so I end up hanging off the edge of the bench with the corner sticking into my bum. “What are you going to ask for? Riding lessons?”