“Stop yelling!” I plead, rocking back and forth as Dad and Liz shout at each other in the living room. “Please, just stop!”
Angry voices follow me everywhere I go, and even the noise of my own racing thoughts isn’t loud enough to shut them up.
The smartphone Dad bought me pings from somewhere under a pile of school books, making me jump. I find it after a bit of rummaging, and I see I’ve missed a video call from Mum. I should ring her right back, but my finger hovers over the call button, and I can’t make myself press it. She’ll ask me how things are going, and even if I tell her everything’s great, she’ll just end up getting upset.
Mum always knows when I’m lying.
I scroll through the pictures she’s sent, trying to ignore the stabbing pain right through my heart at the way she’s smiling and the way Chris has his arms draped round her. I don’t want Mum to be sad. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her looking so relaxed, and I know that’s all my fault for being so difficult.
But the funny thing is, I don’t want Mum to be happy either.
I don’t want her having the time of her life in sunny California and forgetting all about me. I don’t want Chris taking my place as the most important person in her life. I don’t want to wake up every morning in a different house half a world away and eat my breakfast with a different woman who isn’t Mum and who doesn’t know how to cut my toast the way I like it, and who doesn’t laugh when I tell her Mum’s favourite jokes.
I don’t think the universe cares very much about what I want, though.
“Jamie, turn that TV down!” Dad yells from the hall. I press the volume button quickly, hoping he’ll come in for a chat and tell me everything’s alright again, but he doesn’t. I hear the front door slamming and the sound of his car engine, and I know things are really, really bad.
He used to go for long drives on his own before he split up with Mum. I think it was his way of avoiding arguments. I wish I could drive. Maybe if I went fast enough I’d be able to zoom away before I had my meltdowns, then Mum wouldn’t have had to go all the way to America to avoid them.
It’s getting hot under my tent. I crawl out and look for something to do that’ll help me forget the game I spoiled and the shouting I caused. I flick through the TV channels, but there’s nothing on. I can’t be bothered reading, and I don’t understand my homework, and Liz has confiscated my games console cos I got too many sad faces on my behaviour chart, and…
I’m bored.
I wish Dad would let me take medicine for my ADHD. It would be nice to have an ordinary brain that wasn’t always fluttering off when I needed to use it. Maybe when I grow up and I’m a mad scientist I’ll be able to make my own cure for ADHD.
Hey! That’s a great idea.
I grab my chemistry set and get to work, mixing up a whole load of chemicals in test tubes and trying to make something that won’t taste like decomposing skunk. I figure if my brain is fizzing like cola and mints then I need something that’s going to neutralise it. I know all about acids and alkalis, and last year I worked my way through a big book full of experiments to test how different chemicals react with each other.
I know how to fill a balloon full of carbon dioxide by mixing lemon juice and baking soda in a bottle.
I know how to make water glow in the dark by soaking a highlighter pen in it and shining an ultraviolet lamp through it.
I know how to make a lava lamp with vegetable oil and water and fizzy aspirin tables that make the oil bob up and down.
The only thing I don’t know is what’ll happen when I drink the strange brown liquid I’m measuring out into a beaker.
A few seconds later I find out, and it takes nearly a whole roll of toilet paper to clean the sick off my best trainers.
OK, no more experiments till my stomach stops bubbling like a witch’s cauldron.
I leave my science kit spread out all over my table and go and sit on my bed, flicking through the TV channels again and feeling like a failure. I wish I could do something right, something good for once. I wish I could prove I’m not always a selfish monster who makes everyone upset. I’ve already wrapped up my Transformers torch to give to Elin for her birthday, but I don’t think that’s going to be enough to stop her hating me.
Then I have a genius idea.
I know exactly how to make someone else happy for once! I can’t make Elin happy cos all her riding-lesson money’s been blown on my stuff, and Mum’s far off in California, and I’ve no idea how to fix Dad or Liz and make them stop yelling at each other. But there’s someone else who deserves to have something nice happen to them.
I tiptoe into the kitchen like I’m James Bond on a mission. I find what I’m looking for inside the stationery drawer, and carry one of the precious cards back to my room.
It takes me ages to fill it out, and I get some chemical stains on the envelope, but I’ve used my best handwriting so most of the words are on the line and they aren’t all running into each other for once.
I grin as I slide the card into the damp envelope and put it in my schoolbag for tomorrow.
Elin’s having the best birthday party in the world on Saturday, and I’m going to make sure the nicest person in the world will be there.
21
Elin
“What are you doing here?”
When I opened the front door the last person in the world I wanted to see was standing on my doorstep.
“Happy Birthday, Elin,” Paige Munro said nervously, handing over a small box wrapped in paper so crumpled it looked like it had been recycled about five times.
I held it at arm’s length and stared at her. Why was she here? I didn’t invite her. What on earth made her think she could just turn up like this?
Despite her huge glasses, Paige wasn’t blind. She could read my reluctance to let her in written in big letters across my face.
“I got an invitation for the party. Look!” She held up one of my special balloon-shaped cards. The handwriting on it wasn’t mine. There was only one person in the universe who wrote that messily. The ink was stained and the card had dark patches where something brown and stinky had been spilled on it.
It smelled exactly like Jamie’s room.
That little freak!
How DARE he try to ruin my party by inviting people without my permission! It was bad enough I’d had to invite Rachel and Lauren, but now I’d have to take Paige Munro to the Adventure Dome too?
NO WAY!
Mum was at the door before I could slam it in Paige’s face.
“Oh! Did you invite someone else, Elin? I thought just twelve girls were coming. You’re Paige, aren’t you? Come on in, you’re just in time.”
I left Paige hovering anxiously in the hall and followed Mum into the kitchen. My head was buzzing with anger. This was supposed to be my special day, and Jamie was ruining it already. If he hadn’t been under strict instructions to stay in his room until the minibus left, I’d have flattened him.
“I didn’t invite Paige, Mum!” I protested, careful to keep my voice down so the big group of girls giggling in the living room wouldn’t hear me. “It was Jamie! He stole one of my invitation cards and—”
“Don’t make a fuss about it now Elin, there’s a spare seat on the minibus, so it’s not a problem.”
Mum was multi-tasking like she was at work, packing snacks into bags and checking there were enough cans of cola to go round. She didn’t have the time or the energy to listen to me complaining.
She hadn’t had time for me at all since the Monster came to live with us.
“That’s the driver with the minibus now,” Mum said, hearing the roar of the engine outside. “Go and tell the girls it’s time to go. And for goodness’ sake Elin, try not to look so miserable! It’s supposed to be a party.”
Yeah, it was supposed to be my party, with the people I invited.
I stomped past Paige in the hall and went into the living room to tell everyone to grab their coats. T
he girls were buzzing with excitement at the thought of going to the Adventure Dome. It was the most amazing place in Glasgow, and the most expensive. Gran always said you couldn’t buy friends, but I was hoping she was wrong. Jamie and his new gadgets might have stopped me getting the horse-riding lessons I’d been dreaming of, but thanks to Mum and Dad my party would make me the most popular girl in my class.
It wasn’t Mum and Dad who paid for the cake and the Adventure Dome though, a little voice whispered at the back of my head.
Yes it was! I hissed back. Shut up! I wasn’t about to admit where the money really came from. I didn’t want to have to be grateful to the Wicked Witch for anything.
“Are you coming?” I called. Rachel and Lauren were giggling together in the corner. I was pretty sure it was me they were talking about.
“Yeah. Nice top Elin, by the way,” Rachel said as she pulled on her jacket. “I didn’t know Oxfam sold party clothes.”
I gritted my teeth and pretended I didn’t hear her.
Their giggles got louder when they saw Paige hanging about in the hallway.
“Aw, that’s nice, you’ve invited your best friend!” Lauren laughed. “Is your boyfriend coming too or has he been locked in his padded cell for the day?”
“Jamie’s not her boyfriend, he’s her brother,” Rachel grinned. “Isn’t he, Elin?”
I took a deep breath and tried to keep the polite smile pasted on my face. “Jamie’s not coming to the Adventure Dome. Girls only. He’s helping his dad get the party food ready for us coming back.”
That was why there was a spare seat on the minibus. There was no way I was letting Jamie embarrass me and ruin my special day, even though he’d been desperate to come. His meltdown when I told him he wasn’t welcome had been spectacular. I guess inviting Paige was his idea of revenge.
I looked back before I closed the front door. Jamie was standing at the far end of the hall outside his room, watching us leave. He was clutching one of my ‘Happy 12th Birthday’ balloons and an advertising leaflet for the Adventure Dome. He looked like a sad clown who’d been left behind by the circus.
I hesitated on the doorstep, suddenly feeling like the worst person in the whole world. Jamie had been looking forward to my party almost as much as I had. He hadn’t shut up about it for weeks.
I glanced over at the hall table where the Transformers torch he’d given me lay on a pile of wrapping paper. It was his favourite thing, and he’d gone and given it to me for my birthday even though I didn’t want it. He’d put in a new set of batteries and even stuck some glitter stars on it so it would match my favourite T-shirt. He was trying so hard to be my friend it almost hurt to see him look so disappointed.
Maybe Paul could bring him to the Adventure Dome in the car and he could just run about in one of the other play areas, I thought. If Paul was there to watch then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I let him come and—
“What’s the hold-up, Elin?” Rachel called over. “Are you missing your weirdo brother already?”
There was a chorus of giggles from the girls boarding the minibus, and I felt my face burn with embarrassment. The Monster was spoiling my perfect party already and he wasn’t even coming.
I slammed the door shut and pretended I hadn’t seen him.
22
Jamie
I want to go to the Adventure Dome more than anything.
The leaflet says there’s an intergalactic space ride where you go on this giant rocket that’s so real you think you’re going to another planet, and a jungle room where there are snakes and giant lizards you can hold. I bet Elin won’t be interested in any of that. She’ll just want to play in the stupid fairy castle with the other girls in our class.
What’s the point of going to the Adventure Dome if you don’t do all the best things?
I bet Paige would like the space ride and the jungle room. We spent all lunchtime yesterday hunting for ladybirds in the grass by the football pitch. We didn’t catch any since it’s nearly winter, but Paige found the broken shell of a magpie’s egg, and I found a spider with legs the length of my little finger. She knows almost as much about insects as I do, and she likes the same nature programmes on the BBC. She doesn’t watch the Discovery Channel though. Her mum can’t afford to pay for satellite TV.
I wish Paige was my stepsister instead of Elin. I bet she would have been dead excited to get my Transformers torch, instead of making a face like she was sucking lemons when she unwrapped it.
I drum my fingers against the wall and count to twenty as I listen to the minibus reversing out of the drive, waiting till it turns onto the main road. Dad and Liz said I have to stay out of the kitchen until the girls have gone, but I think that was more Liz’s idea than Dad’s. He wasn’t happy that Elin wouldn’t let me go with them, but I don’t think he can take any more arguing with Liz.
It’s like we’re all walking on magpie’s eggshells round each other now, trying not to break anything. It was like this at home before Dad left, and I’m scared if I do anything to upset him and Liz then Dad will leave again, and what’ll happen to me after that? Mum doesn’t want me in California, and Liz and Elin definitely don’t want me here. Where would I go?
Maybe I could move in with Paige and her mum. I think Paige would like that. She doesn’t have any brothers or sisters or a dad, and she seems pretty lonely.
I hope she has fun today. I hope Rachel and Lauren aren’t mean to her when I’m not there to stick up for her. And I hope Elin isn’t going to make her feel bad for having a fake invitation instead of a real one. Especially as I didn’t tell Paige it was me who wrote it.
“Jamie? Are you going to give me a hand in here?”
Dad’s in the kitchen getting the party food ready, and he’s letting me know the coast is clear and I can come out. I run down the hall and charge into the kitchen at top speed, tripping over a chair and knocking over some of the cups Dad is laying out on the table.
“Careful! Elin will have a fit if you wreck her cake,” Dad warns, checking to make sure I haven’t dented the pink icing. It’s the biggest cake I’ve ever seen, a triple-decker sponge cake in the shape of a giant fairy castle with turrets. It’s got so many sweets on it I’m pretty sure one bite would rot all your teeth. After Elin refusing to let me go to the Adventure Dome, I grin at the thought of her spending tomorrow at the dentist getting her teeth pulled out one by one. Then I remember that Paige will be eating the cake too when they come back, and suddenly it doesn’t seem as funny any more.
“No, not sandwiches Jamie, we talked about that.” Dad closes the fridge door before I can start pulling out the jam jars and cans of cream I’ve stashed there.
“But my Mad Jamie Specials are the best thing ever!” I protest. “Everyone will love them.”
“We’ve already got enough food to feed an army,” Dad says, pointing at the piles of buns and bowls of trifle and sweets. He’s got a point, but I don’t want to admit it.
“Not even a few? I can just do one each.”
“Not today Sandwich Man, you know Elin doesn’t like them.”
“She’s never even tried them,” I mutter, picking up the extra one wrapped in cling film I’d left on the kitchen counter for her. It was a special birthday one, and she’d just pushed it away and said, “Yuck!” when I’d offered it to her this morning.
“And put that one away in the fridge. You can blow up these balloons instead.” Dad hands me the pump. “I need to finish setting the table.”
The cardboard tube’s a bit rubbish, and no matter how hard I pump there’s only a tiny little puff of air coming out the end. I’d much rather use lemon juice and baking soda to blow up the balloons, but I don’t think Dad would let me do one of my science experiments just now. He’s looking a bit stressed. I think he’s worried about what’s going to happen when all the girls come back and I join them for the party food. He doesn’t need to worry. I’m going to be on my very best behaviour.
I’m only one meltdo
wn short of being kicked out of this family for good.
I can’t afford to do anything wrong ever again.
23
Elin
“That was the best birthday trip EVER!” Rachel grinned at me across the table and stuffed another bun in her mouth, and I grinned back.
“Yeah, awesome party Elin, thanks for inviting us.” This time Lauren wasn’t being sarcastic. For once she actually meant it. They stopped laughing at me when we got to the giant castle at the Adventure Dome, and we had an amazing time exploring the creepy dungeons and having a pretend battle in plastic armour in the tournament ring. Rachel even helped me put on make-up in the dressing-up room, and Lauren took loads of selfies of the three of us together to post online.
The party was going brilliantly, and everyone was fussing round me like I was a real princess. For the first time since I came to Glasgow, I actually had friends.
All I needed was a few more pieces of my plan to fall into place, and my fairy-tale ending would come true at last.
Even having Paige here was turning out to be less awful than I expected. I ignored her the whole time we were at the Adventure Dome, but when we got back home for food she sat with Jamie at the far end of the table and babbled away with him like we were in the school canteen. At least she was keeping him from annoying the other girls. It was funny – she never said more than three words to anyone else in school, but she couldn’t seem to shut up around Jamie.
“Time to cut the cake, Elin,” Mum said, lighting the twelve big candles. She was still looking a bit flustered. I was pretty sure she’d be glad when this was all over and the thirteen girls crammed round our kitchen table went home.
The Boy with the Butterfly Mind Page 9