The Boy with the Butterfly Mind

by Victoria Williamson

  43

  Elin

  Our science project was brilliant, but me and Jamie didn’t work. There was something missing, some important glue we needed to hold our team together. I was too neat and careful, and Jamie was too messy and excitable. We needed a third team member, but not someone who would try to take over or tell us what to do.

  What we needed was a referee.

  “There’s a girl from school coming round this afternoon,” I told Gran as I sorted a pile of leaves onto different plates. “She’s going to help us with the science fair entry.”

  “I’ll make some extra hotdogs for lunch,” Gran smiled, and I smiled back. Things had been awkward between us after I ran off to her house and found Beth there, but they were getting back to normal again. I was still upset at Gran for lying to me about never seeing Dad’s new family, but I was starting to understand why she did it. I would’ve gone crazy if she’d told me, and I could do a pretty good monster impression myself when I was upset.

  “Who’s coming for lunch? Who’s doing our project with us?” Jamie came stumbling in lugging a big box filled with more leaves to sort. The different caterpillars in our plastic tanks only ate one type of leaf, and we had to be careful to feed them the right ones.

  “Don’t worry Jamie, it’s—”

  “You invited someone to be on our science team and you didn’t even ask me?” Jamie cried, dropping half the contents of his box on the floor in outrage. “Mrs Watts! Tell her she can’t do that!”

  “It’s OK, we’ll just try it for this afternoon and if it doesn’t work we’ll go back to doing it ourselves,” I said quickly, before Gran could leap to Jamie’s defence.

  Gran had been looking after us for the holidays while Mum and Paul were at work, and now she’d got to know Jamie better she’d been treating him like the grandson she never knew she had. If it wasn’t for the fact that he drove her up the wall almost as much as he made her smile then I’d probably be jealous.

  “Oh, before you go Elin, there’s something I wanted to ask you,” Gran said before I could follow Jamie into the garden. I waited, getting a bit nervous when she didn’t say it straight away.

  “I know you’re still upset about your father having another child…”

  Here it comes, I thought.

  “… but Beth is your sister, and you two would get on so well if you’d just give her a chance. She’s desperate to meet you.”

  I didn’t say anything. I just fiddled with the leaf I was holding, ripping it into little bits.

  “The thing is…” Gran went on slowly, “your father’s starting work again next week, and he needs me to look after Beth until he can arrange a babysitter.”

  The bits of torn leaf were piling up on the plate now, but I still didn’t say anything.

  “Do you see the problem?” Gran asked, trying to get me to help her out. I knew what she wanted me to say, but I wanted her to spell it out for me first. Maybe if I stalled for long enough I wouldn’t have to make the big decision I knew was coming.

  Gran sighed and came straight out with it. “Your mother needs me to look after you and Jamie this Easter, and your father needs me to babysit Beth. I can do both, but I can’t be in two places at once. Would you mind if I brought her here? Honestly Elin, I think you’d love her to bits if you’d just agree to spend some time with her.”

  I dropped the last ripped leaf onto a plate and wiped my hands slowly on a paper towel before I answered. “Let me think about it, OK Gran?” It was the best I could do. Gran knew I was trying, so she gave me a hug and left it at that.

  “Elin, are you bringing those leaves or what?” Jamie yelled from the back garden.

  “Hang on!” I called back. “I’m going to get another notebook.” We already had a huge pile of stationery for recording our results, but I needed a minute to process what Gran had just said. I went to my room and opened my desk drawer, but I wasn’t looking for paper. It was the folder hiding beneath my photo albums I was after.

  I opened it up, flicking through the pages inside and staring at all the chapters of the story I’d written since Mum and Dad split up. It was all lies. If I’d just been prepared to give Beth and Sue a chance like Gran said, I could’ve seen Dad as much as I wanted, and I wouldn’t have had to make up all my stupid fairy tales about my old family getting back together.

  It was time to write a new story. A real story, with real characters instead of made-up ones.

  I closed the folder of lies and shoved it back in my drawer.

  “OK Gran,” I said as I headed out to join Jamie in the back garden, “you can bring Beth here next week.”

  Gran’s smile was so wide I knew I’d just made her prouder of me than the Perfect Princess could ever have done.

  44

  Jamie

  “Photo time!” I announce, grabbing my phone and pulling my two team members into the picture. I want to prove to Mum that she doesn’t need to worry about me any more, and make her proud of me so she can enjoy her American Dream Life. And maybe I want to make Chris feel just a little bit jealous that he doesn’t have a super-awesome butterfly experiment in his back garden too.

  “Not again, Jamie!” Elin sighs. “We still have to measure each caterpillar and draw up the size-comparison charts. We don’t have time for more pictures.”

  “We’ve still got all day tomorrow,” Paige says, taking her glasses off and smiling at the camera, “and there’s only two more charts to do, so there’s plenty of time.”

  Paige is a lot less shy than she was when she knocked on our door a week ago holding an old school jotter for science notes and half a bag of Liquorice Allsorts to bribe Elin to be nice to her. She didn’t need to bribe me. I was desperate to be her friend again. It took a few days for Elin to stop ordering her around and for Paige to stop looking like a mouse stuck to the tarmac on the motorway, but it’s going great now. Paige knows exactly how to calm me down when I start getting angry and frustrated, and I haven’t blown up in two whole days. She’s like a bomb-disposal expert who knows just where to cut the fuse before there’s an explosion, and she’s helping Elin get along better with me too.

  The weather’s been perfect here all Easter, probably even better than sunny California. I stretch out on the grass and take another selfie with my magnifying glass up to my eye like I’m a famous bug hunter. Miss Morrison told me on the last day of term that I was smart enough to be a scientist when I leave school. She’s never said anything like that to me before. I think that was her way of apologising for not believing me about Rachel and for shouting at me for all sorts of things that weren’t my fault.

  She doesn’t need to worry about that. I’ve still got plenty of Mad Jamie meltdowns left in me to keep her yelling at me till the end of June.

  At least Dad and Liz aren’t yelling at each other any more. I’ve been on my very best behaviour, which usually isn’t enough, but this time round it’s like we’re all working together instead of taking sides in a war against each other. Our family’s not perfect, but for the first time in ages, I’m starting to think just maybe it might stay together for good this time.

  “Lunchtime!” Mrs Watts calls from the kitchen. “You three need to take a break for a little while and come and have something to eat.”

  We all pile into the kitchen to drink orange juice and eat hotdogs. I’m not that hungry because of my medication, but Mrs Watts has made them specially cos she thinks they’re my favourite thing just now. I don’t want to tell her I actually like beans on toast way better, so I chew on one anyway and look at the pictures Beth’s been painting in here while we worked on our experiment.

  “Hey! I like this one. Is it a tortoiseshell?” I ask, holding up the butterfly-shaped paper with black and orange blobs covering it.

  “Don’t be daft,” Elin rolls her eyes at me, “it’s a painted lady. Can’t you see the wing markings? It’s very accurate for a three year old.”

  “Ack-u-late,” Beth agrees, grinning at Elin
and popping another fistful of hotdog sausage in her mouth.

  Elin’s got a new project now that she likes even better than painting all her little fairy-tale figures, and that’s teaching Beth how to paint. I thought she’d insist on doing all our science display artwork herself, but she’s letting Beth help. It’s nice seeing the two of them getting along, even if it does mean some of our information posters are going to be a bit wonky. It makes me feel hopeful seeing the blobby butterflies going into our display box. If Elin’s changed from a control freak into a patient big sister who doesn’t mind a bit of mess, it means there’s hope that I’ve changed from a monster into something much better too.

  “Do you think we can win the science fair?” Paige asks me for about the zillionth time. “I’ve never won anything in my life.”

  “Of course we can win,” Elin says, wiping Beth’s fingers and showing her how to open her yoghurt. “Our project’s brilliant.”

  Mrs Watts frowns, and I know she’s worrying about Elin being overconfident and how we still have to get our display past the judges at the library next week before we can think about making it to the Glasgow Science Centre. I’m not worried though. I’ve got the best reason in the world for wanting to win, and I can’t wait to see Elin’s face when we’re handed first prize and I tell her she’ll be able to get her riding lessons at last.

  I already feel like a winner. Elin and I joined forces in the war and won a proper family as a prize. That’s almost better than winning all the science competitions on the planet.

  45

  Elin

  Winning a place at the science fair in the library competition a few weeks ago was the easy part.

  On the day of the fair it wasn’t the judges walking round the crowded Science Centre with their clipboards that made me nervous. It was seeing Dad together with his new family for the very first time that made my heart flutter faster than the newly emerged butterflies in our tanks.

  “Do you see him?” I asked yet again, craning my neck to look for his familiar blond hair in the crowd. There were lots of kids from our school here, and Miss Morrison had come over to say hello, but I hadn’t seen any sign of Dad and he hadn’t called. “He said he’d come. Do you think he’s changed his mind?”

  “Don’t worry, he’ll be here. He wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Mum squeezed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile that helped a bit, but I couldn’t stop worrying about what I’d say to Sue when I saw her. She’d been trying for over three years to get me to accept her, inviting me to spend holidays in Edinburgh and sending little presents along with Dad whenever I saw him at Gran’s house, but I rejected her every time. I was scared it was too late and I’d wrecked my chance to give my story a different ending.

  “Ow! That was my foot!” I yelped, getting out of the way before Jamie could crush my toes again. “Stop bouncing up and down! If you need the toilet just go, the judges still have three more tables to look at before it’s our turn.”

  “Don’t-need-to-pee,” Jamie said, all wound up with twitchy energy. “Just-nervous. Forgot-my-chewing-gum.”

  “Here, I brought some for you.” Paige pulled a couple of packs from her pocket and handed them to him, and I fought the sudden urge to hug her. She was so good at this. A few months ago I thought she was rubbish at everything, but now I knew that wasn’t true.

  She’d make a great teacher one day. She was way more patient than I’d ever be.

  “Hey, look!” Jamie said through a mouthful of gum. “There’s Beth!”

  He didn’t need to point her out. As soon as she saw us Beth let go of Dad’s hand and came running straight for me, throwing herself at my knees and demanding to be picked up and hugged. She was so like me it made me smile. Once she’d decided someone was family, she’d hold on tight and never let go.

  As I showed Beth the butterflies in the tanks, I tried not to notice that Dad was holding Sue’s hand and Paul had his arm around Mum’s waist. They weren’t putting on a show for each other though. They all looked happy and relaxed for the first time ever, and Gran was smiling so much at all of them I was worried her face was going to crack.

  Then Sue came over and pretended to wipe Beth’s nose, but I knew she was just looking for an excuse to talk to me.

  “Hi Elin, it’s lovely to meet you at last. Your dad’s told me so much about you I feel like I know you already.”

  “Um, yeah, nice to meet you too,” I stammered. I wasn’t sure if that was true, but it was such a relief to let go of all the anger I’d been carrying around that I felt about ten tons lighter.

  “How about I take some pictures of you three with your science display? Your gran would love one to put on her wall, and I told all my friends at work I’d bring in photos of your experiments to show them. Just there’s perfect. Say cheese!”

  Jamie grimaced when I put my arm round his shoulder and Paige leaned in close, but my smile was real. Sue was still trying to make friends with me, and that meant I hadn’t blown my chance to spend holiday time with Dad and Beth in Edinburgh after all.

  That made me feel even better than winning this place at the science fair.

  “Look, the judges are coming,” Paul said suddenly, and my stomach did another nervous somersault. “Good luck guys, we’ve got our fingers crossed for you.”

  They all stepped back so the judges could look at our display and ask us questions.

  The moment we’d been working towards for all these weeks had finally arrived.

  I was so nervous I could barely answer the judges’ questions, and I kept tripping over my words and stammering. I was desperate to do well and make Dad proud of me, but the fear of letting everyone down tangled up my tongue until I couldn’t speak. Jamie didn’t do much better – he garbled his answers so fast as he bounced up and down like a jack-in-the-box that the judges had no hope of understanding a single word he said.

  It was Paige who got us through it.

  She was nervous too, but somehow she managed to hold herself together and speak slowly and clearly, telling the judges all about our experiment design and the different stages of our butterflies’ growth. She was so much braver when she wasn’t being bullied by Rachel, or frowned at by Miss Morrison.

  Or treated really badly by me.

  As soon as the judges finished writing on their clipboards and moved on to the next entry, Jamie let out a long breath that sounded like a balloon deflating, and I grabbed Paige’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

  “You were brilliant!” I whispered.

  Paige grinned back at me and blushed, and it felt like all the times I’d said mean things to her or just ignored her when she wanted to talk to me in school had finally been forgiven.

  The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. In no time at all the moment we’d all been waiting for arrived, and everyone gathered back in the main hall to hear the judges announce the runners-up and winners.

  “Do you think we’ll win?” Jamie kept whispering in my ear so loud the whole hall could hear him. “Do you think we will?”

  “I don’t know!” I whispered back. “Just stand still for half a second and we’ll find out!”

  I tried to convince myself I didn’t care about the result. I told myself that by putting all our differences aside and working together we’d already won a prize way better than the thousand pounds. I said all the right things in my head, but it still didn’t stop my stomach from lurching in disappointment when the results were announced.

  We didn’t win the science fair.

  Our entry came second.

  I could hear Paige’s squeal of delight being drowned out by Jamie’s half-strangled howl of outrage, and I had to almost drag him up to the stage with us so he could collect his certificate. He managed to keep a smile on his face for the whole time it took to dismantle our display and get it packed up again into Mum’s car, but I knew it was fake.

  While the adults stood chatting in the car park, Jamie pretended he was checking we’d stowed eve
rything away, but he was really hiding behind the boot so no one would see he was trying hard not to cry. It wasn’t the perfect ending I’d been hoping for either, but seeing him so sad made me realise there were some things more important than winning.

  “Cheer up,” I whispered, “we did so well. We came second in the whole of Glasgow! Our experiment was really good.”

  “Not good enough to win the thousand pounds,” Jamie sniffed.

  “We still get fifty pounds each. That’s not bad, is it?”

  “Yeah, but it won’t be enough.”

  “Enough for what?” I asked, confused. Jamie hadn’t mentioned the prize money before. I thought he just wanted to win to prove to everyone he was good at science.

  “For riding lessons,” he said, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “If I can’t pay for them, then I can’t make up for ruining everything for you when I came to stay.”

  I could only stand there and blink at him in amazement.

  “You mean all this time you’ve been trying to win just so I can go riding?” I finally asked.

  He nodded, staring at his feet.

  “Jamie, if you didn’t hate it so much, I’d hug you right now,” I laughed.

  “You mean you’re not disappointed?”

  “Dad’s gone back to work, so he’s going to pay for me to start riding lessons next month. The only thing I’m disappointed in is myself. I’ve been really mean to you, and you’ve been so nice to me,” I admitted. “I wish I could go back in time and undo all the bad things I’ve done.”

  It was Jamie’s turn to stare at me in surprise. Then his frown turned into a big grin.

  “If I didn’t hate hugging so much, I’d hug you right now too,” he smiled. That made us both laugh.

  “There you are!” Dad said, finding our hiding place. “Elin, we’re heading over to your gran’s house now. Do you need a lift somewhere, Paige? Or is your mum coming to pick you up?”