POSSESSION

by Jaimie Roberts

  I didn’t question him, as he is a doctor after all. I just thought a lot of fuss was being made over nothing. I know I was raped and bruised, but the physical scars are healing well. It’s just my emotional scars I’m unsure I’ll get over.

  As I take a leisurely stroll on top of Ireland, I stare at the grounds ahead. The house that stands tall on them doesn’t look as huge as it once did. I guess, after living here a while, it seems familiar and therefore doesn’t seem as big as it used to be.

  I rub my hand up Ireland’s neck before patting her. “You’re the only girl who listens to me without judgment, aren’t you, Ireland?” I rub her fondly with a smile, but feel when the tears begin to fall. I don’t want to miss Drake, but I do. I understand him now, but that means I also know the truth. He hid it from me, and I can also understand why, but it doesn’t stop me from hating him for what he did, and it doesn’t stop me from asking the same damn question over and over again.

  Why me?

  Out of all the women in the world, why did he choose the twelve-year-old girl who hadn’t lived her life yet? Why did he love her so fiercely and so strongly in all the wrong ways imaginable? Why did he choose to put that same girl in danger—so much so that it led her into that same danger he was trying to protect her from? All those questions and more roll around in my head. He was a monster who was trying to better himself, but because of my stubbornness, I kept pushing until he cracked. Does this excuse his behaviour? Hell no. Does it make me want to leave and say a big fuck you? Hell yes.

  But there is this part of me … a big part of me … that can’t help yearning to be with him. I tried to find the logic in that, and the only explanation I could come up with is that he’s all I have. He is all that I’ve ever had. My parents hated me enough to agree to sell me, knowing what the consequences would be. I was a virgin. An innocent child who longed for dates, time out with friends, and the freedom to choose her own path in life. Was that really so much to ask?

  Feeling a breeze against my skin, I close my eyes and savour the moment. It’s August now, and the heat is sticky, so this breeze is a welcome one. As I open them back up again, the realisation that I have no clue what happens next hits me like a freight train. I have no clue as to whether there’s a threat anymore. If there isn’t, does this mean Drake will let loose on the reins a bit? Does this mean he’ll even want me still? He knows what happened to me while I was with Isaac, and a part of me worries that he won’t find me desirable after what happened. I shouldn’t care, but I do. That man over the years has become both my enemy and my saviour. My fissure and my bond. My sickness and my cure. My destruction and my salvation. I have even come to terms with the fact that Drake will probably insist on forcing us. So be it. I have nothing and no one else left. At least here, I know I’m safe. At one time, I wanted so badly to run away from this place. But now I feel like it’s the only safe place I have left. How fucked up is that after everything he’s put me through?

  Wiping my eyes, I pat Ireland one more time before saying, “Come on, girl.” She immediately complies, and we head back to the stables. As I near, I notice Mandy standing by the stable door waiting for me. When I see her, I practically fall off Ireland to get to her.

  Mandy laughs and opens her arms to grab me. We embrace, and that’s when the floodgates really open. I hadn’t allowed myself to cry since all that has happened. Sure, I’ve shed a few tears, but now I’m balling, and I can’t stop.

  “Hey, hey,” she says, stroking my hair. “Please don’t cry.”

  Sniffling and wiping my eyes, I pull away to look at her. “How are you here?”

  Pushing my hair away from my face, she smiles. “Drake called me this morning and asked me to come over.”

  My eyes widen and my stomach flips. “You spoke to Drake?” She nods. “How did he sound?” I don’t know why I care, but I do.

  She sighs. “Broken. It was a shock to hear him actually. Normally, he sounds so self-assured, so confident.” She searches my eyes as if trying to find something. “What happened?”

  “Did Drake not tell you?”

  “No. He just said that he thinks you’ll need me and to make sure I give you a hug when you do.”

  I start laughing. “He actually said that?”

  She nods her head. “So, what’s been happening?”

  “A lot,” I sigh. “Too much to say standing here. Tell you what… How about we get Ireland settled, and then you and I can go grab some lunch?”

  She smiles. “Sounds good to me.”

  Mandy helps me with Ireland before we head back to the house for lunch. I asked George if I could rustle up something for us, but he insisted on doing it himself. “That’s what I’m here for,” he protested. He gave me a look as if to say don’t argue with me, so I shrugged my shoulders and headed outside with Mandy.

  We sit at the table by the pool under a nice bit of shade and relish the welcome breeze that’s blowing in from the west. Soon after being seated, one of the men comes out with a jug of fresh lemonade and pours us a glass each. Mandy seems beside herself. “This is the fucking life,” she sighs contentedly behind her mirrored shades.

  We both take a sip of our cold drinks, and it’s a welcome feeling in the heat. Once Mandy places her glass down, she leans forward. “Are you going to spill the beans now?”

  So I do. I tell her the part about trying to flee and the subsequent kidnapping afterwards. I leave out the gory details, but Mandy gets the gist of what happened to me. Once I reveal the story to her, Mandy sits back stunned into silence. At first, she just stares ahead open-mouthed. But then, she looks back at me.

  “I feel like the worst friend on earth. There you were trying to tell me, and I just kept pushing you.”

  I shake my head at her. There was one time I used to blame Mandy for pushing Drake and me, but how can I when I never told her all the facts. “I never let you in on the full details, so don’t worry about it.”

  “What will you do now?”

  “I don’t think there’s much I can do. I’m stuck, aren’t I? I never thought I’d say this, but Drake’s won. If he wants to fight, then I’ll give in. After everything that’s happened, I’m just too tired.”

  Mandy runs a hand through her red hair and bites her lip. She looks like she’s trying to think of what to say. “Okay, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. I think I’ve done enough of that already. But what I will say… No, what I’ll ask is: If faced with the choice to stay or leave, which one would you choose?”

  Present Day

  Mandy stays for a couple more hours, and by the time she leaves, I’m exhausted. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately, but I feel constantly tired all the time. I keep putting it down to the after effects of the drugs and all the shit I was put through in the small time that was spent at Isaac’s.

  With a shiver down my spine, I go up to Drake’s bedroom and fall asleep. I’m not sure how long I’m sleeping before I feel a set of arms around me. His smell hits my nostrils, and for now, it makes me smile. My monster, my saviour … my only salvation is here, and in this moment, it is all I could ask for. I want to be held. I want to be loved. And after all the shit that life has dealt me, I don’t feel it’s a lot to ask.

  My back is pressed against his warm frame. He’s dressed—unlike me—but he doesn’t make a move to touch me. Instead, he snuggles his arms through mine and holds my hand in a tight embrace. The fact that he’s not pushing this makes me want to push him. Knowing he’s here makes my body instantly react. His touch, his presence, and his smell all warm my insides like nothing before.

  So, I turn. I turn to face my handsome monster, and I find that I’m not staring at a monster at all. I’m staring at a man. A man who looks both broken and lost at the same time. He is still my Drake, but it looks like the light has died in his eyes, and that thought near enough breaks me.

  And then, he says something that becomes the catalyst to my undoing. Just four words, and that dam I had bui
lt because of him comes crumbling down in a catastrophic collapse.

  “I’m so sorry, Evelyn.”

  Gut-wrenching sobs wrack my body. Drake holds me throughout, not saying a word, but saying everything. I know through his words and actions that what he said is true. It’s written all over his face. I believe he’s truly sorry for everything, but what now?

  And that’s the part that scares me to death. I have no idea how we move on. I have no idea even how to start. But what I do know for now is that I need his comfort. I need to feel our connection between us no matter how fucked up that connection is.

  So, once I calm my tears, I stare up to Drake’s emotion-filled eyes, and I know right there in that moment that it’s the right thing to do. Later on, tomorrow, and the day after is a different story. For now, I feel I need this. For now, I want this.

  Leaning my head toward him, I capture him with my lips. At first, he doesn’t do anything, so I lean in again, but this time so he knows exactly what my intentions are. I prop myself up and try to get on top of him, but he halts me. “Evelyn, don’t you think that you should—”

  “Don’t you want me?” My heart beats a million miles an hour at the thought that he doesn’t want me like that anymore.

  “Of course I do. It’s just that you’ve been through a lot and—”

  “And I need this. I need you. Drake, please.”

  On my whispered beg, Drake captures my mouth with his and rolls over until he’s on top of me. Our kisses aren’t like the ones we shared before. These kisses are raw, passionate, and so tender that it makes my insides burn. “Drake, please,” I beg, flexing my hips up to meet his erection. I’m undressed, but Drake isn’t, and I need his clothes off of him quickly.

  On a breathless moan, Drake pulls up a little, unbuttons his shirt, and pulls it off his head. As he’s unbuttoning his trousers, I take my time feasting on the man in front of me. His body has never failed to spark a reaction in me. He’s so toned, so flawless … so perfect. As he pushes his trousers down, I trail a line in the middle of his V, making him hiss.

  “Evelyn, you drive me crazy,” he whispers. His trousers are soon off and then he’s back to snuggling in between my legs, kissing from my neck to my shoulder before taking a nipple into his mouth.

  Cupping his head, I thread my fingers through his hair on a moan. “Drake, please. I need you.”

  Drake listens to my pleas, positioning himself at my entrance. I’m so wet that he slides in with ease as we both moan out in pleasure together. As he starts to move inside of me, he lays gentle kisses all over my face before tenderly kissing me. This is a new side I’ve seen of Drake, and it’s like I’m sleeping with him for the very first time.

  “I love you,” he whispers, flexing his hips deep inside of me. “I love you so much.”

  I cry out, loving this feeling inside of me. The connection between us is so strong that I almost say those words back. I do love Drake in my own way, but I can’t say those words until I know I can give myself freely to him. I know Drake wants to hear them back, but this is one act of free will he can’t force from me. This, at least, is something for me and only me to decide.

  As he picks his pace up and flexes his hips in deeper, I gasp, clutching on to his hips and squeezing him into me more. “Drake,” I cry, throwing my head back into the pillow as I allow myself to feel every tender caress, every kiss, and every thrust. I start moaning, and soon, I can’t stop. It’s like the noises have a mind of their own. Sex with Drake has always been mind-blowing in one way or the other, but this … this is more on a nuclear scale. I know it because I feel it deep in my soul. This is what it feels like to be loved.

  And with that knowledge, my orgasm rises, nearly robbing me of my sight. I scream, scratching his back and calling his name.

  “Fuck, Evelyn, you’re going to make me come.” With one final thrust, he arches his back and releases himself inside of me on a long drawn out moan.

  He says nothing as we calm, and he doesn’t say anything when he pulls out of me and positions himself behind me again either. Instead, he pulls me closer to him and we spoon until we both fall asleep. I know we have a lot to say, and I know I need to find out what’s happening next. But, for now, I will sleep. For now, I will savour this moment in his arms. A place I know I belong in this moment. A place I should have been all along.

  Is it too little, too late?

  Present Day

  I don’t know how, but we both managed to sleep right through the afternoon until morning. When I woke, it was from the sound of the shower from the en suite. Turning, I take a look at the clock on the bedside and see that it’s seven in the morning. No doubt Drake is getting ready for work and will leave me soon for another day to enjoy on my own. I start thinking that he’s trying to avoid the inevitable talk, but at the same time, maybe being alone for a little while longer with my thoughts isn’t such a bad idea after all. I still have no clue as to how I feel about Drake or the situation I’m in. I also still have no clue as to the possible danger I’m in. At some point, I will need to know.

  I hear the shower turn off and soon after, Drake walks into the room dripping wet and still flawless. No matter how big or small my reaction, I find I always do react to him. It’s like he’s become a master magician at it.

  Once he sees me propped up with my hand holding my head, he smiles. “Good sleep?”

  I nod. “The best in a long time, actually.”

  “Good. You need your rest.” He says this as though it saddens him.

  “Are you getting ready for work?”

  “I will be visiting a few of my companies today, but first I wanted to take the morning off and take you somewhere.”

  I rise up in surprise. “Take me somewhere?” He nods. “Where?”

  “I don’t want to say yet.”

  “So, it’s a surprise?”

  His face is impassive as he answers. “Sort of. It’s hard to explain, but you’ll see once we get there.” He looks so sad still. Surely, it can’t be a good surprise then. My face falls at the thought. Drake notices. “Don’t worry. It’s nothing bad. I promise.”

  “Okay,” I say, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and standing up. “Shall I get ready?”

  He walks towards me, cups the back of my head, and tenderly kisses my forehead. “Please,” he says, lingering a little longer. Something’s wrong with him, and I don’t know what. “I’ll meet you downstairs for breakfast.”

  He leaves the bedroom without looking back, and I know for certain something is wrong. I know I’m not in danger because Drake would never put me in harm’s way, but there’s definitely something not right about this surprise. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever dreaded a surprise so much.

  Needing to know one way or the other, I quickly dress before meeting Drake in the kitchen. He’s sitting by the island, drinking a black coffee and reading the Financial Times. He smiles as I walk in, but I can see sadness in that smile.

  “Come and sit,” George chimes. I didn’t even notice he was there until he spoke.

  “Good morning, George.”

  George smiles brightly. “Good morning, Mrs Salvatore. How are you this fine morning?”

  Biting my lip, I look across at Drake. It’s sometimes hard to remember that I’m his wife. Drake looks impassive, so I turn to George with a smile. “I’m fine, thanks. And you?”

  “Enjoying the sun while it lasts.” He motions to the chair next to Drake. “Sit, and I’ll get bring you something. You must be hungry.”

  I assume that means he knows I haven’t eaten since yesterday at lunch time. I suppose everyone in this house knows everything I’m getting up to on a day to day basis.

  I take my seat next to Drake, but he doesn’t stop reading the paper. I know something’s up, but I’m guessing he’s deliberately leaving it until he shows me whatever he has in store.

  George places a plate of brown toast, scrambled eggs, and strawberries on the side before wishing me bon ap
pétit and leaving me and Drake alone. Once he does, the silence is deafening. My stomach rolls with nausea at the thought of what might be in store for me today.

  I eat the toast, but I can’t stomach the eggs. Drake notices of course. “Are you not hungry?”

  I look across at him. “No, not really. I actually feel a bit sick.”

  Placing the paper down, he cups my stomach with a frown. “Are you okay?”

  I chuckle at his excessive concern. “I’m fine, Drake. What’s gotten into you today?” I smile at him, and he smiles back, but I can tell it’s forced.

  “Nothing. I just worry about you.”

  Staring at the truth in his eyes, I can’t help but feel how different this man before me is. Why is it only now that I’m being treated with kid gloves? Because I’ve been abused? Violated in the worst way possible? Wanting him this way is the only thing I have ever dreamed about, but now that it’s here, I find it odd. This man looks like Drake, but he has someone else’s personality entirely. It’s like someone else’s soul has entered his body. I don’t know how I feel about it.

  Sighing, Drake stands up. “Are you ready then?”

  I frown, but nod my head—unsure if I really want to know what’s going to happen next. “Okay. I’m ready.”

  He doesn’t take my hand like he would normally do. Instead, he motions for me to walk ahead, and I do so, taking tentative steps. Once in the hallway, we see Kane. “We’re ready now.”

  Kane nods. “Yes, sir. The car is waiting out front.”

  Drake nods and presses his hand into the small of my back. He leads me outside and into the waiting car. Kane gets in with another guard, and we drive in silence for around ten minutes until we reach a beautiful area of Sutton Scotney. We approach a gated community, and we’re let in straight away. Once past the gates, Kane finds a parking space and stops. The whole time I’m sitting there, frowning and wondering why we’re here.

  “Do you trust me?” Drake suddenly asks. “I know I haven’t given you a reason to, but can I ask that of you now?” I nod my head, knowing he’s sincere, and he gets out of the car. Pretty soon, my door is open too, and Drake leads me up the two small steps until we reach the front door of the building. Drake enters a code, and when we walk in, we’re met by a security guard who acknowledges Drake straight away.