Onwards Flows the River

by Caroline Windsor

  “Does Aidan live there too?”

  “No, Aidan has his own house on the outskirts of Westermouth. It’s quite small by comparison with Downlands, but his garden stretches right down to the River Wester and he keeps a canoe there.”

  “He sails too, doesn’t he? He was showing us some photographs last night.”

  “The family has a small dinghy which is kept at Cocklecombe, so he and Hannah often come over to use that at weekends in the summer. Sometimes I suspect he prefers his canoe though. Aidan has a solitary streak, which is why, I suppose, he decided to buy his own house, rather than stay at Downlands with his parents.”

  “You like him, don’t you? I can tell from the way you talk about him.”

  Kate remembered the expression on Aidan’s face as he had looked at Jo the night before.

  “I’ve known him a long time and I’m very fond of him,” she said carefully. “But then, I’m extremely fond of the whole family.”

  “He’s definitely got a spiritual side – I could tell that straight away.”

  “He’s a Quaker born and bred – his religion means everything to him. I don’t mean that he’s pious or goody-goody or anything, it’s just that he seems to know exactly what his life’s all about and he puts all his energy into living it to the full.”

  Beth sighed. “I think he’s lovely. He treated me just as if I was a grown-up.”

  “Most people like Aidan; he has the gift of winning people over. I expect your sister fell for his charms too.”

  “Jo?” Beth sounded surprised. “Oh, I’m sure she liked him, but she doesn’t really trust men on the whole. She’s never had a boyfriend or anything even though she is nineteen.”

  Kate’s heart gave a little fillip of joy. Even if Aidan was attracted to Jo, there was no guarantee that she would reciprocate the feeling. And since it took two to tango, it seemed unlikely that any relationship would develop between the two of them.

  “We’d better speed up a bit along this stretch. There’s quite a breeze coming in off the sea.”

  Turning their backs on the estuary, they set off briskly along the coastal path.

  o0o

  “Who’s for church then?” Aidan breezed into the living room at Cockle Cottage later that evening.

  “Do shut the door,” Hannah complained. “It’s freezing out there.” She shifted a few inches closer to the log fire which was roaring cheerfully in the hearth.

  Approaching her from behind, her brother clasped his cold hands against her face. Hannah let out a shriek.

  “Stop tormenting me, you cruel thing!”

  Laughing, Aidan squatted down beside her and held out his hands to the fire.

  “Are mine any warmer?” She felt Daniel’s hands, equally icy, against the back of her neck.

  “No, they’re not!” She ducked away from him and went over to sit on the sofa beside Jo.

  “I thought that’d work!” Daniel sank down into the warmth of her vacated chair and stretched out his legs.

  Hannah glared at him. “And you’re no better – I never thought I’d have a boyfriend who treated me as badly as my brother.”

  “Ah, so I am still your boyfriend, am I?” Daniel gave her a benign smile. “I thought some wild radical student might have won your heart in London.”

  Jo caught Kate’s eye and winked.

  Hannah cast around for something to deflect his train of thought. “So, we’re all going to the service, are we?” she enquired brightly.

  “I think I’ll give it a miss if it’s all the same to you.” Jo smiled at her sister. “But I know you’ll take care of Beth for me – she’s longing to go.”

  Aidan nodded. “She’ll be in good hands. But as I’ve been to more midnight masses at Cocklecombe Church than I can count – I’ll stay here and keep you company.”

  “Oh no, do come!” Kate couldn’t help herself. “You know you love the service as much as I do, even if you’re not an Anglican.”

  Jo gave her a quizzical look and she felt herself blush.

  “I’d rather you went with the others too. After all, the service does actually mean something to you – you’re not an atheist like me. And, besides, I’d really enjoy a quiet read for an hour or so.”

  “Fine, I’ll go then.” Aidan rose and stretched lazily. “We’d better be off unless we want to be squashed up in a pew at the back.”

  o0o

  The small creekside church was packed with worshippers of all ages determined to enjoy the age-old miracle of the midnight mass. Kate leaned back against the pew, drinking in the atmosphere. Some of the congregation, she knew, rarely set foot in the church from one year’s end to the next, yet every Christmas Eve, there they’d be, drinking in the magic once again.

  The decorations, she reflected, were particularly good this year. Each window bore a candle, whose flickering light danced over the sprigs of red-berried holly which surrounded it. The nativity scene in front of the pulpit, the figures delicately carved in wood, was also, she could see, the subject of much admiration.

  Aidan and Daniel sat at either end of the pew. Seated between herself and Aidan, Beth seemed transfixed by the scene. As Kate watched, she saw Aidan lean over to find her place in the hymn book. Beth’s cheeks grew pink and she gave him a shy smile. Hannah, she noticed, was sitting huddled up against Daniel as if she was frozen to the marrow. She caught her eye and Hannah gave her a wink.

  Daniel leafed through the pages of the Book of Common Prayer and tried to focus his mind, but the delicious warmth of Hannah’s curvaceous body pressed against his own destroyed his powers of concentration. Damn the girl! She knew exactly what she was doing. Worse still, she enjoyed doing it. Why he had had to fall for such an appalling flirt was beyond him, but fall he had – and heavily too.

  He glanced down at the titian hair fanned out against his shoulder and sighed. Keeping his desire for her under control for a whole three years was not going to be easy – but control it he would – however hard she tried to seduce him. Never would he risk subjecting her to the traumas which had brought his last relationship crashing down around his ears. A picture of Carol’s dark, frightened eyes came, unbidden, to his mind. Her pregnancy had come as a shock to both of them. God knows, they’d taken enough trouble to prevent it. He’d known as soon as she’d told him, that he’d have to marry her. An abortion for someone whose beliefs tended towards the Catholic rather than the Evangelical end of the Anglican spectrum, was out of the question. As a young law student, struggling to make ends meet on an inadequate grant, the miscarriage which had caused her such untold misery, had brought him nothing but relief. She had seen it, of course, in his face and hated him for it. As indeed he had hated himself.

  It had been Aidan who had rescued him. As a fellow law student, the tentative friendship which had begun during their schooldays, now deepened into maturity. And so, with his parents living abroad, he had found himself spending all his holidays at Downlands and had watched Hannah grow from chubby, obstreperous adolescent to eminently desirable woman. He had no illusions about her. She could be more devious than any woman he had ever come across – and he adored every manipulative inch of her.

  Looking down, he saw her hand snake out from beneath her cloak and squeeze his thigh. He shifted slightly, forcing her to sit upright. A pair of wounded green eyes gazed up at him and he gave her a reproving frown.

  From the back of the church the haunting treble of a young chorister led the congregation into Once in Royal David’s City. Kate felt the hairs prickle on the back of her neck. The slow procession down the aisle, the gold cross glinting in the candlelight, was, for her, the highlight of the Anglican year. Out of the corner of her eye she glanced at Aidan. She could hear his deep voice swelling into harmony with the others, but the expression on his face told her that his thoughts were elsewhere.r />
  Aidan was thinking about Jo. He hadn’t particularly looked forward to meeting her, had wondered indeed why Hannah had insisted on inviting her and her sister to Cocklecombe for Christmas. From what he could gather from his parents, his sister had detested Jo on sight – the words brusque, bad-tempered and domineering had filtered back to him – and he wondered what had happened to bring about such a change in their relationship.

  His own reaction to the newcomers had both surprised and disturbed him. Beth, he had taken to right away; the sad, shy, deeply spiritual young girl had touched a chord within him and he had found himself wanting to protect and cherish her.

  Jo was different. There was something self-contained – a ‘do not touch’ quality – about her which had attracted him on sight. He could tell from her body language that she distrusted men and he had found himself trying to analyse her in the light of what he knew from his parents. She had, he detected, reacted to the hardships of her life by erecting a carapace around herself. All through dinner the previous evening she had responded politely, but distantly to his attempts at conversation. But later, as he, Jo and Beth sat looking through the photograph album, he had felt her relax and let her defences down. The warmth and wry humour which he had glimpsed so fleetingly had attracted him even more than that alluring, petite body so severely dressed in black. An atheist too – now that was a real challenge!

  As the ringing tones of the organ died away, he came to a swift decision.

  After the prayers, as the congregation filed down the nave towards the altar, Kate saw him whisper to Beth and slip quietly out of the church.

  “He said he doesn’t take Communion so he’s going back to the cottage to make sure Jo’s all right,” Beth murmured.

  Kate’s heart sank. It was true that, as a Quaker, Aidan didn’t take part in the Communion itself, but that had never stopped him staying until the end before. As she knelt at the altar rail and cupped her hands to receive the wafer, she tried to focus on the moment. But it was no good. The bread turned to ashes in her mouth. Her pleasure in the service had been ruined.

  o0o

  “That was really beautiful – I’m so glad I came.” Beth’s face was glowing as they emerged into the chill of the winter’s night.

  Kate felt instantly ashamed of her own less than perfect response. It was, she told herself firmly, typical of Aidan’s thoughtfulness that he should decide to skip the last part of the service to ensure the well-being of their guest. Any other explanation was the product of her own inherently suspicious mind and nothing more.

  “It was rather magical, wasn’t it? I thought you’d enjoy it.”

  Hannah gazed up at the sky. “Just look at that full moon – have you ever seen anything like it?”

  “Yes – last month,” Kate said quellingly. Hannah, she knew, scarcely looked at the sky from one month to the next and wouldn’t know her Pole Star from her Plough.

  “Don’t be so unromantic!” Hannah linked her arm into Daniel’s. “I think we ought to have a stroll by the river – down to our seat, maybe.” She gave Kate a meaningful wink. “What do you say, Kate?”

  For a moment Kate was tempted to put the lid on her friend’s amorous designs and go along with the idea, but charity prevailed. She gave an exaggerated yawn.

  “I’m far too tired for that, I’m afraid, but don’t let me stop you. Beth and I will head on back to the cottage.”

  The relief in Hannah’s eyes was almost pathetic.

  o0o

  “Well, that was pretty damn obvious, wasn’t it?”

  “What was?”

  “Your sudden interest in astronomy. And don’t give me that wide-eyed look. I wasn’t born yesterday.”

  “I really don’t know what you’re on about.” Hannah squeezed his arm tighter and matched her stride to his. “But since the others did decide to go back, I can’t say I’m sorry to have you to myself for a bit.”

  “And now that you have got me to yourself, what do you intend to do about it?”

  Hannah gave him a sidelong glance. “Make the most of it, I hope.”

  As they rounded the bend in the road, she drew him to a halt and swung him round to face her. The breeze from the river rippled through the trees, and he caught a hint of the Blue Grass perfume which he had given her for her birthday. In the cold, bright light of the moon her face, normally so open and transparent, took on an air of mystery. She looked infinitely desirable and he felt his heartbeat quicken.

  Slowly she raised her lips to his, kissing him lightly, gently, first on his mouth, then his cheeks, eyelids and forehead. Then, as her ardour grew, he felt the warmth of her body pressing against him and her mouth sought his with a new urgency. He responded willingly, hungrily, his passion rising to match her own. Her arms reached up, drawing him ever closer. The stiff buttons of her cloak resisted his fingers for a moment, and he fumbled with them impatiently, then slid his hands inside, down over her back to the smooth curve of her hips. He crushed her against him, his breath quickening, until he heard her gasp.

  That faint intake of breath brought him to his senses. Reluctantly he drew away from her. She stood rigid with dismay as he fastened the buttons of her cloak once more and drew her hair out from beneath her collar, spreading it over her shoulders.

  “Why, Daniel?” Her voice was no more than a whisper. “Why did you stop?”

  “Because. Just because.” He took her arm and guided her down the narrow footpath to the seat beside the river. They sat in silence for a while, gazing out across the moon-flecked water to the lights of the houses on the opposite shore.

  “I bet they’re all happy.”

  “Who?”

  “The people living over there. I bet those houses are full of happily married couples, making passionate love every night and enjoying every minute of it.”

  “If they were enjoying it that much, why have so many of the houses still got their lights on?” He glanced across at her, but she refused to smile. “I think you’re wrong. I think those houses are full of married couples all right, but they’re also full of brattish kids. And those parents who aren’t still trying to get their kids to sleep are desperately wrapping Christmas presents for them. And they know from previous experience that most of those expensive presents, which have cost them the best part of a month’s salary, will be either broken or discarded twenty-four hours from now.”

  “You’re determined to avoid the subject, aren’t you?”

  “Which subject is that?”

  “Us.”

  “And what was it about us exactly that you wanted to discuss?”

  “You know perfectly well.”

  Daniel sighed. “We’ve been through it all before, Hannah. Nothing’s changed.”

  “If you really loved me you’d want to sleep with me. You wouldn’t be able to help yourself.”

  “I think the opposite is true. It’s precisely because I really love you, as you put it, that I won’t make love to you until it’s the right time for both of us. There’s just too much at stake, Hannah. Surely you can see that.”

  She shook her head obstinately.

  “OK then, so what if I did make love to you and you got pregnant. What then? I can’t imagine that you’d welcome an abortion. And I can’t see you struggling through college with a child to care for. It’d rather cramp your style, wouldn’t it?”

  “But I wouldn’t get pregnant – haven’t you heard of the pill, for God’s sake?”

  Daniel counted to ten and held his tongue. One day, if they stayed together, he’d tell her about Carol, but this was neither the time nor the place. Aidan, he knew, would never betray his dark secret to a living soul.

  “Of course I’ve heard of it – but I wouldn’t want to stake my entire future, not to mention yours, on it. Sorry, Hannah, it’s no go I’m afraid. Certa
inly not for these three years while you’re at college. I’m five years older than you, don’t forget. I’ve had other girlfriends, I’ve fallen in and out of love and enjoyed myself along the way. But it’s different for you – I’m the only boyfriend you’ve ever had. You want to meet other people, go out with other men, and that’s as it should be.”

  “So you don’t care if I sleep with other men?”

  “Of course I do! And, if it ever happens, I don’t want to know about it. But I want you to make that decision for yourself and because it’s the right one, not because I said so. What I don’t want to do is shackle you to my side before you’ve had time to get out there and enjoy yourself. If and when we ever get married, and I hope we do, it’ll be because you’re absolutely sure that I’m the right man for you – not because I’m the first and last man you ever went out with.”

  “So you wouldn’t marry me now even if you were absolutely desperately in love with me – and you knew I was absolutely desperately in love with you?”

  “Nope.”

  “Sometimes I hate you, Daniel.”

  “Then it’s just as well I managed to stop myself from proposing to you, isn’t it? I’ve saved myself the embarrassment of an outright refusal.”

  The fury and frustration in her face made him laugh out loud. “Come on, Hannah, don’t turn a drama into a crisis.” He took her arm and drew her to her feet. “I don’t want to spend what little time we have together quarrelling.”

  “So you won’t even kiss me for the next three years?” He heard the sulkiness in her tone.

  He laughed. “Of course I’ll kiss you. Just don’t try and manipulate me into doing something I know I’ll regret, that’s all.” He guided her back onto the footpath. “And now I think it’s high time we went back to join the others. Your brother and I have got to drive back to Westermouth tonight, don’t forget.”