Onwards Flows the River

by Caroline Windsor

  He returned to the guest room, hung up his jacket in the wardrobe, thrust his few belongings into the chest of drawers, washed his face in the basin and went next door to wait for her.

  Jo’s room with its sunny yellow walls, its two tall sash windows framed by apple-green curtains and the vast, well-polished oak table, instantly appealed to him. He sat down in an armchair and looked around. Accustomed as he was to Hannah’s habitual untidiness, the neatness and sense of order pleased him. His gaze fell on the framed photograph of Beth beside her bed. Though obviously taken some time ago, the strange, almost ethereal beauty, which made his heart turn over whenever he saw her, was very much in evidence.

  He crossed the room to look more closely at the photograph and noticed that there was another, smaller one, tucked into the frame. He recalled the moment instantly. He and Beth, strolling along the sand in Cocklecombe, just after the spiritual experience which had moved her so deeply.

  Though he knew that Jo would have taken the photograph for the sake of her sister rather than himself, he couldn’t help but feel encouraged. A few short months ago, he was sure, she wouldn’t have countenanced the daily reminder of a presence which always seemed to irk her.

  He heard her footsteps on the stairs and returned to his chair. Always an intensely private person, Jo would, he knew, dislike him examining her possessions too closely.

  She put the tray down on the table and handed him a mug of tea.

  “Thanks.” He sipped it appreciatively. “So, tell me about this artist fellow my sister seems so keen on. I gather from Daniel she seems quite infatuated by him.”

  Jo snorted rudely. “Hannah and half the rest of London. He has only to crook his little finger and they come running. I mean, I know Leigh’s an artist – and the women model for him – but he seems only too happy to bed them as well.”

  “I take it you’re including Hannah in this harem of his?”

  Jo hesitated.

  “The answer is obviously yes – I gathered as much from Daniel, though he tried to be tactful about it.”

  She nodded. “I know he genuinely does give her art lessons – in fact, I think he was giving her one this afternoon – and from what I’ve seen of her work it certainly seems to be paying off – but she’s completely besotted by him.”

  He glanced at his watch. “Do you think she’ll be back in her room by now?”

  “She might be. I’ll take you there.”

  He followed her down the corridor. The door of Hannah’s room was wide open, revealing all too clearly the chaos within.

  “She’s not down yet, but I’m sure she won’t be long.”

  As he hesitated they heard the sound of footsteps coming down the corridor.

  “I think I’ll leave you to it!” Jo beat a hasty retreat. “Good luck!”

  Aidan folded his arms and leaned against the wall, waiting for his sister to erupt down the corridor.

  “Good God! What on earth are you doing here?” Hannah came to an abrupt halt outside her room. One look at her flushed face and unkempt hair was enough to tell him that she had been enjoying rather more than an art lesson that afternoon.

  He followed her into the room and closed the door behind him.

  “Didn’t Jo tell you I was going to be staying the night? There was a meeting at Friends’ House earlier – it seemed like a good opportunity.”

  Hannah shrugged. “She did tell me – I forgot,” she muttered.

  Idly he picked up her social policy textbook and leafed through it. A piece of paper, which she had been using as a bookmark, slid out and landed on his lap. He glanced down at it.

  “Good God, Hannah! Don’t tell me your tutors give their lectures in the nude?” He looked at her scarlet face. “I take it that this bearded chap is the social policy lecturer?”

  She nodded.

  He turned over the paper and skimmed through the lecture notes which she had made.

  “The sketches, embarrassing though they are, are surprisingly good, but these notes are complete garbage. Didn’t you understand a word of what he was saying?”

  She sighed. “Not really, no.”

  “So perhaps your life at college isn’t quite the bed of roses you tried to make out?”

  She gave a weary shrug.

  “Do you think you’ll pass your exams?”

  “I doubt it. I expect I’ll have to resit them in the autumn.”

  “A mate of mine at the sailing club did a degree in sociology. If you do fail an exam or two I’m sure he’d be happy to give you some private coaching in the summer if I made it worth his while.”

  “Thanks, Aidan.” She gave him a reluctant half smile.

  “Right then,” he rose to his feet. “I’ll leave you to your work. No doubt I’ll see you again before I go.” He closed her door firmly behind him.

  As he headed down the corridor he heard footsteps coming down the stairs from the attic. He paused – intrigued to meet the man with whom his sister was seemingly so besotted.

  Though he knew from Daniel that Hannah’s new man was somewhat older than she, Aidan was still taken aback by his appearance. He was, he estimated, probably the wrong side of forty and possessed a charisma which his paint-stained overalls and dishevelled hair only managed to enhance. No wonder Hannah had fallen for him. As he watched, a slow smile spread across the other man’s face.

  “You must be Hannah’s brother – Aidan, isn’t it?”

  Aidan was taken aback. The strong words with which he had intended to open the conversation, vanished. He gave an abrupt nod.

  “You’re very alike, you know. Your eyes aren’t quite such a vivid green as Hannah’s, and you’re a different build, but the family resemblance is unmistakable. Would you like to come upstairs for a chat?”

  Feeling slightly deflated, Aidan followed him upstairs to the studio and was instantly overwhelmed by the sheer number of naked women, whose portraits took up every inch of the studio walls. He gazed at them in stunned silence. A startling full frontal painting of Hannah caught his eye and he looked away hastily, feeling like a voyeur.

  “So, this is where you seduce all your women, is it?” He put as much sarcasm as he could muster into his tone.

  “On the contrary,” came the amused reply. “It’s where they seduce me.”

  “I don’t suppose they have to try too hard,” he said coldly.

  “Why should they?” Leigh looked at him curiously. “If it’s what they want, then I’m only too happy to oblige. But much as I enjoy sex, it’s never me who makes the first move – at least where one of my models is concerned.”

  “Very laudable,” he muttered.

  Leigh regarded him in silence for a moment. Then he sighed.

  “Your sister is a very beautiful girl – I can understand why you’re protective of her.”

  “She’s also extremely manipulative and obstinate.”

  Leigh laughed. “That as well, I’ll agree. But, despite her deficiencies, she has considerable charm.” He paused and Aidan saw that he was searching to find the right words. “She was also, when I first met her, in desperate need of a lover. We may like to think of sexual frustration as being an entirely male preserve, but it isn’t always so.”

  Aidan remained silent.

  “Hannah’s boyfriend – the one in Devon.” Leigh cleared his throat. “Can I ask why he refused to sleep with her? If he hadn’t refused, as I’m sure you realise, she wouldn’t have been so desperate as to turn to me.”

  Aidan hesitated. “There were complications...”

  “Perhaps he had an affair once – got a woman pregnant?”

  “I didn’t tell you that.”

  “You had no need to – it seemed the only possible reason for his behaviour. Not many men, faced with a girl with Hannah�
�s looks, not to mention her determination, would be able to withstand her.”

  Aidan hesitated. “I hope Hannah has been... sensible.”

  “Whether she has or not is immaterial – she’s in no danger from me.” Leigh smiled. “I had a vasectomy when I was twenty-five.”

  Such calculating forethought astonished Aidan. “But you might have changed your mind one day – decided you wanted children after all?”

  “Children and art don’t mix and art is my life. I’ll never marry and I’ll never have children – I’ve always known that.”

  He went over to a wooden cupboard in the corner of the room.

  “You look like a brandy man to me. Would you care to join me in a drink?”

  To refuse, Aidan realised, would only make him sound churlish. Besides, despite his best efforts, he was finding it surprisingly hard to dislike Hannah’s lover.

  “Thanks.” He wandered slowly around the walls, studying the pictures more closely. One in particular caught his eye and he paused in front of it.

  Leigh laughed. “That’s Isla – the cause, I rather think, of some completely unnecessary envy on Hannah’s part.”

  “Isla? A somewhat unusual name.”

  “It was her father’s idea, I believe. He named all his children after the place of their conception. In her case, as he was fond of telling her, it was the Isla Wight!”

  Aidan burst out laughing.

  “You don’t need to worry about Hannah,” Leigh assured him. “I won’t be seeing her for much longer – though I’d be grateful if you would let me tell her myself at an appropriate moment.”

  Aidan nodded. He held out his hand. “I never thought I’d say this, but it’s been a pleasure to meet you.”

  o0o

  Jo sat up in bed with a start. Her hand fumbled for the light switch and she flicked it on. As the light flooded the room revealing the comforting familiarity of the everyday objects which surrounded her, she felt the nightmare fade. She glanced at the small travelling clock beside her bed. It was two o’clock in the morning.

  Still trembling, she pushed back the covers and climbed out of bed. Pulling on her scarlet candlewick dressing gown, she slipped out of her room and ran lightly down the stairs.

  In the kitchen, she made a pot of tea, poured herself a mug and curled up in the chair beside the Aga. Orlando, sensing a human being in need of comfort, leapt onto her lap. Jo stroked his warm marmalade coat and he set up a rhythmic purr. Soon she was lost in thought.

  “I don’t suppose I could share that tea with you, could I?”

  Aidan’s voice made her jump and she looked up in alarm.

  “Sorry, I didn’t hear you coming.” She gave him an apologetic smile.“Please – help yourself. You’re obviously having difficulty sleeping too.”

  “Thanks.” He took a mug from the rack, poured the tea, and sat down in the Windsor chair opposite her. “It’s probably the travelling, but I can’t seem to switch off somehow. You know how it is at night – if you’re worried about something, the thoughts just keep going around in your head like a gramophone record.”

  “I do indeed. Some nights I feel as if there’s a whole blasted orchestra rehearsing up there.”

  Aidan laughed.

  Jo sipped her drink, watching him over the rim of her mug. She felt strangely at ease with him. The tension between them, of which she had been so aware that Christmas, had evaporated. Now, sitting there opposite him, with his dark green towelling dressing gown and tousled auburn hair, she could see why Kate was so attracted to him.

  He looked up and caught her eyes upon him. A slow smile spread across his face and she knew in that instant that, despite the change in his behaviour towards her, Aidan was as much in love with her now as he had been at Christmas.

  “Have you seen Kate yet?” She forced her voice to sound casual.

  “Kate?” He looked slightly puzzled. “No – only Hannah. I expect I’ll see Kate at breakfast before I go.”

  So, he regarded Kate as a friend, but certainly not someone he was desperate to see. It was as she suspected – but she had had to be sure.

  “Talking about Kate,” Jo kept her eyes intently on his face, “I think she might have got herself a boyfriend.”

  “Really? Then I’m delighted for her – she’s a lovely girl. After all that trauma with her parents’ death she deserves a really good man to look after her.”

  His pleasure, she could tell, was absolutely genuine. There was not an atom of jealousy in his expression – no indication whatsoever that he might have wanted her for himself. Jo relaxed back in her chair.

  Aidan set down his mug on the table.

  “So, what was it that stopped you from sleeping?”

  “I had a nightmare.” Jo frowned. “I seem to be getting more and more of them nowadays.”

  “Was it about your A levels? I often used to have bad dreams whenever I was coming up to exams.”

  She shook her head. “Not really. In fact, the exams are the least of my worries, strange as that may sound.” She shifted slightly in her chair. Orlando, disturbed from his sleep, leapt indignantly onto the floor. Jo curled her legs up beneath her.

  “Do you want to talk about it? It won’t go any further than me, you know.”

  She smiled at him. “Solicitors are rather used to keeping secrets, I imagine.”

  “They are – but I was speaking as a friend.”

  “Thanks, I appreciate that.” She cleared her throat. “It would help to talk about it actually, though Esme asked me not to.” She paused. “The fact is, I might be on the verge of losing my job.”

  She saw the ready sympathy spring to his eyes.

  “But why? From all I hear from Hannah and Kate, you’re really good at it.”

  “I hope I am – I certainly enjoy it, anyway. Unfortunately, it’s a matter of finance. Harrison House, as always, is somewhat short of money, and the management committee have to find ways of cutting back. At the end of the day, I’m an expense they can ill afford.”

  “What will you do if push comes to shove?”

  She gave a weary shrug. “I really don’t know. This job has been ideal for me in so many ways. It’s given me a home, an income and time to study too. I know I’d be able to find some sort of job – but not one which suited me so well.”

  “Have you told Beth?”

  She shook her head. “I didn’t want to worry her unnecessarily and, besides, she’s got enough problems at the moment with her new housemother. They just don’t seem able to get along.” She felt a lump rise in her throat. “I’m really worried about her, Aidan. I’m all she’s got – it’s up to me to make her happy.”

  Aidan rose and crossed the room. Perching on the arm of her chair he put his arm around her shoulders and drew her towards him.

  “Let it go, Jo. You’ve kept everything bottled up for far too long. Just let it go.”

  With a hoarse sob, she threw herself into his arms and cried as if her heart would break. And, enfolded within the infinitely comforting circle of his embrace, she found a safe haven from the problems which tormented her. He rocked her gently, rhythmically stroking her hair, as she, only a short time before, had stroked Orlando’s.

  Eventually her tears ceased and she reluctantly pulled herself away.

  “I’m sorry.” She accepted the handkerchief he offered her. “I haven’t cried like that since Mum died.”

  “Perhaps you should do it more often. Tears are nothing to be ashamed of, they are just a part of the healing process”

  “I had to be strong for Beth – I’m mother and father to her now.”

  He was silent for a moment, his hand still lying idly across her shoulder.

  “Five months ago, you would never have been able to let me comfort you like this.”


  Jo gave him a watery smile. “That’s true enough! I seem to remember I was somewhat prickly towards you.”

  “Was that because you genuinely disliked me – or because you knew I had fallen in love with you?”

  She hesitated. “I didn’t dislike you, though I admit I found you irritating. Maybe it was partly envy. You seemed to have everything – a good job, a comfortable home, a loving family, a religion that meant something to you.”

  “So, because you felt I had so much, you decided to deny me that which I wanted most – your love. You wanted to put a little of your own pain into my seemingly perfect life. Just to redress the balance.”

  His quiet observation shocked her.

  “That makes me sound awful! But yes, I suppose there was an element of that if I’m honest. But there was fear there too. I’ve never had a relationship with a man before – I’m sure you can understand why. I know Beth told you about the abuse we suffered growing up, not to mention the violence towards our mother.”

  He nodded. “It’s easy to understand why you find the thought of a relationship with a man so difficult. But I sense that you’ve overcome a little of your irritation with me – and your fear too. I think you’ve learned to trust me.”

  She looked up at him. Though his eyes were grave she could sense the love behind them. Her reply, she knew, could well determine not only her own future, but Aidan’s, Beth’s and Kate’s as well.

  She took a deep breath. “Yes, I do trust you – and I’ve come to like and respect you too since Beth came out with all that stuff about our childhood. It was like a barrier somehow – a fence which I erected to protect my future from my past.”