by Kahlen Aymes
"Mom, can you please support me in this? I love him so much and he's so sad at not being able to be with me at Christmas. It hurts me to see him so sad."
I reached out for her hand. "Please?"
She nodded in agreement. "What are you going to get him for Christmas? Have you thought about that?"
"Yeah, but I'm struggling. He doesn't want anything, and he isn't into material crap. Obviously, he can buy anything he wants. I mean, he'd rather have some rare book or original sheet music than anything more traditional. I've tried to think of something spectacular, but I haven't been able to yet."
She watched my face and smiled at me.
"What?"
"Nothing. I can just see how much he means to you, honey."
I flushed. “Yes. I know it happened fast, but it's so strong, it terrifies me."
"You're lucky, Brook. Most people never have that."
"There was one other thing I thought about giving him for Christmas, but it's so personal." My fingers traced the patterns in the comforter on my parent’s bed.
"What could be too personal for someone you love that much?"
"Well, you might get mad at me." I hesitated to gauge her reaction before I continued.
"Why would I do that, baby? Did you rob a bank or something?" She was openly laughing at my expression.
"No."
My mother cocked her head to the side and raised her brows.
"I know how much you loved David, but I've always been drawn to Cade... since the audition, so... "
"For God’s sake, Brook! Can you just spit it out?"
"I kept some notes about the feelings I had. I even wrote him some letters sometimes when I wanted to tell him the truth. There were times I was afraid to share my feelings, either out of guilt related to David or because I was worried that it would hurt Cade even more... I couldn’t tell him how I felt, so I wrote it all down."
"Why would Cade be hurt by your feelings? I'm confused."
"Because I kept running away from him, even as I felt closer and closer to him. I fought the feelings that he desperately wanted from me. By telling him that I couldn't help falling in love with him, yet still choosing not to be with him, it might hurt, right? Wouldn't it hurt even more than thinking I didn't love him?" My voice was getting thick as my emotions rose to the surface. "He was already struggling with his own feelings, so I couldn't bear to cause him more pain than he already had."
My mom sighed and patted my hand. "But, what does this have to do with a Christmas gift?"
"Well, I thought I might give them to him."
"Don't you think it would still hurt him, for the same reasons?"
"No, I don't think so. I think it would mean a lot to him to be able to see that I felt the same for him as he did for me, all along. I've told him so already, but to let him read my thoughts as I had them, seems extremely intimate, and something that would have a deeper meaning."
My mom's eyes were full of tears when I looked up from my hands in my lap.
"I think that's perfect, Brook. I know he loves you very much, so I'm sure you're right."
IT WAS CHRISTMAS Eve and I was on my way to surprise Cade in London. I'd worked it out with Lillian and Layla to keep it a secret, and I’d even shipped my gifts to his family early to solidify the illusion that I wouldn't be able to make it. I’d packed up my journal that I'd kept about Cade in an elaborately wrapped box with a note that he couldn't open it until Midnight on Christmas Eve. My plane was landing around 10 PM and Layla was going to pick me up at the airport.
All of the Carlisle children were gathering at their parent's house for dinner that evening. Cade told me their traditions included sitting around the fire, all of them singing Christmas Carols as he accompanied them on the grand piano. He said his father always made special Christmas grog of spiced wine and rum that they all drank all night long. I couldn't wait to get there and be part of the festivities.
The time difference made it impossible for me to call him before I left. It was only 4 AM and he'd never believe I was up so early just to go skiing, so I'd have to try to call him after I landed in London. It was a risk because if he heard the airport announcements in the background it would blow the surprise. Hopefully, I'd be able to call him from the car.
I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when I showed up at his door. It would be priceless.
My heart already beat faster as adrenaline pumped through my body while I made my way from the plane into the airport terminal. I had on dark sunglasses and a scarf over my hair as I huddled down and made my way through the terminal. It was somewhat deserted, given it was so late on Christmas Eve and most of the holiday travelers had already moved through by now.
I was only staying for two days so didn't check any bags; my carry on was sufficient. I was able to make my way straight to the curb very quickly and I saw Layla right away. She was standing outside waiting for me as I rushed to her. She took my carry on and stashed it in the back of her little BMW as I dove into the front seat. I was wearing a long brown wig and a scarf, and kept my head down as I rushed through Heathrow. Only at customs did I have to disclose my real identity. It was a risk, but I picked an older customs agent, and thankfully, she didn’t even flinch at the name on the passport.
"Wow. It's great to see you, Layla! I'm so excited to be here." I threw my arms around her in a big hug and then tore off the scarf and wig, running my hands through my hair.
"It's a good thing Cade is used to seeing me travel worn. I'm sure I look like a hideous hag!" I laughed.
"Not at all. He'll be so happy to see you. You should see how he's been moping around. Pathetic." She rolled her eyes and laughed. "I told Dad to wait on the grog until you arrived. I figured you'd want to get drunk with us!"
"How far are we from your parent's house? I need to call your brother, but I wanted to be on the phone with him when I walk in." I couldn't help the huge grin that split my face. It had only been two weeks since we'd seen each other, but it felt like longer. “Oh, my God! I’m so excited!”
"Just about ten minutes now." She winked at me.
"Wow. I'm not used to things being that close together. My house is an hour and a half away from LAX." I pulled out my phone. "Okay, here goes."
The phone rang only once before Cade answered.
"Brook, where have you been?” he demanded. “I've been calling all bloody day! You've had me worried sick!"
"Merry Christmas to you, too."
"Aw hell, I'm sorry, love. What's bloody merry about it?" He was exasperated and I could just see him running his hands through his hair.
"Well, I get to talk to you. I miss you."
Layla was grinning from ear to ear as she looked at me. If she kept that up, I'd never get through this call convincing him I was as miserable as he obviously was.
"Yeah. I'm missing you too, Brook. So much it hurts. I hate not being with you tonight, love."
I sighed. Keep acting, Brook, I told myself.
"Me too! I'm miserable without you." I bit my lip. Jesus, don't laugh Brooklyn. You're supposed to by wallowing.
"Did you get the gift I sent to you?"
Shit.
"Um, no. Where did you send it?"
"To your hotel in Vail. Bloody hell!" His voice was irritated.
"I'm sure it was just the holiday mail rush. I'll get it soon. What was it?"
We were pulling into their driveway, through a front gate. The lane was about a quarter of a mile long leading up to a large brick and stone home. It was gorgeous, the outside lighting casting a soft glow on the house and the snow covered grounds.
My heart started thumping in my chest. He was so close now, I could hardly breathe.
"You said you didn't want anything expensive, so I just sent you a CD of some of my stuff, and some of the songs in the films. You know, from the piano scene?"
I gasped at his thoughtfulness. "That's perfect, babe. I can't wait to hear it. Thank you."
"I really m
iss you, Brook. I hate that we’re apart at Christmas."
"Me, too. I hate it. I wish I didn't have to come to Colorado. I fell three times today and I'm not having a good time at all." I was lying through my teeth. I grimaced at Layla as a huge smile split her beautiful face.
"Did you hurt yourself?" I could hear the panic in his voice.
Layla got out and opened the trunk to get out my suitcase. I had to figure out a way to keep him on the phone, yet not have him hear us moving and the car doors slamming.
"Not at all. Just being me, you know. Are you playing Christmas carols for your family yet?"
"Only a little. I'm not in the mood, really."
"Cade, it's Christmas. Get in the mood. Will you do something for me?"
"Anything" I could hear his breath come out in a huff. "You know that."
"Play something for me? Maybe the song from that scene? Take the phone and set it on the piano so I can hear it, okay?"
"Oh, Brook.” His voice lowered. “Okay. Just a moment." I listened to the sound of him walking into the other room and setting the phone on the piano. The beautiful music instantly flooded into the phone and I turned and motioned to Layla to go into the house.
We ran up the walk and quietly opened the door. Lillian was there and she gave me a quick hug and motioned to the music room where I would find Cade playing the piano.
I could hear the music flood the house as I walked in to find his back to me as his long fingers danced across the keys. He was so beautiful and I wanted to stand there and watch him, undetected.
Jesus, would I ever get used to how beautiful he was?
My heart was beating so fast I thought it would fly right out of my chest. I waited as he finished the song and picked up his phone.
"There. I love you, Brook. I wish you were here."
I didn't say anything into the phone because he would hear me behind him.
"Brook?—Brook?"
I handed Lillian my phone. His entire family was standing quietly behind me as I silently inched toward him.
"Brook!"
"Yes?" I ran my hand gently down the back of his head, the silken strands so soft to the touch.
He turned instantly to me, his face lighting up when he saw me. Less than a second later, he jumped up from the bench and enfolded me in a huge bear hug lifting me off of the ground.
"Oh my God! Oh my God, really?" He was laughing as he held me and then he drew his head back to place a kiss on my mouth and several more all over my face as his family cheered behind us. "You little liar!!"
"The song was beautiful. Thank you, Cade." His hands came to the sides of my face and his thumb traced the edge of my jaw.
"No, thank you, my love. You couldn't have given me a better Christmas. Everything is perfect now."
"Thank God. Maybe now the Grinch can go away!" Oliver murmured dryly.
Cade’s eyes bore into mine and it was apparent he wanted to kiss me, but I was overly aware that we had an audience, so I decided I needed to make him aware as well.
"Layla and your mom helped me, so I'm not the only liar involved."
He wrapped his arm around me and walked to a large, over-stuffed leather sofa near the fireplace and ten-foot-tall Christmas tree, which was decorated in lots of sparkling ornaments and white lights. We sank down into it with our arms wrapped around each other. The house was gorgeous with lots of wood paneled walls, stone and tile, antique tables and big, plush furniture.
"Brook, what are you doing here?" He was smiling but incredulous. “I mean, I’m bloody elated, but I’m in shock!”
"I hope making my boy happy." I leaned into him and took his hand in mine. "I missed you, and I hated hearing you so sad."
He grinned at me. "Well, now I'm triumphantly delirious!"
"Come on you lovebirds, let's not make the rest of us nauseous!" Layla shot at us with a laugh.
We had a very nice evening with his family and when his dad got ready to make his wine concoction he asked me to help by pouring the rum over a large sugar cone. It was similar to a sugar cube, very hard and it sucked up the pint of rum I dumped onto it.
Carter then set it up in a large copper kettle by the fireplace and proceeded to pour six bottles of cabernet around it. I watched as he and Cade opened the bottles and laughed together.
"Brooklyn, thank you so much for relieving us of the sour puss we had dealt with all day. He's so much more agreeable now." He mocked his son.
Cade just laughed. "Yes, now that Santa Claus has delivered my present, I'm much happier."
I blushed as the two of them watched me. Lillian came into the room with a large bowl of sliced oranges and lemons and scattered them into the wine.
"Oliver, I forgot the spices. Can you bring me the cinnamon sticks, whole cloves and nutmeg grater?" Her son got up, grumbling that cooking was women’s work, but did what he was asked.
After everything was compiled in the pot, Carter came to me with the candle lighter. "Would you like to do the honors, Brook? Caden usually does it, but I'm sure he'll be glad to acquiesce this time."
I looked at Cade who smiled and nodded toward the pot. "Yeah, get going woman. It takes a while for that thing to burn down and I'm thirsty."
"Do I just touch the flame to the sugar?" Cade's eyes followed my every move and I raised my eyebrows when he didn't answer right away.
"Yes, that's right, darling," Lillian finally spoke up.
I touched the flame to the sugar and instantly the rum fired the cone from top to bottom.
"Now, as the sugar melts it will heat the wine and after it's finished, we'll put the kettle over the fire. It's really quite good. You'll like it." Cade pulled me back down onto his lap and I rested my head in the crook of his shoulder. His scent all around me, I inhaled deeply as I felt his mouth brush the top of my head. I wasn’t sure we should have such an open display of affection, but it felt too good to fight.
"Are you planning on getting me tipsy and taking advantage of me?" I whispered so only he could hear.
"Mmmmm. Naturally." He smiled widely then kissed my mouth softly, his eyes sparkling into mine. "I'm so happy you're here, love."
My arms tightened around him as I snuggled closer.
"Oh, look at them, will you? Sickening, just bloody sickening." Layla's eyes were alight as she teased us and her laughter rang through the room and we all joined in.
We opened presents and when Lillian asked Cade to play carols, he pulled me up to join him on the bench. It reminded me of the shoot when we'd spent hours at a piano together. The difference was that this time, I could touch him openly, and rest my head on his shoulder.
We had a great time singing and playing around with his family, who seemed to enjoy the gifts I brought them. I found some really nice cashmere sweaters for his father, brother and sister, but I had a bracelet made for Lillian. It was gold and smooth with three princess cut stones bevel set, each one a birthstone of one of her children.
"Oh, Brooklyn. This is just lovely. Thank you, so much. You're so thoughtful." She stood and I got up to give her a hug, before Layla and Carter gathered around her to look at it.
"You're amazing, Brook. I can't tell you how much having you with me means to me. My family simply adores you." He nuzzled my nose and touched his lips to mine. He licked my top lip with the tip of his tongue and pulled my lower lip in between his in a soft, tugging kiss.
"I've missed you so much," I whispered as my hand went up to touch his face.
We were sitting on the floor next to the fireplace with our backs up against the sofa and I noticed we were suddenly alone.
"Where did everyone go?"
"It's late and I'm sure they're giving us some privacy." His arm was around me and my hand went up to hold his, I leaned into him. "Mmmmm..."
"You see that other box under the tree? That red one, with the silver ribbon?" I pointed to it.
"Yeah?"
"That's your gift from me. Do you want to open it?" My fingers threaded throug
h his.
It felt so good to be with him; I was so content I could sit here on the floor with him forever.
He sighed. "Love, you didn't need to get me anything. You're all I need, I told you that. And, you’re here. That’s a miracle in itself."
"This is a piece of me. Trust me." I looked into his blue eyes and thought I would drown in the love shining out of them.
I let go of him and crawled to the tree to retrieve the package, bringing it back and handing it to him as I returned to my place by his side.
The fire cast an orange glow on his face as his hand hesitated on the box. The smell of the wine and the wood burning in the fireplace filled the room. He turned to look at me again and his eyes searched my face.
"You're so beautiful, my love. You give me so much. You have no idea." He reached out and touched my face.
My heart thumped in my chest and he took my left hand. His thumb running over the engagement ring that I'd allowed myself to wear on this trip.
"This means everything, right here." He softly brushed his lips over the ring and the top of my hand.
"Cade. I love you, but are you going to open the damn box or not?" I was dying to see his reaction to the diary inside. I grinned at him.
He laughed out loud. He was stalling and knew full well that I couldn't stand it.
"Give me a hint."
"Just open the damn thing, okay?" I poked him hard in the ribs.
"Ow! I thought you loved and adored me." I cocked my head to the side and scowled at him.
"Oh, okay." He pulled the silver ribbon and then ripped off the paper, before lifting the lid of the box.
"I've seen this book before. Haven't I?"
"Yep. I had it with me all through filming remember? I kept my stage notes in it, as well as some of the script changes we made."
"You’re giving me your stage notes?" His mouth twitched and curved up at the corners.
"It's also my notes about you, and some letters I wrote to you during those months." His eyes widened and he drew in his breath.
"What? You didn’t give me any letters."
"I used to write everything down." I dropped my eyes to my lap and I wondered why I was so fucking nervous. "Things I thought about you, felt about you... I couldn't share with you then because of my situation. But now, I want you to see how amazed I was, mesmerized by you. And, how I really loved you all that time..."