by Kahlen Aymes
"Brook..." He took a deep breath, and put his hand on the cover before looking at me.
I brought my eyes up to his. "So, I'm finally letting you see everything."
My eyes were blurring and I couldn't tell if it was just the tears in my eyes that made his look watery as well, but he cupped my cheek and rested his forehead on mine.
"This is perfect. I'm overwhelmed, baby." He placed a soft feather kiss on my mouth and his wine-scented breath fanned out on my face. He was so delicious, so warm and soft. “Thank you.”
I closed my eyes and for a few minutes, we just sat like that; silent and touching.
"Can I read it now?"
"There’s a lot in there to read so you won't be able to read it all tonight, but if you want, of course, you can look at it now. It's yours. Read it whenever you want."
"Do I get to keep it, or just borrow it?"
"I'm giving it to you, Cade. It's like my heart; yours always."
Tears welled in his dark blue eyes as his looked at me. "I love you so much, Brook. I don't know how to put it into words, but you mean more to me than anything in this world. It hurts, it’s so intense."
First one tear, then another fell from my eyes as I nodded. "I know, Cade, okay?"
He tore his eyes from my face as he opened the diary.
Dec. 18
Final callbacks today for the three of us the director has narrowed down to make the final cut. I wonder if it’s just the girls or if Cade Carlisle will be there to read with us. I know he’s making a movie in Southern California, so I’m hoping.
My heart jumps around in my chest whenever he’s around, and the chemistry between us is obvious. At the first reading he hinted he’d have input, so I hope he wants me for the part. I mean, I could seriously get lost in those blue eyes and knowing the story like I do, I know we could “be” these characters. He’s been so amazing. Better than I ever could have imagined.
Cade’s eyes glassed over as he read it aloud, and then turned to look at me.
"Brook... you felt everything I did."
"I know, babe. That's the point. There’s so much more in there for you to discover. I hoped that sometimes when you're missing me, you could open this and know how much I love you and I always have. I wanted to take away some of the pain I know you've felt. Now you never have to wonder again." I smiled gently and reached out to cup his face with my hand. The emotions between us were tangible. Always so strong.
He set the book down and gathered me to him, holding me so tight it was difficult to breathe.
"I'll read it a million times. I want to memorize every word. It's such a beautiful gift, and I’ll always treasure it. Thank you, my love." He began to laugh through his tears. "It means more to me than anything anyone has ever given me. I love you! So, much, but I must punish you for keeping it from me for so long."
I squealed as he threw me back ward on the floor, pounced on me and began to tickle me within an inch of my life. I screamed out loud and Cade burst out laughing before falling down on top of me to push my arms up over my head. I spread my legs to let him settle in closer and his face sobered, his eyes darkening.
I sighed and arched into him when his mouth settled on mine.
“Uhhh….” I breathed again, just before the kiss deepened; our tongues met, beginning an intimate dance, and all thoughts beyond how his body felt against mine, vanished.
AS BROOKLYN LAY sleeping next to me, I perused the diary she'd given me. It was an incredible thing to see my emotions flowing through her words. My heart stopped and tears came to my eyes more than once as I read through the pages.
Jesus Christ, I thought. She bloody amazes me.
Feb. 10
Cade and I spent the entire night talking and getting to know each other. He is such an amazing person and so talented! I can't get over how he thinks about things and how much he knows about everything. He dives into the scenes and picks apart the juxtaposition within them and it’s amazing to be part of it. The emotions he exudes are so similar to what I imagined between these two characters. I found myself staring at him more than once, as he talked, unable to do anything else. He's so animated... not to mention so fucking beautiful. I’m completely mesmerized.
Feb. 26
Cade and I are spending a lot of time together. We have a great time. He's so hilarious, and makes me laugh so much. I find my eyes searching for him constantly and I look forward to seeing him every day. David is visiting next weekend, and I'm feeling weird about it. Cade and I are getting closer, and I don't want David to come. I feel guilty, but it doesn't change how I feel. The fact is, I'm scared of my feelings for Cade. He’s such a huge star and I’m nobody; lucky to be in a movie with him. It’s all so surreal. I’m scared my whole world will come crashing down around me. I can't breathe.
I skipped through, flipping pages and getting glimpses of her feelings through the entire time of filming, because I couldn't help myself. I planned to go back and read the entire journal later, but once I started reading, I couldn’t put it down.
March 11
We filmed the scene in the kitchen today. Standing so close to Cade all day, I could feel the heat radiating from his skin. After we smeared dessert in each other’s faces, we laughed until we cried. Martin was pissed and we had to do it all again. All I know is I'm in serious, serious trouble.
March 19
We worked all day today. It was just rehearsal and we were working out all of the camera angles around the coffee shop set. Touching Cade is like a drug that I can't get enough of. The electricity between us is tangible and I never wanted to let go. I get lost in his eyes and never want the moments to end. Jesus. I'm falling in love with him. What the fuck am I going to do?
My breath left my body when I read those words and looked at the date again. My heart began to hammer in my chest. If only I’d known then. I was so miserable, pining away like a lovesick teenager. I glanced at Brook sleeping next to me and tenderness washed over me. She was so beautiful and I was still stunned that she was lying beside me in my bed, in London.
March 21
We filmed the agonizing scene in the bar after Ryan gets his acceptance letter. It was all I could do not to reach out and touch Cade. Martin insisted we kiss at the end of the scene, and it was a struggle. I could sense Cade’s inner battle as well. That scene in the script didn’t call for a kiss, and Cade echoed my thoughts aloud. "What's he bloody doing? This will never make the film." I can't believe how similar we think. I'm so confused and overwhelmed by all of these emotions.
March 25
Cade just left my room. We were running lines and practicing for the scene in Ryan's bedroom. We had the whole thing memorized, never missing a line. He kissed me with that beautiful mouth and something inside me is drawn to him like a moth to a flame. I never wanted it to stop, and each time we repeated the scene it got hotter and hotter. I doubt we could perfect that scene anymore if we tried. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want the scene to stop... I love him so much my heart is bursting. I am SO fucked.
Again my heart felt like it was going to fly from my body. I remembered that night; every second of it. It was like some private treasure that was mine alone.
April 18
It's my birthday and it went by in sort of a blur. David was here and I could feel Cade pull back. It hurt knowing he was hurting. He sat in the corner of the table and glared at David and I all evening. Pain was written all over him and I wanted David to disappear and to go to him. I can't believe how pissed I was at David for just being here... I'm supposed to love him, and all I want to do is push him away. I picked a fight with him so that he'd leave. He wanted to make love and I can't even bear to kiss him. I don't know what to do, but I know I can't bear the pain in Cade's eyes. It fucking breaks my heart in half.
April 18 - Again
After David left, I called Cade and asked if we could talk, I needed to ease the pain. Something inside needed him to know I wasn't with David tonight. He g
ave me the most beautiful guitar for my birthday and said it was so that we could play together. I smiled so much, my face hurt and I asked him if he would help me learn to play better. His face lit up when I asked. He’s so damn beautiful he stops my heart. It was like he was giving me a piece of himself. He is unbelievably sweet to me. My heart is so full of him it's incredible. He asked me to marry him again and I'm aching. Just... ACHING.
I was dying to know what she'd written following the filming of the scene in Ryan’s bedroom so my mind searched to remember the date. It was somewhere before her birthday and so I flipped backward through the pages.
April 7
We did the bedroom scene today. It was real and Martin yelled at us for making the scene too hot, the kisses too intense. I was so hot for him that I completely forgot about everyone else on set... it was just us. I felt his hardness as he pressed into me... he wanted me too. We lost ourselves in the scene and as we waited for the crew to reset the scene, the look in his eyes burned me alive. It's all I can do not to run to his room right now, take him down and beg him to make love to me. God, I know it will be so amazing.
My heart constricted as I read those words and I reached out to touch the beautiful girl who had written them. She stirred under my hand. I knew I needed to let her sleep, but reading those words left me aching for her; my heart swelling with love and my dick swelling with desire. Her words and my memories of that day were so in sync.
I set the diary on my bedside table and turned out the lamp, then settled down under the covers, and turned on my side to face her in the darkness. I propped up on one elbow so I could touch her with my other hand. She was breathing softly, evenly, and her skin was like velvet under my fingers. Her dark lashes fanned out on her cheeks and her skin glowed translucent in the soft rays of moonlight that shone through the window. My hand moved to her temple to brush her blond tresses back from her delicate features, and my heart pounded in my chest just looking at her.
I ran my hand over her arm and up again, then gently over the swell of her breast. My hand cupped it and I brushed my thumb over the nipple softly. It hardened immediately and my mouth dropped open.
"Uhhhhhhhhhh... .." My breath whooshed out of me at the responsiveness of her body. She was so sexy and I was so turned on.
"Cade... ." Her lips parted in a breathless whisper as she arched her back to press her breast more firmly into my hand. My thumb brushed the nipple again and then slid down her body, over her rib cage and hip down to her thigh. My hand clamped down and kneaded the flesh before pulling her close and pressing my arousal into her stomach.
Her arms came up around me as she raised her mouth to mine. The instant our lips touched we were devouring each other, our hands roaming each other's bodies, our mouths sucking and wild in the exchange.
Dear God... if this is dying, let me die.
My hand pushed her T-shirt up and I bent my head to lave her nipple. She tasted so sweet as I flicked it with the tip of my tongue and then pulled it into my mouth to suckle it. She moaned my name as I moved to her other breast and her little hand found its way under my boxer briefs to knead my ass. I rolled on top of her so I could grind into her.
"Uhhhhhh... Mmmm," she sighed as she pressed back against me.
My hands held the sides of her head and her free hand slid up around my neck to fist in my hair, pulling my mouth tighter, closer into hers. She tasted so bloody good. It reminded me of a make-out session one might have in high school, only hotter than anything I'd ever experienced. I would be satisfied with kissing and petting all night if that was what she wanted from me.
"Cade... Cade..." Her mouth was reaching up for mine and she licked my top lip and then sucked my lower one into her mouth, again and again she kissed me and I was starving for more.
"Oh my love... I never want to stop kissing you, Brooklyn."
I rolled onto my back and took her with me. Her knees came to rest on the bed around my hips, and our hungry mouths continued the onslaught on each other. It was so fucking amazing... utterly incredible.
She moved her body up and down on mine, the delicious friction causing both of us to pant even more. We were both breathless as she pulled her mouth from mine.
"What do you want?" Her voice was husky with desire. She licked at my lips and then dragged her open mouth down my chin and jaw to my neck where she sucked on my skin, her open mouth sending delicious shivers racing through my body. "Tell me what you want."
"I want you, Brook." She sat up on her knees still straddling my lap, and her hands came down to rub my dick. Grasping, moving up and down, she applied pressure to the head. "Ahhh... Jesus, that feels good, love."
"Yes, but what do you want?" She continued to rub my member until I thought I was going to come. I was panting, my head falling back on the pillows.
Her hands slowed and she bent to kiss me, her lips clinging to mine as she spoke in a whisper. "Do you want more of this?" Her hands went back to their task and her lips continued to tease mine. "Do you want me to go down on you... or do you want to fuck me, Cade?"
Holy Hell... I felt my body engorge even more at her words. The air rushed from my lungs as I sat up and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her pelvis tighter, grinding her into mine.
Her brilliant blue eyes bore into mine as her lips hovered and ghosted mine. "Tell me what you want... and it's yours." Her hand was at the side of my face and her thumb drug my lower lip down before I couldn't take another second of the exquisite torture.
"Dear God, you're killing me, babe. I want... to make love with you, Brook." My mouth plowed into hers with everything I had as my hands moved her shirt up and off of her body, our mouths parting for only the seconds I needed to throw it aside.
Desire surged through my veins so hot I thought it would burn me alive, as my mouth once again found her nipples and pulled one into my mouth to gently graze it with my teeth. Her arms wrapped around my head and I felt her mouth in my hair.
"I love you, Cade. I love you, so much."
I held her around her waist and under her ass as I flipped her on the bed. I sat back and ripped her panties from her body before pushing my boxers down. Her eyes roamed over me and came to rest on my erection as I took her hand to pull her up to me again. I lifted her above me as I searched for her opening.
"You're so beautiful... so beautiful," she moaned against my neck as I slid into her body. She was so hot, slippery wet and it was heaven. Our mouths resumed the greedy kissing as our bodies moved together. For several minutes we moved together, kissing over and over again, until I could barely take anymore, yet it was never enough.
"Brooklyn. Jesus... I love you, too. You're everything. So perfect. Amazing. Tell me you belong to me. Tell me you're mine."
I felt her body clenching at mine, her legs started to tremble and she was moaning my name. I knew her body so well. I knew she was starting to climax. I felt so incredible that I could make her body quake and writhe with such incredible pleasure. I wanted to give and give and give to her.
I rolled over with her and thrust into her harder as my own orgasm started to build.
"Brook… tell me your mine. Say it." I needed to hear it.
"Uhhhh. Uhhh... ” Her pants came in time with my thrusts into her body. “Oh, Cade, you already know. I’m always yours," she cried out against my mouth as she came. Her tremors and spasms exciting me even more. Those beautiful, sexy sounds she made drove me to distraction.
"God, Brook... I need you... so... fucking... much," I groaned against her throat as I exploded inside her. Her arms tightened around my body and I kissed the side of her face. I continued to thrust into her until I was completely spent, the last of the tremors finally subsiding.
When I opened my eyes, all I could do was stare into her face. That beautiful face, damp with perspiration, eyes heavy with desire and love, lips so luscious that I never wanted to stop kissing them... she was mine. Always mine and I felt my heart would burst at the knowledge.
I
rolled off of her to her side but left my leg over hers and my arms pulled her to me. I couldn't help myself; I had to touch her, my mouth pressed to her forehead.
"Oh babe. That was incredible. As always.”
We were breathing hard as we held each other, both of us softly stroking and touching each other. I didn't know how long we lay in silence, but just having her near me was enough to make me content.
"Were you reading the diary?" Her voice was full of emotion, her eyes shimmering and glassy.
"Yes. It's so beautiful. I haven't gotten all the way through it, but I treasure every word I've read so far. You're amazing."
"Have you read the last entries? At the end of the shoot?"
"Not yet, do you want me to?"
She shook her head against my chest and traced invisible patterns in my skin with her delicate touches as she began to speak.
"I don't know how I'm going to make it, how I'll get through tonight. I don't think I'll be able to breathe without him. I can't believe I've wasted so much precious time... I'm so mad at myself, just sick inside. I don't think I'll be able to say goodbye and I can't lose him... " Her voice broke on the words, and she took a shaky breath before she continued... "I don't want him to leave thinking he isn't my entire world because that's exactly what he's become. I'm dying, falling apart and I can’t stop it or change it. It hurts so fucking much. Jesus, I love him." She recited off what I assume was the last entry on the night of the wrap party in Portland. I sucked in my breath and bought her closer to my chest.
"I felt the same way, my love. I didn't know how I was going to say goodbye to the one person that I needed and wanted the most in the world. I was in hell that night." My throat thickened as I remembered the pain of that evening and I felt her tears fall on my chest.