by Kahlen Aymes
Sure, in Kahlen Aymes’ version, he knew who he couldn't live without, but was it a choice she made? I shook my head.
Men! My mind screamed. Men are so stupid sometimes!
It should have been impossible to put his focus on anyone else, no matter how guilty he felt. Ryan finally sees what Jane is doing, but only after Julia does something drastic; shouldn't he have always known how she felt? Weren’t they that connected? Ryan should have seen she missed his friendship, not just his physical love.
They were soul mates, weren’t they? They were everything to each other, right? So how could he not see her pain? Love isn’t a choice, it just is.
I wanted Ryan to know Julia’s heart without words. My heart wanted it to be that way in the story, because that's how I really felt. About Cade. He was my Ryan.
There were no questions in my mind, no momentary lapses, no matter what happened, no matter how much pain we had to endure... he could make me walk through hell, yet I would never waver in my love for him.
It would always be Cade for me. But it wasn't a choice. It was undeniable and completely out of my control. I had to be with him and I knew it; even if he was being a stubborn jackass who wouldn't answer my texts or calls. Even if he was acting like a baby about a couple of stupid photos, when he'd just been making out with a bunch of different women this weekend! And even if we were going to have a huge fight tonight because I was completely pissed... We’d still be together.
Okay, so how was I going to handle him tonight? Should I show him I was mad as hell or should I treat him with kid gloves? I understood his angst over David, but how long would it be before he realized that I was his forever?
Goddammit!
I promised myself that after the Wendy fiasco, I wouldn't let myself believe any bullshit and completely trust him. Did it bug the shit out of me that he was making out with those actresses yesterday? Hell yes, but I was certain he loved me, so why the fuck wasn't he just as secure that I loved him? Maybe I’d learned something from Ryan and Julia that he still had to figure out.
I pressed my lips together, feeling decidedly bitchy.
I lay back on the bed but was startled when I heard the door click as a card key passed over the electronic lock on the outside. Cade was back early.
He pushed the door open and walked quickly into the suite, looking around as he moved toward the bedroom, and throwing the keycard across the room. He was angry; it was written all over his expression and the forceful way he moved. What was he looking for? His face was flushed and he was breathing hard as he moved toward me then stopped a few feet away. Cade glared down at me, but didn't say anything.
"Hey, you're back early." I sat up and stumbled for something to say to lighten his mood. He was guarded as I rose from the bed and took a couple steps toward him. He looked tired and he hadn't shaved, and he was furious as hell.
"Sorry if you're disappointed." His voice was flat and a muscle in his jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth. His blue eyes were full of fire.
I frowned and my hands clenched at my sides as my own anger swelled.
"Fuck you. What's your problem?"
"Hmmph!" Cade huffed; his mouth quirked but his eyes remained hard and unchanged. He stood still as stone. "Fuck me? Are you sure it's me that you're fucking?"
I couldn't believe my ears and my skin turned to liquid fire.
Did she really just say that to me?
"Well, maybe it won't be, you asshole. I know you're probably pissed about the pictures, but I don't deserve this abuse from you, Cade."
"Oh, yeah. I'm upset about the woman who said she loves me more than life draped all over another guy for all the bloody world to see, and looking happy as hell while she does it," he said as he walked into the bathroom and splashed water on his face and the back of his neck. "Fucking hell! Why would I be upset about that, Brook?"
I sighed wearily and shook my head, the anger draining out of me. "Cade, are we really doing this? Are we fighting over some stupid pictures? Are you even interested in talking to me, or do you just want to have a tantrum?" I asked in a softer tone.
"Fuck you, Brook! I was down in L.A. fighting for us, and you were parading around Vancouver flaunting that little bastard in my face. Haven't I dealt with that long enough?" The tone in his voice was hard and the volume increasing. "But no! That's not all, right? You went to his hotel and he proposed! Is that how it went? How much more do I have to endure? When's the bloody wedding?"
My lips thinned into a tight line. What the fuck?
I hoped I wouldn't even have to tell him for the simple fact that he would flip and blow it all out of proportion, exactly like he was doing.
"Did you let him touch you? Did he kiss you?" I could see the pain behind his eyes, but I was mad at him for thinking that was even a remote possibility. I didn’t want to be around him when he had no faith in me.
"Why don't you just leave? You don't know what the hell you're saying and it's obvious you aren't interested in anything I say anyway. Just get the fuck out!"
"No! Not until I hear you say you're mine! That you belong to me and no one else!"
Don't you know that by now? The thought exploded in my brain. I just stared at him, my body shaking with emotion.
He rushed forward, his arms sliding around me as he crushed me to his body. He was breathing hard, and still furious as his eyes bore into mine. Furious, scared, and insecure; and, desperate.
How could someone so amazing, so beautiful, and talented, feel insecure for even one second?
His scent washed over my senses and I could feel the heat of his breath on my face, and despite the anger flaring between us, my heart beat faster at his nearness. My lips parted as his eyes dropped to my mouth.
Cade’s hand came up to the back of my head while he crushed his mouth to mine. I was too stunned to move as he dragged his mouth across my cheek, down my chin, and onto my neck as his free hand closed over my breast. I knew that the best way to calm him down was to respond even though he was rough in his touches. I knew he loved me and wouldn't hurt me.
As angry as I was, I loved him even more. My heart ached that he would doubt me, but I knew his heart was hurting, and he needed reassurance from me. He was as vulnerable as I was; his heart just as fragile.
My hands slid up his chest, and around his shoulders; finally into his hair. Cade groaned against my skin and pulled back to look into my face. His hand slid to the side of my face and his thumb rubbed against my lower lip, dragging back and forth before he brought his mouth back to mine. I kissed him back, sucking on his mouth like I couldn't get enough. The kiss got wild and deeper, his hand on the side of my face pulled me closer, and I pulled the hair at the back of his head in a desperate attempt to bring our mouths closer.
He pushed me up against the wall and pressed into me. I felt his hardness on my stomach and my body reacted of its own accord. I wanted him, but I couldn't let it happen like this, in anger.
My hand slid down his body to his ass, and I squeezed the firm muscles and pulled him tighter into my pelvis; lifting my leg around him.
"Brook... Tell me that you're mine. Only mine."
I could hear the anguish in his voice and tears filled my eyes as his right hand laced with my left and he pressed his forehead to mine. His sweet breath, coming out in hot pants from exertion and heartbreak, washed over my face. As his fingers closed around mine, he felt the ring on my left and he froze in place. Suddenly, he pulled back to jerk my hand up so he could see the ring on my hand.
Did he think he'd find David's ring there?
His features softened as his eyes fell on the engagement ring that he’d given me. His eyes came back to my face as the tears fell from my eyes, and tumbled down my cheeks. His mouth was only inches from mine; hovering over my lips, waiting.
"I shouldn't have to say it!” I said brokenly, my tone urgent. “What the hell were you expecting to see? You should know by now that it could only ever be you. It kills me that you’d
think any other ring would be on my finger." My right hand came up to his shoulder to push him off of me as I ripped my left from his grasp. He stumbled back from me as his eyes came back to my face. His chest was heaving, and I was crying.
"Yes, David proposed, but after everything I've said to you, how I've told you that you're my entire fucking world, you should have no doubt where my heart is! What is it you said to me in Tokyo? Oh yeah, do you feel me like I feel you? This is us? Well is it? Is this us, Cade? If it is, what the fuck is this? I thought we were beyond any doubt by now."
I wiped at my tears, but they wouldn’t stop raining from my eyes. A sob rose in my chest, as Cade took a step back toward me.
So many emotions flashed across his features; regret, hurt, lust, desperation. Gentle now, he put a hand to my face but I turned away before he could touch me. I longed to fall into his arms, but I just couldn't.
"Brook... I was just so...," he began, but I interrupted him.
"I need you to leave. I can't deal with this right now," I said quietly as I went into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I leaned trembling against it as I turned the lock.
I felt lost and alone, like part of me was missing. I slid to the floor, wrapping my arms around my bent knees as I fell apart.
He didn't argue or plead with me. I heard the outer door to the suite close behind him.
Four hours later, Cade had called six times and texted four times, but I didn't answer any of them.
I'm sorry.
Forgive me. Please.
The thought of him touching you makes me crazy.
I feel like I'm falling apart, but I love you.
Please, Brook. Talk to me. I can't breathe.
I'd decided I didn't want to talk to him on the phone or on text. We needed to connect in person.
I understood how he felt, even if it was completely unfounded. He'd told me he was a possessive boyfriend, and sometimes I even liked it, but it hurt when he didn't trust me. Being jealous when someone flirted with me wasn't the same as thinking I would betray him or go back to David. We needed to talk and get this all out before the separation at the beginning of June or we'd be in trouble.
My heart thumped heavily in my chest. It would be difficult enough without all of this doubt surrounding us. We had to be completely solid in our trust of each other.
Cade was under a lot of pressure; the meeting with Pinnacle; the auditions, and of course always the mobs of fans chasing him were bound make him crazy. When the one thing in his life he was sure of became clouded in lies and innuendos, it was not unusual for him to have a volatile reaction and close down.
He did the same thing I’d done when I'd seen Wendy at his apartment. The only difference was he did come to talk to me, but I didn't go to him in January. I wouldn't make that mistake again.
I called the limo service and asked if Peter could come pick me up in the garage of my hotel. I wore a dark green blouse and jeans, and put some smoky and silver shadow on my eyes, some cream blush and light gloss on my lips. I curled my hair in to a fluffy style, and wore the two bracelet’s Cade had given me. I'd just need to be careful to keep my hand in my pocket or under the table, but Cade needed to see I belonged to him, even if the world couldn’t… and the jewelry was a symbol of that.
"Good evening, Peter. I hope you’re well tonight." Cade’s British formality was wearing off on me, as much as my Americanisms were becoming second nature to him.
"Yes, Miss Brook, thank you," he said pleasantly and smiled at me into the rear view mirror, "Will you be joining Mr. Caden tonight?"
"Yes, please. Did he go out for dinner or is he back at the hotel?"
"No, miss. He went out. He met Miss Westmore and her friends. They met on the plane today and she asked him to show her some of the hot spots in town."
I sat back in my seat, contemplating whether Cade would want me to crash his party or not. Either way, we couldn't talk with a bunch of people around. I wondered who was ‘Miss Westmore'.
"Oh, well... maybe you should take me back to my hotel then."
"No, miss. Mr. Caden said I should bring you to him if you called for a ride. Is that acceptable?"
Thump. My heart bounced around my chest. He knew I'd come to him.
No choices, out of my control, and his.
"Yes, Peter. Thank you."
I walked into the club and saw him right away. He was sitting at a table close to the door, with several other people. Fans were hovering around devouring him with their eyes, but they didn't approach. Hmmm... not the usual way they behaved.
He was beautiful, but he looked tired. I watched him slam a shot as two girls came up to me and asked for my autograph. I signed for them, and they threw their arms around me and took selfies of us with their phones. I smiled and engaged with them, thinking if they’d take photos of Cade, soon the whole world would know we were in the same bar.
"Thank you, Brook. We love you. You're so great. Can't wait for Don’t Forget to Remember Me!"
I smiled again. Cade's head snapped up at the sound of my name, his eyes soft and apologetic as they met mine.
I smiled at the rest of the table as he introduced me and pulled up a chair next to his. So, Miss Westmore was Susan Westmore. She was nice and sincerely interested in talking to me, asking many of the same questions the interviewers had about the film and my career.
Cade was pensive. I could tell he was still unsure of my state of mind and I needed to find a way to communicate with him that I was okay. As I made small talk with the others, my left hand reached for his under that table. His warm fingers laced through mine immediately, his thumb rubbing over the top of my hand and I squeezed his slightly.
He sucked in a deep breath, glancing at me; the corners of his mouth lifting in a small, sad smile.
"So Brook, I hear congratulations are in order. I saw online earlier today that you've gotten engaged to your boyfriend," Susan smiled warmly at me. Ah, so she was the culprit who planted the misunderstanding in Cade’s mind.
The music was loud and so I leaned into her. "No. David did propose, but I said ‘no'... in fact, we broke up."
Her face fell, "Oh, I'm so sorry."
I shrugged and shook my head, "No, don’t be sorry. We were more like friends anyway. I'm just sorry that I hurt him."
Susan's eyes flashed knowingly between Cade and me. .
"The music is really great, isn't it?" Cade saved us by distracting her.
"Oh yes! Wanna dance, Cade?"
"No thanks, Susan. I’m not really in the mood; plus I'd be mobbed on the dance floor. I'm quite enjoying the solitude tonight. It's a miracle that no one is intruding."
A little while later while the others were out dancing, he leaned in to me, his voice softly laced with sadness. "Thanks for coming to find me, sweetheart. I'm very sorry, my love. I can't explain how crazy I get when it comes to you. It does something to my insides. I love you, so much."
"I know." I looked down, nodding, as my heart tightened. I tried to swallow the emotion rising in my throat. "Me, too. Can we talk about this later when we're alone? It's enough to know we're okay now. Are we okay?"
His blue eyes blazed into mine even though they were soft as he looked at me. His mouth curved in a small smile. "Always."
"Good." My chest expanded with a deep breath, "So then, can you give me a brief run-down of the meeting today?"
"Yes. I told them we'd walk off of the series if they didn't make it easier for us to be together. I said we'd be discreet and not announce our relationship yet. We have to put some time between your public break-up with David and our becoming official or it might hurt your image.”
“And yours,” I put in.
Cade’s left shoulder lifted in a half-shrug. “Whatever. Not exactly optimal, but I'll live with it. Joel told them we wouldn't show up to A Love Like This if they didn’t agree. No more visits from David, either."
His hand tightened on mine again and his eyes searched my face. "It's been a
lmost a year since I broke up with him. It sucks that we have to wait, but at least there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. As long as we can be together and David won't be an issue, anymore, I’m good with it. He won't want to see me now, regardless."
Cade's brow dropped over his eyes and his lips pursed. "Are you all right, love? It's obviously bothering you."
"Cade, stop. I'm sorry he's hurt and that I'm losing a friend, but I'm not sorry about us. That’s the truth."
He nodded slightly.
"We'll push Pinnacle a little and go out together on occasion, even though they don't like it. The sooner we start dropping hints, the sooner we can be open. In fact, Daniel is having a concert in Vancouver next week. Will you go to that with me? Hang out backstage? It can be our first date."
Cade grinned at the absurdity of the façade and I couldn’t hold back a big smile. "It's ridiculous! My mouth has touched every inch of your skin, but we've yet to have our first date."
I nodded and nudged him with my shoulder. "I think I'm going to go back to the hotel. Looks like we still can't go together?"
"Probably not, but I'll come to you if you still want me." I could hear the regret in his voice because he doubted me.
"You know I want you. We can talk back in my room, okay?"
"Yeah. I love you," he said, his voice low as he leaned his head toward me.
I pulled back from him when I noticed a couple of women eyeing us with speculation.
I cleared my throat. "Um, yeah. Ditto. Tell the others it was nice meeting them and goodnight for me, please?"
I wanted to kiss those sweet lips but turned and walked out of the bar to the waiting limo.
THE SUITE WAS dark except for some flickering candlelight coming from the other room. I was filled with relief as I followed the soft sounds of music into the bedroom. Thank God I’d been wrong. Brook was lying on her stomach with her head turned away from me, both arms bare and golden on the pillow around her head.