Summer Hearts

by Chase Connor

  “Are we going to cookout at all?” Logan asked, stepping up onto the back of the cart.

  It nearly tipped backward. Logan wasn’t overweight by any stretch of the imagination, but he was just tall and muscled, so that meant he weighed enough to tip a shopping cart if he didn’t pay attention. He chuckled nervously and made an “oop” sound before hopping off of the bar once more.

  “Look,” I sighed, “I don’t mean to be rude. But I know A.J. and Alex don’t have the first clue how to grill…anything…do you?”

  Logan gave his signature smile where only his lower teeth showed.

  “That’s what I thought.” I chuckled. “I am not doing all of the cooking for two weeks, so we need some things that you idiots can make for yourselves.”

  “Cereal.” Logan nodded, not taking offense at what I had said.

  “Something with some nutritional value, ya’ buttwipe.”

  “Low sugar cereal.” He continued to nod. “Like Frosted Flakes.”

  “You’re a steamy mess.” I shook my head with a laugh. “How about we hit the produce aisle and get some veggies and fruits, and then we can get like sausages and eggs and—”

  “We could totally stock up on T.V. dinners,” Logan interjected. “Peel back the lid, pop ‘em in the microwave. Boom.”

  “You want to eat T.V. dinners for two weeks?” One eyebrow rose precipitously. “Do you plan to have high blood pressure before you’re twenty?”

  “Huh?”

  “They’re full of salt, dude.”

  “I like salt.”

  I reached over and patted his tummy.

  “I know right now your gut can handle anything and process it like its merely water, but you gotta start thinking about being an adult and making some choices, Logan,” I said. “If you eat lots of salt and bad fats and—”

  “We’re on vacation, Cooper.” Logan groaned. “Please just let me have fun and don’t harass me into eating super healthy.”

  “You ate five-hundred fried shrimp last night. And washed it down with seventeen sodas.”

  “Don’t forget the fries and hushpuppies.” Logan grinned. “Come on, Cooper. Just live a little for two weeks.”

  For several moments, I just stared at him.

  “Fine.” I sighed. “Some cereal for some of our breakfasts and maybe we’ll get some hot dogs and French fries for some dinners. But we have to get some healthy stuff, too.”

  “Deal!” He held out his hand.

  We shook in a comically exaggerated fashion with a laugh and went back to strolling down the aisle of the grocery store. Logan followed along as I grabbed a couple of rolls of paper towels—just in case—and then when I grabbed some herbs and spices when we rounded the aisle. We walked along, Logan mostly just watching as I picked up a few things that I thought might make our meals a little nicer or healthier. When we got to the cereal section, I grabbed some Smart Start and let Logan pick out the cereals for the rest of the guys. Of course, most of the boxes he threw in the cart had cartoon characters on them—boxes I had never seen in the cupboards at home. Anytime Dad and I had splurged on a sugar cereal, treated ourselves to some fun, the cereal usually came in a heavy-duty zip-bag that was over two feet long. Store brand all the way. And it wasn’t often.

  “So,” Logan stated nonchalantly as we made our way to the produce section and I immediately began inspecting healthy options, “Alex was kind of, uh, odd this morning.”

  Doing my best to ignore the implication, I calmly ripped a produce bag off of a nearby roll and began picking out some oranges. Oranges and bell peppers. Excellent source of vitamin C. Healthy choices. I did my best to think about that instead of what Logan was asking.

  “Were things okay with you guys…uh, last night?” He continued, obviously not taking the hint my silence provided. “Did you, ya’ know? Ya’ know what I mean.”

  “I know what you mean.” I sighed. “No. We didn’t.”

  “Yikes.” He cringed. “That’s not good on the first night of vacation. Is he still being a douchebag?”

  “I’m so tired of everyone calling my boyfriend a douchebag,” I growled as I chunked an orange into the bag, nearly busting it.

  Logan looked taken aback.

  “I’m sorry. I just…you’re my friend, Cooper. I just want to know that you’re okay, man. I’m sorry I called Alex a douchebag. Okay?”

  “Don’t be.” I sighed, turning to face him, the bag with one orange dangling from my fist at my side. “I’m tired of people calling him that because I keep calling him that in my head. Hearing other people repeat my thoughts is never good. Sometimes I don’t like being right.”

  Logan gave a tight smile, his eyes concerned.

  “I know I’m stubborn.” I shrugged, feeling deflated. “I know that I’m a smartass sometimes and a know-it-all, and….”

  Logan just waited.

  “He’s not going to ever be the guy I need, is he?”

  “I don’t know, man.” Logan shrugged. “Do you think he will be?”

  For several long moments, I stared into my best friend’s eyes, thinking about the question I had posed to the two of us. The only problem was, I already thought I knew the answer. And it wasn’t a great answer.

  “Maybe I’ll just sleep in another room for the rest of the trip?” I sighed and turned back to the pile of oranges. “So things aren’t weird for the rest of the trip, and everyone has a bad time. Maybe some space will make things easier for everyone to have fun. Then…we can go our own way once we go back home.”

  “All of us?” Logan gasped.

  I chuckled, defeated.

  “Alex and me.” I clarified. “Some things aren’t worth fighting for if the other person isn’t going to show up to battle, ya’ know.”

  As I chose another orange, Logan gave a deep sigh. I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the face.

  “I’ve got your back one-hundred percent no matter what, Cooper.” He stated firmly. “Whatever you need, man.”

  “Well, just make sure that when Alex acts like a big asshole when I move my stuff into another room, we all still try to have a good time and enjoy the beach house.” I tried to sound happy. “Don’t let this trip turn into a total shit stain, all right?”

  Logan did his best to laugh.

  “Okay, man.”

  Chapter 6

  Logan

  Cooper did his best to make our vacation fun and free of tension in the days that followed our trip to the grocery store. When we got back to the beach house from the grocery store, we carried in the copious number of bags and put all of our purchases—that my dad’s credit card had bought us—away. Then Cooper had silently gone to the room he shared with Alex and grabbed all of his things and took them to another guest room further down the hall, between A.J.’s and my room and Alex’s room. Alex watched silently as Cooper moved his things but said nothing. He didn’t even approach Cooper to ask what was going on, to try to work things out—and definitely not to apologize. While all of that was going on, I grabbed A.J. and made him go walk on the beach with me. Explaining to him away from the guys was the best thing I could think of to do. My boyfriend was more than appalled at the—what seemed to him—sudden development, but he promised me he wouldn’t make any of his trademark quips. Cooper wanted us all to still have a good time, so that’s what we resolved to do as a couple.

  A.J. and I decided that we would laugh, have fun, do fun activities, always make sure to include both of our friends, and not say a word about the tension between them. We certainly weren’t going to mention the fact that they were sleeping in different rooms and not talking unless forced. A.J. and I made such a great team, presenting a united front, that it made me feel even better about our relationship. Of course, that led me to wonder about my own relationship. A.J. still had refused to talk about his future—or our future together—and he wouldn’t even tell me if he had any thoughts to share. It was almost as if he was blocking me out of his planning. Either that, or he ju
st didn’t have a plan and didn’t want to talk to me about it.

  Considering everything Cooper and I had talked about, I knew that maybe A.J. was just paralyzed by fear of the future. Not knowing what the next months will hold for your future is terrifying when you’re eighteen-years-old. I understood that with every fiber of my being. I still had no idea what I was going to do once summer was over, and I was expected to do…something. A.J. refusing to discuss the future with me or even spitball some ideas made everything worse, too. However, with Cooper and Alex not talking to each other, sleeping separately, and probably on their way to breaking up, I didn’t have much energy to spend thinking about A.J.’s reticence to talk about the future. Instead, I decided that it was best to make the trip as fun as possible, then revisit my relationship when we were back home in Vermont.

  So, the days dragged by as the four of us did our best to enjoy our time at the beach house. I wanted to be upset at Cooper and Alex for making things borderline unbearable, but I just couldn’t. My heart went out to my best friend, and I kind of understood why Alex was acting the way that he was. It’s hard to take a stand against your own father, even if you know it’s the right thing to do. Not to say that I didn’t want Alex to say: fuck it. Dad’s wrong. That’s that. That would have been ideal in my mind. But he never did. He ignored Cooper, refused to say anything even remotely encouraging to him, and just generally acted like the whole situation did not affect him. It was frustrating and exhausting and made A.J. and me feel like we were walking on eggshells anytime we were with the two of them.

  Regardless, at least once a day, I’d make sure that I pulled Cooper away from the beach house to go surf, or swim, or at least walk on the beach. Sometimes we’d walk to a restaurant and have lunch and leave A.J. and Alex to their own devices. Every time that I pulled Cooper away from the guys, he’d tell me that he didn’t want to ruin my quality time with A.J. Of course, I just told him that he was being ridiculous. Best friends need time together, too. During those times, A.J. would do things with Alex, since they were essentially best friends as well, though I knew A.J. would have preferred if we were all together. Usually, at most meals, we all ate together. We often walked the beach together. But we were never really together. Alex and Cooper not talking just shoved a big divide in the middle of our little group of friends.

  Frankly, it fucking sucked.

  I hated to admit it, but a few days before our vacation was over—which had turned into the “Keep Cooper and Alex Separated Trip”—I was happy to find myself walking alone on the beach with A.J. It was nice to have time alone with my boyfriend after so many days full of tense moments, and I hated to admit that I enjoyed having my best friend out of sight, if not out of mind. Walking along the beach at sunset, holding hands with A.J. was what I wanted the entire trip to be about. Spending quality time with my boyfriend, enjoying the beach, surfing, having guys’ time—just being with each other before fall scattered us all to the winds. I found myself feeling sad as A.J. and I walked along, sand squishing between our toes as the cool ocean breeze played in our hair.

  “What’s going on, sexy?” A.J. cooed, his hand squeezing mine. “I can tell you’re not thinking about wading out into the water and doing nasty things with me.”

  I couldn’t help but grin at that.

  “I think we’d get arrested.”

  “Hey, then we’d have handcuffs.” He leered at me.

  “Stop it.” I nudged him playfully. “But don’t stop.”

  “Is it Cooper?”

  “A little bit, yeah.”

  “What’s the other bit?” He asked.

  A.J. stopped, forcing me to cease walking and turn to look at him.

  “Are we going to be Cooper and Alex at the end of summer?” I decided at that moment to vocalize my worst fears. “Am I just something that helped you get through your final year at Dextrus, A.J.? Because sometimes I wonder if you don’t have plans for the future because I’m not part of it.”

  For a moment, A.J. looked upset with me for being so candid, but his eyes slowly softened, and a weak smile came to his face. I’m usually good at reading people, especially those closest to me, but I wasn’t sure how to interpret the look on my boyfriend’s face. Was he looking at me the way that he was to convey how silly he thought I was or was he sad that he was going to have to drop a bomb on me?

  “Babe,” A.J. began, making me nervous, “I have no idea what I’m doing. I mean…we just graduated high school. I have no idea how to start my life.”

  “Okay.”

  “But I know I want to start it with you.” He smiled up at me. “Is that good enough for now?”

  The grin that split my face was immediate and genuine.

  “Yeah.” Relief made my chest swell. “That’s good enough.”

  A.J. smiled back at me, his hand squeezing mine.

  “And I have no idea how to start either.” I nodded.

  “Let’s just be losers together, then.” He said. “Until we learn to not be losers. Okay?”

  “Deal.”

  I leaned down to meet my boyfriend’s lips as the sun settled towards the horizon, and we shared a gentle, relationship-affirming kiss for several moments. Then we gripped each other’s hands tightly and continued on our walk. Somehow, knowing that we both could be “losers” together made me feel like a winner and chased away all of my fears. At least all of the fears I had about my relationship.

  “What are you doing?”

  Cooper looked over at me, standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He was slowly packing his suitcase, looking downtrodden. Like most things in Cooper’s life, his packing was meticulous and efficient. All of his clothes were laid on the bed, waiting to be folded expertly and tucked away neatly into the suitcase he had brought with him. Of course, we still had a day and a half left at the beach house, so I wasn’t sure why he was packing things away as though we were going to leave soon.

  “Don’t freak out.” Cooper rolled his eyes. “I just thought maybe I’d catch the bus back tomorrow.”

  “What?

  “Close the door.” Cooper gestured hurriedly, worried that our voices would travel down the hall.

  Frowning, I stepped further into his bedroom, letting his door shut a little more forcefully than intended behind me. Cooper ignored the sound.

  “Look,” He said, placing another shirt in the bag, “it’s gonna be torture, stuck in a car with him for that many hours. I’m just gonna catch the bus back home. Dad will pick me up.”

  “Have you texted your dad?”

  “Not yet.” He shrugged. “But the bus station isn’t that far from the house, so, if he can’t, it’s not like I can’t hoof it home.”

  I groaned.

  “You’re going to take a bus ride—which will take longer than being in the car—then possibly walk home with a suitcase, just to avoid sitting in a car with Alex?”

  Cooper shrugged again.

  “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

  My best friend didn’t even take offense, he just smiled and turned to flop down on his bed.

  “Do you want to be in a car with both Alex and me?” He asked. “We’ve already ruined this whole trip, broseph.”

  “Yeah.” I agreed with a smile. “You kind of have.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Cooper sunk into the bed, dejected and pitiful.

  “Well,” I sighed as I walked over to sit down beside him, “why don’t you make tonight and tomorrow night—and the ride home—not so hard then, bromo? I mean…how about you just have fun and not worry if Alex will react one way or the other?”

  “Man, it’s not like I haven’t been trying. Emotions are hard, okay?”

  We both chuckled at that.

  “Alex is a douche,” I said. “I get that. Just ignore him.”

  “It’s kind of hard to do that right now.”

  “Look,” I said, “I don’t want to diminish how you feel, man. I know that you’re preparing yours
elf for going home and telling Alex to go take a hike. But…can we just ignore that for a day and a half? We’ll have fun tonight, tomorrow we’ll swim and go surfing, make jokes, laugh like idiots, then go have a ‘farewell’ dinner—eat lots of fried shrimp—and then we’ll drive home the next day. I’ll sit up front with Alex on the ride home if you want.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.” I nodded. “I will endure it if you can’t.”

  Cooper snorted.

  “Make A.J. sit up front with Alex, and you have a deal.” He said.

  I held a pinkie out. Cooper rolled his eyes but linked his pinkie with mine as we sat there on the bed.

  “I mean, I’m still going to pack most of my things,” Cooper said as our pinkies released from each other. “No point in doing all of my packing tomorrow night.”

  I laughed.

  “When you’re done, you’ll come hang out, though, right?” I asked.

  “Yeah.” He agreed. “I won’t sequester myself in my room or anything.”

  “Good.”

  I stood from the bed and made my way to the door again. Before I could swing it open, risking letting A.J. and Alex hear us talking, I turned to my friend once more.

  “It’ll work out,” I said firmly. “One way or the other, things will be okay.”

  “They always are.”

  Again, I nodded, then I left Cooper to finish his packing.

  Chapter 7

  Cooper

  Our last night at the beach house was on a Sunday. Unlike the first night of our trip, which had been a Monday, the oceanside seafood place we had eaten dinner at was busy. A restaurant in a town like Kennebunkport being busier on a Sunday night versus a Monday night makes sense, really. Especially during summer. All of us guys had walked from the beach house to the restaurant since it was less than a half-mile to the restaurant and back. The walk itself had been pretty pleasant, Alex and A.J. took the lead, laughing and joking, Logan and I bringing up the rear, laughing and joking. Of course, the previous night the four of us had sat down to dinner together and hung out and Alex and I just ignored each other unless it was pertinent that we speak. But when we did, we made sure that we were cordial and didn’t create any tension for our friends. There was no reason that they had to suffer right along with us, after all. Something told me that when Logan had spoken to me about trying to enjoy the last day and a half of our trip, A.J. had done the same with Alex. At least I wasn’t the only idiot who had to have some sense talked into him.