I Hate You More

by Moody, Alexandra

  There was no car in the driveway when we got home, so I knew Shane must have already gone to the gym. Dad wasn’t getting home from his conference until tomorrow, which meant it would just be Chase and me in the house. It was one thing to share a drive home together but something different altogether to have the house to ourselves.

  As he turned off the car, I gave him a tight smile. “Well, thanks for the ride,” I said, wanting to get out of the car as quickly as possible. I had the intention of escaping to my room and barricading the door so I could avoid him.

  Chase didn’t make a move to get out of the truck though, and as he turned to look at me, his eyes were suddenly filled with uncertainty. It was like he wanted to talk but seemed hesitant to speak. “I just wanted you to know I’m glad you agreed to the truce,” he finally said. “And I won’t be untruceful again.”

  I swallowed as I nodded. I wanted to smile at his little joke, but when he’d turned to me, the energy in the air around us had shifted, and the connection between us had become so strong I was finding it hard to breathe. We’d been sitting close to each other the whole trip home, but now that he was facing me, the truck cabin felt smaller, and the distance between us wasn’t nearly enough. I could see the small golden flecks that dotted his eyes and smell the peppermint on his breath. Where was the usual bristling anger I felt in his presence? Why was I waiting with bated breath for what he said next rather than wishing he’d leave me alone?

  He slowly reached out and touched my face, his fingers barely skimming across the skin on my cheek. I closed my eyes as I gave in to the soft and tortuous sensation as he left a trail of sparks across my skin. “I think you’re always going to drive me crazy, Ally,” he murmured. “But I think I’m starting to like it.” He pulled his hand back.

  I opened my eyes to find him staring at me in wonder. My skin still tingled from his touch, and I found I’d stopped breathing. The truck was silent, and it seemed like he was holding his breath along with me. He was looking at me like he’d never seen me before, and I was surprised to find I felt the same way. In this moment, I didn’t hate the boy sitting across from me. I didn’t hate him at all.

  My mind snapped awake. I pulled back from him in a sudden movement. Last night, I’d gone to sleep despising him, and one apology shouldn’t change that. I couldn’t let his smooth words erase the years of pain he’d caused me.

  “I have to get inside to do my homework,” I said, my words racing out of my mouth as I rushed to get out of the car.

  Chase didn’t say a word as I jumped from the truck and closed the door behind me. I couldn’t seem to get away from him quick enough. I could feel his eyes watching me as I hurried to the front door, but I refused to let myself turn to see his reaction.

  It wasn’t until I was safely in my room, with my door closed behind me, that I started to breathe easily again. I had no idea what had just happened between Chase and me, but whatever it was, it definitely wasn’t a part of any plan Tessa had concocted. I needed to get my head back in the game because falling for Chase wasn’t an option. I was going to have to up the ante and move through the stages of Operation Pest Control even quicker.

  Starting tomorrow, I was going to throw everything I had into making Chase want me, because the longer Chase was in our house, the more concerned I became that my heart would be the one thing that stopped me from succeeding.

  19

  Chase

  “You drive me crazy, but I’m starting to like it?” The words ran through my mind on repeat for the rest of the day. What had I been thinking, saying that out loud? I’d sounded like a total idiot, and it freaked Ally out so much that she’d run away from me. If I was being honest, it had freaked me out a little too.

  Things were changing between Ally and me. I was starting to find her constantly drifting into my mind, and whenever we clashed, I actually enjoyed our interactions rather than suffered through them. I’d seen a totally different side to her at the nursing home yesterday. I was beginning to realize there was far more to the girl I thought I loathed, and beneath her barbed exterior was someone I could actually like.

  I thought she’d felt the same shift in the dynamics between us as I had. Judging by the speed with which she’d bolted from my truck, clearly, I was wrong. To say I’d made a fool out of myself was an understatement.

  I somehow managed to avoid her for the rest of the day, but unfortunately, my luck ran out when I entered the kitchen the following morning. She was standing by the kitchen counter, her held tilted back, as she drank from a large glass of juice. She hadn’t seen me yet and I froze to the spot as I considered what to do. A part of me wanted to slink back to my bedroom, but another part of me wanted to see how she acted around me after what I’d said.

  Her eyes flicked in my direction as she slowly lowered her glass, and my opportunity to escape disappeared. Still, I hesitated by the door. Her eyes were wide and unsure, and I worried she might run off again at any moment. But then she surprised the heck out of me, and her nervous expression transformed into a beaming smile.

  “Morning, Chase,” she said in greeting. She actually looked happy to see me, and that confused me more than anything. She couldn’t get out of my gramps’ truck quickly enough yesterday, and now, she was smiling at me like we were the best of friends? It didn’t make any sense.

  I folded my arms over my chest as I took her in. Her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, and her voice had been overly enthusiastic. Perhaps she was still rattled by my comments in the truck yesterday, and instead of running scared, she was pretending it didn’t happen. Only, this wasn’t how she normally acted around me, and her whole demeanor felt off.

  “Did you sleep well?” she asked.

  “Yeah, sure,” I replied, finally shaking off my early-morning stupor and entering the room. I walked over to where she was standing and reached to take a banana out of the fruit bowl. She reached for it at the same time, causing our hands to brush. I immediately jerked mine away as I realized there was only one piece of fruit left.

  Ally frowned and held the banana out to me. “You have it,” she said.

  I felt the urge to wave a hand in front of her face to see if she was actually awake because she was acting nothing like her normal self. “You want me to have the last piece of fruit?”

  “Sure.” She was smiling at me again, but it felt like a lie. The skin around her eyes was tense, and I kept getting small glimpses of more complex emotions flashing across her gaze. It was like she’d plastered a sunny expression on her face to cover her true thoughts, and I couldn’t understand why she was pretending.

  I took the banana and stared down at it, feeling as though I was staring at a Rubik’s cube rather than a piece of food. Ally would never usually be so unselfish around me. I’d normally expect a fight to the death or at least some sort of disagreement, even over something as simple as a banana. I knew we’d agreed to a truce on the weekend, but I never imagined it would mean she’d turn into one of those smiling bobbleheads people kept in their cars. Who was this Stepford wife who’d replaced my fierce, feisty rival?

  “Well, have a good day,” she said, shooting me one last smile before she left the room.

  I stared after her, trying to figure out what had just happened. I’d been so worried about seeing her today. I thought she’d go straight back to her usual cold self and try to avoid me. Instead, I was met with a version of the girl I didn’t recognize, and I was left wondering where the real Ally had gone? Was it strange that I missed her usual bristly attitude toward me?

  The only conclusion I could draw was that she was holding up her end of the truce. Since she hadn’t brought up what I’d said in the truck yesterday, I had to assume that meant she wanted to forget about it. She wanted things to remain cordial between us, so at least that was something. But for some reason, it made my heart sink.

  Our interaction at breakfast put me in a funk for the rest of the day. I was still embarrassed about what I’d said to Ally and
confused by how she was acting around me. I knew she was being nice for the sake of the truce, but it seemed like she was taking it a bit too seriously when she actually waved to me in the corridor or smiled at me in class.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Shane asked when I sat down at our table for lunch. The two of us had no classes together this year, so the lunch break was the only time we really saw one another at school.

  “Nothing’s wrong with me,” I grunted in reply. He clearly wasn’t convinced by my response though.

  “You’ve been acting strangely ever since the party,” Shane continued. “Did something happen?”

  “Nope.” I took a bite of my burger, hoping if my mouth were full then Shane wouldn’t expect me to answer any of his questions.

  “Was it because of seven minutes in heaven?” Shane continued, apparently unable to take the hint. “I know you guys don’t get along all that well, but Tessa and I thought maybe if we put you in a room together you’d finally get over it.”

  “You and Tessa, huh?”

  Shane’s eyes only betrayed the slightest bit of unease as I turned the interrogation round on him.

  “You’re avoiding my question.”

  “Because you’re barking up the wrong tree. I already told you, I’m fine.”

  Shane held up his hands and shrugged. “Okay, I’ll drop it,” he said. “Have you heard from your parents recently?”

  “Are you trying to put me in a bad mood?” I raked a hand through my hair and let out a heavy sigh before I decided to answer him. “Not since Dad text me last week.”

  “They’re coming to visit soon though, right?”

  I shrugged. Mom had sent me through some dates, but I couldn’t remember when they were coming. As far as I was concerned, they could stay away the entire year.

  “So, big game on Friday,” I said, hoping he’d let the subject of my parents drop.

  Shane chuckled, knowing exactly what I was doing. It didn’t stop his chest from puffing out a little larger though. Unlike me, Shane lived and breathed football, and this week, he was leading the team against our biggest rivals. “It is. You coming?”

  “I might make an appearance.”

  Shane shoved my shoulder playfully. “You better be there. It’s the first home game of the season, and we’re playing the Wildcats.”

  “Is that important or something?”

  Shane laughed and shook his head at me. “You’re such a dick.”

  “You’re not the first Lockwood to tell me that.”

  “And I probably won’t be the last.”

  I normally would have agreed, but given that Ally had been acting so strangely since our truce started, I suddenly wasn’t so sure.

  “Hi Chase,” Jenna said, sitting in the free seat beside me. “I didn’t see you at Shane’s party on the weekend.”

  It was probably because I’d locked myself in my room for the night after spending those seven minutes with Ally. I wasn’t going to tell Jenna about that though. “I was there. I guess I must have missed you.”

  “Such a shame,” she said, draping a hand across my arm and batting her lashes at me. I thought we’d cleared the air last week and she’d decided to move on from our relationship. Apparently, that didn’t mean she was going to stop flirting with me though.

  “Not really,” I replied as I quickly lifted her hand off me. There was no way I was letting her get the wrong idea about us.

  She pouted as her hand dropped to the table. “You used to be more fun, Chasey.” Given the way she almost immediately turned her attention on Luke, who was sitting across from me, I knew she wasn’t bothered I’d brushed her off. It was all just another game to her, and I really had to wonder how I’d dated her for so long when it was obvious how little she cared for me.

  Jenna’s attention had me glancing in Ally’s direction. Was it strange that a part of me hoped Ally would react to seeing Jenna all over me? My heart leaped when I found her watching me, but her gaze quickly darted away, and her cheeks started to turn pink. There was nothing fake about her expression now, unlike earlier today, and it had me questioning once again why she’d been acting so strangely toward me.

  I quickly shook my head, scattering my thoughts and replacing them with the same thing I’d been thinking all morning. Ally had only been acting unusually nice because of our truce, and I had to remember that. Once this year was over, we’d go right back to bickering like we’d always done. I only wished the thought didn’t make me so sad.

  * * *

  It was a relief to get out of the house on Friday night. I might not have been looking forward to watching Shane’s football game, but I would have used almost any excuse to avoid his sister. Ally had been getting on my nerves the last few days with all her overly pleasant behavior. I thought I’d grown used to it, but I’d come to realize there was nothing pleasant about pleasant people at all. It was some horrible combination of acting nice but without any soul.

  She’d smile when she passed me in the corridor, but her eyes would be vacant of any emotion. Whenever we were at the dinner table, she’d pass me condiments without complaint or do something outrageous like offer me the first slice of pizza. Even when I spent too long in the shower one morning, she gave me that insipid smile, shrugged causally, and said “no problem” when I apologized.

  It was a problem though because Ally without her fire wasn’t Ally at all.

  I leaned back on the bleacher, trying to get comfortable. There was nothing comfortable about sitting in the stands though, and it wasn’t just the cold metal bench making me feel that way. It was the first home game of the season and the first game I’d come to watch since I quit the team. It felt weird to watch my friends all taking the field without me, and it didn’t help that I kept getting critical looks from anyone who passed. People in this town took their football seriously, and it hadn’t just been my dad or the team I’d let down when I quit last year.

  Given all the hatred being shot my way, I almost wished I’d taken Mr. Lockwood up on his offer to watch the game together. He was sitting a few rows in front of me, but he was with a group of parents, so I’d been a hard pass on that option. Most of my friends were out on the field though, so I was sitting here alone.

  My focus on the game was disrupted when I saw Ally appear at the bottom of the bleachers. She was dressed in an oversized sweater with a bright red school scarf wrapped around her neck. A large container of popcorn was hugged to her chest, and she appeared to be deep in an argument with Tessa. Their eyes were both serious, and Tessa was using large hand gestures to back up whatever point she was making. Ally didn’t appear to be winning their disagreement as her shoulders were sinking with defeat as Tessa continued to talk.

  It wasn’t like Ally to come to Shane’s games, and I wondered if that was the source of her dispute with her best friend. She didn’t look at all happy to be here, and it was refreshing to see her eyes lit with annoyance rather than the emptiness I’d witnessed all week.

  As if she sensed me watching, Ally’s gaze darted toward me. Our eyes barely met before she was looking away again. Tessa nudged her and nodded in my direction, and I leaned forward on my knees as I watched Ally scowl at her best friend in response. I had no idea what was going on with them, but since Ally had looked my way, I’d become infinitely more curious.

  Ally blew out a long breath before she turned from Tessa and began to trudge up the stairs. She moved slowly, like each step took an unprecedented amount of effort, and I watched as she passed row after to row before slowing as she reached mine.

  She hesitated for a brief second and then started to move down the row toward me. I could barely mask the surprise on my face. None of her friends were sitting anywhere near me, and Tessa had gone to sit several rows away. She arrived at my side before I could come to any sort of conclusion to explain her strange behavior.

  “Is this seat taken?” she asked, nodding at the vacant spot beside me. The bubbliness was back in her voice, and the
irritation I’d seen in her eyes only moments ago had disappeared.

  I frowned and glanced at the free spot, still unsure what was going on. “Don’t you want to sit with Tessa?”

  Ally shrugged. “Is it free or not?”

  “Yeah, it’s free.” She sat down before I could tell her that it wasn’t free for her though. Not that I should have been complaining. At least with Ally sitting beside me, I might get a little less hate thrown in my direction by the Fairview crowd. The team wasn’t playing very well, and judging from the looks I kept getting, people were trying to find someone to blame, and I was an easy target.

  “Popcorn?” Ally offered.

  I shook my head, refusing to look in her direction. She could sit beside me, but that didn’t mean I had to take part in the performance she was putting on.

  “They’re not poisoned,” she said, as if that was what I was concerned about. “See?” She popped a piece of popcorn into her mouth, drawing my gaze to her lips. I knew I shouldn’t be looking, but I couldn’t help it. When my eyes fell on Ally’s lips, all I wanted to do was kiss her, but right now, I wasn’t sure I wanted to kiss her when she wasn’t acting like herself.

  “I’m fine, thank you,” I replied stiffly, as I focused back on the game. My mind was far from football though, and I kept sneaking glances at Ally out of the corner of my eye. She looked beautiful. Her hair fell in soft waves, and there was a light sheen of lip gloss on her lips. I could smell the soft scent of her strawberry shampoo, and I imagined she’d taste a little sweet after the popcorn she’d been eating.

  I clenched my hands into fists as I forced myself to stop wondering what it would feel like to kiss her. Ally wasn’t interested in me like that, or she would have brought up what I’d said to her in the truck at some point this week.

  The crowd jumped up and started cheering as the opposing team fumbled the ball. Jason picked it up and started streaking toward the end zone. I leaped up with them, my full attention on the game once more. I held my breath as I watched him run across the field, and my heart pounded so quickly I felt as though I was running with him. He was almost to the goal line when he was tackled to the ground. The ball fell from his hands, and a Wildcats player dived on it.