“Yes, I do,” I replied, taking a step toward him. “I thought you would be a bit of fun for a while, but you’re way too much work for me. You should probably go back to hating me, and protect your little heart because I’m done with this.”
I didn’t wait for his response. I couldn’t even look at him as I walked past him and out the door. I kept on walking and didn’t stop until I’d left the house and was halfway down the street.
I took in deep, gasping breaths as the reality of what I’d done finally struck me. Chase and I were done, and I couldn’t have been more miserable. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket as tears started streaming down my face.
Tessa answered on the first ring. “What happened?”
“I think I love him.” Speaking the words out loud only made my tears fall faster. “I think I love him, and now, I know I can’t be with him.”
“It’s going to be okay, Ally.”
I dropped to the ground and sat on the curb, violently shaking my head. “It’s never going to be okay, Tessa. We can’t be together, and even if we could, I made sure Chase would never want it.”
“What did you do?”
“I made sure he hated me for real.”
25
Chase
“Chase, my boy, you don’t look so good,” Gramps said as I sat in a chair across from him.
“Wow, thanks, Gramps.” I shifted uncomfortably under his close inspection. I hadn’t gotten much sleep during the night, and it showed. The bright lights of the nursing home probably weren’t helping hide the bags under my eyes either.
Maybe I should have put off visiting today, but I couldn’t spend another moment in the Lockwood house, and coming to see Gramps was the best escape I could come up with. I’d even considered spending the day back at my house, but there was nothing appealing about the idea of returning to that empty mausoleum.
Gramps shook his head and slowly leaned back in his reclining chair. “Got to stop with all the partying.”
“I wish I was tired from too much partying,” I muttered.
I don’t think he heard my reply because he kept on talking like I hadn’t said a thing. “How’s that girl of yours going?”
“Ally’s not my girl.”
He gave me a knowing smile, and I immediately recognized my mistake. I’d filled in the blank with Ally’s name. I let out a sigh and shrugged. “She’s fine. I guess.”
“You guess?” He frowned at me. “You don’t know?”
My eyes darted away from his as I responded. “She’s not really talking to me.” Ally had been actively avoiding me since yesterday. She’d left the house after thoroughly rejecting me and didn’t return until after dinner. When she saw me in the kitchen this morning, she immediately turned and walked right out of the room again. It clearly wasn’t a coincidence that she hadn’t emerged from her room since.
“But last time we spoke, you said things were going well…”
“I thought they were.” I rubbed the side of my face as I considered the Ally problem for what felt like the millionth time since our disastrous date the day before. I thought things had changed between us, and I’d stupidly started to open my heart to her. I’d even felt confident enough about the connection between us that I’d told her the truth about my actions at the dance all those years ago. I’d been far too embarrassed to admit them before now. Clearly, I’d been right to keep the truth a secret all this time because she’d gone and done what I’d always feared and thrown it all back in my face.
Her words had hit me hard and fast. Like a whip, they’d lashed against my skin and sliced into me with such force that even now I felt the welts they’d left behind. Then, she’d stormed from the room without a backward glance. I’d been hurt and surprised, and it had taken me precious moments to react. By the time I tried to go after her, she’d completely disappeared.
“What happened?” he asked.
“She told me she didn’t want to be with me. I guess she finally saw the real me and decided she didn’t like it.” It was a horrible truth I’d been trying to avoid thinking, let alone saying out loud. Ally had seen the pathetic boy I hid beneath my carefully crafted, emotionless shell and decided she hated him too.
Gramps shook his head though. “I don’t believe any girl would walk away after getting to know the real you.”
“You have to say that,” I grumbled.
“And I saw the way you two kids looked at each other,” he continued, ignoring me. “There was something there between you. It was clear as the nose on your face. There has to be another reason.”
“There’s not.”
“Nonsense,” he replied. “Have you even tried to figure out if there’s some other explanation for the way she’s acting?”
“Well, no…”
He nodded firmly, like that was the answer. “You’ll just have to figure out what it is that’s bothering her and fix it,” he said.
“It’s a little hard when she won’t speak to me.”
“I’m sure you can get her to talk. You can be quite determined when you put your mind to something. Plus, I’ve seen you work your charm on the nurses here, and if those ladies can’t resist you, I doubt Ally can either. There’s a reason I get extra Jell-O when you come to visit.”
My eyes lifted to meet his as I felt a wave of reassurance run through me. He was right. I’d never been one to back down from a fight before—certainly not a fight with Ally. Her demeanor had changed in the blink of an eye yesterday, and the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize that Gramps had a point. Something else was going on with Ally, and I needed to find out what it was.
“I’ve got to go,” I said, jumping up from my chair.
Gramps smiled broadly at me and nodded. “That’s my boy. Now, go get your girl.”
I started to the door, but he called out just as I was about to leave. “And Chase?”
I turned to him.
“Good luck.”
“Thanks.” I grinned and gave him a wink before I headed out the door.
* * *
The house was quiet when I got home. It was a Sunday, so Shane was probably training, and Mr. Lockwood was most likely at the office. Ally normally spent Sundays doing homework in her room, and I hoped that was the case now.
I walked up the stairs before knocking gently on her closed door. “Ally, I need to speak with you.”
“Go away, Chase!”
That was as close as I was going to get to an invitation to come in, so I entered the room without another word and quickly shut the door behind me. Ally sat up in her bed, her eyes narrowing as she lowered her book to her side. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and she was wearing some tattered old sweater and shorts. I couldn’t help but think how beautiful she looked. Until she opened her mouth, that was.
“I told you to go away.”
“And I’ve decided to ignore you.”
She rolled her eyes at me before focusing back on the book we were reading for English. I wouldn’t let her ignore me so easily though, so I walked over and ripped it out of her hands.
“Hey!” she shouted, as I tugged the book away. She jumped up and tried to grab it back, but I moved it out of reach. “I was just getting to the good bit.”
“That’s how you like it, isn’t it. You know, you almost get to the good bit, and then you rip it all away.”
“What are you talking about?” Her brow creased, slightly dampening the annoyance in her eyes.
I shook my head at her. “Us, Ally. I’m talking about us.”
“There is no us.”
“No, because you decided we were finished before we even started.” I stalked away from her, clenching her book tightly in one hand. She was unrelenting when she set her mind to something, and right now, it was making me wild. I took in a deep breath before I stalked back over to her. “Why did you break things off between us?”
Her gaze darted toward the door like she wanted to escape, but I was standing between
her and the exit, and I wasn’t going anywhere until I got my explanation.
“Ally, why?”
Her gaze slowly moved back to meet mine. “I already told you, I’m just not interested. I thought we could hook up and have a little fun, but I changed my mind.”
“You’re lying.”
“Am I?”
“Yes, that’s bullshit, and you know it.”
She looked away from me, struggling to meet my eyes as she replied. “I don’t feel anything for you, Chase.”
Her words were like daggers cutting into me, reopening the wounds she’d inflicted on me yesterday. I didn’t believe her, but they hurt all the same. “You don’t mean that.”
“Yeah, I do.”
I shook my head, my chest rumbling with pain and anger. I knew she felt the same strong connection between us. I’d seen it in her eyes. Things had changed between us, and there was no way she was as indifferent as she pretended. I just couldn’t understand why she was denying it, why she was acting like we were right back where we started when I’d first came to live with her.
“You’re so damn stubborn,” I growled at her.
She gave a defeated shrug, not even bothering to deny it. There was no reasoning with her when she was like this, so I threw my hands up in the air and went to leave the room. I powered toward the door but paused as I reached it and turned to her.
“I’m not giving up on us,” I said. “You can’t just erase the last few weeks because it suits you. I’m going to get to the bottom of this, and when I do, you better believe I’ll be knocking on your door again.”
Ally sucked her lower lip between her teeth and wrapped her arms across her body as she stared at me. For the first time since I entered her room, her eyes hinted at the sadness I knew she felt inside. She was definitely hiding something from me, and I was going to find out what it was.
26
Chase
I cornered Tessa as soon as I got to school the next morning. She was standing by her locker with Miles and talking at a million miles an hour. Her speech came to a shuddering stop the moment she spotted me coming toward her though. There was resignation in her eyes, like she already knew what I wanted.
“Tessa,” I said in greeting.
“Chase,” she replied with a nervous glance in Miles’ direction.
“I need to speak with you.”
“Really?” Her voice was filled with innocent surprise, like she had no idea what had prompted my request.
Tessa and Ally were as thick as thieves, and she knew damn well why I needed to talk to her. I didn’t have time for games, not when Ally could show up at school at any moment.
“It’s about Ally,” I explained.
Her eyes flickered uneasily down the corridor. “I have to get to class, but maybe we can talk later.”
I got the feeling later would never come if I let Tessa have her way. It was clear she wanted to avoid talking to me, but this was too important to wait. I needed her help, so I stood in her way as she tried to get past. “I won’t be long. I promise.”
Tessa hesitated. She looked ready to cast me off again, but then Miles interrupted. “Let him talk.”
Her gaze darted toward him. They seemed to share an unspoken conversation before she finally sighed and turned back to me. “Fine, fine. But you better make it fast.”
I gave Miles a grateful smile, but from the look on his face, it seemed like he too wanted me to say my piece as quickly as possible so I’d leave them alone.
“You’re Ally’s best friend, which means you must know about what’s been happening between the two of us…” I started.
“Yes, I’m aware.”
“So, you know she decided to break things off on Saturday.”
“I heard.”
I glanced nervously around the corridor before I kept going. “Tessa, I think I might be in love with her, and I know she feels something for me too. I need to know what the problem is so I can fix it. I’ll do anything to fix it.”
Her expression softened, and she glanced down the corridor like she too was checking the coast was clear. “You really like her?”
I nodded. “I do, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get her to give me another chance.”
Tessa glanced at Miles as if seeking his opinion. He gave her a noncommittal shrug, which I worried wasn’t going to help my plea.
The bell rang, and Tessa scowled at it. She let out a long sigh before stealing a pen from the top of the huge stack of books Miles was cradling. She then took my hand and started writing an address across the back of it.
“I have to get to class, but meet me at my house after school tonight, and I’ll tell you what you want to know.”
“You will?”
“Yes. Come to my place at four, and don’t be late.” She stared into my eyes until she was satisfied I understood before she linked arms with Miles, and they started down the corridor.
I took a step back and glanced down at the address scrawled across the back of my hand. The messy black ink ignited a flicker of optimism within me. Tessa sounded certain she had the answers I needed, and for the first time since Ally had rejected me, I felt like perhaps this wasn’t where our story ended.
* * *
When I arrived at her house, Tessa’s mom answered the door, looking like she’d just had to battle her way through a war zone to reach it. Her hair was askew, there was flour on her face, and crusted bits of food were hanging from her shirt. There was a kid screaming at the top of his lungs in the background, and the TV was turned up so loud that it sounded like she was still under fire.
“Can I help you?” she asked.
It seemed to me like she was the one who needed help. I’d bet she could do with a stiff drink and a holiday right about now.
“Is Tessa home?” I asked, giving her a warm smile. “I’m Chase, and she asked me to meet her here after school today to, er, study.”
“Oh, Chase, of course,” she replied. “Tessa’s expecting you. She’s in her room. It’s up the stairs, two doors on the right. I’d go get her for you, but—”
“MOM!” the kid screamed from inside.
I gave Tessa’s mom a warm smile. “I can find her.”
“Thanks,” she replied before sprinting back down the corridor and straight into the heart of the battle like the solider she clearly was.
I hesitated by the open doorway before I stepped into the house and followed the directions I’d been given to Tessa’s room. As I reached the top of the stairs, I heard music pumping from down the corridor. I followed the sound until I reached the second door on the right.
Even without the directions I’d been given, it wouldn’t take a genius to work out which room was Tessa’s. Given the blaring music and the “Enter at your own risk” sign hung across the closed door, it was pretty obvious. I knocked several times, but she didn’t answer. I doubted she could hear me knocking over the noise in her room, so I decided to crack the door open.
“Tessa? It’s Chase,” I shouted, as I slowly pushed the door wide. The music was even louder inside the room, and the bass was so intense her windows seemed to rattle. She was sprawled over her bed with her eyes glued to her phone. She still hadn’t realized her door was open and I’d entered the room.
“Tessa?” I shouted again.
That finally got her attention, and her gaze darted up from her phone. “Oh, you’re here,” she said, jumping up off her bed to turn down the volume.
“You said four, right?”
“That I did,” she replied.
“What’s with the loud music?”
“You’d try to break your speakers too if you lived with my little brother.”
As if he could sense we were talking about him, her brother screamed from deep within the house.
“I’m suddenly glad I’m an only child.”
“You have no idea,” Tessa muttered.
I’d never had much to do with Ally’s best friend, but her face was expressive, and
it was easy to read her emotions. She didn’t seem afraid of speaking her mind either and was a bit like Ally in that respect.
“So, you said you’d tell me what was going on with Ally?” I prompted.
Tessa’s eyes darted toward a picture of her and Ally that stood on her bedside table. “She’s probably going to kill me for talking with you,” she murmured before focusing her attention back on me. “But she’s miserable right now, and I’m counting on you to make her happy again.”
My heart jolted like it had been shocked by a bolt of electricity and was slowly starting to flicker back to life. “You think I can make her happy?”
Tessa nodded. “But in order for that to happen, I’m going to have to tell you something that you might not quite understand.”
“Right…”
“And I want you to promise me you won’t get angry and give up on Ally once you find out.”
“What could possibly be that bad?”
“Promise me, Chase, or you can leave without your answers.”
“Okay, I promise.”
Tessa tilted her head as she watched me before finally giving me a nod of approval. “Good.” She walked over to her bed and pulled a huge pink poster out from behind it. I couldn’t see what was on it because it was rolled up, but she hugged the poster close to her chest as she looked back at me.
“As you know, you and Ally didn’t exactly get along for a while there.”
I chuckled. “Yes, I’m somewhat aware of that.”
“And she wasn’t too happy when she found out you were coming to live with her…”
Ally wasn’t the only one unhappy with the situation, so I nodded. “And your point is?”
Tessa bit down on her lip before she finally started to unroll the poster and laid it flat on the bed. “The point is that we came up with a solution to that problem.”
I took in a deep breath before I walked over to join her. I had no idea what I expected to find, but my whole body was tense as I waited to see the worst. Ally had come up with a plan of some sort, and from the way Tessa was talking, it sounded as though I wasn’t going to like it.
I Hate You More Page 22