by Shayla Black
She licked her lips nervously, then sipped her wine. “You are right. I have been a coward.”
Caleb cupped her face in his hand. “Not a coward, baby. Cautious. Understandably so. But you know I would never hurt you like Gordon did. I’m not married to my job anymore. I’ve learned a lot since my marriage. No matter what, I would never stop listening to you.”
“I believe you.” She met his deep blue stare and felt something in her chest give way, as if opening herself to the possibility of love with this man. She fell a bit more.
For a long while, she had wished she could have a do-over with her love life for the past twenty years. She had never imagined that her do-over would not be a rehashing of her past, but a brand-new future.
He pressed a lingering kiss to her lips. She heard him growl under his breath, then pull away. “You are dangerous to my restraint, baby. If I wasn’t starving and didn’t have a long drive back to Tyler to take you home, I’d suggest we skip dinner and…”
His long, slow smile made that little ache Caleb always incited between her legs grow to something more urgent and needy.
Before she could take him up on his wonderfully inappropriate offer, the waiter returned with their food. She dug into her lasagna, and he moaned into a plate of spaghetti. A bushy Christmas tree took up one corner of the room, its lights twinkling. Carols sung by Italian tenors hummed in the background. The holidays were supposed to be a time of peace, of being close to loved ones and celebrating all the joys in life. For the first time in years, Carlotta had a reason to celebrate that didn’t have anything to do with her children.
Caleb made her feel alive again—young again. Needed…as a woman. Desired…as a lover. And yes, wicked. He made her feel very, very wicked.
Until him, she had not known how badly she needed that.
Between bites, he took a sip of wine, then turned to murmur in her ear. “I can’t wait to have you naked again. Under me. Baby, I want to fill you up so deep. I can’t wait to hear you pant my name as you grip every inch of my cock with your body.”
She swallowed a lump of lasagna. With those words, a totally different hunger overtook her. Food could be reheated. The oven at the kids’ house worked. In some ways, she felt as if she had been waiting decades to start living again. She didn’t want to wait another minute.
“Can we leave now?”
He froze. “What are you saying?”
Carlotta clenched her fists, not sure how or if she could say this out loud. “We have known each other more than two years. We have waited, and now it feels like forever.”
“And a day,” he groaned and clasped her thigh in a strong grip, his hand edging up under her skirt, so close to her wetness that she gasped.
“Damn panties.”
“You were not going to touch me here?” The idea shocked her—and aroused her.
“Oh, yeah, I was.” He sighed. “But it’s probably better if I don’t. I want you to understand this is more than sex. I don’t know exactly how much more, but I want to figure everything out with you.”
“I want that, too.” She smiled at him. Happy tears made her nose tingle and her eyes simmer.
“I wanted to make love to you for the first time on a bed, some place you could be comfortable. But with me staying at Deke and Kimber’s, and you over at Mari’s… Hotel?”
She wrinkled her nose. “Impersonal.”
“Come back to my house with me. It will be a long drive to Tyler, but you don’t know how many times I’ve fantasized about having you in my bed.” Caleb kissed her neck.
Carlotta very much liked the idea of being with the strong man in his big bed, feeling like she belonged with him, beside him. To him. She could handle him now. She was stronger, and he understood. Caleb would not run over her and neglect her feelings as Gordon had.
“Yes,” she breathed.
He pressed a hard, breathless kiss to her lips, then slid out of the booth. A moment later, he returned with two boxes and a receipt.
“Are you finished with your wine?” he asked as he scooped their dinner into the little Styrofoam containers.
“I do not care about it.”
“Me, either. Let’s go.” He took her arm and tugged her from the booth. She tottered to her feet and let him usher her to the door.
“Well, if it isn’t the ex-ball and chain,” a terribly familiar voice drawled from behind her as they neared the exit.
Gordon. His voice dripped with reprisal. Carlotta froze.
She had not actually seen him since Hunter had carried her out his door. The little bit of speaking they had done had been conducted through attorneys. Now, standing mere feet in front of him, she could not bring herself to turn and face him and found the familiar anxiety knotting her up inside.
Carlotta dug her fingers into Caleb’s arm, her mind racing, grasping for something to say to diffuse Gordon’s anger. Then she paused. They were divorced. No longer did she owe him so much as a polite hello. No longer was she obligated to try to make his life comfortable or happy. She could waltz out the door without a word.
“We have nothing to say, Gordon.” She tugged on Caleb’s arm, urging him again toward the door.
He wasn’t budging. In fact, she would probably have more luck moving a brick wall. Still, Carlotta tugged harder, before this confrontation turned ugly.
“Sure we do,” Gordon corrected. “Or I do. Your hair is longer. It seems your clothes are sexier. But you’re still fat. Does he know yet what a cold, uptight bitch you are?”
Her ex-husband wanted a fight, probably because she had left him and his dented pride could not tolerate it. After nearly fourteen years of marriage to the selfish bastard, she refused to give him anything he wanted ever again. Putting him in his place was not worth the heads that would turn or the tongues that would wag. He was not worth another moment of her time.
Carlotta pulled Caleb toward the door again. “Please, I want to leave.”
He didn’t listen. Instead, he tugged free of her grip and whirled on Gordon. Dread sliding through her veins like ice, she forced herself to face her ex-husband, too. He looked the same as always, short salt-and-pepper hair cut like a banker’s. He stared up at Caleb with faded blue eyes, looking slightly panicked, as if he had finally realized that Caleb stood at least six inches taller and outweighed him by fifty pounds of muscle.
But she wasn’t shocked when Gordon whipped out his bravado and flashed an insolent smirk.
Caleb stabbed a finger in Gordon’s chest. “If you’d still like to be breathing in the next ten seconds, I suggest you shut your vile mouth before I squash you like a fucking bug.”
She slapped a hand over her mouth and grabbed desperately at Caleb’s sleeve with the other. He could not know the havoc Gordon was capable of dishing out, but she did—all too well. He would twist words and call in favors. He manipulated and lied like no other.
“Are you threatening me?” Gordon smiled as if he relished the idea.
His small ego and his small penis probably could not stand the idea that someone he found as contemptible as her had left him. That she had not pined and regretted her decision each and every day. That she had, in fact, landed someone more wonderful and manly. Not that he would ever admit that last bit, even to himself.
“I’m telling you the consequences of failing to shut up,” Caleb replied. “Carlotta divorced you for being a cruel, neglectful, cheating douche. If you ever speak to her like that again, I will rip off your head and piss down your neck. I spent twenty-four years in the U.S. Army as a trained sniper. Want to try me?”
Gordon swallowed and paled a bit, looking pastier than usual. Then he ripped his gaze from Caleb’s face to glare at her. “This one looks and sounds like the asshole who carted you out of my house like some damsel in distress. He was your son-in-law, right? So I’m guessing this Neanderthal is his father. You’re fucking the family now?” Gordon shook his head. “I gave you a roof and raised your brats. After using you, this jack
ass will probably kill you in your sleep. Enjoy that.”
Gordon bypassed Caleb and brushed past her before he darted out the door. Caleb flung the doors wide and stomped after him, a man on a mission with thunder in his eyes. But her ex-husband ran to his convertible and hopped in, peeling out of the parking lot before Caleb could catch him.
Carlotta rushed out the restaurant’s door, balancing their leftover dinner cartons. She stopped short when she heard Caleb curse.
“The asshole got away.”
Yes, and despite what Caleb thought, that was for the best.
“Let it go. He is not worth it.”
He turned to her as if he suddenly didn’t understand what language she was speaking. “There’s no way I was going to let him or anyone else speak to you like that. Not ever, Lottie.”
“I appreciate what you meant to do, Caleb. But I am a grown, capable woman. And I am fine. I did not need you to speak for me.” She put a gentle hand on his arm.
“If you weren’t going to stand up to him, then yes, you did. That’s my role.”
“He can only hurt me now if I let him. He was worth neither my anger nor my words. He wanted a confrontation. Why should I give him what he sought?” She blinked up at him, willing him to understand. “I know what sets Gordon off. Do not be surprised if he slashes his own tires, then calls the police to blame such a thing on you.”
“I don’t give a shit, Lottie. He treated you with terrible unkindness and disrespect. I won’t have that.”
“I would rather not listen to it. However, if it means keeping the peace, his insults, which no one else will hear, mean nothing to me.”
“It means something to me. Pissant bullies like that only understand strength. Silence is weakness to them. He would have continued to browbeat you until he found just the way to make you feel every bit as miserable as he does. He’s angry and jealous and determined to at least ruin our evening, if not ruin your life. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let him.”
“I would rather not give him the satisfaction either.”
“So don’t!”
“I am handling it in my way, and you took that choice from me without discussion. You silenced my voice, just in a different way than Gordon.”
“Are you going to compare me to that asshole?”
Around them a family gave them a wide berth as they walked into the restaurant. A laughing couple in their twenties walked out with bright smiles, the woman wearing a Christmas sweatshirt that said, “BE NAUGHTY. SAVE SANTA THE TRIP.” A nip was finally beginning to fill the air.
And standing here knowing that Caleb did not grasp her point of view—and worried that he might never—very nearly broke her heart.
“No. I will merely tell you that I do not need and will not have another man taking over my life. Will you drop me at Mari’s house, please?” She walked toward his truck, clutching the Styrofoam and forcing herself not to look in his direction.
“I was going to take you home and—”
“I think it is best if we say good night.” She drew in a shaking breath. “And good-bye.”
Chapter 6
December 22 – Lafayette, Louisiana
Carlotta pulled up in front of Kata and Hunter’s apartment and waved at her daughter, who stood on the balcony with a smile and gestured her inside.
The late afternoon sun blinded her as she exited her sedan and headed up the stairs. Kata popped back through the apartment and met her at the door with a hug.
“It’s good to see you, Mamá. I’m so glad you’re going to spend Christmas in Lafayette. Hunter is en route home now. I expect him in the middle of the night. Mari had Carlos take the boys to a movie, so she’s been baking and waiting for you.” She frowned. “It’s Christmas and we’re all going to be together. Why do you look so sad?”
She tried to paste on a bright smile for her daughter, but felt anything except happy. In fact, she had been unable to feel happy for nearly three weeks. “I am tired.”
Kata only narrowed her eyes and dragged her to the sofa. “And I’m Santa Claus. Out with it.”
“I do not wish to burden you.”
“You’re my mother, not a burden. You’ve always been there to help me with my problems. You kept me from making the biggest mistake of my life and divorcing Hunter. You raised me and loved me and…how can you think I’d ever do anything but listen and try to help?”
Carlotta fidgeted. Kata really should know something. On Christmas Eve, there would be a big surprise party at her new house. Kimber, Tara, and Delaney had all been planning it feverishly and keeping her apprised. Luc and Alyssa were catering from their restaurant, Bonheur. Everyone would be there…including Caleb. If she didn’t tell Kata the truth now, her daughter would only ask later, when she should be focused on her new home and having her husband with her for the holidays.
She heaved a big sigh. “Caleb and I tried having a…relationship. It did not work, and I miss him far, far more than I imagined I would after such a short time.”
Kata’s eyes bulged. “He dumped you? That makes no sense. That man has been crazy about you—”
“No, Mija. I told him that such a relationship would not work. You and Hunter have settled your issues with control and power, and I know your…” She looked at the discreet collar around her daughter’s neck, and after many conversations, understood what it represented. “Your private life has helped with that, but I—”
“Stop there, Mamá. Hunter and I have worked it out, and yes, understanding that his dominance isn’t meant to flatten but help me has made a huge difference. I know the Colonel is a force to be reckoned with, but he would never make you miserable like Gordon.”
“Not intentionally. He has a good heart. But he does not understand my need for independence, I fear. And to please him, I wonder…would I simply let him have his way?”
“There are so many things wrong with that statement…” She shook her head. “First, I don’t think so, but talk to him! I don’t understand… Tell me what happened—and don’t leave anything out.”
Trying to hold back her tears, she related the incident with Gordon at the restaurant. To others—maybe even to Kata—breaking a burgeoning relationship because she felt silenced may seem extreme. But after so many years of misery, she could not bear the risk of losing herself, of disappearing again. She would rather be alone and able to stand on her own two feet than to be utterly dependent again.
Kata leaned forward and took her hands. She hesitated for a long moment before she finally sent her an empathetic frown. “I understand. I struggled with so many of the things you’re feeling now. I want to ask you a few questions and answer me very honestly, okay?”
“Of course.”
“These won’t be easy questions. First, do you believe in your heart that Caleb would ever want you subjugated and silenced? That he would disrespect or neglect you in any way?”
“No. He would mean well, always. He has a kind heart and good intentions. I know he merely meant to protect me from Gordon, but it is my battle to fight, if I choose to fight it. I did not. Gordon is a rat not worth my time and anger.”
“But he’s a rat who will come back if you don’t put him in his place. Has he tried to contact you since you ran into him?” Kata sent her a knowing stare.
Carlotta flushed. “He called the hospital earlier this week, asking for me, and left a message.”
“There you go. He believes that you’re sufficiently cowed now because you didn’t stand up for yourself. He may even believe that he can bully you into coming back. I don’t know. But I don’t think Caleb had the wrong idea exactly. Sure it might have been nice if he’d talked to you before he threatened the asshole, but honestly, what would you have thought of Caleb if he’d done nothing while Gordon denigrated you?”
The question ripped through her thoughts with quiet destruction. Carlotta had never considered the situation from that point of view. But she knew the answer immediately. “I do not think I could
respect such a man. It reeks of cowardice.”
“And that’s something no one will ever accuse the Colonel of having. In his eyes, you were his to care for and protect. He wouldn’t have been treating you properly if he had let Gordon walk all over you without saying a word in your defense. You know what would have happened if Hunter had been with you.”
Yes, her son-in-law would likely have punched Gordon and threatened him with something violent and unrepeatable. By comparison, Caleb had been fairly restrained.
“If one of my ex-boyfriends ever treated me like that—”
“I would show him the sharp edge of my tongue immediately,” Carlotta assured.
Kata smiled. “The instinct of a mother. I’ve heard you and Mari talk about it several times. You didn’t even have to think about what you’d do. You simply knew. What about the instinct of a man in love? You think that’s any less strong when men like Caleb are, by nature, protectors?”
Eduardo had loved her very much. He would have never let Gordon or anyone talk to her that way. Why should she imagine that Caleb would allow such a thing either?
Carlotta’s thoughts tangled, and her head told her that Kata had some very valid points. Her frightened, half-frozen heart kept trying to override her logic, reminding her that her terrible past could repeat itself if she allowed something as foolish as hope to rule her.
“Kata, I…” But she didn’t know how to finish that sentence because she did not know how to feel or what to say.
“Last question,” her daughter assured. “You’re very unhappy without Caleb now. I’m not even going to phrase that like a question because I can see you are. But you’ve avoided being with him because you’re afraid to be unhappy?”