My hand moved to her waist but I stopped before I touched her. I quickly put it back down, realizing my mistake. My hand had a mind of its own.
Keira came to Livia’s side and tapped her arm. “Do you want to see my California Poppies?”
“Sure,” she said excitedly.
Keira pulled her away while they admired the flowers.
“Are you guys together yet?” Tony immediately asked.
“No.” I tried to keep the bitterness out of my voice.
“What’s taking so long?” Bran asked. “Stop being a pussy.”
“I’m not being a pussy,” I snapped. “She’s not like other girls. I have to go slow with her.”
“Slow is an understatement. Sloths hooked up quicker than you.” Bran sipped his beer.
I was frustrated but I didn’t show it. Did she have feelings for me? Did she see me as something more than a friend? Would she ever be interested in dating me? That’s all I wanted to know. Or was I just wasting my time? I didn’t mind being friends with her but when I was this hung up on her it was painful.
“Why don’t you just ask her what’s going on.” Tony shrugged. “Girls like to talk about crap like that.”
“She’s not like other girls,” I answered.
“Maybe she likes girls…” Bran winked at me.
I didn’t know how I was still friends with these two idiots.
“Food is done,” Liam announced.
We headed to the table and made our burgers. I grabbed a plate for Livia and put the bun and meat on the plate.
“Thanks,” she said as she took it from me.
Keira stared at me like I just performed a magic trick. “Such a gentleman.”
I shot her a glare before I carried my plate inside. We sat on the couches and watched TV. Livia sat beside her, eating her burger without dropping a single crumb. Her legs were crossed so her dress moved up slightly. Naturally, my eyes looked down and took a peek. Realizing what I was doing, I quickly looked away.
Liam put I love Lucy on.
“What the hell is this?” Bran said. “Put the game on.”
Liam ignored their comments but changed the channel anyway.
I got up to get a beer. “Babe, do you want a beer?”
Everyone froze and stared at me.
Shit, it just came out. I guess I saw her as my girlfriend even though she wasn’t.
She didn’t react overtly. I had no idea what she was thinking. “Sure.”
I walked away and hid my face, feeling mortified. What the hell was wrong with me? I never called anyone that before. I twisted the cap off her beer then carried them into the living room.
She wasn’t looking at me when I sat down. Hopefully, she wasn’t pissed. I guess if she were, she would just leave.
“Here,” I handed it to her.
She took it but didn’t say thank you like she usually did. She stared at it then held it out like there was something wrong with it.
“Do you not like Blue Moon?” I asked.
She eyed mine. “Can we switch?”
Why…? “But I opened yours for you.”
She looked uneasy. “That’s fine. I prefer that one.”
Was I missing something? “Okay…” I handed it to her and she took mine.
“Can you open it for me?” she whispered.
Seriously? The other one was already opened. Why did she want to switch them? It wasn’t a big deal, but it irritated me that I couldn’t figure it out. “Yeah.” I twisted the cap off for her then handed it back.
“Thanks.” She leaned back and drank out of it.
When I looked across the room, Liam had a thoughtful look on his face. He was staring at Livia. Then he looked away, keeping his thoughts to himself.
We watched the rest of the game and cheered and cursed when appropriate. Ironically, Keira and Livia were the most involved. I heard Livia curse for the first time when she got upset with a bad call from a ref.
It just made me like her even more.
Damn.
When I got her another beer, I handed it to her with the cap on. She asked me to take it off every time, but refused a beer that was already opened.
Strange…
By the end of the night, she had three beers and was falling asleep on the couch. I stayed beside her, catching glances of her exquisite face every few seconds. In her sleep, she sighed and leaned her head on my shoulder. Then her arm hooked around my stomach.
Why couldn’t she do this consciously?
Whatever. I’ll take it.
I leaned back and relished the feel of her body on mine. I loved the way she snuggled with me like I was a teddy bear. I’d give anything for her to do this on a Saturday night while we watched TV. Anything.
Bran and Tony left, so I knew I should head out. Livia was still asleep, so I scooped her in my arms and carried her to my truck. She was weightless. I wished she would sleep on my chest during the night.
Once she was in the truck, she stirred slightly then went back to sleep. I closed the door then started my way around the car.
“Scotty?” Liam came to the sidewalk.
“What’s up?”
He came close to me, lowering his voice so no one would overhear. “Whenever girls refuse an open glass, it’s because they’ve had roofies before…” He stared at my face, making sure I understood his meaning. “I’ve seen it done a lot at parties. It’s nothing to mess around with. It seems like Livia has experienced it before…especially if she won’t accept a drink at a small BBQ.”
The fear gripped me by the throat. “The date-rape drug…?”
He nodded. “I just wanted to give you a head’s up.” He patted my shoulder then walked into the house.
I felt sick to my stomach.
I decided to drive to my place instead of hers. She could sleep on my bed for the night. On the drive home, I kept thinking about my slip-up. I called her babe. God, that was bad. But she wasn’t stupid. She must know I was head-over-heels for her. I wouldn’t be celibate if that weren’t the case.
When I got home, I carried her into my room and put her on my bed. She wore sandals so those were easy to get off. Not wanting to do something I’d regret later, I pulled the sheets over her and didn’t pull anymore clothing off. She snuggled into my pillow, sighing deeply.
I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at her. When her lips were relaxed, she was even more beautiful. Sometimes the corner of her mouth turned up slightly, like she was laughing in her dreams. Her lips parted when she sighed. They closed again when her breath was taken.
I realized how creepy I must look right now. I was just sitting in the dark staring at her...
When I shifted my weight, she turned slightly, her arm hugging the pillow. I never thought a girl was cute before. I hardly thought puppies and kittens were cute. But she was definitely adorable. Without thinking, I leaned down and kissed her forehead, letting myself succumb to the inevitable feelings deep inside. I was hers even if she wasn’t mine.
When I thought about what Liam said, it made me want to crawl into a ball and die. It was disgusting to think about it happening to any woman, but especially a girl I cared about so much. It would explain why she was so reserved. Maybe it happened six months ago. Maybe that’s what changed everything.
Should I ask her?
Would she even tell me?
I decided against it. If I questioned her, it might drive her away.
But I hoped, prayed, that she wasn’t a recipient to something like that.
Because it would break my heart.
I slept on the couch, wishing I were in that bed with her. When the sun came up the next morning, my eyes opened and squinted. The windows didn’t keep out any light. It was bright as hell. I was used to the black curtains in my room, keeping it dark all the time.
Livia walked down the hall and came into the living room, her braid loose and her dress wrinkled.
I sat up and moved the blanket over my crotch. I was jus
t in my boxers and I got my morning wood the moment I saw her. I was always hard when I was around her, and my cock was starting to hurt.
“Morning.” She stretched then yawned.
“Morning.” I liked seeing her first thing in the morning. Her skin was rested and relaxed. Her eyes were brighter, full of energy.
“I’m sorry I fell asleep last night. Your friends weren’t boring…I was just exhausted.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t offend anyone. Keira was in bed before I left anyway.”
She sat beside me on the couch.
I kept the blanket right on my lap.
“Thanks for letting me sleep here.”
“No problem.” I’m just glad she wasn’t mad.
“Your bed is really comfortable.”
“Thanks. I’m usually cheap when it comes to clothes and shoes, but I splurge when it comes to my bed.”
“I can tell. I guess it has to be nice when you have company all the time.”
Ouch…was that meant as an insult?
She didn’t look at me, so I assumed it was. “I haven’t had anyone over here except you.”
Livia turned back to me. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Was it really that surprising? I was working my ass off just to have a chance with her. I beat the shit out of some guy for scaring her. There was definitely nobody else.
She played with her hair then pulled the band out. Her hair fell loose then covered her shoulders.
It was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. “Livia?”
“Hmm?”
“I really like you.” I felt like I was in eighth grade. I hadn’t said that to a girl since the year I hit puberty. Now I picked up girls with a single conversation and fucked their brains out. My patience was shocking, especially to me.
Her eyes were guarded once again. She looked at me, her face unreadable, and then looked away.
No. I’m not letting her avoid this. “Livia, I really like you. I love spending time with you. You make me laugh. You make me smile. And both of those things are nearly impossible to do. I respect you as a woman and a person. You’re inspiring to me. I want to keep spending time with you, but…do you feel the same way?”
The silence stretched for so long that I thought she wouldn’t answer. Finally, she did. “You’re the only person I’ve let into my life. I spend nearly all my time with you. I asked you to be my date to my art show, letting you see my soul on a canvas. I’ve told you more than I’ve ever told anyone else. When I was in trouble, I called you. And I let you sleep in the same house with me…I think it’s pretty clear how I feel about you, Scotty.”
It was a response I hoped for but never expected. I let the air out of my lungs, feeling the relief wash through. I just put myself out there and it could have gone dangerously wrong. “I’m glad to hear that.”
My hand slowly reached for hers. She didn’t move, and she let me intertwine my fingers with hers. Her fingers were so soft, so warm. They were tiny in comparison to mine, making me feel even larger.
“Scotty…”
No. I didn’t like the sound of that.
“I just…I can’t be in a relationship.”
Ouch. “Why?”
“I just…can’t.” She wouldn’t look at me.
“But we basically are, Livia. We spend all our time together. We have feelings for each other. What’s holding you back?”
She kept her mouth shut, refusing to answer.
“Babe, talk to me.”
She took a deep breath at my use of the nickname. I felt entitled to call her that now.
“Livia?”
“I just can’t. And frankly, you wouldn’t want me.”
“I do want you.”
“But you wouldn’t if you really knew me.”
“I do know you,” I said firmly.
“Not everything…”
My hand cupped her cheek then moved into the hair above her ear. I’d never touched her like this before. She breathed deeply while I felt her, but she didn’t pull away. “I’ve never felt this way for anyone before. No girl has ever caught my attention and held it. I admit I was only physically attracted to you in the beginning but now that’s changed. You are far more beautiful on the inside than the outside. I’ve seen your soul and it’s pure and untainted. I know everything about you that matters. You’re a strong woman that never settles for less than she deserves. And you deserve me just like I deserve you. I promise I will always take care of you, put you first, and speak only the truth. I know you trust me so let me in.”
“I want to…”
I pressed my forehead to hers, making her face her emotions for me head on. We’d never been this affectionate before. The fact she didn’t flinch made it clear she felt the same connection to me, the same chemistry. “I’m already yours. Please be mine.”
“I just need more time.”
“Time for what?”
“I just need time.” She kept her eyes closed.
“Livia, look at me.”
After a deep breath, she opened her eyes.
“I’ll wait a lifetime for you. But being with you every day is just making me fall harder for you. I know you’re scared to get hurt but so am I. So, if this is never going to work, don’t waste my time.”
Her thumb escaped my grasp and caressed my knuckles. “I don’t want to lose you…”
“You don’t have to.”
“We can try…”
That was enough for me. “Okay.”
“But, I can’t be what you want me to be. So don’t expect that.”
“And what do I want you to be?” I whispered.
She swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’m not ready for…something physical.”
Liam’s words came back to my mind. What I feared most was true. Her hesitance and fear confirmed it. And I felt like shit inside. “That’s fine. I don’t expect anything like that. I’ll be as patient as you want. Just being with you, holding you, and kissing you is enough for me.”
“But you’ll get frustrated eventually.”
“No, I’ll be frustrated without you in my life. I don’t miss all the meaningless sex I had—not at all. I only want you. I’ll wait until marriage if that’s what you want.”
“That isn’t why…”
“Whatever the reason, I’ll wait.”
“I still need this to be slow…I can’t promise anything, Scotty.”
“Everything will be the same as it was before. But now I know you feel the same connection that I do.”
“Are you sure that’s enough?”
I cupped her face and directed her look to me. “Just a sliver of you, even a small part, is more than enough.”
“You’re so sweet, Scotty. I never expected you to be such a gentleman.”
“And I never expected to be one. But you changed me.”
“I hope you can change me.”
I stared her directly in the eyes. “I intend to.”
I sat at the bar and waited to be joined by my future cousin-in law. A shadow passed over me and I knew he had arrived. He dropped in the stool next to mine. I already had two beers because I was depressed.
“What’s up?” he asked.
“I want to talk about what you said before…about Livia.”
“I think I’ll need a drink for this.” He waved down the bartender and ordered his beer. When it was in his hands, he looked at me. “Proceed.”
I didn’t want to say it out loud. Just the idea made me sick. I wanted to be wrong. I prayed I was wrong. “I think Livia was raped…” I wanted to vomit just from saying the words. The idea that someone hurt her like that made me want to explode. I wanted to rip off her tormentor’s head. Shit, I wanted to kill his entire family, anyone who ever knew him. I covered my face and breathed through the anger. I thought I might shatter my glass if I touched it.
Liam stared at me, keeping his thoughts to himself.
“The way she acts around other people…it’s like she’s scared
to live. She’s closed off from everyone. When I hit on her for the very first time, she broke down in tears. And when we talked about our relationship last night…she said I wouldn’t want her if I really knew the truth about her. It all makes sense.”
“I’m sorry.” That was all he said, not that I expected him to say much else. “For what its worth, I understand what you’re going through.”
Keira wasn’t raped, but her freedom was stripped away from her. She was taken advantage of and abused. It really wasn’t much different. A disgusting fiend devalued something beautiful and pure.
“Did she tell you this?”
“No…but I think I’m right.”
“Why don’t you bring it up?”
“Because I know she’ll push me away.” There was no way around it. “She has to tell me on her own.”
“I understand why she assumes you wouldn’t want her anymore…in that way.”
“But I would. Of course, I would. It doesn’t change the way I feel about her.”
“Maybe if she knew that, she would open up.”
Why was this happening? Every person I was close to had a broken soul. They had trying lives, shattered bodies. But why did this have to happen to Livia? I could see the difference in her times of life just by looking at her paintings. This fucker took something that didn’t belong to him and mutilated it. “I want to know who did this to her.”
Liam rested his elbows on the table. “And when you do, I’ll be there to help you.”
“No, this fucker is all mine.”
‘Then let me help you bury the body.”
“Bury it?” I asked with a laugh. “When I’m done with him, there will be nothing left.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Livia
I couldn’t say no.
I should have ended the relationship before it began.
But when Scotty touched me gently and looked at me like I was the only person in the room, my legs grew weak and I couldn’t resist him. I wanted to fall into his arms, to let him hold me and fix me.
But I couldn’t.
If he knew what happened to me, everything would be different. He wouldn’t want me anymore. Who would? I was disgusting. I was gross. I was…damaged. Why would Scotty want what’s left of me?
I didn’t even want me.
Unstoppable (Forehead Kisses #4) Page 11