But when I was given the choice to be with him or lose him, I couldn’t cut him loose. He’d quickly become my closest friend, the person I loved spending time with. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else but him. And even though I shouldn’t think about anyone in a physical way…I thought of him that way. I was turned off from sex since the last time I had it. I never wanted it again. I never thought about it. But with Scotty, my feelings were different.
Could I really be with him? Or would this just end badly? The smart decision would be to end the affair before we both got in too deep, but I couldn’t.
I just couldn’t.
Because I wanted him.
When I saw him walk into my psychology class, the anxiety immediately pooled in my stomach. My heart fluttered when I watched his massive arms move as he walked. He’d grown so much in such a short amount of time. I would never want to be the recipient of his attack.
He sat next to me then gave me a look I loved. He was smiling, but his eyes twinkled with something more than joy. I felt like the only thing that mattered. Nothing but adoration emitted from him. He made me feel like a diamond when I thought I was cheap plastic. He leaned in then kissed me on the cheek. “You look beautiful today.”
He’d never given me a compliment like that before. And he never kissed me on the cheek. It was a great start to a day. “Thank you.”
He pulled out his notebook and pen and prepared for the course.
My heart still fluttered wildly, knowing he was next to me. I never expected this manwhore and heartbreaker to sweep me off my feet. And I never expected to be happy ever again. When we were together, I forgot about all the baggage I was carrying. Just for a moment in time, I felt peace.
When the class was over, we walked out then headed down the path. I shouldered my bag then sauntered beside him. His hand grabbed mine then gave me a gentle squeeze.
My spine shivered slightly when our hands touched.
He gave me an encouraging smile then came closer to me, our shoulders touching. It was nice to feel his affection, to be with someone who didn’t want anything from me. I felt safe when I was alone with him, that he would never hurt me. When he said he didn’t need a physical relationship, it seemed like he meant it. He took all the pressure off, making me feel relaxed.
I was already falling deeper.
He walked me to the library. “Can I take you out to dinner tonight?”
“Like, on a date?”
He smirked then moved his hands to my hips. Now that we were together, he was always affectionate with me, always needing to touch me.
Not that I minded.
“Yeah. I want to take my girl out.” His face moved close to me then he rubbed his nose against mine.
Now I was a puddle on the ground. “Sure.”
“Good. Because I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.”
I didn’t like his choice of words.
He seemed to recognize his mistake as soon as he made it. “I mean, I’d really like to have dinner with you unless you’d rather not.”
The fact he understood my emotions and thoughts innately was impressive. He seemed to know when I was upset and why. I thought I was a master at hiding my emotions, but apparently not. “No, I want to go.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. “What does my lady like to eat?”
“Anything.”
His eyes brightened affectionately. “Be more specific.”
I shrugged. “I like Italian.”
“Italian, it is.” He dropped his hands. “I’ll see you after training.”
“Please shower before you come,” I teased.
He chuckled. “You don’t like it when I’m sweaty?”
“I just don’t like the smell.”
“Alright, I’ll shower. But only because I really like you.”
“I feel bad for all the people you don’t like.”
He laughed again. “I torture them with my smell.”
“So cruel…”
He grabbed my hip then pressed his lips to my forehead. “I’ll see you later, babe.”
I felt warm and fuzzy. “Okay.”
He released his touch then left the library.
I missed him the moment he was gone.
When I was walking across the quad, there was a pep rally going on. The sorority groups were mingling on the grass and at the tables, trying to get more recruits. I remembered my time pledging to my house. Despite all the crazy things we did and all the alcohol we drank, I had a lot of great memories. But now all of that was tarnished.
Kimberly and Jasmine were sitting at a pledge table, wearing pink and waiting for someone to approach them and grab a pamphlet. It was weird to think these two girls were my best friends in the entire world, the people I confided everything to. And now they were strangers.
Kimberly had been my friend since I was twelve. We had the same tutor for home school and we were neighbors. Now we didn’t even speak. Jasmine was my roommate in the dorms for my first year of college. We shared more secrets than we should have. But we had a blast.
But I didn’t know her anymore.
I didn’t have any friends. All I had was Ash and now Scotty. I didn’t even have parents I could turn to.
I was totally alone.
I stared at them as I passed, reminiscing about our friendship. Now I was just a ghost, something from the past. Kimberly looked up, hoping for a new pledge. When her eyes met mine, her face turned blank. Then she looked down again like she’d never seen me in her in life.
I was a stranger.
I used to wear cute dresses all the time, highlight my face with shades of make up, and I wore sky-high heels that made my ass look prominent and strong. Then I did everything I could to not be noticed, to disappear.
To be invisible.
But I wanted to look nice for Scotty. It was the first time I felt that way in a long time. I wasn’t scared of unwanted male attention. I knew he would protect me from preying eyes just from his intimidating size, and I welcomed his look. Now when he stared at me, I didn’t feel like a piece of meat. I felt beautiful. I felt cherished.
It was totally different than what I was used to.
I wore a dark green dress that reached my thighs. It was a summer dress so it was loose and dipped low in the front. I highlighted my appearance with jewelry I tucked away long ago. I didn’t pull my hair back. Tonight, I let it hang around my shoulders, curling it at the ends and volumizing it.
Scotty knocked on my door right at seven. He was always punctual.
Feeling nervous for our date, I took a deep breath before I opened the door.
Scotty held a boutique of wild flowers. Some were purple and blue. Others were pink and red. And I spotted a few California Poppies in the batch. It was an assortment of different flowers, but the splashes of color made it a perfect ensemble.
“They’re beautiful.”
He held them out to me. “I picked them from Keira’s garden.”
The gesture went straight to my heart.
“I know how much you loved it. So I wanted to bring it to you.”
My tears bubbled because it was so thoughtful. No one had ever spent so much time trying to make me happy. “Thank you…”
“You’re very welcome.” His eyes took me in, but before he stared at me for too long, he looked away. “You look lovely.”
‘Thank you.” I felt my cheeks blush.
He kissed my cheek then stepped back. “Are you ready to go?”
“Yeah. Just let me put these in some water.”
“Sure.”
I grabbed a vase from under the cabinet and filled it with water. After I arranged the flowers, I set them on the table, knowing they would get plenty of sunlight the following morning.
When I looked at Scotty, I caught him staring at me. Quickly, he looked away and stared at a picture on my wall.
I knew he avoided looking at me whenever possible. It made me uncomfortable, like a butcher was looking f
or just the right cut of meat on my skinny legs. But I didn’t feel that way when Scotty looked at me.
“Scotty?”
“Yeah?” He turned his attention back to me.
“You can look at me.”
He didn’t react overtly. He seemed to be processing my words slowly, making sure he understood my meaning. His eyes brightened slightly, but his face didn’t give anything else away.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “It doesn’t bother me—at least with you it doesn’t.”
His eyes softened then he stepped closer to me. “I only stare because I think you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and yes, that includes all your paintings.”
I smirked while I felt my heart flutter.
“I don’t think you’re hot or sexy. But I think you’re perfect.” His eyes still held his look of adoration.
I was far from perfect, but for just a moment in time, he didn’t make me feel that way. “You look handsome.”
“I’m a bit overshadowed by your beauty, but thanks for the compliment anyway.” He gave me a quick smile before he headed to the door. “Shall we?”
“We shall.”
When we reached our table, Scotty pulled out the chair for me. After I sat down, he pushed my chair in. His hand briefly touched my shoulder, making my nerves fire off in excitement. When he was across from me, his eyes immediately went to my face. He stared at me, not looking away this time.
I didn’t feel like I was on display, and I didn’t think he had sex on his mind. That was the only way I could feel calm. Scotty respected me, and that was a breath of fresh air.
I looked at my menu and tried to decide what to order.
“I’m getting the lasagna,” he said.
“That was quick.”
“I always get lasagna.”
“That’s boring,” I teased.
He shrugged. “You like what you like. What are you getting?”
“Spaghetti.”
He nodded his head in approval. “A classic.”
When the waiter came over, Scotty surprised me by ordering for the both of us. Then he handed the menus over.
“Would you like some wine?” Scotty asked.
Uh…the waiter probably wouldn’t open the bottle in front of me. I was being too paranoid and needed to calm down but it was a habit I couldn’t shake. “No, thank you.”
He didn’t press me. “Have you spoken to your parents?” The bitterness was heavy in his voice.
“My mom called a few times but I didn’t answer. I’m sure William told her how badly the night went.”
His eyes darkened. “Has he bothered you?”
“No.”
He relaxed slightly. “Did you listen to her voicemails?”
“No. I don’t even want to hear her voice.”
“They have an amazing daughter and they don’t even realize it.” He shook his head. “It’s a shame. My parents were amazing and caring. Why did they have to die while others live?”
I wasn’t close with my parents, but I would be devastated if they died. I despised them, at least right now, but I didn’t wish them ill. “How did they pass away?” He never told me.
He took a deep breath before they spoke. “I was at football practice when a grease fire started in the kitchen. The house caught into flames quickly. Both of my parents were in the dining room. They couldn’t get out…”
Oh my god… “I’m so sorry.”
His face was stoic. There was no emotion in his eyes. Maybe he was better at hiding his thoughts than I was. “I used the stove that morning and I think I left the gas on…”
“That doesn’t mean you were responsible. A million other things could have happened.”
“Maybe…” He stared across the restaurant.
Seeing the sadness in his eyes made me want to cry. I rested my hand on top of his and caressed his knuckles. There was only so much I could do in a public place.
I assumed I was the only one who went through a travesty, but Scotty knew exactly how it felt to have a piece of his soul taken away. The loss was heavy in his eyes. Maybe he knew me better than I gave him credit for. Maybe we were grains of sand from the same rock. “I wish there was more I could do…”
His eyes flickered back to me. “You’re already doing it.” His eyes took me in while his hands still rested under mine. I held the look and didn’t turn away. Anytime I shared eye contact with anyone it was brief. Too much emotional connection was there. But with Scotty, I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t vulnerable.
When the waiter returned with our food, I pulled my hand away. I missed his warmth the moment it was gone.
Since Scotty was becoming more massive with every passing day, I expected him to eat like a bear, sinking his claws into his food and shoveling it down his throat. But he ate with perfect manners that were appropriate for the high-end restaurant he took me to. I was surprised.
“How’s your spaghetti?” he asked.
“Amazing.”
“Good. I like mine too.”
We ate quietly for the rest of the meal. The empty silence didn’t need to be filled with empty words. I liked our companionship and silent conversation. Sometimes I was so uncomfortable with the silence that I said random things. Scotty didn’t make me feel that way. I wasn’t intimidated by his presence or his longing.
When the bill came, Scotty forked over the cash quickly. “Keep the change.”
“Thank you, sir.”
He helped me out of my seat then held my hand as we walked back to his truck. The light breeze ruffled my dress as we moved across the parking lot. His hand moved to my waist and kept me close to his body, a natural heater. After he helped me inside his truck, he sat in the driver’s seat and didn’t move. He didn’t start the engine either.
“Scotty?”
“Sorry, I was thinking.”
“That’s okay.”
He turned his gaze on me. “I was going to ask if you’d want to come to my place tonight.”
My heart immediately kicked into fight or flight mode. It was a natural reaction I couldn’t control.
He caught the panic. “I want to cuddle with you on the couch while we watch a movie, and if you’re up for it, I’d love it if you slept over—in my bed with me.”
In what way?
“I just want to sleep—that’s all. Ever since I got to know you, I’ve wanted to hold you in my arms and listen to you breathe. I’ve had trouble sleeping, and I think having you beside me would help.”
I was still uneasy.
“Livia, I promise I’ll never do anything you aren’t comfortable doing. Don’t ever worry about that.” The sincerity was in his eyes.
Scotty wasn’t a pig like the others. He respected me and cared about me. I was stupid for ever assuming otherwise. “I would love to sleep with you.”
His face broke out in a smile. “Good. Because I’m cooking breakfast tomorrow. If you said no, that was my way of changing your mind.”
I smiled. “For what it’s worth, it would have worked.”
“Good to know,” he said with a light laugh.
When we walked inside, I noticed it was cleaner than it was on my last visit. I wondered if he tidied up in the hope I would agree to spend the night. Sometimes I wondered about all the other girls who had been here. I was just one of many.
“You’re the only one who’s slept over here.” It was like he could read my mind.
“I am?”
“Besides Keira.” He headed down the hall. “I’m going to change.”
“Okay.” I sat on the couch and waited.
A minute later, he came out wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt. Then he handed me a pile of clothes. “The sweats will be a little big and so will the shirt, but I know you’ll look adorable anyway.”
I smiled when I took it from him. “I guess I should have brought my own pajamas.”
“No. Believe me, these will be comfortable.” He pointed down the hallway. “The bathroom i
s on the right.”
“Thanks.” I guess I was relieved I wouldn’t have to change in front of him. When I stepped inside his bathroom, I noted how clean it was. It wasn’t a typical boy bathroom. Ash always demolished his like it was a trench in World War II.
I changed then looked at myself in the mirror. He wasn’t kidding. His clothes were humongous me. I had to roll his sweatpants a few times so they would hug my hips. The shirt was so loose, it kept falling over one shoulder. I looked like a blob wearing this. There was no way I could look attractive in this.
I came back into the living room and put my dress on the opposite couch. Then I turned to him. “I look homeless.”
His eyes took me in, and the heat burned deep within. “Definitely not.” He examined every part of my body before he held out two socks. “Your outfit isn’t complete yet.”
“Socks?” I smiled while I sat beside him.
“Yep.” He picked up my legs then put my feet in his lap. Then he put the socks on.
“What are you doing?”
“Your feet will get cold.”
“You’re actually putting my socks on for me?”
“Why not?” He rubbed the bottom of my feet. “You have cute feet.”
My eyes softened. No one had ever done that for me, not even my own parents. “Thanks. Now I’ll stay warm.”
“Now let’s get down to business.” He lay back on the couch then extended his arms to me.
I smiled then lay my head on his chest then hooked my arm around his solid waist. My face was near his neck, catching his scent. His arm pulled a blanket over us then wrapped around me, anchoring me to him. “This is comfortable as hell.”
I was practically falling asleep.
Scotty turned on the TV and flipped through the channels. He stopped when he found Home Alone. “Best movie ever.”
“Really?” Sometimes he was adorable.
“You don’t love this movie?” he asked incredulously.
“No, I do. I just think it’s cute you like it.”
“I used to watch it with my parents all the time.” There was no sadness in his voice, just the joy from recalling a memory.
“It’s a classic.”
His arms stay hooked around me while we watched the movie. I’d never felt so comfortable in my life. His chest rose and fell with a specific cadence. My hand got brave then moved under his shirt, feeling the bottom of his stomach. His skin was so hot, it was like he was on fire. The hard grooves of his abs made me think of things I hadn’t thought in a long time.
Unstoppable (Forehead Kisses #4) Page 12