Stowaway

by Robert E Colfax

  The g-forces weren’t all that bad. Maybe three times normal. Although she wasn’t inclined to roll over and start doing push-ups, she could tolerate the extra weight. This thing shot up like an express elevator. After no more than ten minutes, the pressure dropped off and normal gravity returned. Well almost normal; she may have felt a little heavier than usual. Knowing that if the ship was really in space, she should be weightless, Lexi thought, This is cool. Ron has artificial gravity.

  She knew she couldn’t stay in the head, assuming she was in the head. It could have been the back-up control room, she supposed. But it really looked like a head, in an alien spaceship sort of way. They kept it clean, at least. It was all stainless steel, or at least something that looked like stainless steel. If she got space-sick, she didn’t think she would have any qualms about vomiting in there. Of course, the thing that looked like a toilet might have been for washing clothes. She’d try not to vomit.

  Interestingly, since he was probably an alien, Ron’s anatomy was fully human as far as she could tell. She saw all of it last night. Smelled and tasted a lot of it too. Despite herself, she smiled. Well proportioned, too. She could feel herself getting a little damp. Damn the man is hot. She sighed. My future boyfriend is an alien. How bizarre is that? Sounds like a plot for a sitcom. Her alien, future boyfriend would probably want to pee at some point. He peed just like everybody else she knew, he spent a night at her house after all.

  She really hoped he wasn’t a giant roach stuffed into an Edgar-suit. If he was, there was a good chance that would derail her romance plans concerning her alien, future boyfriend. Interesting that I’m still rocking romance plans. There is definitely something wrong with me. If I can get myself out of this, maybe I have a good reason to look up that cute doctor I was imagining a little while ago.

  Chapter 6

  Head Games

  What now? Disturbing noises were again filling the ship, this time a low-pitched hooting that didn’t remind her of anything. Owls in a forest on a dark night, maybe? She thought she had been sheltering in what was most likely the head for at least an hour at that point, maybe longer, still without an action plan that went beyond, dah, hiding in the head. Then the cool artificial gravity shut off and because she was still bracing herself against the floor, she flew up and hit her head on the stainless steel ceiling. Before she could catch herself, she released an involuntary, “Damn.”

  Her exclamation might have been louder than she thought, or maybe the ship had mikes in the head, or maybe he just wanted to use it, because a moment later the hatch opened and Ron filled the opening. At least his eyes didn’t pop out and hang by little springy things. They tried to. She had never seen anyone look so surprised in her life. It was kind of cute. Still floating upside down near the ceiling, she smiled evilly and said, “Hiya, Ron. I brought dessert.”

  “Lexi?” was all he managed to get out. He seemed to have to strain for even that much cognitive thought. What was it, about ten hours now and he still remembered her name. Good sign. He remembers me. He could have just said, “Earth woman?” she supposed.

  “Right! Lexi,” she confirmed. “Be a good boy and help me down from here. You know, you are in violation of so many laws and regulations it is going to take years to get the red-tape sorted out. Entering Earth space without a permit. That’s a biggie. Landing a spaceship without a permit. Even a bigger biggie. Of course, I’ll need to see your passport and work visa. Taking off from a non-authorized location. The list goes on and on. Come on now, Ron. You should know better. I really hope that engine meets or exceeds current EPA guidelines because I’ll tell you, if they get involved, we’re talking decades, not years. I assume your registration, license and insurance are all up to date?”

  Despite the fact that he was the alien here and should have known it, he was still staring at her as though she had three or more heads and possibly was waving tentacles at him as well. She wondered if they were short tentacles or long tentacles. He again said, “Lexi?”

  “Yes, damn it, Ron! Lexi! We should be past that by now!” She was getting slightly exasperated. Being upside down, feeling slightly nauseous didn’t help her restrain a certain degree of bitchiness. Nothing unusual about that, right?

  He stepped through the hatch and reached up to pull her down. She looked at his feet. “Why am I the only one floating?”

  “Gripper soles,” he explained. “The gravity has to be shut off when we’re in hyper.”

  “Of course it does,” she snapped. “Everyone knows that. You always turn off the gravity in hyper.” What the hell is hyper? If he’s implying we’re not in Einsteinian space, maybe time dilation wouldn’t be an issue after all. Maybe I’ll be able to go home again and still have a father when I get back. I’d like that.

  He positioned her more or less standing next to him, gently holding her in place. “Lexi, what have you done? How did you get in here? You shouldn’t be here. You can’t be here.”

  “First of all, Mr. Samue, you are saying my name far too frequently. Practically every time you open your mouth.” Oops, being bitchy. Remember. Future. Alien. Boyfriend. Unless I alienate him. I think that was probably funny, but I’ll keep it to myself. “Let’s operate on the assumption that we both know my name is ‘Lexi’ and that I have the ability to recognize when you’re talking to me and not, let’s say, to the door or hatch or whatever you call it. Second, I walked in through the outer hatch. You left it open. Third, I am defending my planet against an alien invasion. Backup will be here within minutes. I’m expecting agents J and K for this one.”

  He shook his head. “You shouldn’t be here. For that matter, and no offense, the varmint screen on the hatch should have kept you out.”

  From further in the ship, a decidedly female voice called out in a language Lexi didn’t know. It sounded, no surprise about that, is there, like what Ron spoke in his sleep. Ron, looking slightly embarrassed, called back, “You better come back here. And please stick to English for now.”

  As the voice got closer, Lexi heard, “Why English, darling?” Then as the woman got close enough to stand next to Ron and see around his impressively masculine shoulder into the head, she said, “Oh!”

  Looking at the tall woman, noting that she was easily six-five, young and slender, her untamed, short blonde hair framing her beautiful face in a fashion suggesting that she lacked a brush and probably didn’t have access to a comb either, Lexi felt an inkling of doubt concerning her romance scenario, giant roach in an Edgar-suit or not. I do see a definite resemblance. Or is that wishful thinking? Maybe she’s his sister? Eyeing the stunning woman’s hand placed familiarly on Ron’s shoulder, Lexi nevertheless remarked, “Like that, is it, Ron-darling? One in every port?”

  Ron-darling sighed and shook his head, not taking his eyes off of her. “No, it is not ‘like that’ Lexi.” He turned to the tall woman, and said, “Geena, meet one of Earth’s finest. This is Lexi Stevens, the woman I told you about. She appears to have a thing for me.” He looked back to Lexi. He was finally smiling about the situation, as he added, “It’s mutual. Lexi, let me introduce you to Geena Samue. Geena is my mother.”

  Lexi put on a weak smile. “Oh! Nice to meet you. Feel free to refer to Ron as ‘darling’ whenever you want. I’ll keep quiet about it. I promise. Ah, can we get me some gripping shoes?”

  Chapter 7

  Working Things Out

  Ron floated, or rather, carried her through the length of the ship to the control room at the front. With her arms around his neck, it was a good position for kissing. It just wasn’t a good time for indulging. Besides, she wasn’t sure if, all else considered, he would appreciate it.

  This wasn’t all that large of a ship. Based on the dimensions of the barn, she guessed it was no more than sixty feet from stem to stern and maybe a little more than half as wide in the widest dimension as it was long. All of walls they passed were the same boring light pastel blue color. Light emanated from the ceiling. She saw no panels or bu
lbs. The floor was some light gray material. It looked more like hardened rubber than metal. While the walls were clean and unmarked, she noticed that the floor appeared worn in places.

  Along the way they passed several other hatches, all closed, and a few side hallways. The head she hid in must have been close to the middle of the ship. The ceiling was a uniform nine feet in height. She based that estimate on Ron’s height. She doubted the ship was built by anybody using English measurements, so at best, the nine feet was an approximation. Lexi didn’t ask any questions and Ron didn’t either as they headed forward through the ship.

  Once at the front of the ship, Ron pushed her down into one of the amazingly comfortable seats at the front of the cockpit. Of course, with no gravity, there wouldn’t be any pressure points. Any chair would probably be comfortable. Like the floor, the chairs were slightly worn. Two of them more so than the other two. Taken altogether, the ship looked old. With the color scheme and cold, sourceless lighting, the overall feeling was somewhat depressing. Plants would help. They might not like not having gravity, though.

  “Lexi,” Ron began. “Sorry. That slipped out. You’re right. I have been overusing your name. I want you to understand that you’ve put me, and I suppose Geena too, in a bizarre situation. You’re our first stowaway. I don’t think I’m handling it very well.”

  He paused, just watching her as she sat quietly, focusing on him. He still had one hand on her shoulder, holding her in the chair. She didn’t seem to mind. “I think I’m glad to see you again, but it’s going to be complicated. Especially for you. I’m strapping you in so that you don’t float around. There is always some turbulence in hyperspace. Usually we just ignore it, but it can get bad at times. I’m going to find some gripper soles for your shoes so you can walk on your own. You can try flying around in zero-gee later if you want. You have to be careful, but I’ll admit, it’s kind of fun. Ah, before I go, you’re not in any danger from us. Please don’t touch anything. And, ah, I am very interested in that dessert later.” He blushed as he added that last. Hot and cute. Winner!

  While she sat and gazed out the forward window, her first thought was that none of the movies had it quite right. Looking out on what she assumed must be hyperspace, she felt as though she were looking at a living van Gogh painting. The swirling streams of muted colors were mesmerizing.

  Looking around the cramped cabin, she wondered why no one was watching her. Ron left to get the things for her shoes two minutes ago. Where did Geena get to? Apparently the two of them were the only crew on the ship. They weren’t acting much like alien invaders. So what were the two of them doing on Earth, hiding in a barn? Then the big question bubbled up. When Ron gets back, should I smile or look grim? She practiced a grim smile but couldn’t tell if she was getting it right. Her thoughts straying briefly to dessert, she mentally slapped herself. Stop that! Then she went back to practicing her grim smile.

  Ron returned a few minutes later carrying what looked like those gray plastic things used to slide furniture around. He sat in the nearest seat, strapped himself in, and swiveled to face her. Taking a glance at her face, he asked with genuine concern in his voice, “Are you OK? Is zero-gee bothering you? Are you going to be sick? Should I take you back to the toilet?”

  “No, I’m fine,” she said. “It was never bad and my stomach has already settled down now. But, thank you. That was my grim smile. I’m practicing. I’m thinking I might be needing it.”

  “Uh, huh,” he said while reaching down and lifting each of her legs in turn, pressing the grippers onto the bottoms of her sneakers. “You should practice it in front of a mirror, kiddo. Hopefully it won’t break the glass.”

  She stuck out her tongue. “Ass. Where’s Geena? Is that gorgeous woman with the wacky hairdo really your mother?”

  “She went to bed. She said something about leaving the two of us to work things out. And yes, she’s really my mother. Doubtless where I get my dashing good looks from.” He smiled at her. “Yeah. Her hair is kind of wacky, isn’t it? You’re wrong about this being an alien invasion, although Mom and I aren’t from Earth. You’re on a starship, as you’ve doubtless figured out. You shouldn’t be here. Why are you here?”

  She considered. “What if I just said I enjoyed dessert last night?”

  He laughed. “That’s ego lifting. I thought it might be because of the coffee this morning. You raved about that.” He shrugged. “More than you did about dessert.”

  She smiled, without any grimness at all. “It was really good coffee, Ron,” she admitted, her voice soft. After a brief pause, she added, “It was clear you didn’t want to leave this morning. You looked pretty freakin’ tortured. I spent the day sitting in my car in front of your apartment thinking about what I want out of life. Over the last few years, that’s gotten a little bit hazier than it used to be.”

  Her gaze shifted to the amazing view of hyperspace streaming pass the ship. “I want to expand the frontiers of science. Like you said to Jameson, I want to contribute to the advancement of man’s knowledge. I just don’t want to be stuck in a lab while I’m doing it. Eventually, NASA or one of the big conglomerates will field a mission to Titan or Europa. I was working toward ensuring I would be a candidate when the crew is selected. I’d be OK with Mars too.” She looked around the small control cabin, her focus returning to his face. “Change of plans, now. Big time.” She wanted to lean forward and kiss him, but the chairs were just a little bit too far apart.

  Lexi’s expression turned serious as she continued, “I followed you when you left. I just wanted to know why you felt you had to leave.” She laughed. “’Out of the country,’ the man said. A slight understatement, Ron-darling.” She paused. His smile seemed as though he was embarrassed. “I’ve had other guys leave before, usually after a mutual decision that things weren’t working for us. You’re the first to leave when both of us clearly wanted to get something started. You were up front and honest about it. I knew we only had the one night. While I hate sounding sappy, I felt a connection with you. Your leaving just seemed premature, somehow.” She shrugged, then laughed. “I’m thinking you’re the first to leave in a spaceship, too. Although I always had a sneaking suspicion that Hank was from another planet.”

  Ron smiled too. “You say the oddest things, kiddo. Are you nervous, or are you always this funny?”

  “That’s a hard one,” she confessed, her gaze traveling down his body. “And look, I think I see another hard one. Have you heard of the Mile-High Club?”

  “Yes,” he answered cautiously.

  “How high are we now?”

  He managed to look shocked. “We can’t. Not on the bridge. Geena would space both of us.”

  “Your loss,” she replied cheerfully. “Why would I be nervous? I’m just trapped on an alien spaceship. It’s not like you’re going to eat my brain while I’m trying to use it.” With a smile, she added, “I’ve been in my car all day. I need to use your facilities. Come show me how to do that in zero-gee. And I need something to eat. And then, Mr. Samue, I want to know everything I don’t know about you, this ship, where we’re going and what this is all about.”

  As he led her back to the toilet cabin, he said, a hopeful note in his voice, “I do have a cabin I sleep in. It’s small, but if you want to join the club, you know.”

  Chapter 8

  Urania

  The automated head was efficient, but it definitely was not for the squeamish. Ron explained the different attachments for male and female anatomy. There was even one for barfing. That one was unisex. At least I feel clean, sanitized might be a better word, down there. She kept Ron close by as she used it, just in case it tried to suck her out into hyperspace.

  She walked back to her seat and strapped in without assistance. Walking was weird. Once she was strapped back in, Ron brought her something he called “food.” He wouldn’t tell her exactly what it was, maybe he didn’t even know. While she munched on what he referred to only as a “dinner bar,” she list
ened to him talk.

  “You shouldn’t have snuck on board, Lexi. We can’t take you back. It’s not that we’re afraid you’ll tell about us; no one would believe you anyway. It’s a matter of expense. Our fusion plant burns helium three. We’re practically running on fumes now. He3 is rare; making running this ship damn expensive. Since we didn’t find what we were looking for on Earth, we’re running low on funds. In fact, we’re nearly broke. Geena would never agree to the extra expense. I’m sorry.”

  She took a swallow of the beer he brought with the dinner bar. The label claimed to be Becks. Tasted like Becks. Probably was. Of course, drinking it through a nipple was relatively weird. “Hell, I’m not sorry. This is fantastic, Ron. I love being here already.” She panned her gaze around the cabin. “Helium three is relatively abundant in the soil on the lunar surface as well as in the atmosphere of Saturn. I can’t believe it’s that rare where you come from. Doesn’t mean it’s not expensive, I suppose. I imagine extracting it would be costly.” She paused, frowning. “Let’s just be clear for a minute. That was still all English right? ‘Sorry’ isn’t alien for, ‘I bet your brain is really tasty with fava beans and Chianti,’ is it? I’ve never tried Chianti. Have you?”