Teach Me Your Love

by Rita Hestand

  "They should have… Now, I must warn you, that if you do not consent to try to give me a son, within say a year, you are not with child, then I will have to make you a slave once more and find another wife. Do you understand?"

  This news seemed to shock her, but she nodded.

  "Yes, I guess I do. They shun you because you are a breed? But I would shun you because you would take another wife."

  "I understand this, and I would release you from being my wife, you would be my slave until I figured out what to do with you. Do you understand."

  "Would you kill me?" She stared into his somber face.

  He looked almost hurt. "Never! I will never harm you. I've told you that. It is the truth. Because your white husband lied to you so much, you think me of the same breed. But I will not lie to you ever. There will be truth between us Naomi. I give you my respect. And out of respect, I married you."

  She had to admit that marrying her was at least thoughtful of him. And if he meant what he said, then maybe, they could get along and make this marriage work somehow.

  The deed was done, she was married to Red Elk now, and she could not undo it. Listening to his words she began to trust them.

  She turned to look at him, her eyes going over him slowly as if it were the first time, she had ever looked at him. "If I'm truthful, I would admit I didn't expect you to treat me so well. And I can't imagine other maidens not wanting to marry you. You are better looking than all the others… And your words are like poetry."

  He smiled, "I'm glad I please you. And it please me that we are wed. But you must know this already."

  "Actually." She stared at him. "I'm not used to compliments so much. My white husband said even looking in a mirror was sinful and vain."

  His head turned in question.

  "Your white husband did not tell you how beautiful you are?"

  She shook her head. "No, I think he thought it sinful to think of the flesh that way."

  "I too do not like your white husband, to him everything is a sin."

  "That's the truth."

  "Then I will tell you often, so you believe it. For I do not lie. I am not like a lot of my tribe." He looked into the fire for a long moment before revealing more of himself. "The maidens do not dance at my door, to be my wife. I also scout for the fort, they do not like that either. But we live at peace here because I do scout for the army. If I did not, it would not be peaceful. Cochise would see to it that we joined him in battle, but he knows we are at peace and he leaves us to it."

  "Cochise? Is he your chief?"

  "Yes, once removed, one of the greatest of Apache warriors and chief of the Chiricahua Apache in New Mexico territory. We were once a part of his people. But no more. We are ones that seek peace with the white man. War brings nothing but death. The only war we wage are against the Mexicans and sometimes other Indian tribes that steal our horses."

  "Horses are very valuable to your people?"

  "Yes, we value them greatly. They have taken many burdens from our people. They give us strength and serve us well. We have learned quickly to master them. Aside from a wife and child, a horse is the next valuable thing we own. The black horse I brought to you, it is yours now, a wedding present. You may ride him any time you want. Just don't go too far."

  "You're very generous?" she smiled at him. "And yet a peacemaker." It was the first full blown smile she had given him, and he stared. He couldn't stop staring.

  "Is something wrong?" She asked innocently.

  "No, it's just that your smile lights the wickiup. And I have never been called a peacemaker before." He chuckled.

  She loved the way he chuckled softly. His voice was soothing. She'd never met a man with such a mellow speaking voice.

  "Would you tell me about the ceremony."

  "Of course, the blue blankets were put around us to signify our old life that we bring to the marriage. The two spouted vase was to signify that we come as two different people to become one. The blessings was to bless our marriage, the songs were also to bless us and serenade us. The prayers were spoken by the Shaman of the tribe to unite our tribe as one people. And us becoming one like God intended."

  "And the white blanket?"

  "We are now one as we are truly married."

  "The singing was to rejoice as two souls become one."

  "That's beautiful… " she murmured.

  His glance slid over her slowly.

  "Do you have family here?" she asked, relaxing now as they settled on the blanket and enjoyed the food. She kept pulling her dress down, which he obviously noticed. There were fruits of many kinds, carrots, bacon, pemmican and some raw vegetables.

  "No, my white mother died of child birth three years after I was born. My father was killed in battle with the whites some years ago."

  "So, who brought you up?"

  "My Uncle, but he does not like me, as I'm half white. He rejects the white side of me. It makes no difference, he didn't like my father either for marrying a white."

  "Does he live in the village?"

  "No, he died a couple of years ago."

  "That's so sad…" she murmured. "Why aren't you bitter at how they treated you."

  "Would I be a better man if I were bitter?" He sighed. "A breed is seldom welcomed anywhere." He remarked. "I have grown used to the way people react. I have learned to live with it. I am happy. Sometimes life can be very hard, and you must learn to make the best of things. You have two choices in life, you can make the best of what is given you, or you can spend a lifetime complaining. I choose to be happy."

  "You seem happy. You smile a lot, laugh a lot. I didn't expect that. That surprises me. How can you be happy when your own people shun you?"

  He turned her chin to meet his gaze. "A white man told me of this when I was small. I believed him. So, I chose happy. Now you must choose what you will be." His eyes searched hers for a moment. "For it is here you will begin your new life."

  She sighed heavily. "I guess you are right. Then…. I too choose to be happy too."

  "Good. We are of one mind on that."

  "But you are handsome and…" she stopped seeing his eyes go over her quickly at that remark.

  "Am I?" His smile curled her toes as she stared at him. Naomi marveled at his reactions. He was an Indian! But no, he was a breed, there was a difference and he seemed to prefer the white man's ways to the Indian. It made her look upon him differently. With understanding and respect.

  "Yes, of course you are. You must know that." She bowed her head.

  "It amuses me that you would say that to me."

  "Why, it's the truth."

  He smiled again, "Only the not so nice maidens come to my door, and I must turn them away. Painted Dove was one of them."

  She studied that statement, "Why?"

  "Why what?" he asked.

  "Why do you turn them away?"

  His smile faded, "I didn't turn them all away. I have learned much from the white side of me. What I have learned is that I seek more from a woman than just a woman's body. I have had that, many times. White women are contained by their white husbands. They are not allowed to think for themselves or defend themselves. But in their heart, they desire to speak, and to think. You Naomi, may speak up here, I will not speak ill of you for having an opinion. I will not beat you for it either. I enjoy conversations. I guess what I seek is true companionship. For I have never had it. You cannot voice all your opinions to the tribe, but you can to me. We are… in this together."

  "You want a companion?" she gasped. That was strange, she didn't think he knew what the word meant.

  "Yes, I want a woman who will work beside me, not against me. I want a woman who will give me a son. I want a woman who will sass me at times, who will argue a point, who will talk to me, so that I may learn from her, as she does from me. I want a loyal woman, who will not betray me, not lie to me, and not find another away from me."

  "If we had a son, it would be more white than Indian, you know that
, don't you?"

  "As a breed, I don't look at it like that." He told her. "You see, I like the white side of me. The color of one's skin is of no importance. You learn this quickly as a breed. I would love my son, and the mother of him too for giving him to me. That is once I learn what love is truly about." He smirked and looked away.

  She stared at him now, "That is very interesting. Not many see that. And I think you tease me. I think you probably know more about love than I do."

  He smiled again.

  "And you know more about it than you claim. You don't fool me."

  Did she? She talked about loving a lot, but had she ever really loved any man?

  His smile was relaxed now, and he chuckled.

  She liked that he had such a sense of humor. He wasn't an angry man. John had been a very silent man, meditating on his religious views more than on earthly ones. He was so dull and boring she would go to bed early to be away from him. More than worshiping a God, he worshiped a man called Brigham Young. She did not know this man, but John thought he was next to God. He even told her later that Brigham had over twenty wives himself. It would seem John wanted to follow in his footsteps.

  As soon as she realized he was Mormon, she knew she could not live with him. But he kept her so tied to the farm that her escape was impossible.

  Red Elk in contrast was funny, amusing in many ways, seemed happy even though he had a hard life with his own people.

  She stared at him and studied all he'd said. "Then I will be a companion to you, I will be loyal, I will work with you."

  "But you will not bear me a son?" He asked, his eyes going over her now.

  "I-I…don't know," she admitted staring into his brown eyes now. "I don't know the future."

  "You are wise, little one. To say that means you have considered yourself as a human. Can a white woman love an Indian?" He asked and stared with amusement.

  "I can't answer that either. I certainly didn't love the Comanche."

  "No, and I can understand that. They seem to have a true hatred for the white man." He nodded, "You are truthful, I like that. Fine, then we will talk for our wedding night, and get to know each other. But you must realize that from this moment on, you are my wife, and to the tribe you must act as though you are my wife in every way. Otherwise I will bear much ridicule, giving them more to talk about. In turn I will give you support, my loyalty, and respect, and always my protection. And perhaps someday…. My love."

  She nodded slowly, "Deal!" she smiled now at him. She didn't believe he'd ever love her, but it was a nice thing to say on a wedding day, she smiled again.

  He smiled back, "Deal!"

  Chapter Six

  Although her wedding night with Red Elk was much different from the one with John, she was slowly beginning to respect Red Elk's ways. He was fair, decent and very funny to be around. He made her laugh that night, and it was something she seldom did with John. In fact, she couldn't remember any time she had laughed during their marriage.

  When it came time for bed, he told her she would sleep next to him. But that he would not touch her, until she was ready.

  She found it strange that he did not demand his marriage bed rights. And that he considered her feelings on the matter impressed her greatly.

  "Naomi is a bible name, isn't it?" Red Elk asked the next morning as she prepared them a breakfast.

  "Yes, it is." She smiled.

  "She was Ruth's mother-in-law if I'm not mistaken."

  "Yes, you've read the bible?" she asked a bit stunned.

  "Yes, it is how I learned English."

  "Oh," she remarked. "I guess I never realized how the missions taught English. Have you read much of the bible?"

  "I have read it all. I enjoyed it, as there were many great warriors in the bible. Samson with his strength in his long hair, David with his sling-shot, and many battles. And Jesus with his inner strength that no one could match. He was a gentle man, a peaceful man, and very good man."

  "Yes, he was. I never thought of it that way," she laughed again. "But I can see where a man would look at the battles as interesting reading material. Red Elk, I must tell you, I've never talked about the bible with anyone else but my parents. It gives me great joy." She chuckled.

  "Did your husband believe in wars?"

  "No John was not violent in any way, except… perhaps his words sometimes. Some things he would say would hurt beyond belief."

  "He hurt you with his words? How?"

  "I was nineteen when I married him. I wanted to look nice for him. He did not like it. I tried cooking special things for him, but he never complimented my cooking. Everything I did was sinful. I grew to hate the word. He didn't like music. He didn't dance. He didn't drink, nor smoke, but he dipped snuff. He hated my sewing because it cost him money for material and needles. Nothing I did pleased him."

  "It must have been like living in a prison."

  "Exactly. At first, I wanted to mate with him. But he put it off for a solid month, then when he touched me, it was so unmoving. I had so many hopes and dreams and he dashed them all. Maybe I had no right to be so selfish, I don't know. My parents were very happily married, and I always thought I would be too. But it didn’t' happen. Still, I can't fault anyone but myself for marrying him."

  Red Elk stared now, and something passed between them that she didn't quite understand. It was some kind of deep abiding sympathy.

  "Do not tell another soul this."

  "Alright," he agreed.

  "When the Comanche came and stole me away, I wasn't upset. I wasn't even scared. I thought it was my one and only chance to escape John. True, I did not know what I was escaping to, but I did know what I was escaping from."

  Red Elk stared once more. "You wanted to escape your white husband that badly?"

  She paused thinking back to the time she accepted John's proposal. "I know, it's sinful. Although, I know in my heart that I probably never would have accepted his proposal knowing what he was. My parents knew more about his religion than I ever did. I heard them talk about them before but paid little attention. I was very young. It was just such a shock when he walked in from church one morning and announced he'd married two more women from that church. And there they were, in my home, staring at me with sweet smiles on their faces. And I felt suddenly trapped by it all. As though I had no say in the matter."

  "You said when he brought them home, did you not go to church with him?"

  "No, he didn't allow me to go. I didn't understand why until he told me he was a Mormon. Then I knew. I think he knew early on that I would never accept his ways."

  He was silent a moment then he said lowly, "I am sorry Naomi. It all sounds strange to me."

  "I know, I shouldn't have talked about him. He had a right to his belief, the only thing I hold against him was that he didn’t tell me until it was too late."

  "Did you go to church with your folks?"

  "Yes, I did. Back home I did."

  "I like the bible, one of the things I like most is Jesus. Now there was a man. So peaceful, so forgiving. Other than God, he is the man I look up to most."

  "It is hard to imagine anyone living on this earth without sinning, isn't it?"

  "Yes, and he was tempted by Satan himself."

  "You know the bible well, don't you?"

  "I've read it a lot, yes."

  She sat staring at him as she served his meal to him. "You're Christian, aren't you." It shocked her, but also delighted her. Strange that a half breed would become Christian.

  He glanced up at her. "Yes, I was even baptized at the missions."

  "I didn't know there were Christian Indians." She exclaimed then saw his comical face.

  "I guess the difference was I was more curious than others. I enjoyed reading it."

  She shook her head with a slow burning smile.

  "That amuses you?" he asked.

  "No, it's not that, it's just, well, I married a white man, who was not of the same kind of faith, and now…
you, a half breed who is Christian. I guess we do have a few things in common. It surprises me. And if I'm truthful, it delights me that you are a Christian. You will understand me better because of it."

  "Perhaps it is why I will not take a second wife. Why I turn away the hurt my people inflict. I'm turning the other cheek so to speak. It is also why I do not lie. Lies cause more trouble than anything."

  Now she looked into his eyes, "I'm glad I married a Christian this time… Funny, but John and I had very little in common. And the longer I was with him, the more I understood that."

  He didn't say anything, but he did smile into her eyes now, and his smile stirred something inside her. It was a new feeling. So many things made her react to Red Elk. She enjoyed his company. She shouldn't admit this to herself, but then, why not, she was married to him, wasn't she?

  He took her to hunt with him and let her try to use the bow and arrow. She couldn't pull the string, so he held her in his arms as she shot it. It brought them very close and her heart was hammering before they were through. Funny, but all the time she was married to John, he never once made her heart flutter. Filled with some unknown anticipation now, her senses awakened to his presence.

  His breath was warm on her cheek as she let the arrow fly.

  He grinned when she smiled at him, and suddenly their eyes met.

  She swallowed hard, her breathing shallow.

  "You did well." He finally said.

  She blushed, and their eyes met, and a strange but wonderful feeling flushed through her body.

  He brought back three wild turkeys and two rabbits. He shared his hunt with the men that guarded his wickiup and brought what they wanted to his wedding wickiup.

  Naomi was used to cooking wild game and skilled in skinning the animals. Her mother had taught her well in the kitchen. While she plucked the feathers of one turkey, he sat sharpening his knives.

  Later as she worked at the evening meal, she tried to figure out why she was so breathless around him when they were close. She thought he was going to kiss her, but he didn't, and she felt the disappointment.