One of These Days (Prairie Town Book 4)

by T. E. Ridener

  She needed to hold onto him with all she had inside her and never let go.

  Suddenly, she needed him to be there. Thirty minutes was too long.

  “What is it, sweetheart?” Lydia asked, breaking through her thoughts.

  Lifting her eyes, Byron stood before them, wiping at his little cheeks with the backs of his hands. He sniffled and glanced back and forth between the two of them, hesitant and unsure.

  “He needs you, Lydia,” she said softly, hoping to encourage the love she knew her friend wanted to so desperately give. “Just love him.”

  Lydia’s face crumbled as fresh tears leaked down her face. She immediately opened her arms to Byron and barely managed to say, “Come here, baby.”

  As the little boy practically ran into her arms, it was all Aggie could do to keep her emotions at bay. Witnessing this beautiful moment was going to do her in if she let it, and the gods knew it would destroy her on the inside if she allowed herself to think about her own mother.

  She hated me, she thought sadly. Why couldn’t she love me like that?

  “I’ll just...give you two some time,” she whispered, pushing up from the floor. Bending to pick up her phone, she gave Lydia a reassuring smile before turning to head outside.

  The fresh air was more than welcome as she stepped out onto the front porch and sucked as much of the crisp air into her lungs as possible.

  ‘Don’t think about that bitch,’ Agnes snarled. ‘She doesn’t deserve our tears, Agatha; she was a horrible human being.’

  “I know,” she said quietly, bowing her head. “I do know that. Please hush.”

  ‘I am tired of being told to hush. I’ve done so much for you and now you ignore me. It’s because of Jeb, isn’t it? You love him more than you love me.’

  Gods, she was losing it. She could feel herself teetering on the edge and it wouldn’t take much for her to fall if Agnes’ voice didn’t disappear soon.

  ‘You’re worried about what he’ll think if he ever discovers I live in your head. Don’t make me do something I’ll regret, Agatha.’

  “You don’t...have to do anything, Agnes. I won’t say anything to him about you. He’ll...he’ll think I’m crazy.”

  ‘You are crazy, Agatha. This has been a fact since you were just a little girl. Remember what that bad man did to you—to us? He damaged you beyond repair. Normalcy hasn’t been an option in a long time. You need to accept that. Don’t think for a second I’ll let you make me disappear.’

  Her knees trembled as his vicious words swirled around in her mind. It was so stupid to be frightened of a mere voice, but she was. Agnes had been there for her when no one else could be, he was part of her—a part Jeb was willing to accept. Why was he so angry?

  ‘Because you want to be rid of me, you stupid little cunt. That’s why. I’m not fond of the idea and you shouldn’t be either. What will you do without me? I’m stronger, smarter, and I get us through every shit storm that blows through. You honestly think you can make it in this world without me?’

  “Don’t call me names like that.” Tears blurred her vision. “You’re not...real.”

  ‘Don’t be daft, Agatha. I’m real because you made me real. You’ve been prancing around as me for years. You can’t just make me go away. YOU NEED ME, do you understand that?’

  “I don’t...need you anymore.”

  It felt like her heart was going to burst as pain shot through her chest and it became hard to breathe. Gasping for air, desperately sucking as much of it into her lungs as possible, she staggered backwards until her back hit the railing. Wincing in pain, she doubled over and smacked her palms against her knees.

  “I don’t need you anymore!” She repeated, louder this time. “Get out, Agnes. Get out!”

  ‘I’m going to make you regret saying that, you whore. You pathetic, ungrateful piece of shit. Your happiness with Jeb is over!’

  “No!”

  “No, what?”

  Jeb’s voice caught her by surprise and she nearly toppled over her own feet. When had he arrived? She didn’t even hear him pull up...

  “Aggie, what’s wrong?” He gripped her arm gently and steadied her, concern evident in his gaze. “Why are you crying, baby? What happened?”

  “Is Byron okay?” Callum appeared behind him, worry anchoring his lips into a frown. “I better get inside and check on him. What about, uh...that thing, Jeb?”

  “I’ll take care of it in a minute,” he said, nodding towards the house. “Go on in.” Waiting until Callum disappeared inside, he turned his head to focus on her again. “Aggie baby, who were you talking to?”

  ‘You might as well tell him the truth, whore,’ Agnes hissed. ‘Let him know how crazy you are and see if he still wants you.’

  “I...Jeb...I...”

  The words refused to leave her lips. Telling him about that part of her past was the worst of all; letting him know about the real Agnes and why he came into existence was like speaking an unholy name—and she wasn’t even religious.

  “What?” His eyes darted back and forth between hers. “Tell me, Aggie. Please.”

  “I can’t.” The words felt like they were ripping her throat to shreds as she said them, and she pulled away from him as if she’d somehow infect him with her insanity. The look of hurt in his eyes when she pulled back did not go unnoticed and she instantly regretted it, but what could she do? “I need to go.”

  “Go where? Aggie, what the hell’s going on?”

  He took a step towards her and she took another step back. Agnes cackled maniacally in her mind and it was deafening.

  “I just need to go. Don’t follow me, Jeb.”

  “Damn it, Aggie. Don’t do this,” he pleaded, following her as she ran off the porch. “You have to talk to me, beautiful. Whatever it is, I can help.”

  No, you can’t.

  Her keys were still inside the house and she couldn’t risk going in to get them. She knew Jeb and she knew he’d try to stop her, and that simply wasn’t an option. All she could do was run.

  “Aggie, come back!” He shouted. “Stop!”

  He was chasing her. Again.

  “Please leave me alone, Jeb. You don’t want me!” She called back to him, darting into the woods. At least she was wearing better shoes this time. Hopefully she wouldn’t fall.

  “Aggie, stop! Please stop! Talk to me!”

  Oh, if only she could. She wanted to, desperately. She wanted to confess everything to him—the whole truth this time. He deserved to know about the voice in her head and how her claim to be gender-fluid was entirely false. She was a disgrace to the LGBTQ community, and she was a disgrace to herself.

  I’m a fraud.

  As sobs tore from her chest, she ran deeper into the woods. It was a place she was unfamiliar with and it was truly terrifying at this time of night, but she had to get away. There wasn’t another choice.

  ‘Why don’t you tell him about how the bad man held you down on that bed and made you cry? If you love him so much, you should be honest,’ Agnes said. ‘Or maybe that’s a lie, too. Maybe you’re not capable of loving anyone...just like your mother wasn’t capable of loving you.’

  She tripped over a fallen log and slammed against the ground. The air was knocked from her lungs and she was convinced she was surely dying.

  Would you please shut up?

  ‘No. Never. For as long as you want to be rid of me, I’ll be here to remind you of why I should stay. You need me, goddamn it.’

  And just like that, she knew she was defeated. There was no way she could be rid of him, at least not permanently. He’d been a part of her for so long that she wasn’t sure she could make it without him, no matter how much she wanted to be normal for Jeb.

  It began to rain as she forced herself up from the ground. Dirt covered her clothes and try as she might, she couldn’t wipe it off. The rain didn’t help either.

  “Aggie!” Jeb shouted somewhere in the distance. “Come on, baby. Please don’t do this. You’r
e going to get yourself killed.”

  Gazing in the direction of his voice, she sniffled and rubbed at her knees. They were still a little sore from last time. And a thought struck her.

  Was this how her life would always be, with him? Always running away and ending up hurt because she was afraid he’d discover her secret?

  ‘This isn’t how you want to live your life, Agatha,’ Agnes mumbled in annoyance. ‘This can’t possibly be love. He cannot love us. We’re too broken.’

  Was he right? Was she really so broken, so damaged? Hadn’t Jeb been sincere in his profession of love for her, to want her no matter what?

  “He accepted the things I did when I was younger,” she whispered, sinking deeper into the mass of trees as the rain began to fall harder. “He’s not like other people. He’s not like my mother.”

  ‘You’re just saying that because you don’t want to believe me, Agatha. I understand.’

  “You c-called me a cunt.” Her voice cracked with emotion. “Why would you do that?”

  ‘I only say the things you think.’

  “Then I’ll stop thinking them!” She said between clenched teeth. “I’m sick of you saying such things. You’re nothing but a bully.”

  ‘So, you’re basically calling yourself a bully. O-kay.’

  “Ugh!” Punching the nearest tree in frustration, she immediately regretted that decision. Another sob tore past her lips as she cradled her injured hand against her chest, pain shooting through her arm. “Damn it, damn it, damn it!”

  “Aggie!” The wind carried Jeb’s voice to her and she immediately whirled around, no longer willing to run. She wanted him. She needed him.

  “Jeb!” She called back, her voice strangled with sadness. “I’m over here!”

  ‘You need me, Agatha,” Agnes warned. ‘Just because he’s here now, it doesn’t mean he’ll stick around. We’re too broken, remember?’

  “Fuck you, Agnes. Shut up.”

  It wasn’t long before Jeb’s large frame came into view, and she limped to him. Her knees were killing her and gods, her wrist was going to need some medical attention. But it didn’t matter at that exact moment in time; she just wanted to feel his arms around her.

  “Jeb, I’m so sorry,” she wept, picking up the pace. “I’m sorry for being so stupid. Please don’t hate me.”

  “Aggie.” He looked so relieved as he ran towards her, his hair clinging to his forehead from the downpour Prairie Town was receiving. It didn’t make him look any less perfect. “God, Aggie. You scared me to death, baby. Come here.”

  He opened his arms and she was more than ready to run into them, but she must have hit a puddle or something because she suddenly lost her footing and down she tumbled.

  “Aggie!”

  Down, down, down she went over the embankment. Leaves latched onto her face, hair, and clothes as the world tumbled round and round, and it didn’t stop spinning even after she stopped. All she could do was lie there, rain pelting down upon her face without mercy, as Jeb shouted frantically.

  “Holy shit! Aggie! Hold on. I’m coming, okay?”

  “Jeb,” she said weakly, hot tears mixing with the cold rain. “Don’t. It’s too slippery.”

  But she knew he wasn’t going to listen—if he could even hear her. He was just stubborn like that.

  She could hear him grunting as he climbed down the embankment. The sound of rustling leaves let her know he was getting closer, closer, until his knees sank down against the wet ground by her head.

  “Aggie. Baby.” He lifted her upper body from the ground and cradled her to his chest, water dripping from the tip of his nose and splashing against her chin. “God, baby. Are you okay?”

  She could have lied. There were a million excuses she could have made up and possibly gotten away with, but again, she knew she had to tell him the truth.

  Even if he rejected her because of it, he deserved that much.

  “No,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m not, Jeb. I’m really not.”

  He pursed his lips together as his eyebrows knitted, and then he nodded in understanding. “Okay, beautiful. Let’s get you out of this rain and somewhere dry; we can talk about it.”

  “Yeah.” Allowing him to lift her to her feet, she winced when he tried to grab her hand. “I think...I may need to go to the hospital.”

  “You’re hurt?” He frowned and she could see the remorse in his eyes. Did he regret chasing her, or loving her in the first place?

  “I am,” she said, nodding rapidly. “I’m really hurt, Jeb.”

  “We’ll get you taken care of, sweetheart,” he promised, hugging her close and kissing her forehead. “You’re going to be all right.”

  As they began their climb back up the embankment and thunder rumbled in the distance, she could only hope that he was right.

  —————

  Jeb

  God, he hated hospitals.

  He’d spent far too much time in them over the past few years. His dad’s surgery, his mother’s wreck, and when Benji and Laney were brought in after being held hostage for hours, added up to be more than his fair share of hospital visits.

  Yet here he was again and he didn’t intend on leaving at any point, no matter what.

  Aggie was sitting on the hospital bed with an ace bandage wrapped around her sprained wrist. She’d been avoiding his gaze ever since they arrived, only speaking when the nurses came in. It was odd behavior, certainly, but what worried him most was the reasoning behind her quick escape.

  “I was trying to get him out of my head,” she had admitted to the doctor. “He wouldn’t leave me alone.”

  It worried him because he’d always had the feeling there was something else going on in her mind and he only wanted to help, but he feared they were beyond that now.

  He would take on the world for her, but how could he fight something inside her brain?

  It was happening all over again, just like what happened with Laney. She’d tried to kill herself to get away from it...

  Palming at his eyes with a deep sigh, he tried to figure out what step to take next.

  “I’ll understand if you want to leave,” she said quietly, startling him. He lifted his head quickly and found her gaze still rested on the floor. “I would leave, too.”

  “Aggie, I’m not going anywhere.” Scooting his chair closer to the bed, he reached a hand out to rest atop her good one, and then he gave it a reassuring squeeze. “You don’t just up and leave somebody you love; that’s not how it works.”

  “Isn’t it?” Finally, she met his gaze and his heart dropped when he saw how empty her eyes were. That was surely the gaze of someone who had given up. “That’s all I’m good at doing, you know. Leaving. I left my mom and uncle behind. I’ve tried to leave you, twice.”

  “But you’re still here, Aggie. I would have chased you across the globe if I had to. That’s...”—he licked his lips and smiled—“That’s just what you do when you love somebody.”

  A tear slid down her cheek and he quickly lifted his hand to wipe it away before cupping her face. Stroking his thumb across her lower lip, he tried to read the expression on her face.

  Sometimes it was just impossible.

  “You heard everything I told the doctor, didn’t you?”

  He nodded.

  “Then you know I’m crazy—clinically crazy. I deserve to be locked up somewhere, Jeb. I’m not the girl you want to be with.”

  “Don’t talk like that, Aggie. Please. You’re precisely the girl I want to be with. You’re the only girl I want to be with.”

  “Why?”

  “Why?” He echoed, cocking his head to the side. “Why not?”

  “Because...” Her voice trailed off as she glanced around the room, capturing her bottom lip between her teeth.

  “Because you’re human? Because you deal with human things?” Shaking his head, he chuckled nervously. “No, Aggie. You’ve got it all wrong, baby. This here? It’s just a bump
in the road called life. Whatever you’re dealing with, I want to help you through it. Because that’s what—”

  “You do when you love someone,” she finished for him, and then she smiled, but it was a sad smile. “I really do not deserve you.”

  “Yes, you do. It’s me who doesn’t deserve you.”

  She stared at him as if he had snakes growing out of his head or something. “Why would you say such a thing, Jeb? You’re perfect.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m far from it, Aggie. See, you’re afraid of things you’ve done and things you’re dealing with. Well, so am I.”

  “Mia doesn’t count, Jeb. That was a situation beyond your control. It’s not your fault she was so crazy.”

  “Maybe not, but there are other things I’m not so proud of.”

  “Like what?”

  Raking his teeth over his bottom lip, he glanced towards the closed door as if he were afraid someone would barge in. What he wanted to tell her wasn’t for anyone else’s ears. Truth be told, it was something he’d never disclosed to anyone else.

  She would be the first, and only, person to know.

  “When I was younger, I did something I deeply regret.”

  He knew he had her complete attention because she scooted to the edge of the hospital bed and placed her hands on her lap, her eyes never leaving his.

  “What did you do?”

  “A terrible thing. It’s something I wish I could go back in time and erase, but I can’t.”

  “Gods, Jeb. What was it?”

  The story he told her was one he wished didn’t exist at all. It had happened during a particularly confusing time in his adolescence; that point in life when a young boy began to grow into a man. His hormones were out of control—which wasn’t an excuse, at all—and he tended to act without thinking.

  But the worst part of it all was the fact he was so angry at Lydia for being gone. He missed her so much and everything was falling apart at home. Laney had just been admitted to the psyche ward for her depression, after her suicide attempt, and he became vulnerable to his own thoughts.