I will, always. May the take you to a better place.
Fortinbras
Oh, HELL NO. What the WHAT?!?! #SoManyBodies
REPLY
Horatio: It’s a long . Let’s talk IRL.
Fortinbras: Sure thing, bro. In the mean, prepare a hero’s burial for Hamlet. I hear he was a good egg. Scrambled, but good.
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The 411 for Those Not in the Know
411: Information
ASAP: As Soon As Possible
BFF: Best Friend Forever
BRB: Be Right Back
BTW: By The Way
FML: F*ck My Life
FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out
FTW: For The Win
FYI: For Your Information
G2G: Got To Go
IDK: I Don’t Know
ILY: I Love You
IMHO: In My Humble Opinion
IRL: In Real Life
LMK: Let Me Know
LOL: Laughing Out Loud
LOLZ: Lots of Laughs
NBD: No Big Deal
NP: No Problem
OIC: Oh I See
OMG: Oh My God
SMH: Shaking My Head
TL;DR: Too Long; Didn’t Read
TTYL: Talk To You Later
WTF: What The F*ck
YOLO: You Only Live Once
Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book
Angry
Anguished
Anxious
Confounded
Confused
Cool
Dead/Dying
Disappointed
Embarrassed (and/or Drunk)
Evil (Devil)
Flirty
Friendly (wink, wink)
Fuming Mad
Goofy
Happy
Innocent
Love
Nervous
Nothing
Really Angry
Sad
Sad (and Crying)
Scared
Sheepish/Grimacing
Shocked
Sick
Silent
Silly
Sleepy
Sly
Surprised
Unamused
Worried
COURTNEY CARBONE studied English and creative writing in Baltimore, before moving to New York City to become a full-time children’s book editor. When she isn’t collaborating with the greatest playwright of all time, Courtney can be found studying various forms of comedy and trying to finish the joke, “Two groundlings walk into a bard.…”
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE was born in Stratford-upon-Avon in 1564. He was an English poet, playwright, and actor, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and the world’s preeminent dramatist. His plays have been translated into every major language and are performed more often than those of any other playwright.
Voice Memo from Juliet
romeo. romeo. ugh, why does he have to be a montague? i wish he’d just change his name. or if he said he’ll me forever, then i’d give up my last name. c-ya, capulet! what’s the point of names anyway? srsly. you could call a a different name, and it would still just as sweet. grr. stop being a montague and we can be together, romeo! that’s better than anything else.
Voice Memo from Romeo
I totally get what she’s saying. I just need to know that I’m her one true . Then I’ll drop Montague like a bad habit.
Juliet
wait, romeo, is that you? have you been to me this whole time?
Romeo
Maaaybe.
I want to show my face, but I know I shouldn’t. Because I’m a Montague.
Juliet
no, keep texting. it’s easier this way. you’re too far down.
i don’t want my family to you yelling. they’ll be srsly upset. i’m talking, like, pissed.
how did you even get here? the walls around here are really high.
Romeo
I scaled them, NBD. I couldn’t wait to see you again!
And I’m not afraid of your family.
Juliet
you should be. if they see you here, they’ll kill you!
Romeo
So what? That’s nothing compared to being rejected by you. Chill.
Juliet
sorry, it’s just…i’d do anything to make sure they don’t catch you.
Romeo
Hello. I’m hidden in the dark. Plus, if you’re not into me after all, then I’d rather be dead.
I can’t live without you!
Juliet
srsly, how did you know where my bedroom was?
Romeo
I just followed my . It led the way.
Juliet
it’s a good thing it’s dark. you’re making me blush.
listen, romeo. i really, really like you. i know i should have played hard-to-get, but i guess it’s too late for that.
you heard me just now. i’m so into you. i mean…
i you, romeo.
Romeo
Juliet, I swear on the .
Juliet
you swear on a piece of rock in the sky? um.
but the moon always changes.
Romeo
What should I swear on then?
Juliet
maybe we shouldn’t make any promises yet. all of this happened as fast as .
we have a good thing going. let’s see what happens the next time we meet.
i’m gonna go now. hope you sleep as well as i plan to.
Romeo
You’re leaving me already??
Juliet
what else is there to say?
Romeo
For starters, I’d be happy if we promised to each other forever. I’m talking, like, making it real. Like, married real.
Juliet
i’ve already poured my out to you. i’d take it back if i could.
Romeo
What the duck, Juliet!
The duck.
Ugh! Autocorrect.
Juliet
heehee. quack, quack.
Romeo
WTF Juliet. Why would you say that
Juliet
i’m just teasing. i mean i’d take it back so i could give it to you again and again.
i love you as deep as the ocean. but i think i hear someone calling for me. hold on a sec. brb.
Romeo
I wanna pinch myself. Am I dreaming or is this happening IRL? #truluv #blessed
REPLY
Juliet
okay, romeo. real quick. if you really, truly me and want to get married…
let’s chat tomorrow. sleep on it. we can figure out when and where to get married. but only if you really mean it.
sweet dreams!
what time should i text you tomorrow?
Romeo
Let’s say 9.
Juliet
perf! it’s going to feel like years until then.
sorry i keep saying goodbye and then texting you again. i had a reason this time, i swear. i just forget.
Romeo
That’s okay. I’ll stick around until you remember.
Juliet
in that case, it might take me forever to remember what it was. hmm…
Romeo
NP. Guess I found my new home right here.
Juliet
i wish you didn’t have to go.
but the sooner we go to bed, the sooner it’s tomorrow. g’night!
Romeo
Sweet dreams, you.
Juliet is listening to Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” on Renaissance FM
But Wait! There’s More!
Witch
All hail, Macbeth! Future OMG Shakespeare !
Macbeth
Who me?! Wow, this is all so unexpected. Thx to my fans, the Academy, and shout-out to my girl, Lady Macbeth! Nothing’s gonna stop us now! #blessed
Lady Macbeth
Love you, baby! Ur such a rising ! Regicide FTW!
Puck
Whoa, that got dark fast.
Hermia
Um…I Lysander more than Lady Macbeth anyone!
Demetrius
Dude! You’re marrying me.
Puck
OMG! You’re all in for one crazy midsummer night.
SHAKESPEARE
*facepalm*
srsly Hamlet (OMG Shakespeare) Page 5