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srsly Hamlet (OMG Shakespeare)

Page 5

by William Shakespeare


  I will, always. May the take you to a better place.

  Fortinbras

  Oh, HELL NO. What the WHAT?!?! #SoManyBodies

  REPLY

  Horatio: It’s a long . Let’s talk IRL.

  Fortinbras: Sure thing, bro. In the mean, prepare a hero’s burial for Hamlet. I hear he was a good egg. Scrambled, but good.

  Angry Mob likes this

  The 411 for Those Not in the Know

  411: Information

  ASAP: As Soon As Possible

  BFF: Best Friend Forever

  BRB: Be Right Back

  BTW: By The Way

  FML: F*ck My Life

  FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out

  FTW: For The Win

  FYI: For Your Information

  G2G: Got To Go

  IDK: I Don’t Know

  ILY: I Love You

  IMHO: In My Humble Opinion

  IRL: In Real Life

  LMK: Let Me Know

  LOL: Laughing Out Loud

  LOLZ: Lots of Laughs

  NBD: No Big Deal

  NP: No Problem

  OIC: Oh I See

  OMG: Oh My God

  SMH: Shaking My Head

  TL;DR: Too Long; Didn’t Read

  TTYL: Talk To You Later

  WTF: What The F*ck

  YOLO: You Only Live Once

  Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book

  Angry

  Anguished

  Anxious

  Confounded

  Confused

  Cool

  Dead/Dying

  Disappointed

  Embarrassed (and/or Drunk)

  Evil (Devil)

  Flirty

  Friendly (wink, wink)

  Fuming Mad

  Goofy

  Happy

  Innocent

  Love

  Nervous

  Nothing

  Really Angry

  Sad

  Sad (and Crying)

  Scared

  Sheepish/Grimacing

  Shocked

  Sick

  Silent

  Silly

  Sleepy

  Sly

  Surprised

  Unamused

  Worried

  COURTNEY CARBONE studied English and creative writing in Baltimore, before moving to New York City to become a full-time children’s book editor. When she isn’t collaborating with the greatest playwright of all time, Courtney can be found studying various forms of comedy and trying to finish the joke, “Two groundlings walk into a bard.…”

  WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE was born in Stratford-upon-Avon in 1564. He was an English poet, playwright, and actor, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and the world’s preeminent dramatist. His plays have been translated into every major language and are performed more often than those of any other playwright.

  Voice Memo from Juliet

  romeo. romeo. ugh, why does he have to be a montague? i wish he’d just change his name. or if he said he’ll me forever, then i’d give up my last name. c-ya, capulet! what’s the point of names anyway? srsly. you could call a a different name, and it would still just as sweet. grr. stop being a montague and we can be together, romeo! that’s better than anything else.

  Voice Memo from Romeo

  I totally get what she’s saying. I just need to know that I’m her one true . Then I’ll drop Montague like a bad habit.

  Juliet

  wait, romeo, is that you? have you been to me this whole time?

  Romeo

  Maaaybe.

  I want to show my face, but I know I shouldn’t. Because I’m a Montague.

  Juliet

  no, keep texting. it’s easier this way. you’re too far down.

  i don’t want my family to you yelling. they’ll be srsly upset. i’m talking, like, pissed.

  how did you even get here? the walls around here are really high.

  Romeo

  I scaled them, NBD. I couldn’t wait to see you again!

  And I’m not afraid of your family.

  Juliet

  you should be. if they see you here, they’ll kill you!

  Romeo

  So what? That’s nothing compared to being rejected by you. Chill.

  Juliet

  sorry, it’s just…i’d do anything to make sure they don’t catch you.

  Romeo

  Hello. I’m hidden in the dark. Plus, if you’re not into me after all, then I’d rather be dead.

  I can’t live without you!

  Juliet

  srsly, how did you know where my bedroom was?

  Romeo

  I just followed my . It led the way.

  Juliet

  it’s a good thing it’s dark. you’re making me blush.

  listen, romeo. i really, really like you. i know i should have played hard-to-get, but i guess it’s too late for that.

  you heard me just now. i’m so into you. i mean…

  i you, romeo.

  Romeo

  Juliet, I swear on the .

  Juliet

  you swear on a piece of rock in the sky? um.

  but the moon always changes.

  Romeo

  What should I swear on then?

  Juliet

  maybe we shouldn’t make any promises yet. all of this happened as fast as .

  we have a good thing going. let’s see what happens the next time we meet.

  i’m gonna go now. hope you sleep as well as i plan to.

  Romeo

  You’re leaving me already??

  Juliet

  what else is there to say?

  Romeo

  For starters, I’d be happy if we promised to each other forever. I’m talking, like, making it real. Like, married real.

  Juliet

  i’ve already poured my out to you. i’d take it back if i could.

  Romeo

  What the duck, Juliet!

  The duck.

  Ugh! Autocorrect.

  Juliet

  heehee. quack, quack.

  Romeo

  WTF Juliet. Why would you say that

  Juliet

  i’m just teasing. i mean i’d take it back so i could give it to you again and again.

  i love you as deep as the ocean. but i think i hear someone calling for me. hold on a sec. brb.

  Romeo

  I wanna pinch myself. Am I dreaming or is this happening IRL? #truluv #blessed

  REPLY

  Juliet

  okay, romeo. real quick. if you really, truly me and want to get married…

  let’s chat tomorrow. sleep on it. we can figure out when and where to get married. but only if you really mean it.

  sweet dreams!

  what time should i text you tomorrow?

  Romeo

  Let’s say 9.

  Juliet

  perf! it’s going to feel like years until then.

  sorry i keep saying goodbye and then texting you again. i had a reason this time, i swear. i just forget.

  Romeo

  That’s okay. I’ll stick around until you remember.

  Juliet

  in that case, it might take me forever to remember what it was. hmm…

  Romeo

  NP. Guess I found my new home right here.

  Juliet

  i wish you didn’t have to go.

  but the sooner we go to bed, the sooner it’s tomorrow. g’night!

  Romeo

  Sweet dreams, you.

  Juliet is listening to Taylor Swift’s “Love Story” on Renaissance FM

  But Wait! There’s More!

  Witch

  All hail, Macbeth! Future OMG Shakespeare !

  Macbeth

  Who me?! Wow, this is all so unexpected. Thx to my fans, the Academy, and shout-out to my girl, Lady Macbeth! Nothing’s gonna stop us now! #blessed

  Lady Macbeth

  Love you, baby! Ur such a rising ! Regicide FTW!


  Puck

  Whoa, that got dark fast.

  Hermia

  Um…I Lysander more than Lady Macbeth anyone!

  Demetrius

  Dude! You’re marrying me.

  Puck

  OMG! You’re all in for one crazy midsummer night.

  SHAKESPEARE

  *facepalm*

 

 

 


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