Dear Diary

by Lacey Heart

  COPYRIGHT

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Lacey Heart holds exclusive rights to this work.

  Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.

  Copyright © 2020 by Lacey Heart

  Formatted by Bookaholic Formatting

  Books by Lacey Heart

  Damaged & Destroyed

  Reckless: A Damaged & Destroyed Novella #1

  Amazon UK: https://amzon.to/2HZNCPX

  Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2DZzAd8

  Ruthless: A Damaged & Destroyed Novella #2

  Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2Db3ieo

  Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2DhaZQ5

  Bully Me

  One Night Only―A bully Me Companion Novella #0.5

  Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/34vDdCR

  Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2LqJsQJ

  Bully Me This: Bully Me #1

  Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2YpcmbS

  Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2YEAI2h

  Bully Me That: Bully Me #2

  Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2MeV2yX

  Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2Mcg1lK

  Dear Diary: Tales from Riverstone High

  January:

  Amazon UK: https://amzn.to/2MldSD1

  Amazon US: https://amzn.to/2VfTw2n

  Contents

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  ABOUT the AUTHOR

  CHAPTER ONE

  AVERY

  Dear Diary,

  Today is a new chapter—the start of something new.

  Today is the day I have been dreading for the last three weeks, and it’s kind of funny how life works out because when you don’t want something to happen, it sure comes around a hell of a lot faster than you ever thought possible.

  What’s annoyed me the most is the stupid system. I tried everything I could think of to stop this madness from happening, but it turned out to be nothing but a pointless effort on my part. In the eyes of the law I’m nothing but a stupid kid until I turn eighteen and that’s still another four months out.

  So, now I’m being forced onto the next available flight and travel over two-thousand miles to stay with a woman I barely even know. A woman who shares my DNA and has the same blood as mine coursing through her veins, but that’s all she has to offer. This woman is supposed to be my mom. Well, at least in the eyes of the law, but she hasn’t been a mom to me in over ten years. The only thing tying us together is a pointless scrap of paper which states she’s my legal next of kin.

  Seriously, if I had another viable option, I’d take it in a heartbeat but sadly for me, I don’t. All I have left is one last surviving direct blood relative, and it makes no difference that I don’t want to stay with her. What I want doesn’t even come into play because my age states I’m still too young for my voice to be heard.

  The authorities told me as much. They said if I didn’t do what was asked of me; to make arrangements to move to Riverstone and live with my mom then there would be no other option for me but care.

  Between the two choices I’d been given I’d personally prefer the latter, but I also know there’s a hell of a lot of kids without any family or in desperate need of a better life, and they’re the one’s who need open access to that pathway way more than I do.

  So, with that thought burning deep in my mind, I reluctantly agreed and with no one else around to fight my corner, I decided it was best to quit fighting a losing battle. A battle I have zero chance of winning until I turn eighteen. Instead, I’ll put up and shut up—but only because I must. I’ll give my mom and that awful wet town of Riverstone the next twelve months of my life.

  One year.

  Three hundred and sixty-five days.

  It sounds like a life sentence. I know it isn’t and twelve months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. It should be long enough to build up some kind of relationship with my mom. I’ll try my best to get close to her. I’ll draw her in, make her feel loved and special, only to spit her right back out again.

  I’ll leave her high and dry. Just like she did to me all those years ago. I’ll leave without so much as a word and she’ll spend the rest of her days wondering what she did wrong for me to turn around and walk away. Then and only then will I be able to move on, get out of Riverstone and leave behind everything she stands for.

  I pull my jacket tight around my body like a protective barrier concealing me from the unexpected icy chill, along with the tremors of the unknown as they ripple through my body.

  Goodbye sunny and bright Los Angeles—hello cold and miserable Riverstone.

  My heart sinks every time I think about what I’ve been forced to leave behind. My home, my friends—my life. I know it’s not forever but that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow. No, this pill is firmly lodged in my throat and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be moving anytime soon.

  “Hey. Watch where you’re going.”

  I hear tired and frustrated voices echoing around me, urging me to pay a little more attention to my surroundings, to move faster, but my feet are more than happy to go at their own pace.

  I choose to ignore them as I shrug my shoulders and my rucksack holding the majority of my possessions hangs loosely as I force myself through the busy terminal.

  It’s two in the morning and this place is just as chaotic as I’d expect it to be throughout the day. It’s bursting at the seams with people far too busy to stop and enjoy their lives. Too busy to take some time out and appreciate what they have—too busy to actually stop and enjoy it.

  It doesn’t help that my flight was delayed and all I’ve heard for that past four hours are tired and disgruntled moans. Seriously, I’m probably more angry about being here than all of them combined, but what can you do?

  The terminal feels never-ending and the exit sign doesn’t seem to be getting any closer, and my poor legs start to ache and throb from the non-stop walking. I plough on and keep my head down, turning up the volume on my air pods as I go, and I try to focus on the footsteps of the people in front of me. Stupid as it may be but I’m putting all my faith in these people—a bunch of strangers—while hoping and praying to all things holy that they’re leading me down the right path and then I can get the hell out of this place.

  “Avery.”

  I hear my name being called out somewhere in the distance. The voice grows louder over the mass of people around me and I already know who it is calling my name before my eyes land on hers. She jumps frantically in the air, waving in my direction and I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole. This is so embarrassing. I turn up the volume some more, hoping to block out her voice before slowly making my way towards this mad woman.

  It feels like an eternity to reach her, and I hope no one is looking in this general direction because if she keeps up the giddy act then we’ll be escorted by security in no time. All too soon the air leaves my lungs and my feet leave the ground as she bundles me up into a massive hug, and my body automatically stiffens. “What the …”

  “Oh, my goodness, Avery. You got so big.”

  “Well, I guess that’s what happens when you haven’t seen someone for ten years.“ I desperately want to call out to the woman in f
ront of me, but I surprise myself and keep my mouth shut. With my heart beating erratically in my chest and adrenaline coursing through my veins I bite down on my lower lip before offering her a fake, emotionless smile.

  When my feet land firmly back on solid ground she says, “this is Jessica and Jake. You remember them, right?”

  “Um…” is all I manage because no matter how hard I try I really don’t remember either of them. I don’t have a clue who these guys are and more importantly. I really don’t care. They could have been dragged off the streets for all I know. “No, I don’t think I do.” I finally say after their wide and expectant eyes get too much to bear.

  “What do you mean?” The girl, Jessica asks. “You seriously don’t remember us?” she looks a little offended, like I’ve just told her that her eyebrows aren’t on point and then she quickly pulls herself together again. I guess she looks friendly enough with her big white smile and warm hazel eyes, but if this chick is from my mother’s spawn of the family tree then I’m sure her evil streak will show itself in no time at all.

  “Afraid so.” I shrug my shoulders unapologetically and she scowls. If she wants me to lie to her then she’s looking at the wrong person. The only liar here that I’m aware of is my mother.

  A huge fog of awkwardness settles over us and we’re all quiet for some time, and I wish we were out of here already.

  My mom’s watching me with eager eyes, Jake looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here and when my eyes fall on Jessica, she offers me a small smile, but it doesn’t meet her eyes, not like it did before. Jake shakes his head before walking off and I swear I could hear the sound of ‘whatever’ rolling off his lips.

  Before I have a chance to follow his lead, Jessica links her arm in mine and pulls me tight. “It’s no big deal if you don’t remember me. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to play catch up.”

  I purse my lips and look at her and try my best to gauge some kind of vibe from her but so far, she seems pretty hard to read. I’d guess she’s about my age. She’s tall and slim with long glossy brown hair and her hazel eyes are framed with super long, thick lashes—the kind you only see on beauty ads and billboards.

  “Maybe…” I tell her, but I don’t plan on spending my time here making friends. I don’t want to leave any part of me in Riverstone. No, I want to use my time wisely and show my mother exactly what it feels like to be abandoned by someone you love. Someone who’s supposed to love you.

  “Well, because you clearly can’t remember anything about me, I’d like to take this moment to remind you that I’m your cousin. We used to be inseparable when we were kids. Honestly, just ask your mom.” Jessica nudges my side with her elbow and then lowers her voice a little as she says, “I’m really sorry to hear about your dad too.”

  I automatically zone off at the mention of my dad as Jessica continues to waffle away with herself. I haven’t come to Riverstone for pity, or to make small talk with my so-called relatives. I’m here because I had nowhere else to go, and I definitely didn’t come here for some crazy-ass reunion.

  As soon as I’ve finished up school, I’m out of here.

  CHAPTER TWO

  AVERY

  My mom kills the engine as soon as she pulls up outside what I’m guessing is her home, and it looks like Sharon did all right for herself without me and dad around. Actually, I’d go as far to say she’s done more than all right for herself.

  I catch her watching me from the rearview mirror, but I quickly look away and try to focus my eyes on the farmhouse instead. A weird thought prickles at my senses and I quickly try to ignore it and shut it down, but now it’s there it won’t go away.

  Did my mom re-marry? Did she have more kids?

  Nausea consumes me and I struggle to shift the unwanted images of my mom playing happy families with someone else. My dad never remarried. I don’t think he ever gave it much thought. I knew he would never admit it out loud, but I know he never stopped loving my mom. For him, Sharon was the love of his life—his lobster, but for whatever reason they just didn’t manage to stay together.

  I never asked. I didn’t know if it would upset my dad, and that was the last thing I ever wanted to do to the one person who cared for me, who loved me, and who was there for me no matter what. My dad never really spoke about my mom and truthfully, I guess my mom wasn’t important enough for me to want to find out. I had all that I ever wanted and needed, and my mother’s feelings were made perfectly clear in the volume of her absence.

  “It’s so good to have you here.” Mom calls out before turning in her seat to face me. My eyes fall on hers, brown pools dancing with excitement, but all I feel is empty and a deep longing to be back home in Los Angeles. My mom is waiting for some kind of response from me, but I don’t have anything to give except the hollow void in my chest as it continues to grow bigger—a constant dull ache to remind me of what I’ve lost.

  Like I’d ever forget.

  I’m fully aware of my mom’s voice echoing around me as she desperately tries to strike up some form of conversation with me. One that will hold and entice me into talking back to her, but nothing will work. My body is numb, and my mind is clouded with a thick, heavy fog.

  It’s been this way for a while now. Since I arrived back home and found my dad to be exact. Cold. Lifeless. All alone.

  My shrink tells me it’s grief. Apparently, it’s my body’s way of coping. According to him it’s perfectly normal, a coping mechanism and with time he assures me it will pass. But I don’t want it to pass. I don’t want to lose this feeling because if I do, the sense of nothingness, the emptiness, the dull ache in my chest, if I lose those then I will lose the last pieces of my father. It will be like I’ve forgotten about him. If I can’t feel, it will be as though he never existed, and that can never ever happen.

  “Are you hungry?”

  I’m dragged out of my thoughts as my mom gently places her hand on my knee and offers me a light squeeze. If she’s trying to offer me comfort, it sure as hell isn’t working. With a small shake of my head I try to fight back my tears as they threaten to spill over. Tears of pain, frustration and so many unanswered questions. But I’ll be strong, and I’ll continue to fight them because no matter how upset I am, I’ll never let this woman—Sharon, see me cry.

  “Well, how about we get you inside and settled?”

  I remained silent as I followed her out of the car and into the farmhouse. Thankfully, she didn’t try to press me any further. I was glad too. I’m tired and all I want is to be alone. Some time with my thoughts while I try to get my head around this crazy situation. The last thing I feel like doing is sitting around making pointless small talk with a bunch of strangers. Fortunately for me, my mom dropped Jessica and Jake off at their house so at least they won’t be hounding me.

  I hate to admit it, but the farmhouse if quite big and very homely. It reminds me of a big lodge set out in the woods during winter with only wood fires to keep you warm. Actually, the more I think about it, this is exactly what this is.

  So far, I haven’t seen any other signs of life and relief floods through me when I know I’m not about to intrude on someone else’s life and privacy. Believe me I know how that feels and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. If my mom did re-marry and have more kids then there’s zero evidence of it in her home.

  “I’ll show you to your room, and then I have to head out. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been working but the big guy called and there’s been some kind of emergency.” Sharon apologies but it’s no big deal. I’m not a kid and this isn’t my first rodeo of being home alone. If anything, being alone right now sounds perfect. “I’ll try my best to get back as soon as I can, but Maya should be here soon, and she’ll get you anything you need. All you need to do is ask.”

  My ears prick up at the mention of another person’s name and for the first time since my plane landed, I focus all my attention on my mom. “Who’s Maya?” I ask. I nervously twiddle my fingers as I wait for her to dro
p the bomb that she did start another family after all. I guess ten years is a long time to be alone, but it still doesn’t make this any easier for me to hear.

  My mom smiles and she must pick up on my discomfort or maybe she sees a flash of worry in my eyes because she steps closer to me and places a gentle hand on my shoulder as she says softly, “Maya is my housekeeper. She’s so excited to finally meet you, and I have a feeling you two will get on like a house on fire.”

  I offer her a weak smile, and my mom seems happy that she’s cleared that little issue up. Unlike me. Before I can stop myself, the words come tumbling out of my mouth. “So, is it just you who lives here, or…?”

  “That would be correct.” A sigh of relief escapes me, and her wide eyes tell me she didn’t miss it either.

  “So, you don’t have a husband? Any other kids?” Wow. What the hell has gotten into me? Why would I even care if Sharon re-married or had other kids? I had my dad, and he was all I ever needed.

  My answer doesn’t come as my mom’s cell starts to ring and all her attention goes to the black handset in her hand. “This room is yours. Make yourself at home. I’d really love to stay longer but I have to take this. Maybe we can catch up when I’m back?”

  “Whatever.” I shrug. She had her time for talking and it’s not like she’s been a constant in my life, so why would she even bother to start now? Anyway, I’m old enough to settle myself in, and the last thing I want is Sharon thinking I need her help—because I don’t.

  CHAPTER THREE

  AVERY

  Dear Diary,

  Monday is here already.

  I’ve been resident, albeit reluctantly of Riverstone for two whole days and guess what? This place is still as wet and miserable as I remember it to be. I don’t think the sun has even tried to peak out from behind the dull gray clouds.