Dear Diary

by Lacey Heart

  My eyes are totally captivated by his two pools of emptiness and no matter how much I want to I can’t pull my eyes away. He’s hypnotic and neither of us miss the shaky breath as it catches in my throat when he brings his face closer toward mine. So close that we’re almost touching, and a wicked smirk plays in his soft sinful lips. He waits a second and then when he finally speaks, he warns me of what I already know.

  “I don’t know who you are, but I think you need to keep your distance.” He offers me a cocky wink before choosing to inform me, “I eat chicks like you for breakfast.”

  And just like that with his words echoing in my ears he shoves passed me as he makes his way out into the narrow corridor and he doesn’t stop or look back. I don’t know who he is, but he must be important because every single student moves out of his way, just like the parting of the red sea and as they look on and what him with awe not a single word is spoken—like he’s a God amongst them.

  Well, he can be whatever the hell he wants so long as he stays out of my way. I haven’t got time for people like that in my life.

  “Miss Parker.” A small, delicate woman calls from behind me and I reluctantly draw my narrowed eyes away from the jerk in the blue and white jersey as his retreating form grows smaller amongst the now moving crowds and I turn around to find a small plump woman watching me expectantly. When I offer her a small nod to indicate that Avery Parker is indeed me, she says, “I’m Ms Woods. If you could follow me we’ll get your registration papers filled in and maybe we could fill clean you up a bit while we’re at it.”

  I follow Ms Woods down the opposite corridor and into the last door on the right which I’m guessing must be her office. I still can’t believe this has happened. I mean, what a way to start my first day in a new school. My face feels swollen as hell and I dread to think what I must look like.

  “Here you are, dear.” Ms woods thrusts a handful of tissue at me and I just about manage to nod my appreciation. “There’s a sink just through there.” She points a finger just behind me and I’m consumed with shame and embarrassment. Even though I know I haven’t done anything wrong. I watch as Ms Woods takes a seat at her desk and begins to look through the endless amounts of paperwork which is stacked around her and seeing she’s keeping herself busy, I choose that moment to turn around in search of the sink.

  My eyes fall and land on the mirror as soon as I step inside the small washroom and I can’t believe the sight looking back at me. My face is covered with blood, splatted all over and I can see the swelling already. Now that was some impact and I’ll be surprised of my nose isn’t broken. My eyes are red and puffy, and I swear if the swelling continues then I’ll be walking out of this office looking like the elephant man.

  This isn’t how I imagined my first day at Riverstone High would be. Yes, I knew it would be utterly soul-destroying, just another hurdle for me to get through, but now I look live I’ve just done ten rounds in the ring and I’ve nowhere to hide.

  I’m the new girl in Riverstone and all eyes are already on me. My name will be on there lips for weeks and not days now I’ve gone and added fuel to the fire.

  But none of this would have even happened if I’d just listened to my gut and stayed back at the farmhouse. No one would even know anything about me, but it’s too late for that. So much for trying to keep my head down and go unnoticed for as long as possible. I may as well have shoved a massive light on my head and shouted ‘hey, look at me.’

  I bet the whole school is already talking about the dumb new girl who splatted her nose on Mr Hot and Popular.

  I sigh heavily. It’s pointless torturing myself over things I can’t change. I’d only end up driving myself crazy, so I clean myself up as best I can and take one last look at my swollen face in the mirror before carefully making my way back into Ms Woods’ office.

  “Better?” she asks softly before tilting her head toward the seat opposite her. I pause, unsure what I should be doing before finally deciding to lower myself down into the chair and I drop my backpack next to me on the floor.

  She smiles at me some more and a strange but welcome sense of calm washes over me. Her round face is kind and friendly and so far she doesn’t look like she’s trying to judge me, which says a hell of a lot for the rest of the people I’ve come across so far in Riverstone, and her big blue eyes tell me to take as much time as I need while I try to pull myself together.

  “I guess.” I shrug, not really knowing what else to say to her. Instead, I choose this moment to examine her small office. It’s cozy and welcoming. Potted plants are scattered here and there, and a few personal photographs are framed on her desk—most likely her family. As I continue searching my blood runs cold when my eyes land on the mental plaque in the middle of her desk:

  Ms. Woods—School Councilor

  My heart drops, and my breathing falters and I struggle to shake off the panic which is threatening to consume me. This has to be some kind of sick and twisted joke. Only I know it isn’t. How can it be?

  But I do know that last thing I need right now is someone—a total stranger—trying to get inside my head and pick my brains. I don’t need to openly discuss my issues and I don’t know why everyone wont listen to me. Why can’t they just back off and respect my wishes?

  I’m almost eighteen for crying out loud and I certainly know my own mind. I’ve got this and I don’t need anyone else telling me any different.

  I slowly tear my eyes away from the offending object when I hear Ms. Woods clearing her throat and I catch her watching me with added interest. A small smile plays on her lips and then everything starts to fall into place.

  “It was a coincidence you just so happened to be passing by just outside the office, was it?” The pieces of the puzzle come together, and I can now see the bigger picture. Ms. Woods wasn’t a friendly teacher who came to help a pupil in need. No, this had all been pre-planned before I’d even arrived at school. How else did she know my name and where I’d be?

  Yes, this was an ambush, and if Mr. dark and dangerous hadn’t have knocked me off guard—literally—maybe I would have seen it coming before she could try and sink her claws into my mind.

  “I have been waiting for you, yes.” Her voice is light and gentle as she tries to calm me, but I’m way passed that, and no amount of councilor experience will make me feel any different. “Dr. Malcom contacted me and thought it would be in your best interest to continue your sessions here at Riverstone.” She clenches her hand and fists the air. “Strike while the iron’s hot as they say.”

  “Oh, he did, did he?” The anger falls freely from my lips and Ms. Woods doesn’t look too surprised to see this kind of reaction from me. She must have kept herself busy buried deep in my files. But I don’t care what she thinks. I am my own person and I know what’s best for me. I know what I do and don’t need. And sessions with the school councilor is definitely on the don’t need list.

  Dr. Malcom had no right, none whatsoever to do this to me. I’d already expressed my opinions to him before I left L.A and as a professional he should have respected my wishes. He knew full well what my feelings were around therapy. He knew I didn’t want to continue with it as it wasn’t really helping. If anything, it was probably causing me more harm than good, but what did he do? He took it upon himself, just like everyone else to decide what’s best for me.

  “I’m sorry. There seems to be some kind of mistake.” I grit out through clenched teeth. “I don’t know what you’ve been told but I can assure you I don’t need any further sessions. But, thank you.” I don’t feel like being polite, but my dad always taught me to be the bigger person and always use my manners. Plus, I can still see under my heated rage that none of this is her fault and she’s just trying to do her job. But that doesn’t change my views on Dr. Malcom. He shouldn’t have passed my case on when I told him not to, and I bet my mother has had a massive part to play in all of this too.

  God, I really wish she’d go back to being an invisible, inact
ive part of my life, but instead all she seems to be doing is meddling. She’s manifesting into nothing but an unwanted, interfering witch.

  Deciding enough is enough, I reach for my bag and stand, desperate to get away from her and this little set-up.

  “Avery, I think…” Ms. Woods stammers, totally caught off guard and then she stands too. She’s such a small thing, even my petite five-foot-three towers over her.

  “Without sounding to rude, I really don’t care what you think. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to find my classes.” A look of pity washes over her face as I throw my backpack over my shoulder and then I hold my hand out and say, “I’m gonna need my school schedule.”

  Ms. Woods doesn’t say anything. She purses her lips and rummages through her stack of papers before finding what I need. She looks a little apprehensive before she passes it over to me, but I take it all the same.

  “Oh, and feel free to tell Dr. Malcom that neither his, nor your services will be needed.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  COLE

  “Ashford, what time do you call this?”

  I knew coach would be in my back the second I walked into the changing rooms, but I choose to ignore him and stare him down, daring him to go further.

  Coach may well be my teacher within these walls, but outside them he also works for my father—and the son of a bitch wouldn’t dare cross the line and try to humiliate me in front of the team. Sure, he’ll treat me like any other kid, but he knows the rules and how to follow them.

  I’m late. So fucking what. I’m always late and I don’t see why today should make any difference.

  “Time we got on with it.” I shout back when coach refuses to take his eyes off me. What the hell is his problem? I look away first and move back toward the bench, searching for Jake as I go.

  “Is that blood?” He squirms.

  I look at my best friend and roll my eyes. It’s common knowledge that Jake Brown has never been the brightest spark in the box, but sometimes even I have to question the level of bullshit which falls out of his mouth.

  “No, it’s ketchup. What the fuck does it look like?” I snap back and throw myself down next to him. Usually his inquisitiveness doesn’t bother me, but today I feel tight, on edge and I don’t have a clue why. It’s not a feeling I enjoy and when it takes hold, I know how hard it is to shift it. It’s almost impossible.

  The game at the weekend between us and Grange River was a disappointment to say the least and now Mia’s decided to turn into a born-again fucking virgin. She won’t let me anywhere near her. Right now, she’s nothing but a cock-tease and my balls are bluer than that new chick’s nose.

  “Whoa. Chill, bro.” Jake puffs out his cheeks and shakes his head at me, but I choose to ignore him. The last thing I want to do is take my stress out on him, but if he keeps egging me on then there’s only so much I can do to hold myself back.

  Hopefully I’ll feel better after practice. More clear headed, plus burning off a shit load of testosterone never did anyone any harm, and it’s the only way I can do it seeing as though Mia’s far too busy locked inside her goddamn chastity belt.

  “Anything you feel like sharing with the team, girls?” Coach calls out to me and Jake and I can feel the eyes of my teammates burning into us. Jake stays silent but I just can’t help myself. “Just wondering when you last got laid, coach because you’re sure on top form today.”

  Coach looks livid as laughter erupts around the changing room, but he quickly dismisses it with his next line. “I don’t know, Ashford, I’d say your mom but that ship sailed.”

  I jump out of my seat and Jake is on hand to hold me back. Obviously, that was the reaction coach was after as he snickers and offers me a small wink.

  Fortunately, Coach and I go way back. Everyone in the room knows it too, and we all know it’s nothing more than innocent banter but that doesn’t stop the anger from bubbling just under the surface. Usually I’d be able to laugh it off, but not today.

  “I thought that would shut you up. Now quit bitching and get moving.” He offers me another smirk before blowing hard on his whistle and all the guys jump up and head out the door, chanting as they go.

  As soon as practice is over, I walk right off the field and ignore the raised voices calling after me. I’m in no mood to speak to anyone—not even my boys. All I want to do is head back to the changing room, jump in the shower, relax my muscles and get today over and done with.

  “A word?”

  I spin around and come face to face with Coach as soon as I enter the changing room. I’m fairly sure I just left him out on the playing field so how the hell did he get here so fast? I squeeze my eyes shut to make sure I’m not imagining it, and there he is, clear as day stood in front of me and none of the other guys are in sight. I look towards the door half expecting them to come tumbling in and Coach follows my line of vision and chuckles.

  “They won’t be coming back here. Not today. Not when I gave them the opportunity to bail out of school early.”

  “Why?” I ask not following where he’s going this. He’s talking in riddles and I haven’t got the time not the patience to be dealing with his bullshit today. “Is this some kind of set-up? Back Ashford into a corner?”

  Coach watches me closely and then steps forward before narrowing his eyes. A sense of unease washes over me and I don’t like it. “You might be your father’s son, Cole and as you know that privilege comes with an aspect of respect, no?”

  “And?” I’m confused? Is he here to give me a lesson on my family and our status in this town? Surely he knows I’m all clued up on that?

  “I know what you’re doing, and there’s no way I’m prepared to stand back and allow it to happen and unfold into the disaster it’s destined to be. I owe your father too much to watch you fall from grace.” His voice is stern, as sharp as a razor as he warns me of what I’m up against.

  “Are we done?” I’m not feeling one of his lectures right now. Sure, he thinks he has my best interests at heart, but he has no idea what it’s like for me. Coach listens to my dad, and he always talks the talk, but have either of them stopped and thought for a second about what I want? No. I don’t think they have.

  Yes, I am my father’s son. In every way possible, and he’s made damn sure everyone in this town knows about it too. Everywhere I go people know who I am straight away, and they automatically expect me to follow in my father’s footsteps—to be the absolute best I can be. To spend the rest of my days living out a dream that has always been his and not mine.

  I’m done with being the golden boy all the time. I’m done with being king of Riverstone purely for the football team. But I guess none of that really matters because even though this isn’t the life that I want, I just don’t have it in me to let him down. Not after all he’s been through.

  Coach continues to watch me with his calculating cold eyes, but I keep my face set. Like I really want him to see how worked up I really am. There’s no way I’d give him that kind of ammunition to use against me. Instead, I’ll continue to play the game I’m forced to play—right up until the end of senior year, and that’s when I’ll have to grow up and make a real decision.

  Will I follow in my father’s footsteps or will I chase my own dreams?

  Only time will tell.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  AVERY

  I must have studied my schedule at least a hundred times and it still doesn’t make any sense. All I have is a piece of paper which indicates what classes I should be in, but it doesn’t tell me where they are or how I’m supposed to get there. It would have been so much easier if they’d taken it upon themselves to print out a map.

  I’m supposed to be in English right now, but the bell’s about to go off any second so it’s pointless getting myself all worked up over it.

  Jessica gave me her cell number this morning and told me to call if I needed anything—and this might be an issue but I’m gonna put off calling her for as long as possible. Can yo
u imagine the embarrassment of me calling her because I’m too stupid to locate my class? No thanks. I’m not calling her for this—not for anything. She’ll probably go running right back to my mom anyway.

  I take another look at my schedule and see I have math next and I sigh and lean back against my locker. I absolutely hate math with a passion. Here’s hoping this class will be too hard to find too.

  “Hey. Are you okay? You look a little lost.”

  I lift my head up and see another girl stood in front of me. I can tell she’s not like the rest of the girls here straight away and that fills me with ease. This girl actually looks human which makes a refreshing change when every other girl in Riverstone High is ninety-nine percent plastic.

  “I’m Emily by the way.” She beams at me and although I hate to admit it, her smile is contagious, and I find myself letting out the first genuine in months back at her.

  “I’m Avery.” I reply and it feels nice to talk to someone who doesn’t know me or who doesn’t seem to be judging me for what I’ve been through.

  “Is that your schedule?” she asks while stepping a little closer to me to take a better look.

  “Yeah, but I can’t work it out. I don’t know where I’m supposed to be going and I’ve missed a lesson already.” Usually I’d be on my guard, cautious of speaking to people I don’t know but the words seem to fall freely, and she laughs at me.

  Emily doesn’t have an ounce of make-up on. Instead, she’s shows off her natural beauty with ease. She’s all glasses and all teeth with big brown eyes, a petite face full if freckles with her bright ginger hair pulled back from her face and ties into loose French plaits.

  “First day, huh? I remember what it was like my first time here at Riverstone. It’s like a maze at first but I promise you’ll get used to it soon enough.”