Paper Fools (Hearts and Arrows Book 1)

by Staci Hart

  But he was fucked up beyond repair. There was no changing that.

  Roe’s hands clenched in his jacket pockets as he stomped up the stairs to Dean’s apartment, ready for a fight.

  Fucking Dean.

  It was always the same shit. Dean couldn’t say no, not even when it was important, which was part of the reason Roe hadn’t had many girlfriends.

  It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Dean — he did. But Dean possessed some strange magic that made girls lose their minds, and Roe didn’t know if any of them were immune to his charms.

  Roe had never been brave enough to test the theory.

  He didn’t know why he’d expected Dean to keep his pants on, not even with their career on the line. And of course Dean was as unapologetic as ever. Roe’s temper flared at the thought that Dean was unaffected by what had happened, especially after he and Kevin spent the afternoon in a scramble to figure out how to fix Dean’s mess.

  Roe and Dean had gone to a show the week before, and the opener for the band they’d wanted to see was some crappy punk band with a ratty lead singer, but their drummer was phenomenal. After some light Googling and a few phone calls, he and Kevin had gotten ahold of the guy, who happily accepted their offer. He was even better than Elliot, and Roe was thankful not only to have solved the problem, but to have upgraded their talent in the process.

  That fact didn’t stop him from being supremely pissed at Dean.

  When he made it to Dean’s door, he walked in without knocking.

  Dean sat in an armchair by the window with his guitar in his lap, looking up lazily at Roe in the doorway and back to his guitar, unsurprised.

  “Come on in, Roe.”

  “What the hell, Dean? I thought we had a deal.” Roe shoved the door closed.

  Dean put his guitar down and stood, grabbing a whiskey bottle from the shelf as he walked toward the kitchen. His bare feet padded on the hard wood. “You need one of these.” He held the bottle up in display as he reached for a glass out of the cupboard.

  He thinks he’s so fucking smooth.

  “There was a rule in place, or did you forget? No fucking the girls the band dates. How many times is this now? Six? Eleven? I’ve lost count.” Roe narrowed his eyes.

  “Four.”

  “Your moral compass is way the fuck out of whack. Do you even realize that?”

  Dean’s face was blank. “Listen, I didn’t come on to her. She showed up here, naked and half-drunk, and took my pants off. Don’t you think it’s a plus that he knows she’s not planning on sticking with him? At least he got away from her when he had the chance.”

  Roe shook his head, somehow surprised at his logic, even after all the years between them. “Can’t you just say no, man?”

  “Why would I say no?” Dean’s face quirked in confusion.

  Roe’s fury bubbled over. “Jesus, Dean. I don’t know, maybe for Elliot’s sake?”

  “That was for Elliot’s sake. If it wasn’t me, it would have been somebody else.”

  There was no talking to him, and Roe couldn’t deal with it anymore, throwing barbs he knew would stick. “Do you have empathy for anyone? It’s like you’re dead inside.”

  His jaw ticked. “Fuck you, Roe.”

  “No, really, you could have ruined everything we’ve built. You need to get your shit together, dude, or we’re all in trouble.”

  Dean extended the glass of whiskey to Roe, an offering Roe didn’t want.

  “No, thanks. I think I’ve had enough.” Roe turned to leave. “By the way, I found a drummer. Don’t fuck his girlfriend,” he said as he slammed the door behind him.

  That afternoon, Lex was sitting curled up on the couch with a book when Travis burst through the front door. He immediately started talking a million miles a minute with his face lit up and blue eyes twinkling. She smiled at him, laughing as she laid her book down.

  “Whoa there, cowboy. A little fast. Slow it down and give it to me again.”

  “Sorry.” He laughed. “I was saying, you know that band Paper Fools? Remember? I played that song by them that was all, buh-nuh, nuh-nuh, buh-waa-waa, right?”

  She was stumped. “Uh, right?”

  “So, I got a call from Roe, their bass player, today. I guess their drummer left the band this morning, and they’re looking to fill his spot. Roe saw me play and wants me. Lex, this is huge. They just got signed, which means that I’m gonna play on a fucking album.”

  “Oh my God!” She hopped up and jumped into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck. He’d worked so hard for so long, put up with so much. It was all of his dreams realized, and Lex found herself elated, so proud and happy that she couldn’t have wiped the smile off her face if she tried.

  He spun her around in the living room, and she laughed before he set her down and pressed his lips to hers.

  “I told Spike,” he said with a loaded smile, his arms still around her waist.

  “How’d he take it?”

  “Not well. He had some choice words about having his drummer stolen, and I’m half-expecting him to show up at a gig and try to pick a fight.”

  “He would be that dumb.”

  “Well, we are talking about Spike.” Travis pecked her on the cheek with a wink before he strutted into their bedroom to go bang on his electronic drums.

  Lex was thankful for his headphones as she made her way into the kitchen to make some tea. She pulled down her old red teapot, filled it with water, and set it on the stove. While she waited for the water to boil, she turned and leaned on the doorframe to watch Travis play. He spun his sticks in the air as he whaled on the rubberized drum pads, and she bit her smiling lip.

  He was so hot when he was in drummer mode.

  Travis hated to be confined while he went beat-ninja on his set, and she smiled as her eyes roamed across his bare chest. A thin sheen of sweat already glistened on his broad, muscular shoulders, and his tan skin gleamed from the light shining in through the window. His face scrunched in concentration, and small strands of his honey-colored hair stuck to his forehead.

  On paper, he was the perfect guy. He was kind and loving. Attentive and thoughtful. He was her best friend, besides Kara, and Lex could see being with him for a long time, maybe forever. But she could see herself walking away too.

  Her smile fell.

  It was complacence, she supposed, and wondered if that was all she could hope for out of life. Was there more to love? Would her heart ever open up enough to really let someone in, to feel any more than she did with Travis?

  She found the whole situation terribly confusing.

  Lex’s phone rang from the table, and Kara’s face was on the screen, making a kissy face.

  “Hey,” Lex answered.

  “Yo,” Kara said. “You owe me some dirt. I’m downstairs, so you’d better be here.”

  “Yep. Want some tea?”

  “Mmm, that sounds good. It’s freezing outside. Be right up.”

  Travis walked into the kitchen, shirtless and sweaty, and stretched his arms over his head, hooking his fingers on the doorframe. His jeans hung low on the eye-popping V his hips made as he leaned forward.

  Lex’s cheeks flushed as she poured hot water into two mugs.

  “Roe texted me. We’re going to go get my gear from the garage.”

  “Oh, God. Spike won’t be there, will he?”

  “He shouldn’t be. I hope he’s not anyway.”

  “Bless his heart,” she said with a mock pout as she ripped open two tea bags and dunked them into the water.

  “Two teas?”

  “Kara’s on her way up.”

  “Well, I’ll be gone for a few hours, so carry on with the gabfest for as long as you want.”

  He turned for their bedroom to get dressed, stopping in front of the door when a knock rapped.

  “I got it,” Travis said and pulled the door open.

  “Well, hello, sir.” Kara’s eyebrow reached for her dark hairline as she appraised his goods.
/>   That really should bother me, Lex thought as she dropped a few sugar cubes in and stirred.

  “Ma’am.” Travis tipped an imaginary hat and gave her a wink.

  Kara headed into the kitchen, curvy hips swaying, with her neck craned to watch Travis walk away. She almost ran into the table, catching herself at the last possible second.

  “Tea?” Lex smirked as she offered up a steaming cup with a string draped over the side.

  “Thanks, friend.” Kara hung her bag on the back of a chair and leaned over the cup, her dark hair falling over her shoulder. She closed her icy blue eyes and breathed deep. “Mmm.”

  Lex took a seat across from Kara at her kitschy fifties diner table, complete with turquoise Formica and chrome, which was one of her favorite vintage finds.

  “Bye, girls. Have fun,” Travis said as he shrugged on his jacket.

  “Toodles.” Kara twiddled her fingers at him.

  Lex rolled her eyes, smiling as the door closed behind him. “Shameless.”

  “Moi?” Kara feigned surprise.

  “Ha. So innocent.”

  Kara batted her lashes and stirred her tea. “So, let’s hear it.”

  “I don’t know where to start.”

  “Julie Andrews would say the beginning.”

  “It is a very nice place to start.” Lex sighed. “That makes it sound so easy.”

  “Well, you had the over-it look last night. Are Mr. Travis’s days numbered? Because my bed has been awfully cold lately, and, well, he’s just so very virile.”

  A laugh bubbled out of Lex. “He really is. Virile. Like incredibly virile.”

  “What’s the problem?” she asked chastely, eyebrows arching as she sipped her tea.

  “Is it love?”

  She chuckled. “If you have to ask yourself that question, then the answer is probably no.”

  Lex stirred her tea, watching the swirling teabag. “But we’re obviously compatible. I do love him, but it’s not that starry-eyed love, the self-sacrificing, soulmate kind of love. But then I have to ask myself if that even exists.”

  “I believe that it does, and I think you do too.”

  “But is it real?” Lex asked Kara or the universe or both. “Or is it just some bullshit line that Hollywood and romance novels feed us? Some impossible standard? I mean, why shouldn’t I be with Travis?”

  “If you don’t love him, I’d say that’s probably reason number one.”

  Lex frowned. “Maybe I’m just not trying hard enough.”

  “I’m almost positive that you can’t force yourself to love someone.”

  “No, I know,” Lex said with a wave of her hand, “but I do care about him. I want to make him happy, and I want to be there for him. Isn’t that part of what love is?” She shook her head. “Maybe I’m just broken. And if I’m broken, then is that fair to Travis? I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave, but I don’t know if I can stay.”

  “Well, sister, you never want to leave any of them, not until you have a tangible reason to at least. And I’m pretty sure you’ve never said you loved any of them either.” Kara took a sip of her tea.

  “It’s true. And, to top that off, I’ve been a serial girlfriend for the last ten years.”

  Kara sighed. “Since David Clark, junior year. He was so cute.”

  “Seriously, the longest I think I’ve gone between guys is two weeks, and I cried the entire time that I would be alone forever. How is it possible that I’ve never been in love?” The thought settled into the hollow in her chest.

  “Well, the minute they get to be too much, care too much, need too much, you jet.”

  Lex’s brows dropped. “I like to think I live in the moment. That I enjoy what I have when I have it and move on when it’s over.”

  Kara watched her for a beat. “Is it over with Travis?”

  “I don’t know.” Lex took a sip of her tea, and they sat in silence for a moment before she continued “This is all because of my mom. You realize that, right?”

  Kara nodded.

  “She’s still not over my dad leaving, and he’s been gone since I was nine. It didn’t matter how she’d tried to hide it. She cried almost every night for him and probably still does. After he left, she just … fell apart. No child should have to take care of a parent like that before they hit puberty.”

  “But her crazy doesn’t have to be your crazy, Lex.”

  “I can’t help it. I watched her for all those years as she waited on him to come home, never able to understand how someone she loved so much could just leave her. I don’t want that. If that’s what love is? If that’s what happens when it’s over? I can’t do that to myself. I see her face in my mind, and all I can do is be angry with my dad. Men leave. They betray. I can’t really trust them, and I can’t care because if I don’t care, I can’t get hurt.”

  “Do you think Travis is going to hurt you?”

  “No, I don’t think he’d do anything to hurt me, not on purpose. But it’s not like I can choose to fall in love or decide to let someone in. So does it mean redefining love and my expectations? And what about Travis? Is there some girl out there who will love him like Juliet loves Romeo? Like Orpheus and Eurydice? Because if there is, he deserves that.”

  Kara reached out to touch her arm. “You’re the only one who can figure that out, and I know you will.”

  Lex covered Kara’s hand and sighed. “I hope so because right now, I am so confused.”

  “You will. And trust me, things could be a lot worse.”

  “Don’t you jinx me, Kara,” Lex said with a glare.

  “You are so superstitious. Hurry, burn some sage,” Kara said, laughing. “I know you’ve got some around here somewhere.”

  “Don’t make fun of me. It works even though it smells dank.”

  “Define works.”

  Lex shrugged. “If nothing else, it makes me feel better.”

  “Well, in that case, burn away.”

  Dita lay on her overstuffed red velvet couch, lost in the creases and folds, eyeing Perry, who sat lotus-style at the end of the couch, annihilating an enormous chocolate donut.

  “You’re dead meat if you get Bavarian cream on my sofa.” Dita propped her head up on a bright handwoven pillow.

  “Mmmph hmm,” Perry mumbled. Bisoux’s tongue hung out as he panted at Perry’s elbow with his eyes fixed on the donut.

  Dita grabbed her cashmere throw off the back of the couch and pulled it onto her lap. “So, Dean’s hot, huh?”

  “Hubba, hubba.”

  “He’s going to be tricky. I kind of did a number on his mom, which screwed him up pretty bad.”

  Perry snorted.

  “Emotionally, that is — although that pun was totally intended. He’s so damaged. It was a good choice for Apollo.”

  “For once.”

  “Right? He seems to be on his game, though I doubt it will be enough for him to win.”

  “Well, you never lose.”

  “Not when it comes to love.” Dita pulled a small pillow into her lap and absently fiddled with the tassels. “Lex is a perfect match for him. She’s never been in love, so when it happens with Dean, it’s going to hit her like a freight train.”

  “The love train?”

  “Yes, filled up with chocolates, stuffed animals, and bad poetry. If I had to bet — which I realize we are — I’d say they were perfect for each other.”

  “Well,” Perry licked her fingers as she held the donut gingerly in her other hand, “you happen to be the universal expert on the subject, so I can’t say I’m surprised. Devil’s advocate — since that’s technically what I am — what if Apollo wins?”

  “Do I have to think about that?” Dita shifted in her seat.

  “I think it would be prudent.”

  “Well, I’ve beaten him hundreds of times before, so my track record should speak for itself.”

  “You do own the competition pretty fiercely, Dita, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare y
ourself, just in case.”

  “It’s kind of hard to prepare for losing when you haven’t done it in three thousand years.”

  Perry eyed her. “Try.”

  Dita sighed. “I don’t know. I can’t forget that look in his eyes. Maybe he’ll give me a run for my money this time. Our little feud has gotten to him, but it’s gotten to me too.”

  “You’re not one to forget.”

  “No, I’m not. How can I forgive him? He murdered Adonis.” Dita shook her head. “If he wins, I guess I have to give up a token, but I can’t imagine what our lives will be like if I do.”

  Perry watched her silently, but Dita didn’t notice. She stared across the room at nothing in particular as her thoughts drifted back in time to the day that had forever changed her life.

  The day that Apollo and Aphrodite’s feud began so many thousands of years ago, she sat under an old, gnarled olive tree in a small clearing in the woods of Crete, waiting for Adonis. It was their favorite place to meet, in a valley that seemed to bloom with wildflowers no matter the season. Poppies dotted the swaying grass, climbing the walls of the mountains that surrounded the quiet place. Two fat little pipits landed nearby, chirping their small song.

  They flew away together, weaving around each other until she could see them no longer.

  “My goddess,” Adonis said, his voice soft with awe, “how lovely you are always, but today, especially so.”

  She stood, her white robes billowing as she made her way into his arms. “My love.”

  Adonis held her tight for a moment before he leaned back and brushed her hair from her face. “Hello, dearest.”

  She smiled up at him. It was said that he was the most beautiful man ever created, which was the truth. Her eyes traced the lines of his blond brows over crisp blue eyes and followed the ridge of his perfect nose down to the slope of his generous lips as he smiled back.

  “My goddess,” he said sweetly, “what have I ever done to deserve the grace of your affection?”

  “Existing is enough.” She wound her arms around his neck and nuzzled his ear. “I will hold you forever.”