The Memories We Hide

by jodi Gibson

  Laura swallowed. ‘Yeah. Okay. I’ll do that. I’ll let you know by tomorrow.’

  ‘No problem. I’ll speak to you then.’

  ‘Okay. Great. Thanks, Mick.’

  Laura ended the call and stared blankly at the screen. This was it. Her chance to finalize everything and move on. Mick was right, it was an offer way too good to refuse. All she had to do was say yes, sign the paperwork, and that was it. She could go back to the city and leave Banyula, and all it held, behind her.

  But as much as she wanted that knowledge to make her feel better, it did just the opposite. A deep ache formed in the pit of her stomach. And as her racing thoughts collected, Laura felt farther from a decision than she had before the phone call. She had to talk to someone. Her mind wandered to Tom. He’d know what to do. But then she remembered how she had left without saying goodbye. Tom hadn’t even called to find out why, not that she expected him to. He was probably still so embarrassed about what happened. Laura felt queasy. She hadn’t been fair to him at all. The least she could have done was listen to him.

  She swiped at her phone and began to compose a message.

  Tom, I’m really sorry I didn’t say goodbye when I left yesterday. I can explain. Please call me. x

  There. Now the ball was in his court. If he had forgiven her, he’d ring and then she could explain everything. For now though, she still had the issue of the offer. Laura thought about calling her solicitor, but she knew he would simply advise her to take the offer. She decided to go and see Stella. Of course Stella would know what to do. She always did.

  After a quick breakfast and shower, Laura closed the front door behind her and headed to her car. Although it wasn’t raining, the clouds were still as thick as smog smothering whatever sunshine was trying to break through. She saw Mrs. Hatfield across the road sweeping her footpath, the slow swish of the broom grating over the concrete.

  ‘Morning, Mrs. Hatfield.’ Laura waved.

  Mrs. Hatfield looked up. ‘You off to help out too, are you, love?’

  Laura crinkled her nose. ‘Help out who?’

  Mrs. Hatfield stopped sweeping and walked toward Laura, using the broom as a makeshift walking stick. Laura met her on the footpath.

  ‘You haven’t heard?’

  ‘Heard what?’

  ‘The river’s broken its banks. I told you it would. All this bloody rain.’ She shook her head.

  ‘Oh, right.’

  ‘Yeah, out on the flats road—you know, Turner Road, out that way? It’s pretty bad apparently, though they expect it’s not the worst of it. Anyway, that’s what Deborah said when I saw her at the store just before. Can’t always go on her word though. She gets a bit muddled these days,’ Mrs. Hatfield said, tapping her temple. ‘You know.’

  Laura’s thoughts rushed to Tom’s farm. ‘You mean out near the Gordons’ property?’

  ‘Yeah, out that way. The Moores have had to leave their place, she said, and the State Emergency Services are closing the road. I’m sure she said something about a search party.’

  ‘A search party? For who?’

  Mrs. Hatfield twisted her mouth and looked to the sky as if trying to jog her memory. She didn’t say anything for the longest moment, and Laura began to get impatient, her heart knocking inside her. ‘Tom. Tom Gordon. Did she say anything about him, about his place?’ Laura thought it was strange she hadn’t heard from him, and he still hadn’t replied to her text. It wasn’t like him, but then again, it was still early, or he might be ignoring her.

  ‘Ah yes. Tom Gordon. Something about saving his cows, and they couldn’t find him.’

  Laura gasped for breath as she felt her airways struggle for oxygen.

  ‘Oh, I’m sure he’s all right, love. He’s a smart one, that Tom Gordon. Like his dad. Although I thought he would have been smart enough to have moved his cows by now.’

  Laura didn’t hang around to listen to the rest of Mrs. Hatfield’s commentary. She ran to her car and slammed it in reverse.

  ‘Where are you going?’ she heard Mrs. Hatfield call out to her, but all she could think of was Tom. Where was he? Was he okay? She tried to close her mind to the worst-case scenarios.

  Laura sped toward the Gordon farm. The rain had started again, just a slight drizzle, enough to wet the windshield. The sky looked like it even might be breaking up, with the sun straining through the edge of the lighter cloud. But all Laura could think about was Tom. What if something happened to him? They hadn’t even had a chance to talk more about everything. Her heart raced in her chest, and tears sprang to her eyes with the thoughts of never seeing Tom again. She hit redial on her dashboard, but it went straight to voice mail.

  As she approached the Clear Springs Creek Bridge, the orange lights of the SES trucks flashed in front of her as workers put out yellow-and-black roadblock signs across the road. As far as Laura could see, the street was still clear, but the water was lapping at the road’s edge. It wouldn’t be long before it was inundated. As she got closer, a man in a high-visibility vest waved his arms at her, indicating for her to stop. She wound down her window.

  ‘Can’t go through. Sorry, love. This road’s gonna be cut in no time,’ he said, leaning through the car window.

  ‘But I have to get out to the Gordons’ property. Tom’s in trouble,’ she pleaded.

  The man shook his head. ‘The Gordons? There’s a unit out there already, and another one about to head out there now. Sorry, love, I can’t let you through.’

  Laura pounded her hands on the steering wheel. She couldn’t just sit and wait. Then her face lit up. ‘I’m a volunteer,’ she said defiantly. ‘I’m here to help.’

  The man furrowed his brow, his eyes questioning. Laura opened her door and stepped out of the car, thankful she’d decided to wear her gumboots instead of her flats this morning. ‘Where’s the team?’ she said, hands on hips. ‘I’ll need a suit.’

  ‘You’re Judy’s daughter, aren’t you?’ He shook his head. ‘Same determination! But I’m sorry. I can’t let you through. Leave me your number and I’ll call you once I know something. Sorry, love.’

  Laura reluctantly gave the man her number and returned to her vehicle, slowly pulling her car from the side of the road and doing a U-turn back toward town. With her head racing and gut churning, she wracked her brains for another solution. It was then she noticed a dirt track off the side of the road. That’s it! she thought, spinning the car back around. It was an old track that curved through a handful of unfenced paddocks and led to the west side of the Gordons’ property. Tom had taken her down there as a shortcut a few times on their bikes when they were younger. Although, she didn’t really think it was a shortcut. It always seemed to take them longer over the barely worn track and through the long grass.

  Laura turned into the track and pulled up at the gate, hoping it wasn’t padlocked. She almost jumped for joy when it wasn’t. She pushed it open and looked down the track, her initial glee disappearing as she noticed the edges of the track slowly being swallowed by the rising water. Her spine tingled as nerves crept up to her neck. What if she got bogged herself?

  She shook the thought from her head. She had to try. She couldn’t bear to think of Tom out there stranded and waiting for help. Although her memory was sketchy at best, she knew if she tried she could make her way back to the farm. Without thinking any further, Laura climbed back into her car and shoved it into gear, heart racing frantically as the vehicle sloshed through the mud. ‘Come on, ol’ girl, you can do it.’

  Sitting close to the steering wheel so she could see the track ahead, Laura began driving, not slow enough to get bogged, but not fast either. The last thing she needed was to get stuck out here. She felt the wheels slipping on the muddy ground but focused ahead. Visibility was becoming increasingly difficult as the rain began to fall harder. The windshield wipers whipped the rain from the screen with a whooshing sound and Laura revved the engine to make it through a particularly soggy part, the wheels skidding and slight
ly sliding the rear end of the car out. She pulled it back to the track and continued forward, her heart in her throat.

  A few minutes later, she found herself at the gate to the Gordons’ property. She jumped out to open it. But this one was padlocked.

  ‘No! This can’t be!’ she screamed into the sky. She glanced back at the vehicle. Could she possibly? Her little Mazda? She didn’t think twice. She had to. She had no choice. She jumped back in and aimed the vehicle toward the gate. Then, squeezing her eyes tight and biting her lip, she lurched forward on the accelerator. The wheels spun and then, all of a sudden, gripped, plowing her through the gate with a crash as it snapped open to let her through. Laura tried not to think about the damage to her bumper and front panels, but instead she kept driving, hoping she’d remembered to renew her insurance last month.

  Laura looked from side to side around the waterlogged paddocks, trying to get her bearings. With so much of the paddocks underwater, it was hard to work out where she was on the farm. The only thing recognizable was the line of trees along what was once the riverbank, now just a sea of water steadily encroaching on the higher paddocks. She could see a cluster of trees on a slightly higher mound in the distance, the paddock wet but still not engulfed.

  She continued down the track a little more, but it was soon obvious she wouldn’t be able to go any farther. The track was now hardly wide enough to walk through. She came to a halt and jumped out. The water was only just covering her feet; she’d have to hike it on foot. The high ground in the distance was only about two hundred meters away. She could make it. At least then she’d have a higher vantage point from which to survey the paddocks. As she neared the high spot, she noticed a group of waterlogged cows, gathered behind a large gum tree, their eyes wide. One had a nasty gash in its leg, and they were all covered in sloshy black mud up to their bellies. Tom must have saved them, she thought. He must be here somewhere.

  She felt so helpless. She tried Tom’s phone again, but still nothing. She squatted down on her haunches, staring at the cows. They glared at her with their wide eyes, as if pleading for her to keep her distance. Poor Tom. Everything he’d worked so hard for. She wondered if he would shrug it off. ‘Life on the land,’ he might say. But, looking around her, Laura knew this wasn’t something he could shrug off so easily. Her heart caught in her throat as she realized she loved this place as much as Tom did. Seeing it engulfed in water, the understanding of how much Tom meant to her broke her heart.

  ‘Oh, Tom. Where are you?’ Laura whispered to herself, scanning the surrounding paddocks. She’d never seen so much water. Her heart panged for Tom and his beloved farm. A boom of thunder cracked above, making Laura jump. And then, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a movement in the distance. A figure slowly coming into view.

  ‘Tom?’ she said quietly, and then as the figure grew closer, she realized it was him. ‘Tom!’ Laura ran toward him, her legs heavy as her boots pooled with water. Tom was soaked head to toe. His coat hung heavily off his slumped shoulders, his jeans and boots covered in the same thick black mud as the cows. His face, too, was streaked with mud and a smearing of bright red blood down his right cheek. He staggered slowly, feet heaving across the soggy ground.

  ‘Oh my god, Tom,’ Laura said, throwing herself toward him once he reached the higher ground. ‘Thank god you’re okay.’

  Tom caught her in his arms. ‘Laura. What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be here.’

  Laura shook her head, ignoring Tom’s concerns, simply thankful he was okay. ‘Look at you. Are you okay?’ she said, peeling herself away from him to look him in the eye. His eyes were filled with exhaustion and despair.

  ‘I couldn’t save them,’ he said, his face breaking.

  ‘Oh, Tom.’

  He closed his eyes. ‘She was my best cow. Her calf had no chance.’

  Laura’s heart tightened. ‘I’m so sorry. But you saved most of them, right? And I’m sure the SES and volunteers have saved some too.’

  Tom nodded weakly.

  In the distance, a bright yellow dingy pulled up toward the edge of the embankment. A couple of SES volunteers waded out toward them.

  ‘Jesus, mate! You bloody scared us,’ one of them said. Laura realized it was the man who’d turned her around at the bridge. He looked at her and shook his head with a wry smile. ‘I’m not even going to ask. Come on, let’s get you both back to safety.’

  Laura felt the relief engulf her like a river. Tom was safe. He was going to be okay.

  The ride back to the farmhouse was eerily quiet. The desperation and sadness on Tom’s face broke Laura’s heart. She just wanted to hold him. Be there for him.

  When they arrived back at the farmhouse, Tom was checked over by the paramedics and now sat on the back porch covered in a blanket. The yard was buzzing with farmhands and SES volunteers, the atmosphere less frantic since the skies had broken through with rays of sun. Word had it that the latest issue from the weather station said the rain was gone. And there was nothing in sight for the next five days at least. The river had peaked and tensions had eased, but there was still work to be done. For now, they had to wait for the water to subside before cleaning up and assessing the extent of the damage.

  Laura, now wearing some dry clothes Tom had told her to borrow from his mother’s closet, approached Tom and sat down next to him.

  ‘Hey,’ she said quietly, wrapping her arms across her chest.

  ‘Thanks. You shouldn’t have come out here, you know. It was dangerous.’

  Laura swallowed. ‘I had to come, Tom,’ she said, turning to him. His eyes were almost empty, the usual lightheartedness vanished and replaced by hopelessness. ‘Tom, I …’

  Tom lifted a thick finger and placed it gently on her lips. Laura’s pulse raced. Then Tom cradled her face in his hands and kissed her. Every pore of her body responded to his kiss, and Laura allowed herself to be swept up in his embrace and lose herself in the tenderness.

  ‘I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye,’ Laura managed as they broke from the kiss.

  Tom shook his head. ‘It doesn’t matter. You’re here now.’

  Laura smiled as Tom reached in again and stroked her face.

  Laura didn’t think there was ever a more perfect moment than lying there in Tom’s arms. After dark had fallen, the SES volunteers, farmhands, and helpers disappeared, leaving the house still and quiet. The aftermath of the flood left a dank smell of mud and water in the air. There was so much that had to be done. So much damage to be assessed. But neither Laura nor Tom wanted to think about tomorrow. All that mattered was they were safe. They were here. Together.

  And now, with her head nestled in the crook of Tom’s neck, lying in the aftermath of messy sheets and tossed clothing, Laura smiled. She inhaled his smell, warm and manly, and watched as his soft snoring fluttered his lips, his face tired but peaceful. His five-o’clock shadow lined the curves of his strong jaw. Laura felt an overwhelming surge of emotion. A peace that she hadn’t experienced for so long. As if she were home. Somehow, after all these years, it felt like she was in a place she was meant to be. She wondered if the feeling would last or if morning would bring the truth, and leave her once again unsure. She closed her eyes; she didn’t want to know. Not yet.

  Chapter 30

  The next morning, Tom sat at the kitchen table sipping his coffee to the sound of bacon and eggs sizzling in the pan as Laura busied herself over the stove. Outside, rays of yellow sun bounced off the hay shed, and crisp blue sky surrounded the farm. Tom had to squint at the brightness. He swore he could almost see the water evaporating. Not soon enough though.

  ‘Thank god for the sun,’ Laura said, popping down a plate of crispy bacon, fried tomato, and farm eggs. Tom’s stomach rumbled. ‘You can say that again,’ he said, taking in a mouthful.

  ‘So, the cleanup begins.’

  Tom sighed. ‘Yep. Not looking forward to assessing the damage.’

  Laura walked over to Tom and put her hands
on his shoulders. ‘It’ll be okay. I’m here to help,’ she whispered in his ear.

  Last night had been close to perfect. Laura had told him about Ryan and how he found out about his parents. Tom had no idea. None of them had. He couldn’t imagine how he’d deal with something like that and was glad he didn’t have to. He was still processing the guilt that he’d not given Ryan a chance. Not been there for him. But that was all in the past. All he could do was hold Laura. He’d told her again how much he loved her. And how he couldn’t remember a time where he didn’t. Laura responded by kissing him and leading him upstairs. Tom was completely overwhelmed, as if it weren’t real. Last night, with the haze of lovemaking still hanging in the air, the moment was perfect. The taste of her lips, the softness of the skin on her stomach, the immense feeling of love as he’d taken her into his arms and lain her on the bed.

  Tom swallowed, wishing the feeling he’d experienced last night would return. It wasn’t that it was gone, just that it had been pushed aside by the return of his guilt. He’d only ever wanted Laura. And now, it seemed she was on the same page, but the light of day brought a stark reality with it as it bounced off the receding water and into Tom’s heart. He had nothing left.

  There was no way his insurance would go even halfway to covering the damage and loss of stock. And then there was the bank. As he once said to Ryan, Laura deserves better. Someone who could look after her. Not a broke and broken farmer.

  ‘When will everyone arrive?’ Laura asked as she cleared the plates and broke into Tom’s thoughts.

  ‘Any moment, I guess. There’s another SES crew coming out and a few farmhands from Jim’s property to lend a hand.’ Tom rubbed his forehead. There was so much to do. ‘Then, I guess the insurance assessor will be here. Around lunchtime, he said. I’ve gotta head into town and arrange some feed first thing, though.’