The Other Life

by Susanne Winnacker

  Joshua told Marie about our “adventures”, as he called them, in a murmur, so Emma and Mia wouldn’t overhear. The stories were terrifying even for me. How much worse would they be for small kids? I wasn’t keen on hearing about the horrors again, but I didn’t interrupt. Maybe talking about it helped him.

  Mia and Emma seemed to get along well, though they were four years apart. After years with only Bobby and me to play with, Mia was probably glad to have another kid around.

  “Has Mia had dinner?” I asked. My plate was almost empty. I felt guilty for not having thought about my little sister before.

  Marie gave a nod, followed by a yawn. “Everyone ate before you showed up. We didn’t know when you’d come back, so we didn’t wait.” She shook her head and opened her eyes wide to stay awake. “I need to get some sleep. It’s already dark outside.” She picked up her daughter, who protested loudly.

  “Goodnight,” I called after them.

  Marie waved her hand as she left the room. Mia came up to me and hugged my middle, burying her head against my stomach. Joshua had his head propped on his crossed arms, his eyes closed. We all needed a good dose of sleep, even though I wasn’t looking forward to the nightmares.

  Mia had instantly fallen asleep and hung awkwardly over my lap. I nudged her. Her eyes opened a bit. “I can’t carry you upstairs.” My injured feet could barely carry my own weight, much less additional baggage. She released her grip on my waist and stood, rubbing her eyes with her small fists. Joshua was fast asleep. His breathing was regular and his expression so peaceful. He looked cute. I realized I wanted to kiss him again.

  I felt myself blush. It was strange to be interested in a boy again. Watching his untroubled face another moment, I decided not to wake him. Every minute of sleep without nightmares was precious.

  I rose, careful not to make too much noise as I pushed my chair back. Mia latched onto my hand and leaned against me. My absence had made her even clingier.

  I led her up the stairs. “Where did you sleep last night?” I tried to keep my voice down.

  “In Mommy’s bed, but she’s not there. I want to sleep in your bed.” She made big puppy-dog eyes and pouted, making me laugh.

  “Okay, but you must sleep in your own bed soon. You’re a big girl,” I told her. She nodded her head with a little smile and followed me into my bedroom, where she crawled into my bed.

  My skin was sticky with sweat, but I was too tired to take a shower. Mia’s warm body snuggled against me and I held her as she relaxed into sleep.

  Morning came too quickly. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I’d showered and brushed my teeth, even run a comb through my hair. I felt better, but I still looked like hell. I was pale and there was a bluish bruise on my temple. It looked bad, but it didn’t hurt much, or maybe I was too distracted by the pain in other parts of my body to feel it. My feet were worse and the back of my head wasn’t great either. I couldn’t stop myself from touching the stitches there. My night had been terrible. I’d even woken Mia with my nightmares. Good thing she didn’t know what I’d dreamed about.

  I couldn’t wait to go and see if Dad was better. Maybe he was awake and I could talk to him.

  I checked my reflection again. The clothes that I’d found on the desk in my bedroom that morning fitted well. A simple T-shirt and jeans, nothing fancy. I wished I had something prettier to wear. I guessed I’d have to settle for acceptable.

  At least my hair looked shiny. The thought made me laugh. It felt good to worry about such silly things, even for just a few minutes, instead of worrying about Weepers who wanted to eat everyone.

  69 days since I’d laughed without guilt.

  For a moment I felt like a normal teenager, but the stabbing pain in my right foot brought me back.

  Mia was still fast asleep, snuggled against the pillows. The sun had just risen and I didn’t want to wake her. I closed the door without a sound and made my way downstairs.

  Mom sat at the kitchen table next to Karen and Larry, sipping at a cup of coffee. She glanced up. “Good morning.”

  “Morning.” I sank down on a chair, bracing myself for bad news. “How’s Dad?”

  Mom’s smile thinned. “He was awake for a few hours during the night, but he’s fallen asleep again. He’s looking better.”

  “Can I go see him?”

  “Maybe later. Geoffrey and Bobby are with him now and they’ll call us if he wakes. He needs to rest,” Karen said. She, too, looked exhausted.

  “Your grandmother has even paid him a short visit.” Mom took another sip from her coffee. “It was the first time that she’s left your grandpa’s side.”

  I clapped a hand against my forehead. I’d completely forgotten about Grandma. “Where is she? I haven’t seen her.”

  “She’s with your grandfather in one of the small outhouses,” Larry said.

  I knitted my brows. “Have you put him in the freezer?”

  Larry spat out some coffee, coughing desperately. Karen patted his back, fighting laughter.

  Mom sighed. “No, we didn’t put him in the freezer.”

  “We don’t have one that could fit him.” Larry gave me a sheepish look.

  “But isn’t he…decaying?” I asked. The thought made my stomach squirm.

  “Unfortunately, yes.” Karen shrugged. She didn’t appear bothered by the fact that a body was rotting in the neighbouring cottage.

  Mom set down her cup. “We’ll bury him this morning. He’s starting to smell. I don’t care what your grandma says. It needs to be done.”

  I grabbed a cup and spooned in some instant coffee. I’d never drunk coffee before – the smell repulsed me – but now was a good time to start. I took a gulp of the scalding liquid, wincing at the bitter taste, as I tried not to think about dead bodies.

  “Is Mia still asleep?” Mom asked, watching her own coffee swirl around as she tilted her cup.

  “Yes, she was pretty tired.”

  “Good. Then we should do it now, so she won’t notice anything.”

  “Now?” I asked with a frown. “Someone needs to dig a grave first.” My feet weren’t in favour of volunteering for the task.

  Mom got up. “Tyler and Geoffrey did that a few hours ago.”

  “I’ll get the others then,” Larry said. My eyes followed him as he limped out of the kitchen.

  Karen, Mom and I walked over to the small cottage where Grandma kept watch over Grandpa’s body. I put a hand over my nose and tried to breathe through my mouth. I was sure I’d throw up the coffee, but I got myself under control.

  Karen didn’t react. Maybe you got used to smells like that when you’d been working as a nurse for years. I didn’t think I ever could. I followed Mom and Karen into the back of the cottage, where the room was sparsely furnished with a bed and a rocking chair.

  Grandma sat on the chair, staring at the ground where Grandpa’s body lay. The months in the freezer and the time in this room had left their mark. Most of his body was wrapped up in the blanket, but someone had freed his head. Probably Grandma.

  I had to look away. My lips pressed together and I leaned against the door frame. I wouldn’t set a foot into the room. Any step closer to the stench and even my willpower wouldn’t keep me from throwing up.

  Grandma looked up from the ground, her expression empty.

  “It’s time to bury Edgar,” Mom said gently. Grandma stared at her blankly as if she had no idea what that meant. Hopefully, I wouldn’t have to help carry Grandpa’s body. That would end in a mess.

  Someone tapped me on the arm. I spun around. Joshua’s face was pulled into a grimace because of the stench.

  “We’ve come to bring your grandfather outside,” he said through gritted teeth, breathing through his mouth.

  We? I peeked behind him and was surprised to see Tyler. I hadn’t seen him since that first morning. He normally kept to himself. Maybe he was just shy.

  I stepped back so the boys could enter the room. They were carrying a stretche
r and heaved the body on it. I moved into the hall to give them more room while they carried Grandpa out of the house. Grandma, Mom, Karen and I followed a few steps behind. We walked into a vast garden overlooking the vineyard. Only the stone wall with its ivy tendrils obstructed the view.

  Bobby and Larry had gathered next to a small gate, which they opened for Tyler and Joshua. After a few minutes, we came to a meadow. A huge oak tree towered above a dozen small wooden crosses. Names were carved into a few of them, the rest were blank.

  A graveyard.

  My stomach churned when I thought about the people who’d died at Safe-haven. What if Dad ended up like them?

  We gathered around a hole in the ground. The three cows that Joshua had mentioned were grazing in the background. They raised their heads to gaze at our little gathering in mild interest, chewing unhurriedly. It was an odd sight for a funeral. None of us were dressed appropriately either, but when every day was a struggle for survival, you couldn’t worry about proper clothes. Joshua had been right – manners didn’t matter any more.

  Marie and Geoffrey were missing because someone needed to keep watch over Dad, Mia and Emma.

  Dad would be upset that he’d missed Grandpa’s funeral. If he survives.

  I forced those thoughts out of my head. Dad wouldn’t share Grandpa’s fate. He’d make it.

  A prickling on my neck, as if someone or something was watching us, sent a shiver down my back. The vineyard looked like it always did, but it was easy to hide between the overgrown vines. Had Weepers followed us? Or was it something else?

  I looked away from the vine leaves swaying in the wind and the dark clouds throwing shadows on them.

  Tyler and Joshua awkwardly lowered Grandpa’s body into the grave, careful not to drop him. He didn’t even get a coffin. Mom wrapped her arms around Grandma when they began to cover the body with soil. Larry spoke a few words, but I barely listened. I stared at the grave, wondering why I wasn’t crying. I’d never been to a funeral before, but it was expected for family members to cry.

  I wasn’t even particularly sad. So many months had passed since Grandpa had died and I’d said goodbye to him when Dad had put him in the freezer. Back then I’d cried, but now I just felt empty. It worried me. Maybe I was becoming numb.

  My gaze swept over the others. Nobody was crying, not even Grandma.

  Tyler put the last scoop of soil on the grave before stepping back. Larry’s words had long ended and an odd silence followed. The wind picked up, tousling my hair and making me shiver. My T-shirt wasn’t enough to protect me. Slowly, everyone walked away from the grave until only my family was left. Then Mom led Grandma back to the house and Bobby followed. As I lingered for a moment, a familiar buzzing drew my eyes to the sky, and I glimpsed a dot growing smaller in the distance. Again? I was really starting to feel like it was following me. What the heck was it?

  No answers came to me as I stood there, my gaze wandering over the surrounding slopes, overgrown with vines. Suddenly there was a flash in the distance, as if something had moved. Weepers? Fear gripped my throat.

  I squinted my eyes, trying to get a better look. But there was nothing. First the black dot, now this. Maybe I was beginning to imagine things. This wasn’t good. Not good at all.

  I turned, then started when I noticed Joshua sitting on the wall, watching me. Rubbing my arms to warm myself, I went to him. If he hadn’t seen anything move, then there definitely hadn’t been anything.

  He pushed himself off the wall and landed on his feet with ease – I’d have broken my legs doing that.

  Joshua walked up to me, hands in his pockets and his blond hair in disarray. He stopped in front of me, his eyes flitting over to the fresh grave.

  “I wish I could have buried my mother.”

  I blinked up at him, not sure what to say. “What happened to her?”

  They’d totally ruined my hair.

  Ugh.

  I glared at my reflection. Teary eyes. Red nose. And what they called a haircut. I looked like a freak. A total mess. Layered cut – the heck it was.

  I couldn’t go to school like this. What if Brittany saw me? She and her hyenas would taunt me for weeks. And Alex…

  I blew my nose.

  “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose…”

  I whirled around. Bobby stood in the doorway, grinning. He always sang that song to tease me when my nose was red from crying.

  “Rudolph the—”

  I lunged at him, but the little rat was fast. He dashed down the hall and into his room. The door closed in front of my face. I hammered against it while he sang the stupid song. Over and over and over again.

  “Shut up!” The wood vibrated under my fists. “Bobby, I swear I’ll kill you if you don’t stop!”

  He didn’t stop. His voice grew louder.

  I sank to the ground. He’d have to leave his room sometime. And I’d be there to kick his ass.

  Joshua took a step closer and clasped my hand, interlinking our fingers. He led me to an old wooden bench beside the wall and pulled me down with him. I listened to the howling wind while Joshua tried to find words. I didn’t want to pressure him.

  “We were still in the bunker. We’d been there over a year and the mood was getting worse every day.” He swallowed. “My sister Zoe was hungry and there was a group of men in the bunker who kept an eye on the food. Zoe walked up to them. Maybe she told them that she was hungry. I don’t know.”

  I waited for him to go on. He was obviously struggling with the memories of that day. His grasp on my hand tightened.

  “The leader of the group pushed her away and she fell down. When Mom saw it, she ran towards them. She said something to the man, and then he and his friends began to hit and kick her. I tried to stop them, but I was only fifteen and there were so many of them. Nobody came to help. Everyone was hungry and didn’t want to get into trouble. When the men had finally calmed down, I was covered with bruises, but my mother was unconscious.”

  A tear rolled down his cheek.

  “She never woke up. Two days later she was dead.” He cleared his throat and ran a hand over his eyes. When he looked at me, his expression was collected, but his eyes couldn’t hide his pain.

  “What happened to…to her body?” I asked gently.

  Joshua’s face darkened, anger replacing the sadness. “The men who killed her took her out of the bunker. They didn’t let me go with them and they never told me where they’d put her.” His voice became oddly calm. “I would’ve searched for her body, but I had to take care of Zoe. She was only eight.”

  Tears made my vision blurry.

  “The murderers got what they deserved. A group of Weepers attacked them after everyone had left the bunker. I saw it, but I didn’t try to help them, even though I had a gun. I’d stolen it from them just before.”

  His voice turned cold. Vicious. He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath. What had happened to his mother was horrible, and I had a feeling that the story about his sister’s death was just as bad. Maybe talking about it after all this time would help.

  “What about your sister, Zoe?”

  “I tried to protect her. There was no one left who could except for me. It was just the two of us. The other survivors were busy taking care of themselves. I wanted to be a good big brother for her, but when the Weepers attacked the place where we spent the night, everyone panicked. I lost her in the chaos. I tried to find her. But there were so many people. And then I saw one of the Weepers grab her.”

  My chest tightened as he opened up to me. “The Weeper you tried to chase at the harbour?”

  Joshua gave a nod. “I wanted to get to her, help her, but suddenly they were gone. Afterwards, when the Weepers had left, I looked for her, but I only found one of her shoes. There was blood on it.” He shuddered before taking a deep breath and opening his eyes. “I thought she was dead. Then, on a hunt, I saw her. She was one of them. A Weeper.”

  “Are you sure it was he
r?”

  I couldn’t imagine seeing Mia as a Weeper – her blue eyes milky, her face twisted with a snarl. I thought about Dad. Was he already on his way to becoming one of them?

  I’d never let that happen.

  “It was her, there’s no doubt.”

  “At least she’s alive.”

  Joshua blanched. “Do you think? I think death is better than that.”

  Maybe he was right.

  “What did you do?”

  “Nothing. I couldn’t help her and I couldn’t kill her. I should have.”

  I wanted to hug him but I wasn’t sure if he’d want me to. “No, she’s still your sister.”

  He looked so miserable. “God, I miss her. I want her back.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  Joshua was silent for a long while, trying to compose himself. I wished I could console him. After Mom and Dad had fought in the bunker, consoling them had been easy. I’d just told them that they would make up and everything would be okay. But nothing could bring Joshua his mother and sister back, or erase the horrible memories. I felt helpless.

  “I don’t like to think about it. It’s bad enough that I dream about it,” he said, opening his eyes. He tilted his head to the side, his gaze becoming intense. Fidgeting with my feet, I bit my lip and put my free hand in my pocket.

  “Do you want me to show you around now? You probably don’t want to after everything…” He made a gesture at the freshly dug grave and stared at the ground.

  It took me a moment to understand what he meant. “No, no. I think we both need a distraction.”

  He grinned. Some of the darkness disappeared from his eyes. “Okay then, let’s go.”

  There it was again: his sudden shift of mood. He wanted to forget. I was beginning to understand that. It’d been only a few days since I’d left the bunker and there were already things I didn’t want to be reminded of. Ever.

  “I just need to find a sweater or a jacket. It’s pretty cold,” I told him with a wave at my thin T-shirt as I got up from the bench. I could have sworn his gaze lingered on my chest longer than necessary.