The Truth About Us

by Megan D. Martin

  He took up so much space in my little apartment. I thought about it many times, him being here. I’d often wondered what he would think about the way I decorated, the way I angled my couch catty corner, so the sun wouldn’t create a glare on the TV. Would he be proud that I figured it out on my own? That I had hooked up my own internet router, and hung purple curtains – albeit a little crookedly – all by myself? I hadn’t needed him or my dad for those things. I had figured it out all on my own.

  But he wasn’t here to look at the couch in the corner or the curtains. No, he was looking at me, his gaze blasting those same old icicles again. His chest heaved with that pent-up rage I’d started to recognize as something special he reserved for only me. “Why are you here?” The words came out just above a whisper in the air between us.

  “For this.” Tyler’s long strides ate up the space between us in a matter of seconds. His hand snaked roughly into my hair and his lips crashed hard against mine.

  I wasn’t supposed to be here. I wasn’t supposed to have my lips locked with Rowan’s for the second time this week. I should have been at home, in bed, sleeping – maybe even next to Evie if I had invited her over. I hadn’t, but I could have. She would have come, and then I could have made her cum over and over again, all night.

  Instead I was here, in Rowan’s apartment. I’d known the address for months, but had purposely avoided the place, refusing to even drive around in this general area. Today was different though. That kiss the other night at the bar – it had plagued my mind like some sort of nightmare I wanted to keep having. There were so many reasons why I shouldn’t have kissed her – and finally, today, I had decided that the only way out of my head was to see her again. To have a conversation like adults and tell her I was sorry for kissing her, that I didn’t want to be with her, and that it had been a mistake all the way around.

  Doing this would make me feel better, I was certain. I could clear my head and move forward with my life, like I had before she came waltzing into my shop and turned my life upside down again. We were both adults, and at one point in time we had been decent at communicating with one another – so a conversation of this sort should have been bearable, if not easy. Then I could leave, putting the whole event behind me for good.

  That wasn’t what happened though. It seemed that fate had other plans for me, because no less than five minutes after my arrival at Rowan’s apartment, with no answer at the door, I watched her ride up in Owen’s shiny black Chevy, and proceed to make out with him.

  I couldn’t handle it, watching them kiss. Not only did it piss me off that it was Owen, of all people, my friend and employee, but mostly because I had spent all damn week obsessing over that kiss at the bar, and here she was out gallivanting and kissing Owen as if she hadn’t even thought about what went on between us in that hallway.

  As if it meant nothing.

  As if I meant nothing.

  Our limbs became a tangle as I wound my hands into her hair. She opened up to me, pulling me into her, as if she had wanted me there all along. For some reason this just infuriated me more. I could remember the time when I was the only one she would welcome with open arms – when my kiss was the only one she craved, and now she could kiss anyone and then me, and it didn’t matter, it just was.

  I should have stopped kissing her. I should have pushed her away and left. I shouldn’t have deepened the kiss. I shouldn’t have dug my fingers into her scalp until she moaned against my lips.

  I kept kissing her. I wanted more. Everything. I wanted to take all of her kisses from her so she couldn’t give them to anyone else. I wanted to have this one last time, so that I could move on, for real this time. I wanted to punish her for all the hurt she had caused me, for all the pain she was still able to sending crushing through my chest. I didn’t deserve that. All I had ever done was fall in love with the wrong girl.

  My cock pulsed inside my jeans as her hands clung to my back. We were nothing but limbs and flesh tangled together until I didn’t know where I ended and she began. We were fluid suddenly – I an angry whiskey and her a pliant water. We fused together until we were endless, until I didn’t know who was pliant or angry because we were both.

  Until Rowan broke the kiss. She stared up at me with those honey-brown eyes, eyes that haunted my dreams. “I need you, Tyler.” Her words were like a soft, lilting lullaby – my weakness.

  I kissed her again with the same fury, but together we moved into another room, her bedroom. She tripped as she moved backward, but I caught her mid-fall and pressed her back until we hit the end of her bed.

  I should have left right there. I should have run for the hills. I was better than this. I wasn’t this person. I wasn’t the man who cheated on his girlfriend with the ex who fucked him over.

  But again I was wrong. The fury in my veins, the pain in my heart, it demanded its due. It wanted Rowan.

  She bounced as her back hit the bed, and immediately my hands were fisting the hem of her shirt, jerking it over her head. Her breasts threatened to burst out of the tight pink cups that held them. The sight of them like that made my knees weak and my cock kick in my pants. I jerked at her skin-tight jeans, yanking them down her legs, revealing matching pink cotton panties with lace around the edges. In the past I would have stopped, I would have taken her in, absorbed Rowan in all her glory lying there on the bed. The new Tyler didn’t, there was too much hate in my heart to admire her.

  In an instant I realized she didn’t deserve to be admired, cherished. She had just kissed Owen moments ago and now I was in her bed. She deserved to be treated like what she was: a liar, a cheater, a heartbreaker. A woman so devious and deceitful she plagued my thoughts, torturing me endlessly. I yanked down hard on her panties. Rowan gasped at the sound of ripping seams, but I didn’t care.

  “Take off your bra.” My voice thundered around us.

  Rowan’s gaze never left mine as she moved. There was something pliant in them, something sad I recognized, mixed with desire. She took off her bra, and her breasts bounced free; the sight would have brought a weaker man to his knees.

  “Lay back.” My voice was harsh, as if the sight of her wholly naked had no effect on me at all. I pulled my wallet out of my pocket, trying to move slowly, deliberately. I didn’t want her to know how much I wanted this. The foil packet slid out into my hand with ease, the same ease that brought my zipper down and unbuttoned my pants. My cock sprang from my zipper, desperate.

  “Tyler…” She whispered my name and my dick kicked at the sound as I rolled on the condom.

  “Quiet,” I ordered.

  Her gaze flared but she didn’t say anything else. She did chew on her bottom lip. It was her tick, the thing she always did when she was excited, worried, nervous, or even just considering something. It reminded me of that day when everything fell apart. When she stood before me with tears in those honeyed eyes, her white teeth biting into the plump flesh of her lip.

  I didn’t hesitate at her entrance. I stood at the edge of the bed fully clothed while Rowan lay naked before me. I didn’t take the time to play with her, to get her ready. That wasn’t me anymore. That wasn’t us.

  A guttural sound ripped from my chest when I pushed inside her. She was ready without me having to touch her. She liked this – liked being treated like this. I moved faster, thrusting harder.

  “Oh, Tyler!” She moaned and I gripped her hips, her breasts bouncing with each thrust. Her tight pink nipples begged to be touched, squeezed, plucked. I didn’t oblige. I could already feel it, the tingling sensation in my balls, the need to cum, to fill up Rowan up with every drop of my hate. Part of me demanded to move faster to reach that peak, but she hadn’t cum yet.

  Who gives a shit if she cums?

  But I did. Deep down inside I had to see her cum. It had been so long, too long, and I needed to see her fall apart on my cock like she used to. Her fingers found mine on her hips. I opened my mouth to tell her to move them, but I didn’t get the words out. Her shor
t nails bit into the back of my hands as she cried out, her body shaking, her pussy quivering around my dick.

  “Oh fuck, Tyler, fuck!”

  I followed her down into the depths of pleasure, my whole body jerking while I came inside Rowan. Rowan.

  Rowan.

  I opened my eyes, not remembering that I had closed them in pleasure. My forehead rested in the valley of her breasts, amongst smooth olive skin. I blinked and glanced up, meeting Rowan’s watery gaze. I watched as a tear leaked from one corner making a slow trail across her temple. I was still inside her, still a part of her. Rowan.

  I needed to get away from her, out of her place, out of her body. But instead I laid there awkwardly on her, still gripping her hips watching the tears leak out of her eyes. Her skin was so smooth and soft against the stubble on my cheek. And for a moment, the barest, briefest moment, I let my mind wander to all the what-ifs and what-could’ve-beens that I had locked away so long ago. I imagined what it would be like to be here again, all the time, to be inside her whenever we wanted. To hold her when she cried, to make her laugh again. The heaviness of the memories pressed down on my skull until I thought I would cry out, and then the pain was gone.

  Rowan’s hands were on my head, petting my hair, touching my cheeks. The pads of her fingers were so light, like butterfly kisses. My heart pounded in my chest, and I let myself have this, this moment, this fleeting instant where I didn’t embrace all the hate. I would regret it later, but for now, I let myself feel it, all of it. Her.

  Us.

  “Nope!” Victor shouted as he slammed down the card.

  “Dammit, man!” I laughed, but couldn’t help but feel irritated at the card game. Myself, Victor, Rowan, and Sarah, a girl Victor was dating, were all sitting around mine and Victor’s hand-me-down table, which was dappled with quarter-shaped impressions from our many nights of drinking games.

  “This game is crazy,” Rowan giggled when Sarah played an attack card.

  “Yeah, it’s pretty great.” I nodded. I was talking about the game, but I couldn’t help, but mean Rowan at the same time. She sat to my left, with her legs folded up in her chair, her braid hanging over one shoulder. She drank a ginger ale while the rest of us had beer. She had just turned nineteen, but it wasn’t her age that stopped her. She didn’t like the taste of beer, and seemed completely content with the ginger ale.

  This was the seventh time we’d hung out, outside of work. Each time was like a little piece of heaven, and each time all we’d done was kiss at the end of the night – which was great, don’t get me wrong. Rowan was the most attractive woman I’d ever met. The sexiest human on the freaking planet, and I wanted to learn her body inside and out until the end of time. Each time I saw her, I got a little more desperate.

  Like tonight, she wore some of her signature blue jean shorts that were a little worn and ragged around the edges, revealing muscular, olive-toned thighs that I wanted to sink my teeth into. Her tank top rode up her back a bit from the way she sat, revealing the tiniest sliver of skin. Rowan was an addiction, and I’d barely had a taste yet.

  “Come on, lover boy. Your turn.” I glanced up at Victor, who sneered at me across the table, his gaze darting between Rowan and me. There’d been something off about him lately, but I hadn’t been able to put my finger on it.

  We continued to play the card game for another hour, before Rowan stood and stretched, revealing more tanned skin along her belly.

  “I gotta run, guys. Dad will be expecting me soon.”

  “Already?” Sarah looked at her watch. “It’s only ten-thirty, Rowan.”

  Rowan shrugged. “Yeah, but y’all know how he is.”

  “Overbearing?” The word slipped out before I could think about it. Before I started seeing Rowan, George Steel had been my hero. His rags-to-riches story was one my father had told with gusto my whole life. More than that, once, my dad had been broken down on the side of the road during a storm and tornado warning when I was just a child. I remember being afraid, as we were out on some country road. George was the first person to come across us, and he managed to rig our car up so we could get home. My dad took his old car to George the next day and never let another person touch any of his vehicles from there on out.

  It had been in that storm, when George was bent over the hood, the wind whipping him around like crazy and the rain pelting down on him, that he became my hero. He could have left us there on the side of the road and hurried home to his own family and life, but he didn’t. He made sure we got home. That’s when I decided I wanted to be just like him – to work on cars, to be the hero. I’d only been six, but it had stuck with me. George was still my hero, but the strict confines he placed on his adult daughter had started to drive me a little nuts, considering all I wanted to do was spend every waking moment staring at her.

  Fuck, I’ve got it bad.

  “Come on, surely you could stay a little longer?” I asked.

  When her honey gaze met mine, she smiled. “I wish I could.”

  “If she’s gotta go, she’s gotta go. You know how it is when you still live with Daddy.” Victor said snidely, before downing the rest of his beer.

  I frowned at him, but didn’t say anything. I would literally kill him if he fucked this up.

  I walked with Rowan to the door. “I’m sorry about Victor, he—”

  “Doesn’t like me very much,” she finished for me. She rubbed the back of her arm.

  “What? No? It’s not that. It’s—”

  “Really, Tyler? All he ever does is make rude comments about me.”

  I frowned. This was the last thing I wanted. Victor was my best friend, but I didn’t want him fucking things up between me and Rowan. It was only just starting to be something more, like I wanted. “Wait, is that why you’re leaving?”

  She shook her head, and a small smile formed across her lips. “No, I really do have to go home.”

  I nodded slowly. I didn’t want her to leave. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her in my bed and never let go.

  Rowan leaned in on her tip-toes and pressed her lips against mine. My heart shuddered in my chest, sending a thundering noise to my ears. I kissed her back. There was just something so intoxicating about her soft, sweet kisses. They made me feel ravenous, desperate for more.

  When she pulled back a few moments later, her cheeks were flushed and her eyes twinkled with desire.

  “Don’t go, Row. Stay here, with me.” I had never her asked her this before – which might sound a little lame on my part, but I just hadn’t wanted to fuck it up. I hadn’t wanted her to think I was moving too fast or doing too much or trying too hard. It was all too much for me, especially when she was so hard to read.

  “Yeah? You want me to stay?” She bit her lip.

  “Fuck yes. That’s all I want.”

  She released her lip and smiled, glancing away from me as if I had embarrassed her.

  “Okay,” she said, before I could regret being so candid.

  “What?”

  “Okay,” she repeated and giggled.

  “Like, as in okay, you’ll stay?”

  She nodded, the smile leaving her lips and that twinkle of desire returning. “I’m sure I could make up something to satisfy Dad.” She fidgeted with the end of her braid. “I just didn’t bring any extra clothes…could I borrow something of yours to sleep in?”

  My brain went numb and shut down as all the blood ran to my dick at the thought of her slipping on one of my t-shirts and a pair of my boxers. I was already dangerously close to coming, and all she did was speak words – marvelous, intoxicating words.

  “I mean, if you don’t want me to, that’s fine. Really.” She coughed into her hand and took a step back.

  “Wait, no.” I laughed awkwardly, hoping my erection wasn’t as obvious as it felt. “That – yes. That can definitely be arranged.”

  She slid her hand into mine and I couldn’t help the giddiness that reverberated through my body. Being with Rowan was
different than any of the other girls I had dated before. There was something about her that made me nervous in a good way, that made me excited about waking up each morning. I’d never felt that way with anyone. It was addicting – and I didn’t want it to end. Ever.

  “Hey sexy.”

  I glanced up from my computer and met Evie’s blue gaze framed by her bright blond curls. She waltzed in and sat on the edge my desk. This was a common occurrence, as she would often stop by after cheer practice, or her part-time job at the dentist’s office across town.

  I glanced at my watch and realized it was already almost seven. Closing time. “Hey.” I forced a smile on my lips. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

  “I know, but I’m the best kind of surprise, aren’t I?” She winked and leaned in to press her lips against mine. Part of me wanted to jerk away. I didn’t. I let her press against me, just like I had several other times over the last two weeks since I’d slept with Rowan. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to kiss Evie, but because I couldn’t seem to fight the guilt that built like a pressure under my skin. I had spent the last year of my life hating Rowan for being a cheater, and yet I had done the same to Evie. And easily.

  I blinked up at her after the kiss, her hair tickling my cheeks. It had been too easy. I hadn’t even thought of her while I was in Rowan’s apartment, when I should have. I shouldn’t have been able to get her perfection off my mind. Rowan should have been a non-issue, no matter what our past had been like. Yet that hadn’t been the case. A sickness dwelled in my belly. The most pathetic part about it? It wasn’t because I genuinely felt bad about cheating on Evie – no, that guilt hadn’t set in, at least not yet. I realized that it had been easy for Rowan a year ago. Cheating wasn’t hard if it’s what you wanted in the moment. It made me sick to realize how little I had meant to her, and yet here I was, still somehow all tangled up in her web.

  I couldn’t believe that I’d actually slept with her. That I’d done it. She let me.