by Paige Toon
‘So you own that sweet bookshop we went to last weekend?’ Brooke continues with their chat.
‘Yep.’ Ed nods.
‘What’s it like being Nell’s boss?’ she asks with a grin, forking a tiny mound of couscous into her mouth.
Ed chuckles. ‘Sometimes it feels like it’s the other way around.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I demand to know. ‘Are you saying I’m bossy?’
Everyone laughs, except for Ed.
‘No, I’m saying you’re good at what you do. It’s a compliment,’ he adds, giving me a sideways smile before returning his attention to Brooke. ‘Did you know that we met as kids?’ He waggles his thumb at Van and me.
‘No?’ Brooke cocks an eyebrow, intrigued.
‘My parents and I stayed at a cottage up in the village. The day we came to collect the keys, Nell and Van had caught a duckling.’
Libby’s ears prick up from over on the picnic rug. ‘Really, Dad?’
‘Yep.’ Van nods at her.
‘Van heard her cheeping and ran inside to tell me,’ I say. ‘Our dog Scampi was going absolutely bonkers.’ I smile at Van. ‘Your mum was working, so we didn’t want to disturb her. We took the rowboat out by ourselves – we were only ten.’ I turn back to the rest of the table.
‘Can we take the rowboat out on our own?’ Libby interrupts excitedly.
‘No.’ Van’s reply is abrupt and final.
She and Luke grumble to each other as I carry on. ‘We had this race against time to catch the little thing before the tide went out again and we got banked. We were half successful. We caught the duckling, but had to climb out and walk home, leaving Platypus – our boat – tied to a tree. Van’s mum was so cross. Poor Ed was standing up here with his parents when we emerged, looking like mud monsters. You weren’t too freaked out though, were you?’ I grin at Ed.
‘Not at all,’ he replies with a smile. ‘I wanted to be part of your gang.’
This makes me elbow Van in the ribs, remembering how unwelcoming he was that day.
‘Yeah, all right,’ he mutters under his breath.
‘I remember telling Van that you reminded me of the boy from The NeverEnding Story.’
‘Which one?’ Brooke asks.
‘Bastian, the one who reads the book. Van used to remind me of Atreyu. We’d been to watch the movie only weeks before.’
Van shakes his head with amusement and Ed laughs.
‘So you pegged me as a book geek, even then,’ Ed says.
‘You’re hardly a geek,’ Brooke chips in, causing me to knock Ed’s knee again. He doesn’t knock mine back this time.
‘Nell said you have a sailing boat?’ Brooke prompts him.
Ed shrugs. ‘A small one.’
‘We should all go out in it sometime.’
He grins and shakes his head. ‘It really is a small one – two-person.’
‘Oh.’ She giggles.
I wait for him to invite her out – just her – but he doesn’t.
How could they not fancy each other? Brooke is stunning and Ed is… Well, he’s just… lovely.
At that moment, Ciara wakes up. ‘I’ll get her.’ I climb out awkwardly from between the two men.
Ellie opens her arms, but I nod at her plate. ‘You finish up, I’m happy.’
She pulls a worried face. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Absolutely.’ I stay on my feet, patting Ciara’s back and shushing her.
‘Aw, are you getting broody again?’ Brooke teases me knowingly.
I feel a pang, but force a smile. ‘It’s hard not to with this one.’
‘I would take her for a bit, but I’m not very good with babies,’ Brooke says.
‘You’re great with your brother’s kids!’ I protest.
‘Only now they’re older. Babies scare me. I’m not sure how I’d ever manage one of my own.’
‘It’s different when they’re your own,’ I reply, kissing Ciara’s temple.
The next day, we all get up and out of the house early to take the kids to Holywell Bay Beach, which is about an hour away on the north coast. It isn’t far from Newquay and can get busy in the summer, but we’re taking a picnic and plan to spend the whole day there.
A freshwater stream spills out to sea from the rural inland and we walk beside it until Libby and Luke can resist no longer, taking off their shoes and wading through the water. The stream hugs grassy slopes on one side and on the other is the beach itself. A couple of children are already building sandcastles on the riverbanks while their parents hammer brightly striped wind shelters into the sand.
The main beach is deceptively big – almost a mile of golden sand – but it’s hidden from view behind high sand dunes. We dump our gear and climb up to check out the view, weaving our way between huge tufts of marram grass. Van has brought the kids’ boogie boards – I reminded him what we used to do at this beach as children. When we reach the top of a steep, sandy incline, Van hands Luke his board and, without delay, launches himself from the top on Libby’s. Luke swiftly follows suit with a yell, and I watch and laugh as they belly-slide on their boards the whole way down. Libby laughs too, but she’s also jumping up and down with annoyance at her father’s impertinence.
‘Sorry, Libs,’ Van says on his return, sheepishly handing over her board. She promptly snatches it and takes off, squealing.
I’m so happy to see Van in this lighter mood. He was quiet last night, going to bed early with what he claimed was an alcohol-induced headache.
‘They’re going to be knackered tonight,’ I comment as we perch at the top of the dune and watch the kids make a full descent.
He doesn’t answer, his eyes on Luke and Libby as they turn around and start the long trek back up again.
‘Are you feeling all right? Not hungover, are you?’
‘No, I’m fine,’ he replies, scratching his beard. ‘Beers in the daytime always knock me out.’
‘You had fun, though, right?’
‘Yeah.’
But he hesitated before answering.
‘Are you okay?’
He sighs, his lips turning down at the corners. ‘You don’t have to keep asking.’
‘I’m worried about you.’
‘All right, kids?’ he shouts. ‘Gonna go again?’
Luke and Libby are huffing and puffing as they slip and slide over the sand, but they laugh and nod.
We wait until they’ve reached the top and shot off down the dune again before continuing with our conversation.
‘Yesterday was great,’ Van surprises me by saying. ‘Everyone enjoyed themselves and I really like your friends.’
‘I’m so relieved to hear you say that.’ It’s not an understatement. ‘Libby was fantastic with Thomas, wasn’t she? I think Ellie and Liam were blown away by her.’
‘Yeah, she’s a good girl,’ he replies fondly. ‘And Thomas is a cute kid.’
He seems to be making an effort to chat, which is probably why I start rambling.
‘Brooke was funny, refusing to hold Ciara, but I was pleased when she remembered to give Ed her card. Hopefully, something will come out of that connection.’
‘Mmm, it must be hard to start from scratch with a new business,’ he muses.
‘I thought they got on well, though, don’t you? It’s amazing that she’s moved back here and they’re both single.’
It’s a moment before he speaks, and when he does, he sounds cynical. ‘You can give up on that one.’
‘Well, maybe it won’t work out for them straight away,’ I continue as he lifts his hand to wave at the kids. ‘I mean, he’s not even divorced yet, but he will be soon. If they see each other a few times—’
‘It’s not going to happen, Nell,’ he cuts me off gruffly.
I shoot him a look. ‘What makes you say that?’
He pauses. ‘Because Ed is in love with you.’
The colour drains from my cheeks. He’s still staring at the kids and they’re almost upon us now.
‘Go on, off you go again,’ he urges them, and there’s no trace of anger or anguish in his voice. They set off again, laughing.
Van turns to look at me. I push my flyaway hair off my face and realise my hands are shaking. I feel like I could throw up.
‘It’s all right,’ he murmurs and his voice is gentle.
Now I can’t meet his eyes.
‘How can you say that?’ I can barely get the words out past the lump in my throat.
‘Because it’s true,’ he replies softly.
I shake my head, but I can’t deny it, not the way I adamantly want to. Deep down, I think I’ve known that Ed has feelings for me. But I haven’t been able to bear facing up to the fact that there may be consequences.
I force myself to look at Van. ‘What do you want me to do? Do you want me to leave my job?’
‘Of course not!’ he scoffs.
I shake my head, my eyes stinging with tears. ‘You’re so different to how you used to be.’
He leans back on his elbows. ‘You mean I’m no longer a jealous prick?’
I can’t even find the will to laugh at that comment.
‘I’ve grown up, Nell,’ he mutters. ‘Things aren’t so black and white, any more, not like they were when we were kids.’ He reaches across and rubs my back. I’m still sitting rigidly upright. ‘It’s all right,’ he says. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you or make you feel uncomfortable. But it’s hard for me not to say anything, okay? It’s given me pause for thought.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘I don’t know,’ he replies simply, his brow knotted together as we stare at each other. ‘But it’s going to be okay.’
My eyes fill with tears.
‘Hey.’ He leans forward and cups the back of my head, drawing me in for a kiss.
My head is all over the place as our lips meet.
We break apart as the kids return.
‘One last time and then we’ll take those to the water,’ Van tells Luke and Libby, getting to his feet. ‘Come on.’ He pulls me up, but doesn’t let go of my hand, and it’s impossible not to laugh as we run down the sand dune together.
Van discourages me from talking about Ed again that week, and as I don’t want to spoil the short time we have together, I’m content to obey his request. But on Friday night, Kiran, the person who’s covering for me at Dragonheart, calls me at home.
‘I’m so sorry to bother you,’ she says in a wretched voice. ‘But Ed was off work today with the flu and now I’ve come down with a vomiting bug. He says he’ll go in tomorrow, but he sounds awful. He didn’t want me to trouble you, but it seems crazy, him working if he’s still ill. There’s no chance you could cover for us, is there?’
‘Of course I can,’ I reply without hesitation. It’s Saturday, our busiest day. The shop is just about manageable with one person, but one person ill would be a living nightmare for them. ‘I’ll let Ed know,’ I tell Kiran. ‘You go and rest up, okay? I hope you don’t suffer too badly.’
‘Thank you, I really appreciate this.’
Van supports my decision. ‘We’ll have a local day. The kids could probably do with a chilled one.’
‘The traffic is rubbish on Saturdays anyway,’ I point out as I pick up my mobile, preparing to text Ed the plan.
I’m actually looking forward to a day at work after two weeks off. Usually, Ed is there in the mornings, and I’m not comfortable acknowledging how much I miss seeing his friendly face as I unlock the door and enter the dark, empty shop. But my heart feels fuller as I breathe in the familiar smell and set about opening up, stocking the shelves with fresh new books and replenishing the till.
We have a few busy periods throughout the day, but all in all it’s nothing I can’t handle.
At three thirty, Ed calls.
‘Hey, how are you feeling?’
‘A lot better,’ he replies.
He doesn’t sound it. ‘I hope you’re in bed.’
‘Sort of. I’ll come in shortly to relieve you so you can head off early.’
‘That’s bonkers,’ I snap. ‘Stay where you are. Do you need anything? I could pick you up some soup or bread or whatever on my way back to the car?’
‘No, you’ve already done enough. You sure you don’t mind staying until closing time?’
‘Of course not. Two more hours isn’t going to make a difference.’
There’s silence on the other end of the line. ‘Thanks, Nell,’ he says eventually. ‘I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.’
That suddenly feels like a very long time away.
On impulse, I text Van to ask what he thinks about me dropping some supplies to Ed’s on my way home. I immediately regret putting that on him, and the regret strengthens during the next twenty minutes that he doesn’t reply. But then my phone buzzes and I snatch it up: ‘Go for it. All good here x’
I don’t tell Ed that I’m coming until I’m almost on his doorstep.
He opens the door, looking slightly bewildered. His milk-chocolate hair is flat on one side and sticking up on the other and his tanned jaw is tinged even darker in colour with two-day-old stubble. He’s wearing a crumpled, soft-looking light-grey T-shirt. My heart goes out to him.
‘Hey.’ My tone is full of sympathy. ‘How are you feeling?’
He rubs the back of his neck and nods. ‘Yeah. Okay.’
‘Can I come in?’
He opens the door wider for me to pass. He’s turned his battered brown leather sofa into a makeshift bed, dragging his pillows and duvet out from his bedroom. Aw, Ed… I hate to think of him having no one to look after him while he’s ill.
The modern kitchen is open-plan, separated from the living room by an island unit. I walk over and put the shopping bags down.
‘Have you eaten anything?’
‘Toast.’
‘How about some chicken noodle soup?’ I offer with a smile, pulling out a sachet.
‘I’ll do it, you get home.’
‘Sit down,’ I say firmly. ‘It’s nice to have a break from the mayhem.’
He pulls up a stool at his island unit while I fill the kettle and switch it on, looking under the counter for a saucepan.
‘How’s your week been?’ he asks.
‘Nice. Busy,’ I add emphatically. ‘Lots of beach action.’
‘Do the kids surf?’ he asks.
‘Luke does a little – Nick takes him out occasionally. Van’s been teaching Libby. The beaches here are a bit more forgiving than some of the reef breaks he surfs back home. I’ve been mostly chilling out on the beach with my book.’
I never did persevere with learning to surf after doing that course with Joel.
Measuring out boiling water and tipping it into the pan, I pour in the soup mixture and give it a stir. When I glance at Ed on the other side of the island unit, he’s staring at the island top, downcast.
‘You should stay warm.’ I nod at his makeshift bed. ‘I’ll bring this over.’
A look of distress passes over his features, prompting me to freeze. But then he slides down from his stool and relocates to the sofa, making me wonder what I saw. I try to ignore the niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach as I serve up his soup and carry it over.
‘This is really kind of you,’ he murmurs, accepting the bowl and spoon.
I take to his armchair. ‘I’m sure you’d do the same for me. Well, maybe you wouldn’t,’ I correct myself. ‘I live a forty-minute drive away, whereas you’re five minutes from work. It’s not exactly a hardship.’
‘I’d do the same for you,’ he agrees in a low voice, his eyes meeting mine momentarily as he blows on the hot soup lapping against the edges of his spoon.
‘Have you called Brooke, yet?’
I don’t know why I ask such a stupid question – especially not after the conversation I had earlier in the week with Van. Maybe I’m trying to make light of the situation. Maybe I’m trying to pretend that Ed and I have the easy, platonic friendship I’ve always fooled m
yself into believing we have. But it’s still a stupid question because I already know his answer.
‘No.’
I nod, not bothering to act surprised.
‘She reminded me a bit of Tasha,’ he divulges.
‘No!’ Now I’m surprised. ‘In what way?’
‘Some of her mannerisms… Her long blonde hair…’
‘I have blonde hair.’
He lets out a small snort of amusement. ‘That would be about all you have in common.’
‘So, it’s a “no” for poor Brooke, then?’
‘I don’t think she’ll be single for long,’ he says drily.
‘No, you’re right about that.’
Ed nods at some papers on the coffee table in front of me.
‘What’s this?’ I ask, picking them up.
‘Settlement papers,’ he replies. ‘Tasha wants half of the business.’
‘What? But she’s never done a day’s work in it! Or for it. It’s nothing to do with her!’ I’m outraged.
‘Doesn’t matter,’ he replies darkly. ‘What’s mine is hers, apparently.’ He pauses. ‘What she’s really after is the house.’
‘Is she even planning on staying in Cornwall?’
‘I doubt it. She’ll sell up as soon as all of this is settled, but that’s not the way she’ll play it if we go to court.’ He sighs. ‘I really don’t want to go to court.’
‘What will you do?’ I ask worriedly.
‘I think I’ll give her my share of the house.’
‘And keep the bookshop?’
He nods.
‘Surely the house is worth more,’ I say with a frown. ‘I hope you’ve got a good lawyer.’
He stares at me directly. ‘I just want to be rid of her, Nell, so I can start again.’
The look in his eyes makes that funny feeling kick in again. It’s disconcerting.
He sighs and puts his bowl back on the coffee table, then nods towards the door. ‘You should get home to Van.’
‘He’ll be all right with the kids for a bit longer.’ I’m fighting an overwhelming urge to get up and give him a hug.
What is this?
I’ve always had a protective personality. I mothered Van when we were younger and I feel very protective of Ed, too.
I know in my heart that what Van said is true: Ed has feelings for me that go beyond friendship. I think I’ve known it for a while.