This Time

by Alisha Basso

  Why was he here? I felt my mind spinning in confusion. Oh God, who was this man?

  “My walk?” I whispered, then I looked hard at his face.

  Lord save me, he was incredible. His white-blonde hair was cropped close to his head. His suit was crisp and hugged his tall, muscular body beautifully. He was a dream. A fantasy come true. No way was this person my husband.

  Grace?

  The word was like a knife through my skull. Pain laced through my head and I stumbled back.

  He raced to my side. “You didn’t take your medication again. Oh, my love, it’s my fault.” He lifted me gingerly as I reeled in pain. “You’ve been forgetting more and more. I’m so sorry, Alice. You could have been seriously hurt. I promise I will never leave your side again.”

  He carried me to the bedroom, his touch was hot on my chilled skin and I flinched. The memory of his smiling face in a room full of bizarre creatures flashed into my damaged mind. He tried to press me closer to his chest and I squirmed and pushed.

  “God, stop, just stop.”

  I thrashed out of his arms, dropping to my feet. So much had happened, but a face like his was unmistakable.

  “Don’t you think I remember you?” I shouted, and he flinched back, startled. “What kind of fucked up game is this?” I spun, searching for the door. “You were there,” I shouted over my shoulder. He stepped close and I tried to move past him. “You’re one of them! One of those creatures!”

  He blocked my every attempt to sidestep him until finally I surrendered and let him move in front of me. He looked down at me, his expression troubled.

  “Alice, this is madness. Please my darling, what are you talking about?” He gripped my arms and bent slightly, trying to meet my eyes. “I’ve been here all day. You slept in because of your migraine. I wanted you to see the doctor but you insisted that all you needed was a walk and some fresh air.” He jerked me close to his body, looking into my eyes; I saw panic. “I wanted to accompany you, but you rushed off so suddenly that when I went to retrieve our coats, you were already gone. It’s been hours, my darling.” He blew out a breath and drew me into an embrace. “I was so relieved when I got the call that you were back in the hotel. I was worried sick. I had my entire staff out looking for you!”

  It all sounded so reasonable and I wanted to believe him, but I knew what I had seen.

  “No!” I placed my palms onto his chest and pushed. He stiffened and gripped my arms tighter, his strong fingers digging into my flesh.

  Something inside me compelled me to look up. His eyes locked onto mine and I froze, as if in a trance, my mind flooded with images. I stared unseeing, my eyes wide.

  I’m in a bed, a damp cloth pressed onto my forehead. He’s there, sitting close to my side. He stands and passes into a closet full of dresses. He wants me to join him for the day. He has plans for us so he holds up a dress, smiling. It’s the dress I was wearing. It’s on a padded hanger. Then I’m sitting on a chair, he’s kneeling in front of me as he’s handing me a small red pill. I’m smiling and swallowing it down.

  I shook my head. No, that wasn’t right.

  “No! What is this? It can’t be real,” I stepped back. “You were there. When I woke up in that room! You were there, with the weird yellow-haired man and the men with the metal eyes!” I pointed my finger at him. “All of those people and you. I saw you standing there, I heard you speak!”

  He’s gliding his hands along my naked back. His lips nibble at the base of my neck.

  I threw my hands up to cover my ears as I squeezed my eyes shut.

  “Stop it!” I shouted and spun. “I was there! Something happened to all of you. Somehow you all froze, like magic and then…” I opened my eyes, the images were not very old, yet I began to struggle with all of the details. I frowned. “…I was at the river.” I looked at my hands. “…yeah, like magic, I was in that room and then the next second, I was at the river.”

  I looked at him, frowning. “But, wait, how could any of this have happened?” I whispered, looking up at his worried face.

  Doubt began to creep slowly into my mind. I shook my head and stared at the wall.

  “The cold was so real. My skin burned with it,” a tear slid down my cheek, “and then just as suddenly as I had appeared at the river, the magic gave me different clothes. Then that tour bus showed up. I needed a room.” I moved my eyes up to examine his face.

  He watched me in mute horror. He had folded his arms and put a hand over his mouth.

  I looked past him and moved to sit on the bed, “My clothes changed again,” I continued, “this dress.” I ran my hands over the soft fabric. “I was scared. It was too much. I started to faint, then that nice man came and he helped me.” My God, what was I saying? I knew that everything I had said sounded like the mutterings of a complete nut job. No matter how real all of it seemed, there was no way that any of it could have happened. No way could any of it have been real.

  I felt dizzy again and covered my face. “My God, what is the matter with me?” I mumbled into my cupped hands. Sniffing, I sucked in my breath. “How sick am I?” Tears flowed and panic settled in my stomach. I met his eyes once again, he looked so sad and my heart sank.

  “You’ve lost your memory,” he began, moving close, “it’s only temporary.” He took my hands in his and sat. His body radiated a steady heat as he sat close. “I don’t know what you went through today, my love, but it was nothing more than a hallucination. You are Alice White, my wife. We have been married for six years. You and I are celebrating our anniversary. That is why we are in Reno. We met here at a convention.”

  He looked so sincere. His face was so amazingly beautiful that I felt pulled into his gaze. Lulled into trusting him. Something inside me recognized him. Something inside me must have loved him. Despite my fear, I felt drawn. Was it an old and familiar attraction? He had to be telling me the truth, I had to believe that. If not, it meant that I was truly insane or worse, those people were real.

  He squeezed my hands in his much larger ones. His skin was soft, his nails buffed and professionally groomed. Whatever this man did for a living, he sure didn’t get his hands dirty.

  I felt my mind drifting as I looked into his blue eyes. The memories of each horrible event were becoming less and less vivid.

  “It seemed so real.” My brows drew together. “I could swear that I was there.”

  “Look at me, my love.” His eyes sharpened on mine. “You are safe with me, where you belong. Nothing else matters, do you understand me?”

  I felt sucked into his gaze as each memory became more and more hazy. As if, one by one, they were carefully plucked out of my head. It was all fading, as if I was waking from a dream.

  “How could I have imagined all of those people? And you? Why did you scare me so much?”

  “It wasn’t real, my darling. Now come, let’s move this behind us.” He stood and I followed. Just as I began to move, a huge bouquet caught my eye. I approached feeling shaky, as if I was wandering in a trance. Red roses mixed with thick-stemmed white lilies filled the huge vase. I bent to sniff the blooms and noticed a small card. I picked it up and read, “In Celebration. You are mine always and forever.”

  I set the card on the table and sighed. He must have given these to me for our anniversary. Sighing, I turned to look at him.

  “I’m so sorry.” I felt tears well into my eyes. They burst forth as he moved to gather me in his arms. “Oh, God. What kind of a nightmare do we live in?” I shook with the power of my sobs and he pulled me tighter into the heat of his embrace. He whispered soft words into my hair as he stroked my back, soothing me, speaking words I didn’t understand.

  This man must have suffered so much! God, I was a horrid wife.

  He gently took my chin and moved my face to look up into his cool blue eyes. “It’s alright. We’ve had these problems before and they are nothing, we always work it out.” He smiled and lightly brushed his lips across mine. “You must always remembe
r to take your medication and your memory will return. The doctors have been right so far. We must follow our normal routine and continue as usual. It’s what we’ve always done to trigger your memories. Don’t fret, I’m here for you, love, and I won’t let you out of my sight again.”

  I felt a mixture of relief and fear at his words. The hotel staff knew him as my husband so we must have been seen together. As impossible as it was to believe, it seemed to be true. My God, this man was my husband.

  “Let’s get you into the bath. You’ll feel so much better.” He helped me move, and as I watched, he unfastened my dress. It slid from my shoulders and fell to the floor. “The water should still be warm. Come, I’ll wash your hair.”

  When I began to protest, he shook his head. “Normality, Alice. Only our daily lives together will spark your memory.”

  I sighed, “Alright.” I looked at him. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name.”

  He smiled. His lips were slightly pink and beautifully full, his teeth were white and perfect. “You call me Lu.”

  THREE

  “Lu?” I wanted to laugh. Such a simple name for such an impressive man. “Lu White?” I said aloud.

  “Yes,” he said simply.

  I frowned and then slowly I walked up the stairs to the large, spa tub. The smells emanating from the steaming water were heavenly. The tub sat under a pair of giant windows and the lights of the city twinkled like a million colorful stars all around us. It was beautiful and I understood why we must have chosen this place to celebrate.

  His hands caressed my shoulders drawing the straps of my bra down my arms to release my breasts. I felt my breath catch as he removed it. I stripped my panties off and stepped into the hot water. I turned, my back to the city, my eyes on the man in front of me.

  “I realize that you must feel strange. You’ve said in the past that I was like a total stranger when your memory left you. But Ali, I assure you that I will never harm you. I am bound by vows that I can never break. Can you trust me?” He had already removed his jacket and was working on his shirtfront. Tattoos peeked out from the cuffs.

  He caught me staring and his mouth turned up in a smirk. “At least I know we still share desire.” His eyes sharpened on my face. My breath hitched. “Making love will never be our problem.”

  A tingle raced down my spine at his words and I felt my eyes widen and almost choked on my tongue when he removed the last of his clothing. His tattoos molded his body to perfection. It was as if the artist chose to caress every curve of every muscle. There were no actual pictures, only swirls and loops. Some swirls were covered with thorns and others looked like the ends of devilish pitchforks. I felt a small twinge of recognition as I watched him enter the bath but it left as suddenly as it came. I looked at my wrist and then at his.

  He smiled.

  “You see?” he purred as he lowered himself into the water and relaxed back. He lifted my wrist and began kissing along the inky thorns. “You and I are bound.” He pulled me into his arms and my back pressed against his chest.

  “Relax my sweet, Alice,” he breathed into my hair.

  That name felt wrong.

  Grace.

  Why was that name beating at my memory?

  “It’s funny, I could have sworn I made that name up.” I turned and looked over my shoulder at his face.

  “You’ve done it before. I’m not so shocked.”

  “Hmmm, I was going to tell them my name was Grace.”

  His body went completely rigid.

  “You know that name?” I turned around. “How can you know that name?”

  He recovered visibly and my suspicion rose.

  “That is the name of your late sister. I’m sorry, Alice. It’s the reason you got so sick. You were with her when she was killed. It traumatized you to the point of madness. The doctors wanted to commit you, but with some experimental medication, you got better. The cure we would later find out was a double edged sword because it affected your memory. Now, you are on medication that helps with your memory, but you forget to take it. It’s my fault. I am so sorry. I hate that you have to re-live this nightmare!” He grabbed me in a hug, his wet body pressed close, heating my skin. “Please my darling, forgive me.” He turned my face and crushed his lips onto mine. His kiss was desperate and filled with need. “Let me make love to you?”

  No! Another voice in my head, screaming the word as if the world depended on it. I closed my eyes, shutting out the voice.

  I met his eyes. “We’ve been married for six years?” I sighed as he nodded and kissed along my neck.

  “Yes, my love. But the ailment you suffer means that sex will always feel like the first time for us.” He sat back, his arms resting along the edge of the tub. “Are you ready for me, my darling?”

  I felt a slight tickle at the base of my neck. It warmed its way up and settled on the back of my head. The back of my head?

  Wait.

  “Wait.” I stood, water sloshed onto the floor as I scrambled out of the tub and ran across the room into the small bathroom.

  “Are you alright, my darling?” I heard his laughing voice shout out as I shut the door. I locked it and spun toward the mirror. I felt along the base of my skull and up until I met with a small dent. It was sensitive and made me wince.

  The wound.

  He was lying?

  God, no! What the hell?

  Confusion made my head hurt. Why was he lying? God, what was going on?

  I leaned closer to the the mirror. My long hair and green eyes seemed normal enough, but something was missing. I had no idea what it was. I stared harder as if somehow my reflection should show me more.

  “My darling. Are you all right? I sent for room service. We can eat before we go to bed.” His voice traveled through the door as if he was yelling from across the room.

  I shook my head. Something was so wrong. Well obviously, but I was missing something important.

  Grace, please listen! He is no longer with us! We think he may be with…

  “Alice!” The door to the bathroom shook violently. “Alice? Come out or I will come in!” he shouted as the door shook on its hinges, threatening to break free.

  I threw open the door. “I’m fine, Lu. I just got nervous.” I smiled at him as I stepped from the room. He stood there, sucking in great, angry breaths, his hair spiked all over in crazy disarray, his pajama pants slung low on his hips. I licked my lips. God, he was sexy when he was pissed.

  “You must never lock me out, Alice. Ever. You could hurt yourself. Do you understand?” He pulled me into his arms. “I would die if you were injured. Promise me, my love.” He kissed my hair as his scent engulfed me. “Come to bed.”

  He led me to the huge, king-sized bed. The blankets were folded back to reveal crisp, white, cotton sheets. Huge, feather pillows looked like puffs of air just waiting for me to sink into them. I crawled, naked, onto the bed. I was suddenly more exhausted than hungry. I snuggled deep into the soft bedding, my husband crawling in to spoon me tightly as I quickly fell asleep.

  ***

  “The time you’ve spent away was torture.” His smile was adorable and made me feel warm all over. I wasn’t even angry at him anymore. His eyes were metallic now, like my own, only the color was different. I didn’t care. He was a fool, but he’d learned from it.

  “I don’t care how sorry he is. I’m still willing to kill him for what he did.”

  My heart swelled at the sound of his voice. So deep, slightly accented and full of strength.

  “Oh, as if you’re so innocent!” I winked at him. He wore a scowl better than any man. His hair was short again, making his features the main focal point. He was gorgeous. They both were. A sun tanned Adonis and a dark god. I loved them both deeply. They were my best friends and my reason for waking up every day. In a perfect world I would never have to make a choice. I could love them both. I felt them. They were somehow always inside me.

  “Gracie, where are you? Come back to
us”

  My shoulder shook. “Alice?”

  I yawned and snuggled deeper into the bed. The dream was slipping. If I kept my eyes closed they might come back.

  Who were they?

  “Alice?” My shoulder shook again. I opened my eyes slowly and turned. The dream fled as I smiled into a face that made me sigh with girlish pleasure. He touched me in a place deep inside. It was like a separate awareness that wanted to grab him and never let go. I frowned, as if I was battling too many feelings. The fact that I had feelings for him at all made me think that maybe I’d better find out if he really was lying to me.

  “Lu?”

  He stretched his long body beside mine and, gently holding my head, he placed a kiss on my forehead. “Yes, my love?”

  “When was the last time I was injured?”

  He sat up. His eyes slid across my face as if looking for something. He cleared his throat, “Ali, you injured your head about six months ago. It was a very nasty accident. The wound has healed but you still suffer debilitating migraines.”

  Of course! Migraines. He’d said that I had a migraine yesterday. Man, I felt like an asshole. He was no more a liar than I was a good wife. Fuck! He was a concerned husband who had shown nothing more than kindness and attention to me, and I was an asshole.

  I gazed at him. His concern shone through his eyes and I suddenly felt desperate. I needed to taste him. Feel his skin on mine. I was his wife and I’d behaved badly, causing him pain. A distressed part of my soul reached out to him.

  “Make love to me, Lu?”

  He inhaled sharply and narrowed his eyes. Butterflies danced low in my belly as I watched him. His nostrils flared and he turned, crawling forward, his eyes never leaving mine, he reached for me.

  His hand was in my hair, his lips and tongue moved along my neck.

  “How long has it been?” I breathed.

  “It seems as if I've waited a thousand years,” he growled as he nuzzled my neck, raising chills all over my body. His mouth closed over mine, his tongue pushed passed my lips.