Cabin Fever

by Shani Greene-Dowdell et al.

  “I hope you’re right. I feel like a stupid child not knowing these things. I mean, Mother gave me her sex bootcamp last month and it was scary. First of all, who wants to think of their parents having sex, let alone doing the things she told me about. I think I am traumatized for life.”

  We both laughed in horror. Imagining my bougie mother on her knees giving my father pleasure was more than I could handle. I am grateful she wanted to prepare me for the life of a wife, but damn. The visuals popping in my head as she talked were stuff nightmares were made of.

  “I am right. Mother’s lessons are not that off base. If she was a stranger, I would be more inclined to be on board.”

  “Right? Did she tell you to make sure to mind the stepchildren?”

  “Bitch! I died, revived myself and buried myself alive when she said that.”

  “At least I am somewhat prepared for what happens on the wedding night. Between you and her, I think I might be alright.”

  “Eileen, nothing we say will prepare you for your first time. All of those lessons she gave us will fly out of your head. Your ass is going to be scared and you need to be prepared. Your Navy Seal looks like he might just be packing. That shit is gonna hurt.”

  Trina rambled on filling my head with the horror stories of her and her friends’ first times. I thought I was prepared, but now I was having second thoughts. What if it really hurt? What was the protocol for asking him to stop? Mother said it was just something you had to deal with in order to make a good wife. Trina said if he loved you, he would care about your feelings and make it nice for you. Well, I had no idea what would happen, but I did know it wasn’t going to be about love. I barely knew the man I would marry. What I did know was I would rather my first be with a man like Linc as opposed to a slimeball like Anderson. It was my choice who to give myself to and it would never be Anderson.

  “Trina, we need to get our plan together so that I can escape without Mother and Dad finding out and stopping me. And you can start your new career as head of IT. We also need to start the headhunter looking for a replacement for your father.”

  “First of all, aren’t we still waiting on the lawyer to get back to you?”

  “That’s why I asked you to come up here. She emailed me all the information about Daddy taking over the company despite Papaw’s wishes. He stipulated it in his will that Daddy not be in charge. That is our first order of business. Next, we need to get me out of town before anyone can find out where I am. Though I have inherited this empire, I have no plans or desire to run this company. I know if I stay, someone will try to pressure me into doing just that.”

  Trina nodded her head in understanding. She knew I was not willing to be tied down to this place any longer. I needed out before I went insane with anger.

  “As far as your great escape is concerned, you already have the ticket Lincoln sent to your email. We can’t change the flight times, so we have to make sure we are out of here on time. Keeping your room locked these past two weeks has been a huge help in hiding the fact that you are shipping your important stuff to Lincoln’s house. I have already informed Mother that we will be staying overnight at the hotel, so it won’t look odd for us to leave with a couple of bags.”

  “Okay good. Now I just need to figure out how to access my money once I am gone. I don’t want them knowing how to find me and the fastest way for that to happen is tough a money trail.”

  Out of nowhere, Trina threw her hands in the air and started dancing across the floor at the Rihanna song that blared from her phone. She giggled and made me laugh as she gave me a show. My sister often broke out into a dance party. There was nothing you could do to deter her. You either joined in, which I usually did, or you waited until she was through. I stood and began to ‘dutty whine’, a dance I learned from watching a Caribbean music video online. My sister’s eyes bugged out as she nodded her head in appreciation.

  “Bitch, who taught you to whine? The way you’re moving that thang, Lincoln is going to be a very happy man. I don’t think you have anything to worry about on your wedding night. You’ve got the moves down.”

  We giggled and laughed until the song ended. I was going to miss our silly times together. I would just have to make sure to schedule dance parties over the phone. There was no way I was going to stop this fun bonding time with my sissy. Once we settled down, Trina went back to our conversation like we weren’t just cutting the fool a second ago.

  “As far as your money goes, once the lawyer secures your access, all I have to do is install this program I have been working on onto the new laptop we are buying you the day you leave. It will allow you to access your money, but if anyone tries to trace where your transfers are going, they won’t be able to. The program is designed to scramble your financials, so it appears your money is in different accounts across the world. The actual accounts will never be revealed unless they have this encrypted site that only you and I will have access to. I have it setup so they will be looking for your ass in Germany somewhere. It is brilliant if I say so myself.”

  “Trina, you are a genius. How much is this going to cost me?”

  “You get the favorite sister discount, Free 99.”

  “Oh hell no. I am inheriting all this money and it isn’t even fair that you didn’t get anything. You are getting your share.”

  “I don’t want it sis. If you give me the money, Mother and Dad will be hounding me. I have to act like I don’t know anything about you leaving in order to protect you. They need to trust me so I can run interference and point them in the wrong direction when they start getting close.”

  “At least let me give you an allowance in an offshore account or something. I can’t bear to think of you having to struggle when I am not. That will never happen.”

  “I love you Eileen, I am going to miss you so much.”

  ***

  The week passed quickly as Trina and I prepared for my great escape. Linc and I had been chatting every night, both of us anticipating the day we would see each other. The day before my departure, Trina and I spent all day getting everything together. I packed my overnight bag after watching a tutorial online about how to pack a ton of clothes in a small suitcase. I had managed to ship the bulk of my clothes, shoes and accessories to Linc’s house when Mother was out taking care of things for the wedding. She still had no clue I was not going to be walking down that aisle to Anderson.

  Lincoln had planned to meet me at the airport. We would leave from there, headed to the Justice of the Peace to say our vows. The marriage certificates had already been secured by Madame Dragonfly. She was a gem with handling so many incidentals for us. Somehow, she managed for me to sign it in person when I arrived, so I didn’t have to make a trip ahead of time. She was aware of my situation at home and was really sympathetic.

  Trina had arranged for a small get together with the bridal party so Mother wouldn’t get suspicious. She had been the one to choose them anyway. I didn’t know half of them. The girls partied hard which I was told was normal. I had no idea, but the one drink they made me chug gave me a buzz that I had never felt before. The drink, I think they called it Baby Goats in Totes, was sweet and strong enough to have me dancing on tabletops while bleating the D4L song, Laffy Taffy at the top of my lungs.

  “Turn up Sis!” Trina shouted as I shook my ass to the music like a madwoman.

  I had the most fun ever that night. It was one to remember. I would cherish this night, my last stand with my sister by my side. In the morning before everyone awoke, I would board a plane headed to my new life in California with my new husband and a shit ton of money.

  Five

  Take My Breath Away

  Lincoln

  Today was the day I was going to meet my new bride. I had to admit I was excited to see Eileen in person. She and I had been chatting every night and I felt like I knew her pretty well. She was fun, friendly and had the best laugh I had heard in a long time. I didn’t know if she was on her best behavior or if it w
as her real personality, but I was going with it. On top of all that, she was very easy on the eyes.

  I would be lying if I said I hadn’t been plagued with images of her under me in my bed. I mean our bed. Yeah, I like the sound of that. I just hoped she wouldn’t be disappointed when she saw me in person. I used to be what some would consider handsome, but lately, I had let myself go a bit. Grown a beard that was out of control and my hair was much longer than I was used to. However, thanks to me working out in the field with my employees, my body was still in shape. Thank God for small favors.

  Looking in the mirror as I readied myself for the day, the decision became clear. I needed to clean up before my lady arrived. I couldn’t have her looking at me in disgust. I know I was a little rough around the edges, but I still had pride. It was time for the old Navy Seal of yesteryear to make an appearance. Gearz Barber shop was just what I needed to get me ready for my big day. Wedding photos were supposed to be treasured and I wanted to look my best for my bride.

  “Hey K.B. you got room for a cut and a trim of my beard?”

  I called out to my old friend. He was the first person to welcome me into town when I moved here three years ago. I was dragging ass on making an appointment and it fell by the wayside. K.B. usually had a few openings so I took a chance to see if I could walk in. If not, I would have to do it myself. Lord knows neither one of us wanted that.

  “Hey Linc! Come on in. It just so happens I had a cancellation. What are you psychic or something?”

  “No man. Just lucky, I guess.”

  “I haven’t seen you in the shop in a month of Sundays. What’s the special occasion?”

  “Getting married this afternoon and I want to look nice for my bride.”

  The words dropped like a ton of bricks as the shop went silent and every man in the room stared at me in disbelief. What’d I say?

  “Married? I didn’t even know you were dating anyone. Not since that debacle with Janey a while back. She’s still on the warpath.”

  “I saw her on the way in. Had to turn down a different street and go about ten minutes out of my way to avoid her. The woman is relentless. She is always trying to make me take her back. Clueless. We weren’t even dating. She was just a friend.”

  “Yeah, with benefits!”

  The guys in the shop all agreed as they fell into a fit of laughter. Not funny in my opinion. The woman was going to enormous lengths to get me back in her bed. I refused to acknowledge her and avoided her at all costs. Maybe she would come to her senses when she hears I am getting married and trust me she will find out. This town had an information highway that rivaled the internet named Bill Stevens. He sat across from me taking in every word so he could repeat it to the rest of the town who wasn’t present.

  “Whatever man. We were never a couple. I made the mistake of sleeping with her once and she won’t leave me alone. Somethings wrong with that woman.”

  “Un huh. She’s dickmatized! But enough about Janey, tell me about this woman you’re getting chained to. Do I know her?”

  A grin settled over my face as I thought about Eileen. Just the mention of her had me acting like a damn schoolboy. What was happening to me?

  “No man. I doubt you know her. She lives in Georgia.”

  “Oh, a Southern girl. How did you meet her?”

  “Online.”

  “You trolling dating sites online? You know better than that boy. You’re gonna get catfished. Your bride is likely to show up here looking like the groom.”

  More laughter erupted from the peanut gallery. I did not find the humor in K.B.’s statement.

  “Fuck you man. I know exactly what she looks like because we’ve been chatting online every night. Besides the matchmaker I used vetted her before allowing her to use the service, so I am 100% positive she is who she says she is.”

  Why the fuck did I just say that? I couldn’t help myself. Pride is indeed a deadly sin. I couldn’t have these fool thinking I was being taken for a ride. Now the entire town of Tolerance, California, population 272, soon to be 273, would know all my business. I looked up from my phone that I had been fiddling with only to meet Bill’s anxious eyes waiting for more information to spread about me.

  “Linc, please tell me you didn’t order you a bride through the mail. What is this 1927?”

  If I had to be the butt of their constant jokes today in order to get a haircut and trim, I would, but I was gonna make damn sure they knew I wasn’t playing around when it came to my wife.

  “You’re damn right I did. She is exactly what I need in my life. She and I will be married today before sundown and we are going to live in that house I just built until we are old and gray. Eileen is a very special woman and I will be proud to call her my wife.”

  “Okay, okay. I get it. You ordered you a woman, and she’s exactly what you want, but let’s get to the most important thing… what does she look like?”

  “Fuck off K.B. You’ll see for yourself soon enough. Now if you don’t mind, can you fix me up, so she doesn’t run for the hills as soon as she sees me?”

  “Sure thing Linc. I got you covered. How short you want this beard?”

  “Trim it close, maybe leave an inch or two. I can always grow it back if she likes it, but I want to look nice in the pictures.”

  K.B. went about his job, sheering my overgrown locks and beard until he was satisfied. The man was a maniac with his scissors, leaving me feeling like he took five years from my life. When he was done, my chestnut hair was shaved low on the sides with about three inches left on top and in the back. My beard and mustache were so smooth, I looked like one of those models you see in the beard oil ads. He even left a slight curl at the end of my stash that made me laugh.

  “K.B. what the hell is going on with my mustache?”

  “I thought since you were living like you were in the 1920s, I would make you look like it too.”

  Again the room echoed with laughter, except this time I joined in. Call me crazy, but I liked the look. It made me stand out, but only slightly.

  “It gives you a flare!” Bill chimed in as he stood up to stretch and brush off the hair from his own haircut.

  A flare huh? He was right I flashed him a small smile and paid K.B. giving him a nice tip. After buying a set of the beard oil, mustache wax and just about every other beard product he had, I left the men to gossip about me on their own. I had to hustle over to the local seamstress where I was due to pick up the custom suit, I ordered earlier this month.

  Once all my errands were run and I looked good enough to marry a Southern Belle from Savannah, I headed home to ready the house for her arrival. I wasn’t known for my cleaning skills, but I made a concerted effort. In my quest to make our first night together special, I decided to setup a special treat for my wife. I hoped she would like it. Everything I found online confirmed most women would love this type of thing. I wasn’t a romantic, but I wanted her to feel welcome in her new home. She needed to know she hadn’t signed up to live with a caveman. I may not love her yet, but I respected her and wanted her to be happy in our life together.

  After showering, I pulled on my tailored blue suit with a matching gray vest with blue pinstripes. The crisp white shirt played nicely against the blue tie with gray dots. I slid my mother’s wedding rings into my pocket and headed to the airport to meet my future.

  I arrived at the airport, parked the truck and briskly walked to the baggage claim area, because I was running late. I looked around to find the area where her flight was assigned. After locating the turnstile, I found most of the people had already claimed their bags. There was a stray bag riding the turnstile, so I hustled over thinking it was hers. As I reached for the bag an older gentleman jostled me out of the way giving me a glare. Apparently, it was his bag. I quickly offered an apology that was not accepted. I shook my head at the grumbling old man as he snagged his baggage and wheeled it away.

  I looked around for my bride but couldn’t find her anywhere. I was just ab
out to panic when I looked up to see a beautiful vision in white gliding toward me with a beaming smile on her face. Her caramel skin glowed against the stark whiteness of her dress. She took my breath away. I stood staring at the most beautiful woman in the world and she was looking at me like she approved of what she saw. My hands started sweating and I quickly dried them on my pantleg. How the hell did I get so lucky?

  “Eileen! You’re breathtaking. Welcome home.”

  The smile on her face grew as she reached for me. I went for a hug, when she was going for a handshake. We laughed and readjusted, this time she went for a hug and I tried to shake. Shaking my head at our awkward meeting I decided to take charge.

  “We hug on three.”

  She nodded and smiled as I silently counted to three and reached for her. This time I hit my mark. She melded into my arms and it felt like she was what had been missing my entire life. She smelled of sweet jasmine with hints of vanilla and I knew it was my new favorite scent. It was mouthwatering. It was torture releasing the sweet woman from my grasp, but I felt a bit weird holding on to a someone I literally just met.

  “It’s nice to finally meet you in person. You look so handsome. You cut your beard.”

  She reached up and rubbed her fingers through what was left of my facial hair. My God, had it been that long since I had a woman touch me? Couldn’t be. Plus, I never had a woman’s touch make me feel like my soul was going to jump from my body, do a happy dance and then return to its home. A shiver ran down my spine causing her to lift an eyebrow.

  “Is everything alright?”

  “Yes, everything is wonderful. I am so happy you are here. I thought for a moment you stood me up. I looked for you at the baggage claim but couldn’t find you.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry about that. Since I didn’t want to spend that long flight in my wedding dress, I needed to change when I arrived. It took a little longer than I thought trying to get myself just right in a public restroom. I am used to having my own space to move around in.”