∞
Walking into our newfound little gem of a coffee shop on Quince Street not far from home, I eagerly seek out my friend. It’s been a week since Christian passed, and Thanksgiving is just around the bend.
“Hey babe, how are you doing?” I embrace my best friend as I walk up to the line in front of the barista. Ang gives me a tight hug and smiles a ghostly, partial smile.
“As good as I can, I guess.”
I drape my arm around her and lean my head on hers. Gardenia from her shampoo fills my nose. “The memorial was lovely. Did you decide if you want to spread the ashes?”
The family had a quick, small memorial on Saturday. They wanted to keep it to a limited number of people, something I understood. The boys have been spending as much time as possible with Ang’s girls, both sets of kids respectively trying to keep their minds off everything. The boys will be turning any day. We’ve been saying that for a little over a week, but I can feel it hanging on them now.
“Nah, I will do it soon. I think the girls want to take them up into the mountains this week.” Her feet shuffle along the hardwood floor of the café.
“You want one of us to come with you?” Whether she said yes or no, it was happening. We’ve all but given Roman a free pass from his regular duties as he refuses to leave her side. Well, metaphorical side. He stays in the shadows and watches from afar should she need anything.
“Nah, we are good. Kinda need the alone time as a family. The girls are a mess. I thought we had been preparing them this whole time, but how can you really ever prepare children for this kind of thing?”
“You can’t.” We approach the counter, place our order, and walk to a comfy little corner in the back. This was a great local joint, my new favorite for sure. The owners had taken an old craftsman house and converted it. Local art and community-based projects adorned the walls as well as nestled amongst the comfy furniture, adding a personal touch as well as a brief glimpse into the world of each artist who allowed their pieces to be displayed with pride.
Falling into two leather chairs, we both exhale deeply, happy to take a break, yet burdened in our own ways. A staff member bounds over with Ang’s coffee and my tea, her kind smile the cherry on our needed, cathartic café experience.
“I still keep thinking about when he visited. Part of me wants to think I made it all up in my head in a moment of despair.” Her eyes fall to the ground as her delicate hands fold around the warm mug.
“Whelp, ya didn’t,” I assure her.
“You sure?” The pain that flashes through her energy is like a knife in my side, still so fresh, so raw.
“Positive. Even my mind isn’t that creative.” I wink at her, and her aura brightens momentarily.
“Phew! That’s a relief. Sometimes, I can still feel his lips on mine when I’m curled in bed.” She contentedly relaxes into the chair, her head falling back on the rest as she cherishes the memory. Warning bells go off in my head as I slyly grab my phone and pretend to nonchalantly check it when, in reality, I am asking Erik to check the security feed on her house. I saw Christian pass through, but it’s not him I am worried about.
“Enough of my sad life. How are the boys? How are you? What’s new?” My hand instinctively comes to rest on my belly as I filter through what I should exactly tell her as her big, brown eyes turn toward me, eager to talk about anything else.
“Boys are getting close to changing, so we are preparing for that. Training is going good, learning lots of cool tricks in the ring.” I haven’t divulged all the fine details or stressors to her. She doesn’t need all of that on her plate, and I most certainly don’t want her worrying about my boys on top of it all. Because she would, she can’t help it.
“Well, you think I am stupid, but I’m not.” She huffs, suddenly offended.
“What?”
“Girl, please. You are holding back from telling me something again. I’m not made of glass, ya know. I’ve stayed by your ass this long.”
“Too perceptive for your own good. We will talk more later. This is about you. It’s been about me too fucking long as it is.”
“While I appreciate that, forget it. It’s about living, so let’s do that? Okay? This giant chasm of grief and pain is always going to be there. It’s always going to hurt. But as time passes, maybe I will build some bridges and learn to navigate it a bit better so the pain isn’t as consuming. And by bridges, I mean doing what Christian wanted me to do—keep living. I don’t fucking know how to even get out of bed some days, but I’m going to figure it out.” Her eyes mist over as she leans over and reaches for a napkin.
“Okay! I’ll tell you. Geez, waterworks and all,” I sass and put my tea down with a subtle clatter. While I won’t tell her about all the drama, I guess I can give her a little piece of good news. “So, remember my wedding night and all the crazy worries around that…” I trail off. Her face and aura light up so bright that it damn near blinds me. Leaning away from her, it’s all I can do to keep from holding up a hand to block the rays stemming from her. I forget sometimes that not everyone can see all the crazy shit I now do on a regular basis. The world is no longer two and three dimensional. Now it is like seeing a fourth dimension added to even the simplest of views.
“Estas embarazada?” she sings, clutching her cup in hope.
“Yup.” The corner of my mouth slightly lifts in happiness. This is the first person I’ve gotten to tell, and she’s someone who is genuinely happy for me. Pride fills me and my connection to the little hummingbird, as Etienne has started to call her, grows. It sucks I didn’t even know she was there for almost two months, but I am glad that she is. As Ang jumps up to hug me, I suddenly remember that I haven’t told Etienne that it’s a girl. Shame rains down as I think about all the work we’ve been doing on our communication, and my blonde moment is seriously going to piss him off.
“Do the boys know?” Ang bounds up and down a few times before settling back into her seat.
“No, we haven’t told anyone. We want to wait until after the boys are safely on the other side of transition.” The need to dwell on that fact beckons me, but I ignore it, placing it safely in a box to be dealt with at another time.
“Jesus, I can’t imagine becoming a mother all over again at this age, but then again, I am old.” She laughs.
“Whatever, we are the same age, and you don’t look a day over thirty.”
“Ha. You are hilarious. I also don’t have superhero stats keeping me young.” She snorts.
“Did you just snort laugh?” I jab, only because she never misses an opportunity to poke fun at me. True friends keep it real with one another.
“Never.” She does it again, and we bust up laughing.
“Sash, you never did finish telling me how things went over the phone with Stephan yesterday.”
The other day I finally stopped avoiding his messages and grew a pair to call him. The boys had broken the news to him that they would not be coming out for his wedding. Stephan didn’t take that too well, especially since they wouldn’t tell him quite why. Hence, my phone and email blowing up to the point where Etienne had threatened to off him if I didn’t handle it. Amazing how after all of this time, Etienne still has some insecurities around that whole business.
“It went as expected. He blew his top and yelled at me for twenty minutes, blaming me for all the past bullshit, and then spiraling into apologizing again for how it ended. You’d think he’d be over it now that he’s marrying someone else. Just goes to show what I know.” My shoulders shrug as I recall our conversation.
“What did you end up telling him?”
“Well, I can’t really tell him much. I refuse to tell him that the boys are transitioning because then he’d jump on a plane. And then Etienne would probably finally drain his ass. Just told him that the boys were overwhelmed with practice and school and after talking to his advisor, we agreed starting their break a little early would be for the best. I swore I was helping them get packed up t
o leave this week to fly to China for the holiday, but they came down with the flu really bad and were quarantined to bed. He tried to convince me to put them on the plane anyway. I told him to go fuck himself if he thought I’d ever put their well-being ahead of his selfish needs. Thankfully, the boys never divulged my marriage to him and kept the last six months of crap silent. I was getting the impression that they didn’t want to go anyway.”
“Yeah, they told me they didn’t but were just trying to keep the peace.”
“Stephan messed that up all on his own. I can’t make the boys feel connected to him, especially with the limited effort he put in.”
“It’s sad. Thank goodness Christian didn’t mess up with the girls like that.” Her melancholy tune has me digging deep for something to make her laugh.
“I agree. Hey, back to crazy memories, remember the time you wanted to feel sexy again, when the girls were like three? Anyway, you called me crying after you tried to give yourself a Brazilian?”
Ang’s face turns beet red before she busts out in another fit. “Oh, shit! I glued my cheeks shut with the damn wax!” Tears of laughter stream down our faces as we remember that night. I had to rush over and try to help her as she panicked. This was all happening two hours before her schedule date night with Christian. You know your friendship hits a new level when you get called to help in that sort of capacity. Ang was so freaked she thought taking a bath would help… and proceeded to get stuck to the bathtub.
“Nurse Sasha to the rescue.” I wipe my eyes. Glad we can laugh about it now.
“God, you dumped so much baby oil on me that I slipped around in my heels all night!”
“Better than having your ass stuck to the bathtub.” We snort laugh in unison.
As our fits simmer out, my phone vibrates. Erik works fast. Glancing over the message, I quietly slip the phone into my purse and give Ang all of my attention. We spend the next hour recalling crazy memories that keep us laughing in hysterics over the next hour up until the closing of this quaint little place. The humor does a good job of taking a few years off the both of us. As the staff begins to close up shop, I walk Ang to her car and see her off before attacking the lurker in the parking lot. I approach him so fast, he doesn’t see me coming.
“Care to explain yourself, Roman?” I vehemently spit as I appear like a ghost from hell in front of his face out of nowhere.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” He jumps back and clutches his chest. “When the hell did you learn to do that?” He coughs, trying to get a handle on himself.
“Doesn’t matter. Why are you sneaking into my best friend’s house in the middle of the night and standing over her like a crazy stalker?” I jam an accusatory finger into his chest.
His face falls like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “I’ve just been worried about her, so at night, I call my element to stand guard over her so she can sleep peacefully,” he admits with reserve.
“She says she can still feel Christian’s kiss on her lips at night. Care to enlighten me?” Lord help me, it he has been laying a finger on her in her sleep…
His face turns sheet white and his heart rate becomes erratic. “No, I swear, Sasha, nothing like that.” It is easy to see that he is telling the truth, the colors vibrating around his being won’t allow him to lie. Erik didn’t detect anything else on the property so that can only mean she really is just recalling memories.
“I believe you. But I swear to Goddess, I will beat your ass down if you lay an uninvited finger on a single hair on her head. We clear?” My tone morphs into that deep and prophetic one that tends to scare people. I don’t even know how I manage it or stop it for that matter. His rapid swallowing and shaking body tell me the message has been received loud and clear. “Good. Listen, Roman, I know you are in love with her. Shit, even a blind person could see that. I am not getting involved with any of that, but I have her back, always. You may be like a brother, but she comes first. Okay?” I smooth out his shirt where I had been furiously poking him.
“Yes, of course.”
“Thank you for keeping watch over her.” I take a step back, the space inspiring his broad shoulders to slightly relax.
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he breathes, his eyes looking distant for a moment.
“Alright, go.” I excuse him, waving him off in a hurry before sauntering over to the waiting car at the end of the parking lot.
Opening the door, I lean in with my best sexy pout. “Hey stud, can I get a lift?”
Etienne shakes his head, but the tiniest hint of smile appears and that is good enough for me. The asshole is loosening up a bit. Coming to rest in the seat after buckling myself up, my guilty conscious gets the better of me. As his hand reaches for the ignition, I stop it and bring it to my still-flat belly, but we know the secret there. His smile grows as he reaches out with his own magic, connecting with the baby through their own strange vibe. She seems to respond better to him than me as her heartbeat flutters excitedly.
“So, interesting night when Solana came down the other day…”
“More like over a week ago,” he corrects, his jaw tightening as he anticipates me fessing up to some untold secret.
“She has this neat connection with nature and knew about the baby right away.” His tight face clamps down further, making me worry. “Easy, Lil! Our secret is safe. She also told me what we are having.” My eyes glimmer as his electric-blue gaze widens and comes round to my face.
“And?”
“The hummingbird is a girl.” I grin, elated to finally tell him.
His face becomes unreadable, his emotions frozen in time, spurring my protective stance over the little miracle.
“Is that a good or bad thing in your book?” I dig, trying to get answers before I fly off the handle.
“It’s…” He becomes lost in thought again as he battles internally with something.
“Just say it, Lil, you are scaring me.” I huff and dig my fingers into the leather seat of the car, bracing for the worst.
“It’s good,” he finally settles on.
“Good? That’s all ya got?”
“As long as it’s healthy, that is all that matters,” he robotically spouts.
“Really?”
“Fine, it scares the piss out of me. Males, I get. Females… I struggle on a daily basis just to keep things manageable with her mother.” He blows out a hard breath.
“Well, that wasn’t very warm and fuzzy, but at least it is honest.” I grunt and rest my hand over his, all too used to his mood swings and happy that is all it is.
“I am trying, Anu.” His head hangs before lifting again.
“You are doing a good job. Now, can we go home? I’m hungry.”
“Color me surprised,” he replies before firing up the ignition. I burst out laughing, his attempt at slang with his ancient accent never failing to do me in.
Chapter 15
“God promises to make something good out of the storms that bring devastation to your life.” ~Romans 8:28
Sasha
In the dead of sleep, I sit straight up, my body feeling like it is suspended in zero gravity as it tries to catch up with what alerted my mind.
“Etienne, wake up!” I shout and jump from the bed, grabbing whatever clothes I can manage in the whirlwind.
“What is it?” he grumbles like a sleepyhead, throwing back the covers while trying to take in the sight of me running around like a madwoman, throwing shit everywhere.
“It’s time,” I holler over my shoulder as I bound up the stairs toward the boys’ room. By the time I make it to the top, Mr. Speedy is already in sweats and a T-shirt on my heels.
I can feel the boys’ restlessness through the closed door to their shared room, and it makes me want to jump out of my own skin in the wake of transition memories. Abruptly turning the knob and letting ourselves in, Etienne and I take a kid and begin looking them over. Goddess help them, they are way deep in. This doesn’t seem right. Ho
w’d they fall this far into the change this fast?
“Damn, they are in the throes of it for sure,” Erik sounds from the door, his snarky tune a welcome distraction to take the edge off.
“You picked up on it too?” I ask while my fingers find Ethan’s wrist, checking his rapid pulse. Old habits die hard. I could just listen with my acute hearing.
“Nah, you set the sensors off coming upstairs. Once I woke up from the alarms, I felt it.”
“Get Inessa and her nieces. Also, have Molly begin preparing what we need,” Etienne barks at Erik as he worriedly stands over Aiden. His concern for my sons touches me. He may pitch a fit and come across as inconvenienced, but he truly has a love for my boys.
The boys groan in unison as the throbbing in their heads begins to shift into that gut-splitting, mind-melding pain that defies logic and is completely inescapable. My entire body winces as the ethereal sensations from my own transition creep through my body in sympathy. They’ve already managed to shred their shirts off, their bodies literally growing and changing in front of my eyes. Damien taught me about this, how males tend to bulk out in muscle maturity on top of all the other physical changes.
“Don’t we need to call Dominic?” I worriedly run a hand over Ethan’s forehead, his temperature rising while his body shivers violently.
“Yeah, he and Solana will project a protection spell, but it is not safe for Solana to be here,” Etienne reminds me as he pulls out his phone from his low-slung sweatpants. Tearing my eyes from the glimpse of his V that just attempted to render me stupid at the worst time possible, I run to the bathroom and begin to soak washcloths in cool water. My hands shake under the cold water as adrenaline pumps through my veins. Wringing the clothes out, giving myself a stern look in the mirror, and mouthing get it together, Sasha, I hurry back to tenderly place them on their foreheads. Anxiously looking back and forth between their double beds, I don’t know where to start or begin.
Eclipsed by Midnight Page 22