“Don’t worry, mon amour. Once Lesya and Manya arrive, the rest will be up to them,” Etienne assures me from across the room as he ends the call from Dominic.
“I’m not leaving them.” I put my foot down as my eyes bulge out of my head.
“You really want to be there with them as they get pulled under into the blood-lust portion?”
My skin crawls and my stomach flops. No, I don’t want to see that. I seriously don’t know how Etienne managed to keep from ravaging me at that time; I know I didn’t make it easy. Thinking back, I sure as hell wanted him to take full advantage. Perhaps his self-control had to do with the lengthy bout of celibacy.
“Can’t I stay with them until that part?” I knew most young vamps didn’t make it out of the change virgins, but a mother could hope.
“Sasha, you can keep watch all you want, but you are too close to them to make good decisions. When you are emotionally invested, it hits you harder seeing them go through that much torture. That is why parents don’t usually take part and my team or a family friend steps in.”
“You did it with me,” I remind him, recollections of my naked skin brushing against his heats my cheeks. A vampire’s memory is too good, things that would normally dull over time remaining quite crisp.
“That was entirely different and I have many years of experience on my side.” He grunts, the discomfort of restraint during that time not lost on him.
“You two can argue all you want, but do it out in the hall,” Molly warns, her motherly British tone leaving no room for quarrel as she bounds into the room.
“Here, let me help.” I try to take the basin she is carrying, but she stops me with a single look.
“I suggest you listen to your mate, dear.” She arches a brow my way.
“I have to do something!” I juvenilely stomp a foot into the carpet.
“Then hold space for them, sit, pray, and let us do the rest.” She turns on a dime in her perfectly pressed white blouse and khaki skirt and begins tending to them as if this was an everyday occurrence.
“She’s right. Dominic just said the same thing,” Etienne says as he puts his phone away. “He wants you to link to them to intensify the projected spell.”
“I don’t even know the first thing about how to do that!” I cry in frustration, overwhelmed as I begin to feed off my sons’ shared agony. The longer I sit here watching them battle a beast I cannot fight for them, the harder it is getting to be to stay in my own flesh.
Scratching at my arms in a feverish embrace, I start pacing up and down the hall, just outside of their door.
“Sasha, do us all a favor and sit the fuck down,” Erik demand as he walks up with Inessa, Vlad, Lesya, and Manya.
“Fuck off, Erik.” I flip him the bird and keep up my pace, mumbling to myself.
Inessa’s nieces are strikingly beautiful with their black hair, blue eyes, pale skin stretching out over taut, lean, and downright lethal bodies. For goddess sake, I do not want to hear my kids in the throes of blood-drunk passion with these young women. Etienne discussed it last week with Inessa and Vlad. They considered it an honor to assist, and the girls all but jumped at the opportunity. Of course they did. I mean, I am grateful and all, but someone pray for my soul.
“My lady, if you would please allow us to pass, we can take over.” Lesya, I believe, respectfully asks my permission instead of trying to throw me out of the way. Thank goodness that some still have manners.
“Is it really necessary right this minute? Don’t they have another day or so before they need you?” When I pause to think on that, the vibrations they boys are now sending out scream that I am quite wrong. They are progressing very fast.
“No, they are close.” Manya approaches, confirming it.
Magical pulsations begin to pull at my tattoo, signaling the invitation to link to Dominic. Tormenting pain rips through my chest, edging under my skin like a knife. “Fine, go,” I groan as I drop down to the ground to sit. The girls take off into the room, leaving the door wide open.
“Molly, the door please,” I squeak as I suck for air against the onslaught. I sure as hell don’t want to see what is about to go down in there. Molly and Inessa offer me tight smiles as they shut themselves in with the two sets of twins. The comfort of knowing they are there helps. Closing my eyes, I open the channel to Dominic and am blasted with Solana’s glowing light.
The protection spell she is sending through is like nothing I have ever seen. It is bathed in pure love and light. Its completeness is confounding. Its radiance eases the burn, and the sting of the changes now shifting through the house, affecting all who live here, especially my babies. As I welcome the light, little hummingbird takes that moment to add her own sweet energy to the mix, jubilantly enthralled with the protection spell being cast. She is a little breath of winged hope on gossamer heels reminding me that I need to hold on tight to what my mission in this life is.
As I revel in the connections now streaming through me and into the house, the air turns more pungent and dire, signaling the boys need for blood. It is then that the baby’s heartbeat becomes my entire focus to drown out the screams of pain now erupting in the next room. Screeches and howls now melding with other sounds I’d rather not hear. Thrum, thrum goes a hummingbird’s wings, happy to simply just be, and the same goes for the steady lub-dub stemming from my belly. Reaching further into my magic, I deepen the hold of the spell to urge it to wrap around all in this house and keep us safe.
Lost in a peaceful trance for quite some time, I barely notice the sour taste of despair trickling into the environment. It is only after I run the taste over my tongue a few times that my alarm bells take flight.
No, no, no, no… I internally panic. Holding on close to the spell, I jump up and fly into the bedroom, teeth barred, ready to fight till death. I ignore the half-naked bodies on each of the beds engaged in things I’d rather not describe, but the scent of blood pervades my nose along with that sour, disgusting taste. Something has breached and it is after my sons.
“Sash, speak please. We can’t read you mind,” Erik rambles on behind me in unease.
“Something’s wrong. Something’s not right.” Sifting through all the different universal wavelengths that I can now see through my powers, I search for it.
“Nintuah, it looks like it’s going as expected.” Erik brushes me off and smirks, dismissing this as a mother’s anxiety. Neither pair of bodies on the beds seems to give a flying fuck what’s going on either. They are all too engrossed in their assigned partner, powering on in their respective carnal needs as the mingled scents of their blood hits the thick, desire-filled air. The groans deepen and striking of skin on skin amplifies as I avert my eyes and focus on the window, my senses taking me there.
The taste hits me again. I call my power to me while holding on as tightly as I possibly can to the protection spell that is semi-working. Whatever is breaking through is doing it slowly, purposefully, and quite carefully. Where is the damn loophole that it found?
“Sasha, please come sit down. This is all very normal. Nothing is wrong.” Molly steps in and tries to ease me away with a gentle hand.
Ignoring her and shaking her off, I let the elements rush into the room, begging them to sweep away whatever evil is after my kids. The elements gently comply, taking care not to rile the scene up anymore, a far cry from when we first began to play together.
“Molly, I feel it too.” Etienne says, assuring her I am not just being an overzealous mom.
Time morphs into a thick fog as the nasty odor seeps further into the room. I throw my powers out full force to attack it. An evil laugh that makes my skin crawl and gives me the urge to run my head into the wall echoes in the distance, making all the adults in the room snarl as the two sets of twins remain locked in their powerful trance of hormone-induced rage.
As we tensely ready for something big to make an appearance, our bodies gliding into warrior stances, muscles flexed and senses on high alert, th
e smell, taste and sound suddenly disappear. Did my powers work? Did I blast it away? I blink rapidly and looking about the room, but my premature relief is soon replaced with the very thing no mother should ever have to experience. An all-consuming, heart-wrenching, indescribable sense of loss that should never, ever be allowed to exist as my attuned hearing picks up on a single failing heartbeat.
“Nooooooooooo!” The howl of devastation rips through me as I run to my son’s bed, rip the girl that is riding him off, and throw her to the ground. “For the love of God, fuck!” I scream as I throw myself over his body and slam my power into him, attempting to strengthen his heart and search every possible nook and cranny for injury to heal him. Sobs rip through my chest as determination takes over. I am the Goddess incarnate—I have been gifted with the impossible. I will save him!
The beating of his heart stops on a dime the minute my essence hits him, but I ignore it and continue to pummel his body with my endless ravine of magic, praying as I go, hysterically searching for a way. There has to be away! Snot and tears drip from my face on their own accord at a pace I care not to keep up with as I work. Time has no meaning—life has no meaning—unless this is successful. Fanatically continuing on at a blinding speed, I begin to rip into the veil, pulling hard on any and every possible thing I can to bring him back. He is not dead! I scream internally.
Etienne’s hands suddenly come to encompass my shoulders and pull me away from the cooling body, and I snap at him like a wild beast, spit flying from my mouth in a feral snarl. “Don’t fucking touch me. I am not done!”
“Sasha! Get yourself under control; there is nothing more you can do.”
“The fuck there’s not!” I scream and begin to call upon the well of power again.
“Sasha, stop! Listen to your belly; you are hurting her by doing this!” His deep voice thunders through the madness, shocking my freezing heart.
When I pause to verify the validity in his statement, the world stops in an instant and I immediately release all that I am pulling on from every dimension. Gasps and subtle curses from Inessa, Erik and even Molly as they catch on to what we’ve been hiding dim into the background as I zero in on my connection. He is right. My failed attempts to draw insurmountable amounts of power is hurting the baby. And right then and there, my body collapses on top of my dead son. The pain and agony is too much too bear. It’s too much for any one person to ever have to experience.
My body wracks with a torrent of pain clawing through me, hemorrhaging my insides, killing my will to live as thick tears muddle my vision. Voices swirl in a dull, muted fashion all around as a black hole opens up, threatening to suck out the soul from my flesh. The earth does not spin, time does not pass, and everything slows to the speed of molasses, drawing back in on itself until nothing makes sense. Nothing will ever be right again.
Allowing my broken spirit to lift from my body and be momentarily free from the suffocating pain found inside that vessel, I float up into the sky to find a breath. The crystal clear, winter’s night sky burns my broken spirit as I aimlessly suspend myself just above the house, trying to find the space to simply breathe. Searching the heavens for answers and in wordless prayer, my attention is drawn back down to a tree in the yard, just outside the boys’ window. It is there that a set of watching eyes catches my attention.
Eyes, I know those eyes. A smile that never quite touches her eyes, a set of glowing orbs that haunted me from the confines of my cell in that castle. In the span of my next breath, the past rushes up to meet the present and I am able to see all too clearly. Dropping back down into my physical form in a hurried, nauseating crash landing, I gasp for breath and fight the need to purge my insides as my spirit attempts to settle
“Etienne!” I scream as loud as I possibly can.
“I’m right here.” My mate calmly rubs my back, patiently waiting.
“I know who did this! I know, I know, I know!” I cry in desperation for something to make this right. Retribution must be served for having my heart cut from my chest. A deadly beast awakens within me, one that wants suffering—a lot of it. There is no time or room for despair.
“Tell me, tell me and I will make this right.” His oath, though verbal, is written in blood, there on the spot of my fallen boy.
“I will fucking kill her myself,” I seethe before running through all the correlating facts at a blinding speed for him. My carnal, animalistic need to hunt and slaughter has my mind working entirely too quickly considering the circumstances. I tell him of the eyes, the laugh, and the symbols on his father.
In my angst and desperate purging of facts, I hadn’t noticed the disappearing of my other kid. Panic floods me again as fear stabs me. “Where is he? Is he okay?” I cry out, anxiety rising.
“Yes, he is fine, half a day and he will be good as new. We moved them next door,” Erik pipes in, sadness filling him. There was so much of that coming off everyone. Wretchedness and gloom seeping into every molecule in this space. As I turn to look at the seemingly peaceful sleeping body, my life flashes before my eyes, but especially the last nineteen years. In a few weeks, they were to turn nineteen. Innocence lost, a chance at life now lost, and for what? Supreme power? That had to be the reason. Leaning over the cool form, I kiss his forehead. I whisper how much I love him and promise revenge as my vision swarms in red and my focus narrows in on my single-handed mission.
“Sasha, don’t go back into that darkness. Don’t you fucking flip that switch. Stay with me, mon amour, stay with me and let me be enough to take away the pain, to help you through this.” Etienne’s firm arms wrap tightly around me as he pulls me close, knowing exactly where my mind is drifting too. That deadly mode that would allow me to do what needs to be done without the burden of a conscience. Desperation lights the moment as he forcefully grabs my face and lifts it toward his eager kiss, fear inspiring the dampness in his eyes as he brings his lips to mine.
I try to throw my barrier up to block him completely from getting to me. I don’t want him changing my mind. I am a one-way freight train on a mission for bloodshed, and it will be glorious. He breaks through my barrier faster than I can comprehend, his magic blasting my defenses wide open with relentless love and passion that only we shared, a feat only he could manage.
The despair and grief immediately returns. It had almost dissipated to nothing as my mind had made itself up. Unbearable heartache takes up residence again as I collapse in his arms. Not knowing which way is up or where to turn to escape the inescapable agony, I give in to him completely and let him take my pain. A monsoon and thunderous night sky encompass the city, drowning it in my misery in a flash-winter advisory. Numbness overtakes my physical form as my mate picks up my destroyed body and pulls me in close. Completely letting go, I let him fill the void that I cannot even begin to shoulder.
Chapter 16
“Until we have seen someone’s darkness we don’t really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone’s darkness, we don’t really know what love is.”
~Marianne Williamson
Sasha
As my body clings to Etienne’s for dear life, my mind’s eye keeps tabs on my one living son as well as the new life inside of me. Adhering to the sound of their pulses vibrating in my ears is the only way I can manage to stay strong in this overwhelming storm of sorrow. For if I give up, everyone I love is doomed.
“Anu, I’m going to put you down in the hall just outside the room. I need to leave to gather the eren.” Etienne’s mirrored pain hides behind his calm and collected personality.
Dread chokes me as I cling to him with a death grip, my white knuckles fisting his T-shirt until he barely has room to move. “No, don’t leave me.” My vulnerability scares me, I hate feeling like this, but I’m certain that my being will apart in his absence. Also, Sasha is not a quitter; I will join him in this mission for reckoning. It is my right as a wronged mother.
“Okay. We have to go now. Will you be alright to leave now?” His concern for my w
ellbeing weighs greater than anything.
“Yeah, can you call Gabriel to come with us? I know Inessa and Vlad will take good care of my boy.” The depression threatens to drown me, but being close to Lil makes it a tiny bit bearable. We have unfinished business and I need to keep it together.
“It might be faster if you call him with your little trick.” Etienne winks in a forced attempt at humor through his tight, mourning-filled features. Bless this husband of mine as he endeavors to hold strong for me when he is clearly hurting too.
My brow pinches as I sift through the possibilities of what he may be talking about.
“Call him through the blood link.”
Finally understanding, my focus narrows in on Gabriel. It takes a moment to find that small filament he now carriers between us, but when I do, I channel it, asking him to come to me. Unsure if the message has been received, I pull again on it frantically.
“For fuck’s sake, stop, I am here,” Gabriel’s gasping voice bellows from downstairs as he thumps through the front door in a struggle.
“Damn, you all right, man?” Erik peers down over the railing of the staircase next to us at the sopping wet beast moving slowly into the atrium in disbelief as the storm rages on behind him through the open door.
“Yeah, Jesus, that is the oddest thing… and you are screwed if you try to ignore it.” He clasps at his chest, just over his heart, trying to rub away the pain.
“Sorry, Gabriel,” I meekly offer as Etienne walks down the stairs, me still clutched in his arms. Erik follows and fills Gabriel in on the current events, his handsome face gradually falling in the process. Gabriel’s giant hands come up to cradle his face before moving back through his wavy, short hair only to fall in exasperation at his sides. His dark eyes find mine in an attempt to convey all the things an eren brother might say to his sister under these circumstances. We didn’t need words. There were no words that did this justice. My head bows in reciprocal communication, our bond deepening on the grounds of our fallen family member.
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