Holding On

by A. C. Bextor

  “Bitch, you’re going to beg just like that for a while. Yes, you are. It’s funny really.” He rips open my blouse, buttons flying. He has a knife now, unsure where it came from. He’s pushing it into my cheek, the pain is blinding. I shiver in agony now, but I’m trying to hold it in. I remember now from our run in at my mom’s that he gets off on my pain. He cuts my bra between my breasts in a quick motion. I’m completely exposed to him.

  “Wh…wha…what’s funny?” I feel blood dripping from my cheek into my ear.

  “Funny... oh yeah. Let’s go back in time…before I fucked you soft and sweet two years ago. You were my Mace, kind of.” He tilts his head to the side and he looks sinister. “You were a shit lay. You were nothing like I wanted. I like to fuck hard, you were slow and easy. Just laid there most of the time. Sometimes I thought I couldn’t even finish. Jesus you’re nothing.”

  A tear starts down my cheek, stinging my recent open wound. Another hit delivered my Grey and my eyes roll in the back of my head. Oh my god, the pain. He’s working that one side of my face only. Sinister doesn’t describe him. He’s so much evil.

  “Don’t you fucking cry. You want this, I know you do. You’re a whore, just like Cherry. You’re going to get everything she got but baby, I’m going to go slow just how you like it. When you pass out, I’m bringing you back so you don’t miss any of it.” He licks my nipple and it pebbles with the chill in the air. I’m in a basement of some sort, no idea where. “Did you know I was never an accountant? Nope, don’t even have a degree. My boss put me in those fuckin’ ridiculous clothes and car. I was instructed to get to you by romancing you. Fuckin disgusting. I don’t do romance. I have worked for the Angels for years and was never expected to try to ‘romance’ some bitch! I’m not even in that brotherhood, fuck I make more money doing their work than being one of them. You were so easy though. You owe me a better fuck now Mace. You’ve got a lot to make up for.”

  He puts the knife down and I internally sigh in relief. He wants to keep me alive, I want to help him do that. Hem and Shame will find me. Peyton saw what happened, she was the last thing I saw before… what if they got her? No, she was closing the door and locking it behind me as I was leaving.

  Slap! Another hit from him. “Cunt, stay with him. Are you thinking of him? Your Shame or maybe your beloved brother Hem? He put you here. He’s why I came for you. Paid big money for it too. I’m pulling this for one for free though.”

  He leans his face down to my clit and his hands spread me open and he bites it then sucks it hard. I yelp and I’m met with another blow, this time to my ribs. I have no breath to expel. I’m dizzy.

  “Went to Texas, killed Switch. Pussy was in hiding, scared of my boss. My superior killed Doc. Doc was weak. Switch was even weaker. The Peril mighty duo about fucked it all up. I wanted to kill them too when we saw them in Texas snooping. Boss said no, better time to do it. Now though, I get to do it. They come for you, they will die.”

  He grabs my breast and pulls hard. Both hands are on my chest pulling my skin and jerking them up, I whimper in pain now I can’t hold it back. “Like that? I knew you did.” He continues to pull and push on them, I’m doing all I can to just stay still but my rib is throbbing, along with my face and head.

  “You’re so stupid, I had conversations in front of you! They were about you! The ‘package’, you were that very package you dumb slut. God I wanted to tell you or have you catch on just so I could hurt you then. I had to wait though, patiently. No more.”

  He unzips his pants and bile comes to my throat. He has his cock in his hand and he’s stroking it hard. It’s stiff and he’s starting towards my mouth, oh god no. I won’t survive this. Oh god. Then I hear someone coming at him, quickly. Before I can register what is happening Greyson drops to the floor in front of me. I look up and find my dad.

  “Oh Daddy! Oh God, you found me! Daddy!” I’m crying. I’m shaking and I’m waiting for him to get me out of here. He doesn’t move. He’s staring at me. I’m exposed and he’s staring at me not moving. He’s in shock, has to be. “Daddy help please before he wakes up, please.”

  “Mace.” His voice sounds shaken. He is in shock. “Mace, I never meant for this. Fuck, I just didn’t think. I didn’t see past… Oh Mace I’m sorry.”

  What? What is he saying? I’m so confused now. I don’t understand why he isn’t moving to get me out of here. Greyson is starting to stir on the floor beside the bed, I can’t see him but I can hear him groaning.

  Realization is hitting me. My dad is meant to be here. He’s part of this, unsure how but I can sense he is because I’m exposed and he’s just standing there beside Greyson’s body on the floor and he’s looking down at me, in remorse.

  “Daddy, I don’t understand. Please help me. He’s waking up and he… he… he will hurt me again. Please.”

  Dad looks down at Greyson and quickly moves his hips and leg and delivers a severe blow to Grey, then I don’t hear the moaning anymore.

  “Fuckin’ animal. He’s a fuckin’ crazy, sick bastard. Cherry I could almost deal with, really I could. She was nothing more than a drain to society. Not you Mace, I never meant for him to hurt you. Fuck, I didn’t think about this.”

  “Let my arms go, please. I’m hurting all over. I’m so thirsty. Help me please.”

  He stares at me for a few long seconds then reaches to the table in the corner of the room and grabs a blanket out of its drawer. Thank God he’s going to help me now. I’m trying to focus on dad and not Greyson who is still lying near me next to the bed.

  “I’m going to cover you up okay? I can’t let you go just yet. We’re going to talk and you have to hear me out.”

  In my mind I’m trying to reason with him, act as if nothing is really happening so that he doesn’t lose his shit. I’m still confused but I’m putting it together and I’m starting to understand that my dad is involved in Angels, deep.

  “Mace I loved your mother. I did. That woman stole my heart the first time I saw her. She was beautiful, independent, and she was a pretty funny woman. I feel in love with her so so many years ago.”

  Dad looks sad, lost in memory. If I weren’t in such a complete panic state I imagine I would feel sorry for him, or try to help but I’m scared for my life right now. I don’t know the whole story but it looks like he’s starting from the beginning.

  “I knew Doc, did you know that?” He isn’t looking for me to answer, he doesn’t even look directly at me while he continues talking. “Yes, I knew him through your mother. He was always lingering around her in the beginning. He looked at her like I did but I knew he was out of her league. He was a monster, lived his life like one. Hem, God that stupid boy, took an immediate liking to him. I should have seen the nightmare unfolding before me. Then I found out your mother and I were going to have a baby. You were coming to me, on your way. I fell in love with the idea of having a child. I worked hard, Mace I swear to you I did. I led a life that people would be proud of. I lived a life that people should have envied, including that brother of yours. Instead Mace, he challenged me at every turn. He is so bull headed. When he was 15, your mother told me that Doc wanted him, wanted to take him from us and give him a chance to make something of himself. I was out of my mind with anger. I raised him since he was a child and I had given that son of a bitch everything but he wanted Doc. Your mother wanted him to have Doc over me. It fucked me up Mace, I started second guessing everything about my life. Every damn decision I had made in regards to you even. You were only five when my whole began to unravel.”

  He’s staring over me, into the nasty wall behind me. He’s looking at the bloodstains, I’m guessing they belong to Cherry and his face is getting hard and his jaw is starting to tick. Thinking quickly I try to interrupt his thought.

  “Daddy? Why are you here?”

  “Damn it Mace, you can’t call me that. My world broke the day I found out that you can no longer call me that. The night you were called to a family dinner to hear of your
mother and her illness do you remember that? Months ago it has been.”

  “I do. I remember.” That was the day my world tumbled as well.

  “Your mother that morning had found out she was really dying. She told me how she loved me. I believe she did, Mace. I truly do. I always knew I wasn’t what she wanted though, but she gave me her love, her life. She confessed something to me that morning. I guess she was trying to set her life honest before she died I suppose. She told me truths that I never thought possible. She was in love with another man early in our marriage. She loved trash. You were the product of their love, not the love she and I had. It gutted me, Mace. I raised you, loved you, and protected you. I was your father in all aspects. Except really, you were never mine. You’re not my daughter.”

  I gasp. I shake. Then I screamed. “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I AM YOURS! I AM YOURS!”

  He leaned down, moving the blanket up to my neck since my screaming and movement had caused it to slide down my chest. Quietly he continues.

  “Mace no. Your mother, the love of my life, had an affair. Although she confessed that it was a mistake and she always loved me, she felt I was hurting a young Hem and she sought comfort in someone who could understand her fear. She thought someone else out there knew better for him. Someone more like his own father. So that’s when her affair started with Doc.”

  My eyes roll to the back of my head. Mom. Oh God. Her words telling me about evil and how she loved my dad. She wasn’t talking about Warren, she was talking about Doc. I remember now how many times I had seen that man around town, around our house, and around Hem. He was trying to protect Hem, from Warren.

  “Dadd….”

  “NO! DO NOT CALL ME THAT! I am not your father. Are you not fuckin’ listening to me? She had an affair, you are the product of her love for HIM. He was a dirty, lying, thief. God, he had been with every slut in town and yet she willingly went to him over me. That’s when I knew.”

  Oh God. He looks deadly. His face no longer shows gentleness for me. He isn’t looking at me the way he always had. The lump in my throat is making it hard to breath. He’s going to kill me. I can see his absolution for my mother, his revenge for Doc is on me.

  “You were always my Dad.” This is true. I never once ever thought any different. “You were always my Dad.” I repeat, hoping that both he and I believe these words.

  His gentleness is slowly coming back with my words. I continue to look in his eyes. His eyes are the same as mine, loaded with unshed tears that will break at any second. He puts his head down and sighs heavily. “You were…. always my dad.” More is coming, I feel this.

  “It isn’t over Sweet Pea. I have more to tell you.”

  Daddy’s endearment for me drags me over edge and I expel all the tears that were rising. They fall down my cheeks and onto my temple. I wince because I can feel them sitting in my wounds again. Immediately Warren grabs a cloth and dabs each wound, cleaning it best he can.

  “Sweet Pea, once your mother told me of her sickness, then confessed to her affair and that you weren’t really mine my world went dim. I made deals with devils, baby. I intend to live out what I promised them I would. But you’re going back, Mace. No more harm will come to you as long as I get what I want. Greyson is no longer needed, he was at first. Switch wanted Hem dead that was no secret. Once your mother told me her story though, I wanted to hurt her. I did but God knows I couldn’t. I loved her, still. I vowed to myself that I would get revenge on Doc though. He is already dead. Even though you are his blood you are still the beautiful woman I raised and I just can’t bring myself to hurt you. I hate Hem, he is who will get my vengeance.”

  “No no no no Daddy, please. I love Hem, please don’t take him from me. I won’t say a word about this I swear. Please! You are my father, all my life you’ve been my father. PLEASE don’t hurt Hem. You know, you know how much he means to me.”

  He moves to me again and wipes more tears with the back of his hand. How the hell can someone look so utterly remorseful for hurting me be so willing to gut me with another loss. Hem won’t go down without a fight, I know this. No matter what happens, Hem will fight until death to protect Sadey and the baby… and me.

  Without thinking I start to negotiate for Hem’s life. “Take me. Kill me, give me to Greyson. If you can’t do it, let him.” I’m pleading with him but he’s not listening to me.

  “This is going to happen. I promise you. Come to terms, my Sweet Pea. Life as you have always known it is over. Neil loves you, and if I’m honest and I had to pick a man to love you the way I loved your mother, it would be Neil. Once Hem is handled, I expect my threats against the others will disband this chapter, essentially setting Neil free from that life and giving him more opportunities to live clean. Have his children, love him, and be faithful to him. He loves you, I know it. I always saw it, even when he was just a kid and he lingered around our house all those years. He always had such a soft spot for my sweet little girl.”

  Wait! “Mom’s bruises. I saw them! You hurt her before she died? Daddy, I lied to you that day and I had talked to her. She had bruising on her neck and that nurse lied to me, didn’t she?”

  His face turns to stone and the pupils in his eyes reflect the evil I never saw from him. “No, I never touched her. I wanted her to die in peace, without knowing what I was putting in play. Greyson hated you so much, he wanted to hurt your mother for bringing you into this world. When I found out, I beat him again after Hem and Shame had their turn. He’s filth.”

  I remember now that Hem was at Greyson’s house about that time and what he had found. “The pictures. Hem found pictures at Greyson’s. Pictures of you both with Hood. Guess this explains it. You were planning this for so long, weren’t you?” All this realization hits me at once. Dad was in deep with Angels for a long time extracting his plans against Hem. I shake a bit inside, he has to be well vested in this and even better prepared after all this time in planning.

  “That fucker wanted insurance.” He kicks and unconscious Greyson again. “He had someone snap some photos and he tried to blackmail me for more money. He got a solid beating for that one as well. I had heard from a local that he hired them to do it. I went behind him and paid the local to keep quiet about everything, paid him every cent that Greyson was trying to extort from me.”

  I hear and see him rear back and kick Greyson again and again, it had to have been in the face. I heard the bones, blood splatter, and then Greyson’s horrid moans as he wakes. I want to vomit but I have so much left to try to mend, protecting those I love.

  He changes thought process again. “This fucking ANIMAL hurt her when I wasn’t there to protect her.” He is lost in thought about Mom again. “Telling her my plans, my works with ending Switch so I can step in and do this completely. Fucking animal touched my wife, my dying wife. I’m worthless Mace, I’m evil. Not women, never fuckin’ women! You do not hurt innocent women. God, if that was the only thing Hood and I agreed on, it was that. Grey had his day with Cherry, sick bastard took that while I was on a ride with some of the boys. I wasn’t heartbroken over the girl and what he had done to her but still, she was a woman and he fucked her up good. I wasn’t done with him then yet, still needed him then. I don’t need him anymore. He is to be fed to the wolves soon. To be put down like the animal that he is.”

  My dad starts towards me and I flinch, I’m so scared of this man. I don’t even know him anymore, never did. “Please, don’t hurt me. Please.” I mutter, hoping he can hear me but not wanting to piss him off more by calling him daddy and reminding him that he isn’t mine to call that.

  “No Mace, honey. I’m freeing you. I’m releasing you from these binds, then turning around so you can dress. One of these other mongrels will take you to your lake. I will notify Peril and they will get you as soon as you arrive there. When you get to the lake stay put, you will be safe as long as you stay put and wait for one of Hem’s boys. Do you understand?”

  He moves my body but ensures the
covering blanket doesn’t fall. He lifts me to a sitting position and turns to walk back to the dresser. He pulls out some men’s clothes, I have no choice but to take them, I need to be covered.

  Before making it back to me, he stops and puts his head down as he rubs the shirt in his hands. “Mace, I’m sorry. I failed you, I know I have. Now you know I have. I’ve failed everything and everyone that I have ever loved. You will hate me now, it’s the price I’m paying for the revenge that I need. All of my life’s unhappiness started with Hem. Everything I loved and thought was mine, he took from me in some way by seeking Doc, even as a child.”

  He starts to look angry and vile again so knowing I need to get out of here and quick because I need to warn Hem, I expel a lie so big I’m unsure he will even believe it.

  I’m about to lie, never have been good at it so I’m praying that my mask of sadness works on him. “You’re my father. I would never hate you. You raised me, loved me, provided for me, and gave me all I ever asked. I always knew love growing up. My mother always knew love, and even dying she knew you loved her. She told me that herself that last day I saw her.” Please believe me. Please believe me.

  He puts his head down again as he turns around and I start to dress quickly taking no time to look at Grey as he lay bleeding on the floor. Warren hates him and I’m so thankful for that right now, but it doesn’t stop my concern that all this is a façade to get me to believe that Warren is letting me go. If it is a trap then I’m playing right into it.

  I jump as he starts screaming before I can finish putting on this shirt. “RISK! CABLE! Get down here and do what you’ve been told.” These are the men that are taking me to the lake. Oh God, he’s really is letting me go.

  They enter the room as I finish buttoning the man’s dress shirt I was given. I have nothing else on, nothing underneath and I’m now well aware of this as they stare at me in hunger.

  “Unless you two fucks want to end up like that boy Grey, I suggest you fuckin’ wise up right now and keep your eyes off my daughter!”