“Yep.” He looked into the water again. “Dad?”
“Hmm?” He asked a lot of questions, talked more than any girl I’d been with, but the conversation was so easy. I enjoyed our talks, enjoyed talking to a five-year-old because I related to him more than most people on the planet.
“What are you doing at your job?”
“Taking care of sick people.”
“But what are you working on now?”
He was smart, but I didn’t think he’d understand the technicalities of my work. “I’m trying to figure out a way to help people using what we already have, our immune system. Sometimes drugs work, under the right circumstances, but I’m trying to find ways of using the tools we already have.”
Derek stared at me like he understood what I said. “I like that you help people.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Derek.”
“Mom doesn’t do anything…she just lies by the pool all day.”
Valerie was a thorn in my side that would never go away, and I wished there was a reality where I’d never have to deal with her again. But I’d have to talk to her…until one of us died. “She takes care of you, Derek. So that’s not true.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, but she doesn’t have a job.”
“Taking care of another person is a job. Not all people work outside the house. Some people work from home.”
He shrugged.
“What would you do if she weren’t there?” I challenged.
“Come live with you,” he said immediately. “I’d rather live with you…”
I bowed my head, the words painful to hear.
“I know Mom loves me, but she doesn’t understand me. When I talk to her about space, she doesn’t care. When I tell her about the book I read, she doesn’t care. When I talk to her about anything…she doesn’t get it. But you do.”
Because we were the same person, just decades apart. “We’ll spend more time together, Derek. I promise.”
“But you live so far away.”
“Maybe Mom will move here.” I had no hope before, but now that Cleo had made this happen, I felt differently. Valerie had always loved Manhattan. She could live here, shopping all day, meeting rich billionaires who could replace me.
He shrugged. “I wish…”
“You’d like to live here?”
“Yeah, I love the cabin.”
“I meant at my home in the city.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“There’s a planetarium there.”
“Yeah?” he asked excitedly. “Is it the Hayden Planetarium where Dr. Tyson works?”
I nodded. “The very one.”
“Cool!”
“And the Museum of Natural History isn’t too far away. They have preserved dinosaur fossils.”
“Ooh…”
“There’s a lot of stuff here to see.”
“Then, yes, I want to move!”
I chuckled. “We’ll see.”
Derek could fish all day, but when the sun started to go down, I was tired. I was tired of smelling like worm bait, tired of being in the sun with sunscreen making my skin oily. We headed back to the cabin and docked the boat before we went inside to shower. Our dirty clothes were thrown in the washer, and once we were dried off, I grabbed a comb and straightened his hair.
We headed downstairs, and Derek immediately went to the back patio. “Dad, there’s frogs on the patio!”
I looked through the window, seeing the small frogs jumping everywhere, their ribbits loud. “Don’t touch them.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re going to have dinner soon. And would you want to be touched?”
He looked up at me. “By a frog?” he asked incredulously.
“But anyone you didn’t know. Be respectful.”
Unlike other kids, Derek was able to process what I said, and he nodded. He kneeled down and wrapped his arms around his knees, watching the frogs hop around the back patio.
I opened the fridge and saw it stocked with food for the weekend. There was a wild-caught salmon from the fishmonger for me and other things that Derek would like, like string cheese, sliced apples, tangerines.
The doorbell rang.
Derek was too absorbed in the frogs to notice.
I wasn’t expecting company, and the only person who knew the code was Cleo.
My heart started to beat a little faster when I imagined her on my doorstep, there to spend the evening with us, smelling like roses and feeling soft like French linens. I shut the fridge and moved to the entryway. When I opened the door, there she was, holding a box that clearly held a cake.
She had the sweetest smile, the kindest eyes, and she looked so happy to see me, like she’d looked forward to this moment as much as I did.
But then I noticed my brother beside her.
“Happy Birthday, asshole.” He opened his arms wide and moved into me, wrapping his arms around me for a bear hug.
It took me a second to react, to reciprocate the affection because I was so disappointed he was there. When I’d heard the doorbell, I pictured the night with just the three of us, the people I was most comfortable with. But that was shattered when I saw Tucker…who was dating her. “Thanks, man.” I patted his back.
“Where’s my nephew?” He moved farther into the house as he searched for him. “Damn, this place is nice—”
“No cussing, Tucker.”
“Oh, right. Sorry.” He moved to the back patio. “There he is.”
Derek’s voice was loud. “Uncle Tucker!”
Tucker picked him up in his arms. “There’s my little man.”
I turned back to Cleo, who was still smiling at me. “Happy birthday, Deacon.”
I stared at her face, my eyes fixated like they never wanted to move. I loved my brother, loved spending time with him, but I didn’t want to watch him touch Cleo, kiss her, be a couple. The right thing to do was take the cake from her so she wouldn’t have to carry it, but I was frozen to the spot, noticing the way she looked in those jeans.
I’d never seen her in jeans before.
She wore a pink blouse, a lovely color on her.
She held my gaze, like she was reading my expression. “I thought we could all have dinner together…as friends.”
After she’d done so much for me, treating her coldly was unacceptable. I was happy she was there; I really was. And I had to remind myself they wouldn’t be inappropriate in front of a child, so I probably had nothing to worry about. “Thank you.” I snapped out of it and took the cake from her.
“I’ve got some pizzas in the car. I’ll be right back.”
I carried the cake to the counter then glanced at Tucker with Derek. They were both on the patio, looking at the frogs as they hopped along. Tucker hadn’t seen my son since I had, and I was happy they got to see each other while Derek was in town. I took a few breaths and forced the acid in my stomach to subside, to wash those painful feelings away.
Cleo came to my side a minute later and set the boxes on the counter. “I know you aren’t a fan of this fine Italian cuisine, so I had the chef prepare you something to your liking.” She placed a small ice chest on the counter, which contained my favorite dinner.
“Thank you.” She really thought of everything, everything I could possibly need.
“What do you think of the place?”
I hadn’t paid that much attention since Derek and I had been running at a hundred miles an hour since he’d woken me up that morning. “I love it.”
She smiled. “Good. And how’s your day been?”
I turned to her, looking into her soft, blue eyes, the eyes that made me lose track of time. I struggled to find the words.
She was patient.
“It’s been…the best day of my life.”
Her eyes immediately filled with emotion, as if that meant the world to her. “That makes me happy.”
Derek came back inside. “Hello, Cleo.”
She pulled her gaze off my face and look
ed down at him. “Hey, Derek.” She smiled, clearly smitten with my son.
He grabbed her hand. “Want to see the frogs?” He pulled her away without waiting for an answer, just as comfortable with her as he was with me and my brother.
She laughed. “Yes. I love frogs.”
I turned to watch her walk away, see the way she held my son’s hand. I also noticed the way her ass looked in those jeans, a perfect nectarine, as my brother had described on occasion. She had a petite frame that was healthy, long legs that were toned from walking everywhere. I shifted my gaze and looked at my son instead, trying to pretend that hadn’t just happened.
We sat on the patio with the fireplace burning, the lights on the porch glowing dimly.
Derek sat across from me, and Cleo sat beside me. We’d just finished our pizza, Derek taking charge of the conversation by talking about all the details of our day. “I caught five fish.” He held up his hand, all his fingers extended. “Dad caught more, but I lost count.”
I missed him hearing him call me that. Dad.
“What are you guys doing tomorrow?” Tucker asked.
“Going on a hike.” We’d fished several days’ worth. I wanted to do something else, something to get our blood going.
“I wonder if we’ll find bears,” Derek said excitedly.
“Hope you can climb fast,” Cleo said with a chuckle.
“I’d just run downhill,” Derek said. “They hate that.”
“I’ll be right back.” Cleo left the table and went inside, her hand moving to my shoulder before she stepped away.
The touch made me suck in a breath, made me grip my beer a little tighter.
“Sick of your dad yet?” Tucker asked.
“No, he’s the coolest guy ever,” Derek said. “I wish I could see him every day.”
Tucker smiled and rubbed his back. “I’m sure that will happen soon.”
I could live in that cabin forever, just Derek and me, and maybe Cleo…whenever she stopped by.
Cleo returned a minute later, carrying a round cake with candles. “Happy birthday to you…” She started to sing, and Tucker and Derek joined her. Derek was the loudest, happy to celebrate me.
I smiled at him, not caring about the cake or the celebration, but the fact that he was there with me.
When the song was over, I blew out the candles.
“Happy birthday, Dad!” Derek clapped. Then he grabbed one of the candles and sucked the frosting off the bottom.
This moment was a dream come true, the sight of him licking the candle, the firelight casting a glow on his face. It was sad to think I was actively making memories for him to enjoy when I was gone, that he would view these moments differently when he was an adult…the way I did with my own father. I was living in the past while in the present.
Cleo sliced up the cake and served it to everyone—except me. “You don’t have to eat it, Deacon.”
“I’ll take one.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded.
She smiled and put a slice on a plate before she handed it to me.
I cut into the cake with my fork, taking a bite of the sugary treat, my senses on fire because I never had sweets. But it was a special day. It was one of the days when I felt like everyone else.
“Now, it’s time for presents.” Cleo looked at Derek. “Go get it.”
“Okay.” Derek left the table and entered the house.
“I hope he’s the only one who got me something,” I said, glancing at my brother.
Tucker rolled his eyes. “Me being here is my gift.”
“And Cleo has done more than enough…” I didn’t look at her as I said it, knowing I would never get a better gift from anyone for the rest of my life.
Derek came back, giving me a piece of paper that was unwrapped. He placed it on the table in front of me before he got back into his chair.
It was a page from a coloring book, a rocket on the moon. He’d colored the rocket with beautiful colors, the surface of the moon slightly yellow. With a pencil, he’d sketched two astronauts on the surface in their space suits, the American flag plastered on the material. They both had dark hair, brown eyes, and one was considerably taller than the other. At the top, he wrote, Happy Birthday, Dad! I gripped it with both hands and stared at it for a long time, knowing that was supposed to be the two of us, exploring the galaxy. I took a deep breath as I looked at it, feeling my eyes glisten with tears, unashamed if anyone could see. There was only the sound of the fire crackling in the fireplace, the crickets in the fields, the occasional ribbits from the frogs.
Derek spoke. “Do you like it?”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Son, I love it.” When I opened them again, I felt two tears drip from the corners of my eyes. “Thank you.” I set it down and beckoned him to come to me.
He moved into my lap and hugged me.
I held him without looking at Cleo and Tucker, like they weren’t there at all.
Tucker didn’t tease me for the emotion.
And Cleo moved her hand to my shoulder, like she wanted me to know she was there, that the moment meant as much to her as it did to me.
Derek had fallen asleep in my arms, so I carried him to bed upstairs and tucked him in for the night. I had a bedroom for him, but I knew he preferred to sleep with me so that was where I put him.
When I returned downstairs, Cleo and Tucker were ready to go.
“We’ve got a long drive,” Tucker said. “But thanks for letting us crash.”
I nodded. “I’m glad you got to spend time with Derek.”
“He’s such a cool kid. I don’t remember you being that cool.” He smiled, telling me he was joking. He gave me a hug and patted me on the back before he stepped out the door.
Cleo remained behind, giving me that soft look that she rarely wore around other people. It was vulnerable, delicate, as if she let all her defenses down around me. She didn’t have to be the confident, authoritative leader who took care of other people. She could just be herself. “I’m glad you’ve had a great birthday, Deacon.”
Because of her.
“I’ll see you on Monday. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.”
I never hugged people, even the women I slept with. It was a weird display of affection. It was an assault on personal space, especially when a handshake was more than enough. It was reserved for family because that was appropriate. But I hugged her…because the impulse came over me. I wanted to be close to her, touch her, hold her. I wanted to do it again now. She’d changed my life. She was one of the few people in the world who actually cared about me, who looked out for me while other people tried to use me.
She held my gaze for a while, giving me the chance to say something if I wanted to, but when nothing came, she turned away.
My hand went to her elbow, my fingertips gripping her harder than I meant to. I turned her back toward me before I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her again. It wasn’t as long as it was last time, wasn’t as comfortable because Tucker was standing right there. My arms gave her a quick squeeze before I released her. “Thank you for everything.”
She pulled away, a slight smile on her lips. “Goodnight.”
It was hard for me to let her go, to let her walk out and go home…with my brother. “Goodnight.”
She walked out the front door and came to Tucker’s side.
Together, they walked to the truck they’d rented and got inside. The taillights came up when Tucker pressed his foot against the brake. The engine started, and then they began the slow drive down the path between the trees.
I stood there with the door open, looking into the darkness, the shadows that the trees cast, the night that was so beautiful but haunting at the same time. It was late and I should get to bed too, but I stood there for a long time, listening to the isolation, listening to the final sound of the truck before it was truly gone.
Twenty-Two
Cleo
We listened to the ra
dio for most of the drive. We were both tired, not in the mood to talk.
I kept thinking about the similarities between father and son, the way they clicked so well together even after months apart. Their features were the same, their personalities were the same, and their hearts were the same.
I’d fallen in love with that little boy.
“He’s a cute kid, huh?” Tucker asked.
“Yeah…he’s adorable.”
“I miss him. I hope Deacon and Valerie can work something out.”
“Work something out?” I asked.
“Yeah. She relocates here or something. I honestly can’t see Deacon staying here for the long term if his son is in California. He’ll eventually move back.”
The idea of never seeing him again broke my heart. I’d have to tackle that problem with Valerie.
“You really chipped away at Deacon. I’ve never seen him like that before.”
“Like what?”
“Hug another person…say thank you…cry. I mean, that’s not him.”
“We’re all different…under the right circumstances.” When I’d told Tucker I was going to the cabin to deliver the cake, he wanted to come along, so we made a birthday dinner out of it. Deacon seemed a little off in the beginning, probably because it was sudden, but then he came around.
We entered the city, the traffic minimal since no one was driving into the city at that hour. He found a spot at the curb then walked with me inside.
It was another Saturday I’d given up for Deacon, even after the long day I had yesterday, but it was worth it.
We took the elevator to my floor, and I got the keys in the door.
Tucker stood with his hands in his pockets, staring at me.
“Well, I think that was a success.”
“Yeah. And you’re great with kids.”
“Well, Derek is an easy kid.” He was like a little adult with a boyish quality.
He smiled. “Yeah, he is. I love that kid.”
“Yeah, I do too.”
The Man Who Has No Soul (Soulless Book 1) Page 22