by Jennifer Ann
After the accident that split my lip, I decided to take a break from the band for awhile and not just because I couldn’t sing the way I want without rupturing my stitches. Beckett tries like hell to get my attention, stopping by the shop and leaving dozens of messages and texts on my phone. Although I haven’t forgiven him for going off on Ricky Campbell, I agree to meet with him as I’m terrified what will happen if he finds out Mick and I started seeing each other on a regular basis.
So I play the game of trying to please Beckett, without leading him on in any way, while diving into a meaningful relationship with Mick. It’s anything but easy, especially when Beckett wants to fool around, or accuses me a few times of doing things behind his back.
The first couple of weeks Mick and I go on several dates, catching indie bands and grabbing greasy bar food. Before long it becomes a daily ritual for me along with him to visit his mom. The more she seems to loose her memory, becoming borderline violent at times, the more withdrawn Mick becomes when we’re alone. Despite the fact that he’s done with school for a couple months and I’m taking time away from the band, it seems our time together becomes less and less.
Gavin fixes Mick’s Harley with my promises to make him a solid week of his favorite Italian dishes and we go for several glorious rides beyond the city. Pressed up against Mick’s back, my hands wrapped around his divine biceps for uninterrupted hours, almost matches the energize thrill I get from performing on stage. My lips heals to the point we’re able to take our kisses to the next level, though Mick’s heart doesn’t seem in it. Still new to the role as steady girlfriend, I make a decision to give him his space instead of lying to him and telling him everything will be okay.
The night before we’re to fly out for Jewels and Adam’s wedding, I head to Flanagan’s to wait for Mick to finish his shift. We’ve planned to take a taxi together to the airport from his place in the morning. I’m nervous as hell considering we’ve never been to each other’s places or spent the night together other than the night we shared the couch in Kelly’s backyard. Yet I can’t wait for the chance to be alone with him behind closed doors. It’s been so hard to hold back knowing he’s struggling with his mom’s deteriorating condition.
My heart speeds into overdrive the minute I’m able to see through the lively crowd to where Mick stands behind the bar, cleaning a glass at the sink. Every time I see Mick or hear his voice, there’s a deep ache that compels me to be as close as possible to him and never let go. Is there a difference between obsessing over how much you desire a person and being in love?
As much as a part of me doesn’t want to admit I actually need someone, having him in my life has filled a void left after the first time Beckett broke my heart years ago. In the past few days I’ve come to realize that my heart belongs to Mick, more than to my love of music. I don’t know what that means for us, because I don’t picture myself settling down and getting married like my friends and I don’t know if Mick even feels the same way.
And then there’s Beckett. I know at some point I have to stop pretending and playing games, but I’m still terrified what will happen when I tell him I’m in love with someone else. He punched Ricky Campbell when he just imagined what could’ve happened between us. Who’s to say he won’t go completely over the edge when I tell him the truth about Mick?
As I near the bar, I’m startled by just how somber and exhausted Mick looks. It’s completely out of character for the man I’m falling in love with. Setting my suitcase against a stool, I prop myself on the wooden bar top. “Hey there, handsome!” When I lean in for a kiss, his lips move in response, but his eyes are still drawn down. I pull away and touch his chest, running my fingertips along the neckline of his shirt. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“I can’t go to the weddin’ with you,” he says in a low voice, still scrubbing away at the glass. “I’m sorry. I can’t leave my mum.”
Though I can’t be mad at him, and should’ve considered sooner that this would happen, it’s still crushing to hear him say the words. “Okay,” I say in a soft voice. “I’ll stay with you.”
“No, you should go.” His eyes draw up to meet mine with a heartbreaking glance. It’s as if I can see right down to his bruised soul. “Ya have t’ be there for Jewels. Yer in the weddin’.”
I ache to wrap my arms around him. He’s clearly in pain, but for some reason he’s putting a barrier between us. “She’d understand. Eventually. Baby, I don’t want you to have to go through this alone. I know how hard this is for you.”
He looks away as he shakes the water from the glass and sets it on the drying rack. “I’ve hired Vivienne as a private nurse to take care of her.”
“Oh.” As I take one of the stools, I look down at my fidgeting hands. He hasn’t mentioned his old girlfriend since the day he got his tattoo. I had hoped that meant she was out of his life. As much as I trust Mick, I don’t trust that Big Tits can keep her hands off of him. Visions of her wearing a skimpy nurse’s uniform sink my spirits like the Titanic.
“There’s a waitin’ list for the memory home. I had t’ do somethin’ before she wanders off or gets hurt.” I feel his gaze burning through me as he reaches over the bar to take my hands in his. The minute he touches me, unsure and gentle, I know there’s something terribly wrong. My heart dips in anticipation. “Chloe, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I need to focus all m’ energy on my mum. I want ya to know I really care about you. God help me, I do more than you could understand. But this isn’t a good time for me t’ be startin’ somethin’ and I don’t want to see ya get hurt. Can you understand?”
If I weren’t already sitting, I’d probably fall over. I knew things between us weren’t the best since his mom’s health worsened, but I thought we were happy together. I would’ve sworn on Blue Beauty that he was falling in love with me too.
“Sure,” I say, lifting my head with a brave smile. “You need to do what’s best for your mom. I get it. It’s okay, really.”
For a fleeting moment his delightful smile returns, though it doesn’t take away the dull look to his usually bright eyes or the crippling pain in my heart. The second someone hollers for a drink, he drops my hand and turns his back on me. I blindly run from the bar, pulling my suitcase behind me.
Chapter 6
The whole gang—minus Mick—arrives in Wisconsin early the next afternoon. During the flight the girls drilled me as to why Mick didn’t come along and why I was so quiet. I was quick to shut them down after telling them what happened, saying I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Not only is this weekend supposed to be an exciting time for Jewels, but I don’t especially want their pity. I shed enough tears the night before to allow myself to put on a front and pretend I’m okay.
Once we land, Adam and Theo take a rental car to their hotel downtown, while us girls rent a second car to share throughout the week. Jewels arranged for me, Kelly, and Glori to stay at her parents’ home in La Crosse, which turns out to be a short drive from the airport. It’s amusing how we see very few buildings over three stories tall, though I’m instantly charmed by the rolling green hills and openness of the Midwest. There’s hardly any traffic, even on the interstate. It’s as if I can actually breathe in clean air for a change. Despite being a hard-core city girl, it’s easy to see why people would want to live this kind of serene lifestyle.
Jewels pulls into the driveway of a huge two-story mansion on the edge of the city that makes my decent little 2-bedroom house look ghetto. The inside is crazy elegant and well decorated, like something you’d see on a HGTV show. Polished marble, arched ceilings, massive pillars separating rooms, it’s insane without being over-the-top. Fresh-cut flowers stand in vases everywhere, setting off the pleasant smell of roses that I can’t stop inhaling. Nothing is out of place and everything is furnished in high-end style. Jewels gives us a quick tour of the place before we grab our luggage from the car.
Kelly and Glori bunk up in one of the guest rooms, leaving me the other guest
room to myself. After I drop my bag in the room, Jewels leads me to a pink room next door that embodies every stereotype of a teenage girl, right down to a cluster of stuffed animals on the ridiculously oversized bed. Although it’s a little obnoxious and she was quite obviously spoiled as a little girl, it’s kind of sweet, reminding me of cotton candy and princesses. Okay, so maybe it’s gag-worthy.
“This is so not how I pictured your room,” I say, stepping onto the white carpet with wide eyes. “I knew you were a cheerleader, but…shit.”
Jewels throws her bag on the king-sized 4-poster bed with a dramatic roll of her eyes. “Believe me, I know. Every time I come in here I feel like I’m ten years old again. I have no idea what I was thinking when I asked my mom to paint it pink. I guess I was one of those dopy little girls who was into ponies and shit. One of these days I want to just throw everything out and change the color to something not so nauseating. I’m not staying in Barbie’s dream house with my husband when we come home to visit.”
I eye the trophies and porcelain castle-shaped piggy bank on a shelf. “Maybe I’ll have time to box some shit up the next few days while you’re out doing family stuff. It’d be a start anyway.”
“Yes, please!” Jewels comes at me to grab my arms. “Make the ridiculousness go away!”
We're unpacking our things when Kelly and Glori enter the room, laughing brightly.
“Wow, Jewels,” Glori says, putting her hands on her hips. “And I thought I was the princess of the group.”
“Shut it or I’ll use my fairy wand on you,” Jewels says with a wave of her hand. “It’s probably still sitting out somewhere.”
The next hour we rifle through her walk-in closet, making her model old formal dresses and cheerleading uniforms while we drink wine and listen to some of the vinyl records she collected as a teen. It’s the most ridiculous, estrogen-driven hour of my life, but I have to say I really enjoy hanging with the group and even question why I didn’t give the girlfriends thing a chance sooner.
It’s also a great distraction so I don’t sulk over Mick. Every little stupid thing reminds me of him and the fact that he dumped me, which brings me dangerously close to tears. If I were the respectable kind of girlfriend who put her boyfriend’s need above her own, I would understand why Mick needs to put his mom first. But I’m not. It hurts like hell that I wasn’t enough when he needed me.
Eventually we hear deep voices from the entryway, echoing against the high ceilings. Jewels, still wearing her cheerleading uniform and sporting a decent buzz, kicks a leg unnaturally high into the air, clapping her hands. “Yay! Let’s hear it for the boys!” Her foot comes down on a low shelf, knocking a bunch of her trophies to the floor. Glori, Kelly, and I fall into a fit of rolling laughter, collapsing into a heap on the carpet against each other.
“Oh, please tell me I broke something!” Jewels exclaims, bending down to pick up the mess with her butt cheeks sticking into the air. Laughing even harder, Kelly falls into my lap and Glori leans into my shoulder. Tears are rolling down our cheeks when the guys enter the room. Only instead of Adam and Theo as we expect, it’s Adam and his younger brother.
The room falls silent and we all sit upright.
Erik stands with his hands in his pocket, his expression stoic and exceptionally somber. Rehab has made him look older. Hard lines of experience surround his pale blue eyes and his light brown hair has been trimmed down to a near military-length buzz. Though he’s wearing his customary polo shirt and khaki shorts, he somehow looks like a completely different person from the one who manipulated Kelly and showed up on her door with a loaded gun, ready to end his life. When his gaze falls on Kelly, he stiffens with his jaw set.
“What are you doing in here?” Adam asks, struggling to hold back a grin at the sight of Jewels in her uniform.
Jewels stands and turns to them, her eyes widening with the sight of Erik. “I think a better question would be ‘what in the fuck is he doing in here?’”
Adam rubs at his face like he’s too tired to argue. “Jewels—”
“No, it’s good,” Erik answers, shrugging. “I deserved that.”
“He’s here for the wedding, same as everyone else,” Adam tells Jewels, his deep voice somewhat gentle. He passes Jewels a look that begs for her to understand. “He asked to come here so he could talk with Kel.”
Kelly reaches for the back of my arm, digging her nails into my skin. “Where’s Theo?” she asks, her voice tinged with panic. She hasn’t seen Erik since the day he almost permanently drove Theo out of her life. Although she was prepared to see him again at the wedding, I don’t think she was expecting him to confront her directly.
“Back at the hotel.” Adam’s expression tightens as he pushes his hands into his pockets, making him a slightly altered clone of his brother.
Erik meets Kelly’s gaze again. “He said he can’t be around me just yet.”
“What makes you think I can?” Kelly asks, still gripping my arm tightly. We’re all used to her being the strong one of the group, but I can hear her voice wavering with uncertainty, ready to break. My heart aches for the poor thing and I don’t actually mind that she’s probably going to leave marks on my arm.
Erik’s eyes narrow. “I didn’t assume anything. I came here to see if you’d hear me out. I need a chance to apologize for…everything.” It’s a shock to hear Erik so humbled, without the usual snark. We all just stare at him for a moment, trying to process this new side of him.
“So you’ve apologized now,” Jewels snaps, standing with her arm crossed, attempting to sound threatening despite the fact that she looks ridiculous wearing a short skirt with her stomach exposed. “You can leave.”
Erik tips his head at Kelly. “I’ll be in the living room if you decide to talk.”
As soon as he’s gone, Adam runs both hands through his hair and blows out a long breath. “Treating him like that isn’t going to solve anything, Jewels. He’s going to be around all week, so everyone’s going to have to address their issues with him sooner or later. I don’t want this weekend to be about how everyone’s mad at him.” He meets Kelly’s gaze. “I know he’s hurt a lot of people in this room, but he’s my brother and he’s going to be hanging around more than before. I can already tell that treatment has changed him.”
Glori and Jewels exchanged heated looks, obviously not ready to give Erik another chance. When no one else says anything, I sigh.
“He’s right, you know,” I say gently, patting Kelly’s tan leg. “He’s about to become a part of your bestie’s family. He’s not going anywhere. You should give the guy a chance to apologize. Maybe you could call your therapist and see what she thinks. Maybe it’d be good for you to have some kind of closure after what he did to you.”
Kelly seems to have stopped breathing when she turns to me. “I don’t know…Theo can get so jealous. I don’t think he’d want me talking to Erik alone.”
I shake my head. “If Theo knew Adam was bringing him to see you, he must understand that it has to be done eventually. You should just go and get it over with. You’ll probably feel a lot better and be able to enjoy the weekend more.”
Adam chuckles to himself. “I honestly thought Theo was going to knock Erik out when he showed up at the hotel. I had to take him in the other room until he calmed down. But Chloe’s right. Theo knows you have to settle up with Erik so this weekend isn’t awkward for everyone.”
Jewels laughs with a dark cackle. “You should’ve let Theo knock him on his ass. It’s probably the only way he’ll get past what Erik did to Kel.”
Adam smiles, his blue eyes lit with amusement. “That’s not exactly helpful, but I have to admit I wouldn’t mind seeing it happen.”
Kelly squeezes my arm again. “Will you go with me to talk to him? You’re the only one who probably won’t try to kill him and that way Theo won’t have to deal with the fact that I was all alone with Erik. I know he trusts me and everything, I just don’t want it to be another uncomfortable t
hing hanging between us.”
“Yeah, sure,” I say with a small smile. As much as I don’t want to be a part of their conversation, it kills me to see Kelly so unsettled. “Of course I’ll go with you. Whatever you want.”
“Don’t be afraid to deck him a good one if he’s an asshole to her,” Jewels tells me, her eyes narrowed. Adam crosses the room to wrap his arms around her, whispering something in her ear.
“Yell if you need backup,” Glori adds. “We’ll hold him down so you can get a clean shot.”
Giggling, I help Kelly to her feet and we wander arm-in-arm through the hallways. I swear I’d get lost in this maze of a house on my own, but Kelly knows exactly where to go. We enter a grand room with a two-story fireplace and lush couches spread around in a ‘U’ shape. Erik stands beside a row of French doors overlooking a huge backyard with a pool and a small pool-house beside it. His eyebrows drawn down when he sees me.
“Consider her my back-up,” Kelly tells him, dropping my arm and moving toward one of the couches. “And you should know I’m only doing this as a favor to Jewels and Adam. I don’t want them to be stressed out on their wedding day because of us.”
I perch on the arm of an oversized chair closer to the entrance to the room, wanting to give them as much actual space as possible. Erik crosses the room to sit on the couch across from Kelly, setting his elbows on his knees and lacing his fingers. The way he looks at Kelly, his gaze warm and his breath held, I suddenly understand what’s all of this is about: the kid has it really bad for her.
“You were right. I was playing games with you. The minute you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me, it became a conquest to sleep with you. The more you pushed me away, the more I wanted you.” His fingers unlace and he rubs the top of his legs before licking his lips. The kid is struggling to keep it together. “You were the first woman in a long time that I wanted to actually be around instead of having another meaningless fling. Then after we had sex the first time…I wanted you to be mine. My therapist in rehab thinks I never had a healthy relationship with anyone and I was trying in my own way to make you my girlfriend.” He stops to lick his lips again. His eyes skip from Kelly to the doors and back again. “That night I came to you with the gun, I was too much of a coward to tell you that I’m in love with you.”