by Jennifer Ann
Kelly blinks back at him, her eyes wide. “You’ve got to be kidding. You can’t really mean it.”
“You probably know better than most people that I don’t say things unless I mean them. I went into a dark place when you chose Theo over me. The gun, the drugs…it was all my way of trying to deal.” Erik leans back in the couch, stretching his arm out with a casual arrogance. It’s a flash of the old Erik we all wanted to strangle. “Look, telling people I’m sorry is something I normally don’t do, but I did it with Adam, now I’m doing it with you. I don’t expect us to be friends after what happened, and I don’t imagine you’ll ever forgive me, but I’m hoping we can put all that behind us and try to get along at the very least.”
With her eyes trained on the floor, Kelly laces her fingers through the crown of her hair. For a minute I don’t think she’s going to say anything back, then she straightens her shoulders and meets his gaze with her hands back in her lap. “It’s actually ironic when I think about it. I didn’t understand how totally fucked up I was until I met you. Then I went to a therapist and got my shit together. For the first time in my life I was in a healthy relationship and truly happy until you came along again and almost ruined everything. So you’re right, I probably won't ever forgive you. And you’re lucky Theo didn’t kill you today because I know he’ll never be able to forgive you either. But you’re going to be my best friend’s brother-in-law and we’re going see more of each other whether we like it or not so I say we forget all this and move on.” She stands, looking ready to bolt from the room. “I get it, we’ve all made colossal mistakes once or twice. I just hope you’re able to move past yours and become a better person.”
“It was never my intention to hurt you,” Erik answers quietly.
“Well, you did.”
Erik stands, reluctantly hanging his hands at his side as if fighting the urge to hold her. “You heard me say I’m in love with you, right?”
Kelly shakes her head with a bitter laugh. “Do you even know what love is?” Realizing how cruel she sounds, she closes her eyes briefly. “I’m sorry your life is so messed up and I’m sorry if I somehow led you to believe what you and I had could be something real. Maybe in another life we would’ve had a chance together, but I love Theo and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He treats me the way a guy should, with respect and class. He’s never messed with my head or exploited me for sex. It’s time for you to move on, Erik. I’m not yours to love.”
She gives him one more regretful glance before bolting from the room. I stand to follow her out.
“Chloe, wait,” Erik pleads with a hitch in his throat.
I stop, conflicted.
Glancing after where Kelly left, Erik licks his lips. “Is she really happy with him?”
Nodding, I say, “Yeah, she is, without a doubt. They’re really good together.”
“So they’re actually going through with it? They’re getting married?” Pain taints his features. I can see him fighting against it, but it’s far too deep to hide. It’s the kind of raw heartache I’ve written ballads about. The kind that drives a person to contemplate suicide when they know there’s no hope.
Deep empathy for the guy floods through me. No one deserves to have their heart shattered this way, but it happens. “Yeah, they are.”
Erik hangs his head. “I’ve done a lot of shitty things in my life. What I did to her was probably the most despicable. If there was a way to take it all back, I would. I’m trying to change, I swear to you.” He stands, rubbing the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable in his own skin. “I know you probably won’t believe it, but I really care about her. Can you help her understand that I’m sincerely sorry?”
I give him my brightest smile. “Sure, Erik. I’ll try.”
When I leave him standing all alone, it feels as if I’m escaping the suffocating grips of a black hole.
The fun, carefree spirit from our girl time in Jewels’s room doesn’t return until later when her parents treat the entire New York crew to dinner at a respectable steak restaurant. Jewels’s mom looks like her older twin, but frankly acts nothing like her carefree daughter and appears to have a stick shoved too far up her ass. At first I think her dad is incredibly stern, but eventually he loosens up and has us all rolling in laughter by the end of the meal. Erik is quiet most of the night, though I think I’m the only one who catches him casting longing and confused looks Kelly and Theo’s way.
Several bottles of wine later, we decide to hit the bars after Mr. and Mrs. Peterson head home. The place Kelly takes us to is small, outdated, and empty. Eighties music blasts from the speakers, too loud to hear each other in normal conversation.
“I’ll buy the first round,” Theo announces in his booming voice. He kisses Kelly on the cheek before heading up to the bar. Adam joins him. The rest of us push a couple of tables together. I don’t say anything when I notice Erik making a subtle effort to sit next to Kelly, though I do throw him a warning glance. Something tells me he won’t give up on Kelly easily.
Jewels launches into our plans for the next few days that include a trip to the spa, getting our dresses from the dry cleaners, picking up the flowers, decorating the back yard, and getting everything organized for the groomsmen’s dinner. With all the girl talk my eyes glaze over and I stare down at my cell phone, willing it to ring with a call from Mick, telling me he made a mistake and wants me back.
As Theo and Adam return with our drinks, distributing them all around, Jewels steps over to the jukebox. Kelly, still sitting at my side, touches my elbow and leans close. “You’re really quiet. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about Mick?”
“What’s there to say?” I ask, shrugging. “His mom needs him. There’s nothing I can do to make him change his mind. And I get it. His family should come first.”
She sets her head on my shoulder. “I know how you feel about him, Chloe. You don’t have to pretend this doesn’t hurt.”
“I want to make it through this weekend for Jewels,” I say quietly, watching at the future bride and groom snuggle into each other, their smiles stretched as wide as their faces will allow. “Once we get back to the city I’ll let you take me out so I can have a good cry and shit.”
“Cavenaugh,” Theo calls out sharply, pulling her away from me. “I think they’re playing our song.” Kelly throws me an apologetic look as they move over to the open space beside the jukebox. They quickly become an entangled mix of arms and legs, grinding to Ray J’s hypnotic Sexy Can I. Jewels is quick to grab Adam’s hand and join them. A second later, Erik springs to the door before anyone can stop him.
Glori moves around the table to sit at my side. “Wow, he couldn’t get out of here fast enough. Guess he’s really not over her.” She places a napkin in her lap before turning to look at me. “How are you holding up? You seem awfully calm all things considered.”
“I’m not going to lie, it really hurts.” I drum my fingers against the table in an errant tune. “I guess I thought Mick might be the one, you know? All these years I avoided getting involved with guys because I didn’t think there was anyone like that out there for me. And it didn’t seem Mickey and I had very long to make a go of it. When he told me it’s over it felt like my heart was torn from my chest.” I tilt my head to where Jewels and Adam dance, laughing and giving each other the kind of look Mick used to give me. “I just don’t want to rain on their parade, you know?”
Glori brings her arms up to rest on the table, but on inspection of the less than immaculate surface, laces her hands in her lap instead. “Last summer when my parents found out Kel was having an affair with that married bastard, my mom told me whatever happened between them, she knew it would never last. You know why? She said that creep who lied to Kel didn’t care about anyone but himself. She said people who don’t have room in their heart for others were not the kind you want to spend your life with. You and Mick are both incredibly sweet, caring people. You both always put the problems of others before yo
ur own. He just told you he doesn’t have time right now. That doesn’t mean he won’t be back when he doesn’t have to worry so much about his mom.”
With a great big smile, she touches the back of my arm. “Have faith that it will happen, Chloe. I, for one, believe in true love. And I’ve seen the way Mick looks at you. If there’s something real between the two of you, which I really believe there is, it’s not going to go away with time. Don’t give up hope just yet.”
“Thanks, Glo. That was a really nice thing to say.” I push my arm against her side. “You know what? I’m glad I got to know you better the past couple of months. You’re nothing like the snobbish prude I first thought you’d be when we met.”
She tilts her head back and laughs. “Thanks. I’m trying. Beauty school taught me to be so proper it’s hard shaking that way of thinking.”
Resting my hand on the back of my chair, I grin. “So how come you aren’t out there in the dating world, breaking some guy’s heart?”
She shrugs and gazes out at her sister and our friends with a dreamy sigh. “I guess I’m kind of like you. Just waiting for the right one.”
For the rest of the night Glori’s words replay in my head, rekindling a spark of hope that maybe everything will be okay.
The next few days are a blur of errands and pre-celebratory gatherings. Kelly and I get the chance the day before the wedding to pack away the childish decorations in Jewels’s room and even surprise her by painting it a subtle gray. Over time I send Mick a few texts, asking about his mother and letting him know I’m still thinking of him. Just because he doesn’t have time for me doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends, right? It’s what I convince myself to be true, anyway. His answers are always short and polite, their curtness stinging my heart and making me wish I was with him even more. Still, Glori’s little speech rests in the back of my mind, reminding me that it may not be over yet.
The afternoon of the wedding, after we’ve all slept off mild hangovers, had our hair professionally done at the salon, and have grabbed coffee from a cafe down the street, us bridesmaids gather in Jewels’s redecorated bedroom to help her dress for the wedding, passing Glori’s camera around for candid shots before going outside for a formal group shot and then individuals of Jewels. She refuses to let Adam see her until the wedding, which I find to be incredibly romantic.
As Kelly, Glori and I hang in the kitchen, sharing a bottle of champagne left over from the night before, my phone vibrates with a call from Beckett. “I’ll be right back,” I tell them, slipping out to the backyard.
“I heard you’re dating that Irish prick!” Beckett snaps, his voice dangerously low.
My heartbeat accelerates with his threatening tone. “Who told you that?”
“It doesn’t matter! Just tell me the fucking truth, Chloe!”
“Okay! We were, but we broke up so there’s nothing for you to get upset about! It’s over, Beck.”
How long will I have to keep up this farce to please him? Even if things with Mick don’t work out, there will come a day when someone else will come into my life. I can’t spend the rest of my life worrying what he thinks, even if he is still a friend. Pulling in a sharp breath, I prepare to tell him that it’s no longer his business who I date.
“Is he in Wisconsin with you?” Beckett asks before I can say anything. “So help me, I will break his neck if I find out you’re lying to me, Chloe.”
I shut my eyes, suddenly glad Mick ended up staying behind. “Enough, Beck! I’ve spent years walking on egg shells, never dating anyone else because I’m afraid of what you’ll do when you find out! I’m tired of it! We’re. Just. Friends. You’re supposed to be happy for me when I find someone! If you can’t do that then I don’t think I can keep you in my life!”
“Don’t say that!” he pleads. “Chloe, baby, I can’t stand the thought of you shutting me out like that. I couldn’t…I can’t imagine my life without you in it!”
“Then stop acting like a fucking psycho!” I yell, tears springing to my eyes. “I can’t have you controlling my life like this anymore!”
Kelly pokes her head out of the sliding doors, her brow crinkled. “Everything okay?”
I wipe at a loose tear. “Beck, I can’t do this. I have to go.” I end the call as he’s telling me how much he loves me.
Kelly crosses her arms, giving me a stern glare. “What was that about?”
Closing my eyes, I shake my head. “Beckett heard I was seeing Mick. He’s pissed, but I told him it’s over.”
“What’s it to him and what does he have against Mick?”
I pat the corner of my eye. “Nothing. He hates any guy that ever shows an interest in me. He’s always been like this, way overprotective.”
“You know, we never talked about what happened the night you split your lip.” She steps forward to touch my arm. “You need to be honest with me here. Did he—”
“God, no.” My eyes widen. “He’d never do that. It was an accident. He’s a hothead, but I can handle him. It’s okay, Kel, really. It’s under control.”
“Chloe, are you sure—”
“Hey!” Jewels calls to us, stepping on the patio. “Who’s ready to get this party started? It’s time to line up!”
The backyard of the home Jewels grew up in has been transformed into something right out of a freaking fairy tale, just as I expected it would. White flowers strung with twinkle lights drape high above the rows of white folding chairs between the gnarly oak trees, reminding me of the private backyard wonderland Adam created for Jewels when they first moved into their brownstone. I’ve never seen a yard so sweeping and so green. Then again, I’ve never seen fields filled with corn and cows like we did on the way from the airport to here.
The smell of flowers and freshly cut grass are equally thick in the warm evening air. White lanterns light either side of the aisle, creating a warm, soft glow to guide our way. The woman at the piano begins to play a beautiful tune, again making me wish I had kept up with lessons as a kid. The hundred plus guests all swing their heads around to stare at me and Erik when we start the march down the ground covered in white rose petals.
“Don’t let me fall on my face,” I tell Erik from the side of my mouth while I’m taking my first step, praying that the pink material stays in its rightful place across my chest. “I get nervous when there are a ton of people staring at me.”
“Aren’t you the lead singer in a band?” he asks, his voice incredulous.
I don’t take my eyes off our path. “It’s okay when I can hide behind my guitar. And I’m not usually dressed like this, either. I’m totally out of my element.”
“You don’t have anything to worry about. Everyone’s more interested in seeing what the groom’s murderous brother is going to do now that he’s out of rehab.” He tilts his head at an old woman wearing a dark purple dress and a big, floppy hat, watching us with narrowed eyes. “Like my great aunt over there. I’m pretty sure she’s got her hand in her purse because she’s holding her cell phone, ready to call the police when I get out of hand.”
I laugh brightly, more out of nervousness than humor at the situation. I’d never tell Jewels, of course, but knowing I had to walk down the aisle with Erik made me nervous. In all seriousness, rehab really did take away his bitter side. Being around him isn’t nearly as intolerable as I had imagined, especially after I saw the human side of him who was heartbroken by Kelly.
We reach the well-dressed judge standing in front, his hands folded in front of him as he smiles politely. Adam stands at his side, flashing a wide smile that puts him on a whole new dimension of handsome. He looks so rad in the tan pants and vest, his tie the same shade of pink as the groomsmen’s, minus the white stripes. I automatically answer him with an equally beaming smile, feeling as if I’ll burst with joy for my friends. They deserve all the happiness in the world.
Erik and I part ways, taking to our separate sides beside his cousin Davis and Glori. I spin back to face the audience, glad
to see their attention is now drawn to Kelly and Theo. It’s impossible for anyone to look anywhere else as the radiant couple strolls down the aisle together. Theo owns the vest and matching pants more than any of the guys, like some kind of GQ model. Kelly’s long, dark hair is braided back on the sides, the rest of it falling past her bare shoulders in soft curls, matching the delicate look of her draping, pale pink dress. She could easily be a Victoria’s Secret model who came straight from the Angel show. They’re both so regal and well polished, it’s like they’re royalty. I swear they’re just as perfectly matched as Adam and Jewels if not better.
My spirits fall a little when I think of Mick. With the thought of his bright smile and unfailingly twinkling eyes, disappointment floods me with the force of a tidal wave. As much as I’ve come to adore him and want him to be a part of my life, I had planned to spend this special day at his side, finding out what kind of dance moves he’s capable of and having him see me primped to my absolute best. An ache of sadness stirs in the pit of my stomach.
When Kelly moves in next to me, her smile as bright as the stars shimmering over our heads, I switch off the negative thoughts and vow I won’t dwell on them any longer. Kelly squeals a little and squeezes my arm before we both turn to watch Jewels sashay down the aisle between her mom and dad.
The flowing dress we all agreed looks as if it was made for Jewels hangs loose from her chest down to the ground, the chiffon material fluttering with the slight breeze. The band of crystals crisscrossing on the delicate bodice sparkle beneath the lights like they’re made of diamonds. There are so many knots, and braids, and curls to her buttery blond hair that I imagine it’ll take her a solid hour to remove all the bobby pins. She carries a small bouquet of white roses with a pink ribbon intricately wrapped around their short stems. I snort behind my bouquet of pink roses when her bare toes, freshly manicured from our girls’ day, peek out beneath the white material. I thought she was joking when she said she was going barefoot. Sometimes I swear the girl is just one step away from being a full-fledged hippie.