Jesus, to say that had been a surprise was putting it mildly. Little Molly Travers was hot, he already knew that, she was responsive, he knew that too. But this? Hoo boy, this was an erotic surprise that had the power to make his shaft twitch in anticipation.
It looked like there was a carnal streak running through her veins right beneath that girly veneer she wore so well.
Wait, it wasn’t a veneer, he reminded himself. It was Molly. This was just another side of her.
Hallelujah!
Pushing that thought down before it could manifest into something a little less appropriate for the occasion, such as a loud whoop and a run to find his woman and drag her off to bed to have his wicked, debauched way with her - he’d save that for later - he reckoned she was hiding right about now, embarrassed and mortified.
Woman had nothing to be mortified about, but - hello. Not hiding after all. Kirk looked at Molly sitting slumped at the dining room table, cheek propped up on one hand, an open can of Diet Coke before her, the condensation trickling onto the wooden table top.
Nope, not hiding, but definitely mortified. It was more than evident when she slid a glance his way, blushed bright red and returned her gaze to the can.
Right then he wanted to sweep her up into his arms and kiss her soundly, because face it, his lust was still simmering just below the surface, but he knew she didn’t need that right now.
Reining that lust in, he walked up to her, kissed her lightly on the top of her head, picked up her can of Diet Coke and took several deep swallows before placing it back in front of her again, and then he hooked out a chair from the table, set it around to face her and sat down, his knees almost touching her thigh. Resting one elbow on the table, he waited.
The silence lengthened, minutes passing as she simply stared at the can without saying a word.
Still he waited, giving her time, heartened by the fact that she hadn’t fled, hadn’t hidden, and hadn’t yelled at him, all good signs. All he had to do now was wait for her to speak.
When she finally spoke, it was in a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For…you know.” Could her cheeks get any redder?
“Why are you apologising?”
“Because…” Biting her lip, she ran a finger down the condensation on the can.
He didn’t push her, letting her find the words, not to mention the courage.
Dropping her hand to the table, Molly sighed. “Maybe you should go.”
“Not happening, kitten,” he said softly.
“Are you enjoying my shame?”
Oh, there it was, trying to take refuge in anger. Also not happening on his watch. “I didn’t find what you did anything to be ashamed of.”
Her laugh was self-deprecating. “Says you.”
“Says me,” he agreed firmly.
“But then you would say that, wouldn’t you?”
Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees, so close to her he could see every flutter of her eyelashes, the sidelong glance she shot his way before returning her gaze to the Diet Coke can.
“Molly,” he said quietly, but just as firmly, “please don’t do this.”
“Sulk?”
“Get angry and push me away.”
“I-”
“It won’t work.”
She sat stiffly for several seconds before slumping back in the chair. “Oh, Goldie, this is such a shitty mess.”
“We’ll work it out together.”
Her laugh this time was a touch bitter. “I am such a hypocrite.”
“In what way?”
“One minute I’m accusing you of being dominating, telling you I don’t want it, and then I go and practically rape you in the hallway! If that’s not being hypocritical, I don’t know what is.”
He had to bite back a laugh, kept his expression serious. “That was not almost rape.”
“What would you call it?”
“Bloody awesome. And I was fully agreeable with participating, trust me.”
“I just took what I wanted and didn’t bother to ask you.” There was a definite wobble in her voice. “I’ve never done that before.”
Reaching out, he took one of her hands between his, rubbing his thumbs soothingly on the back of it. “Talk to me, kitten. Tell me what’s really troubling you.”
“I just did.” She sniffed, swallowed. “How can I say I don’t like dominance and then I go and do just that?”
Kirk thought for a few seconds, turning over what she’d said, what it meant, before he spoke. “Okay, let’s take that word ‘dominance’ out of the equation.”
“What?” She actually looked at him.
“Everything that is going wrong is caused by one stupid word. Toss it out.”
“Toss it out? How can we just toss it out?”
“Easy. Dominance is just a word, one that means a lot of different things but basically commanding, expecting obedience. That kind of thing.” He looked at her seriously. “I don’t expect obedience from you, don’t want it. I want you, with all your foibles and attitude, all your beliefs and stubbornness. I like them, even if they do sometimes annoy me.”
“Gosh, thanks,” she replied a trifle tartly.
He smiled slightly. “Like that right there.”
“Maybe you’re just saying that now.”
“Molly.” He shook his head. “I’m laying it on the line here. I’m telling you truthfully, I don’t want a woman to command, to bow to my every whim. I want an equal partner in life, someone who will call me on something she doesn’t agree with. Someone who respects me as much as I respect her.” Someone to love. He didn’t add that last part, not yet, not when she was already so flighty.
Time enough to add that later.
“But you came here demanding I not-”
“Separate the man from the cop,” he said firmly. “The cop expects obedience in regards to law.”
“You threatened me with personal punishment.”
“Okay, I give you that.” Had to, really, because…well, shit, he had. “But not a whipping, not a beating. Never that.”
“Then what?” She eyed him warily.
“Kitten, I have a ticket book and I’m not afraid to use it.”
Her eyes widened. “You’d fine me?”
“You’re not above the law. You push the law, I’ll rein you back in.”
“But what if we were, you know, together?”
“You think I should give you leeway just because we’re together?” He almost laughed out loud.
“Well….yes.”
He grinned. “Cop, remember?”
“But what has a ticket got to do with personal punishment?”
Molly.” He gave her hands a small shake. “I’ll do whatever I have to, to protect you if you’re in danger, even if you don’t like it. That’s the only time I would ever exert authority. Ever. But no beatings, no whippings. It’s not my way.”
“So, no handcuffs?”
“No handcuffs.” He paused. “Unless you were really out of control, then I’d have to bring out the cop in me.”
That earned him a small twitch of her lips, a light of humour in her eyes, right before she remembered what they were discussing, then the humour vanished.
Time to return to serious discussion.
“The relationships I’ve had are not about control,” Kirk said quietly. “Control is not my thing.”
“Ever?” She eyed him disbelievingly. “You seem to have a lot of authority.”
“I can’t help the way I am, but there’s still a big difference between having authority and forcing it.”
“You could crack anyone into talking.”
“Patience is a virtue.”
“Unless you’re on the receiving end.”
He shrugged. What could he say?
“So you would never want control?”
He looked steadily at her. “Control can be fun in the bedroom between consenting adults.”
Leaning forward, he braced one hand on the back of her chair while resting his other forearm on the table. “Look at me.”
“Kirk-”
“Molly.” He waited until she finally sighed and looked sideways at him.
Fine by him, he knew when to give a person leeway and when to push it. This wasn’t a time to push. She was looking at him and that he’d accept.
“You took control in the hallway and I enjoyed it. I took control yesterday and you enjoyed it. No one got hurt, we were consenting. What is the harm in that?”
She was going to argue it, opened her mouth to start, but could only close it again.
Yep, gotcha, kitten.
“Sometimes having a bit of control can be fun, sexy. Just as simple lovemaking when two people just enjoy the moment, enjoy being with each other without any control on either side, is the epitome of intimacy. Molly, there are no rules when it comes to making love when the people involved know what each likes, wants and needs.”
Picking up the Diet Coke, she took a couple of sips before lowering it. Man, he could practically see the wheels turning in her head.
A sudden thought occurred to him. “Molly, how many lovers have you had?”
Her cheeks went bright pink. “How dare you ask?”
“All the problems stem from them, so I’m wondering how many messed up your head.” Oops, maybe that was a little too blunt, but there was no taking it back when it was right there in the air between them.
She turned her head to stare at him incredulously. “Do you think I’m some kind of idiot?”
“How many?” he persisted quietly.
She puffed up like she was going to explode, eyes narrowing, a deep inhale.
He just waited calmly, keeping their gazes locked. Doing what he did best to get information.
She suddenly deflated like a balloon, but never took her gaze from him. “Two.”
“And was the other man like Hal?”
“I didn’t think so. He was nice until he wanted me to do something I didn’t want to do, then he said…” She swallowed, looked away.
Reaching out, Kirk placed a finger on her chin, turning her back to face him. “What did he say?”
“That…” Her shoulders stiffened right before she almost glared at Kirk. “He said that I was lucky a man would even bed me. I wasn’t slim, I wasn’t very pretty, and I was a poor lay.”
Between one heartbeat and the next, fury pumped through Kirk. God, if he got his hands on that bastard, he’d rip his nuts off.
It was a pleasant thought but one he had to put aside because Molly needed him. It was there in the vulnerability in her eyes, the way she battled to keep her gaze on his.
“He’s a prick,” Kirk stated evenly. “Men like him are not real men. Real men see a woman’s worth, they don’t judge them on looks, build or performance in the bedroom.”
She shrugged, trying not to cry when he could see the tears glistening in her eyes, and he was pretty sure they were a mixture of sadness and shame.
Time to put a stop to that. “He’s one man who thinks he’s above the rest, who treats women like dirt and, you can guarantee, treats anyone else the same who he thinks is beneath him. Men like him fall hard when they finally fall, but that’s his problem, not yours.” He paused, studying her.
“Sure.”
“Really, Molly? You think I’m like him?”
“What? No!”
Interesting. Her answer was an outburst that actually held a little indignation. He could work with that, besides, it revealed volumes about her feelings towards him.
“How can you think that?” she demanded.
“Because you lump me in with the only two losers you ever dated,” he replied reasonably.
Folding her arms, she lifted her chin. “You’re not like them, okay? Happy?”
“I should be,” he answered a little dryly.
“You are such an arse.”
“But not the same kind of arse as them.”
“You’re in a league all your own.”
“Thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment.”
She stared at him for several seconds before blowing out a breath. “What are we doing?”
“Well, I’m trying to get you to date me, and you’re trying to avoid it. I’d be crushed except I’m truthful enough to see that there’s something between us that could be great if you’d only give us a chance.”
“Why me?”
“Why not?”
“I’ve been nothing but rude and judgemental.”
“I know you’ve had bad experiences, I want to show you it’s not like that with me.”
“You’re so sure of yourself.”
“I know me.” He shifted a little closer. “I want to know you more. I want you to know me.”
She looked at him, really looked at him. Her gaze ran over his face slowly. For the first time he felt as though she was really seeing him.
“Maybe I’m damaged goods,” she said softly.
“You’re not.”
“Maybe I’m not good enough.”
“You’re better.”
“Maybe I’ll freak out when you do something.”
“We’ll deal with it together.”
“Maybe I’ll disappoint you.”
“Never happen.”
“Maybe you’ll find me sadly lacking in the sack.”
“Maybe you’ll find the same with me.”
“Then what?”
“We’ll work on that together as well.”
“That’ll just prove we both need work.”
“That’ll just prove its fun to explore options that suit us.”
“You’re a sweet talker.”
“Is it working?”
Her laugh was short, reluctant.
He took her hand, squeezed it gently. “What have you got to lose?”
“I was going to say my respect, but I think I just blew that out the water with my earlier comment.”
“You mean me being an arse in my own league?’
“Kind of.”
“So?”
She looked him right in the eye. “I’m scared.”
The way she looked, so vulnerable, just made his heart all gooey. “Of me?”
“Maybe it’s more of me.”
Angling his head to one side, he raised an eyebrow inquiringly.
“When I left the city, left Hal, I promised myself I’d never fall for another man. I make bad choices, seem to end up worse off. I was determined to remain single, remain free.” Her lips tightened a fraction. “Then along came you.”
“Ah.”
“You make me spill my guts by simply waiting for me, you make me question my choices. You make me feel again, and you know, it’s not good.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m opening myself up again for a whole world of hurt.”
Taking her hand again, he rubbed his thumb soothingly on the back of it, stroking her, feeling her relax a little. “Molly, I’m not asking you to move in with me. I’m not asking you for control. I’m not asking you to hand me your life. I’m not demanding to make decisions for you. I’m just asking for some time, to go out together, to get to know each other. You’re safe here, you know.”
“I know, but…”
“I won’t lie.” His gaze didn’t waver, meshed with her’s, forced her to look directly at him. “No relationship is smooth all the time. No doubt we’ll annoy each other, we’ll laugh, we’ll talk, we’ll swear, I’ll have to walk away for a little while to cool down ‘cause that’s my way when things get too heated. But I’ll never deliberately hurt you in any way physically or mentally because that’s not my way. Please, Molly, give us a chance.”
Several silent minutes ticked by before she replied, “I need to think about this.”
“Okay.”
“I need some time.”
“Sure.”
“Alone
.”
“I understand.” And he did, because he was the same, only he’d had time to think, to sort things out in his mind. He knew what he wanted.
He just hoped Molly would come to the realisation as well, find the courage to try again, because if she didn’t…
If she didn’t, he’d accept her refusal. For now.
Damn, maybe there was a bit of control freak in him - no, not control, he amended. Faith. He wouldn’t give up on her.
Pushing to his feet, he couldn’t resist bending down to kiss her forehead when she tilted her head back to look up at him. The uncertainty in her eyes made him want to hug her fiercely, tell her to leave it all to him to sort out, to protect her, but the sad truth was that this was now her problem and one he couldn’t fix.
“Call me,” he said softly, and walked out.
Chapter 9
Work was her refuge when things got too much, so Molly spent the rest of the day cleaning. Clearing her mind, working on automatic, refusing to think about what Kirk had said, their discussion…not to mention the fact that she’d gone way beyond foraging in his pants.
Adamantly focussing on the tasks, she dusted, cleaned, washed, polished. By the time night fell she was exhausted and after a brief dinner and hot shower, she collapsed into bed.
And that’s when everything came flooding back.
Kirk wanted a relationship.
She was scared.
He assured her he didn’t want control.
She was scared.
It went on and on. He was honourable, he was handsome, he was kind, he was calm, he was everything she’d dreamed of in a man. But it all boiled down to the same fact.
She was scared.
After every decision she’d made, after swearing that she didn’t want or need a man, here she was teetering on the thin edge of something that was alternately beckoning and terrifying her.
Not only that, she’d never been so aggressive in her lovemaking, always done what Hal had told her. He hadn’t liked it when she’d initiated sex, and not wanting to displease him, she’d pushed her own urges down deep.
Kirk didn’t mind her actions, had liked it - a lot - and still respected her.
After several hours of tossing and turning, she sat in the kitchen and drank a hot Milo, staring out the window into the darkness beyond. It didn’t help. She was torn.
Was she being untruthful to herself, betraying herself? Being unfair to Kirk? Well yeah, she was being unfair to him, no doubting that, but she had her reasons.
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